39 Weeks (48 page)

16
th
February – Week 37 + 4 Days

Well I got one thing right, I was almost the basket case I thought I’d be. Here it was Thursday night, only one more day to get through,
just twenty four hours
before I could finally talk to Rob, and I was practically a jibbering idiot.

I was really tired but I couldn’t sleep, I mean it was hard enough sleeping anyway, but now it was pretty nigh impossible. I couldn’t even sit still for long and had fidgeted my way through the last four days, cleaning
mostly
a
nd checking my hospital bag, then
re-chec
king my hospital bag. I organised Ella’s stuff
differently
,
then put it all back where it was before I’d started. I organised my stuff, but
that really needed doing so it wasn’t a complete waste of time.
And I spent a lot of time talking to Ella.

I went to the hairdresser on Tuesday for a much needed trim, but they cut it a bit shorter
than I really wanted
even though I’d said over and over don’t cut too much off, but like all hairdressers everywhere
the couple of centimetres I was talking about meant five or six to the girl cutting my hair. Is that all part of the hairdressing code, you know when you’re learning your craft to become a hairdresser in hairdressing school, part of the curriculum is to un-learn maths, or maybe it’s to
exaggerate everything so that whatever the customer asks for you automatically double it. Anyway my hair was a bit shorter than I would have really liked it, especially seeing as my face was a bit fatter than normal at the moment
, but at least it was tidy
and who knew how long it would be before I’d be able to get to the hairdressers again.

I went to Shirley’s yesterday afternoon an
d picked up a few receipts and
the self assessment tax form she’d been
sent
to fill in. Shirley was well and thriving on not having to get up so early anymore, well
actually
as far as I could gather she was still getting up just as early
as ever
,
after years and years of it
she just couldn’t get out of the habit
,
but
at least
she didn’t have to rush out
in the mornings
which with all the snow we’d had must have been a relief.

I’d already explained
to her on my last visit a bit
about Rob taking off
like he did
,
so now I filled her in on the latest update of where he’d been all this time and his coming back on Friday, and asked her what she thought I should do.
 
 
  
 

‘Do? Nothing to do really, he’s the one that took off without wait
ing to hear your side of things,
then stayed away with never a word.
It’s what he should
be
do
ing
that matters.’

‘But I should explain how I
lied to Mum at least and how he’d got it
all
wrong don’t you think?’

‘Yes maybe, and
then he should apologise to you.’

‘
I don’t know
about that.
D
’you think he will?’

‘Probably not, he’
s a man, b
ut he should. He shouldn’t have left you like that not when you’
re so close to your time, making you worry and stress yourself out
,
it’s not right.
’

‘Well I don’t think he intended to stay away so long, but he got stuck on Rousay.’

‘True, but he could have ph
oned or got in touch somehow, with
his sister at least, and asked if you were alright.’

I’m no
t sure if I agreed
, I mean Shirley was sort of right but . . if I hadn’
t lied to Mum, or if I’d come clean with her
a bit sooner, or if I’d explained
it
to Rob before
. . well then none of this would have happened
would it? So it was all sort of my fault.

Back home
I was attempting to go through Shirley’s tax assessment form, but it was a bit of a lost cause really, not because there was anything wrong with her tax records or anything like that, just because I wasn’
t really in the mood.
A
ll I could think about was Rob coming back, and doing this was supposed to b
e taking my mind off it
, not that it was
. Also I
wasn’t feeling
right somehow
, my back was aching a bit
,
probably down to all those sleepless nights, and my Ella bump made sitting at my laptop awkward so I had to stretch
to reach the keyboard
and that made
my arms ache, and I don’t know all of it put together made me restless
and uncomfortable
.

James turned up, he’d finished work early and come straight to mine on his way home. He’d taken to doing that quite often lately, popping in f
or the odd half an hour, ‘j
ust making sure you’re okay and to see if there’s still only one of you’ he’d say. I didn’t mind, in fact I was quite glad
of the company and today it gave me
an excuse to stop
working, not that I was getting much done anyway. He’d changed a bit since that day I’d told him Rob had gone away. It was like he’d finally accepted that I loved Rob and resigned himself to the fact he was only ever going to be a friend
.
Today he’d bought
a pizza with him and went straight out to the kitchen to slice it up. I followed him and started getting out plates.

‘Let’s eat straight out of t
he box,’ he said. ‘Remember
we did this
when you moved in and all the plates were still packed up in boxes?’

‘That
seems like a life time away now.’ I said abandoning my task.

‘So, don’t suppose you’
ve heard from Lover B
oy, but how are things otherwise?’

‘I have actually
,
he’s coming home tomorrow night
.’

‘
Is he.
Did he phone?’

‘No but . . ‘ And I told him about Rousay, and the lost phone, and
how he was
coming back with Mac.

‘So will you be able to sort things out?’

‘God I hope so.’

‘And if not?’

‘If not . . I don’t know. If not
. .
well I’ll . . I don’t want to think about if not.’

‘He’s an idiot if he doesn’t
grab you, hold you tight and tell you how sorry and how stupid he’s been.’

‘Mm nice thought but somehow I don’t . .’ I had to break off mid sentence as Ella decided this would be the perfect moment to have a stretch, and trust me there really wasn’t room in there to move let alone stretch, so for a second or two it took my breath away.

‘You okay?’ James said looking worried.

‘Yeah I’m fine, it’s just Ella trying to get comfortable.’

James carried
the now sliced-
up pizza back to the living room, and I closed down my laptop and pushed everything out of the way to make room on t
he di
ning table
for him to put it down.

‘What time?’ James asked.

‘It’s about half five, why are you off out somewhere tonight?’

‘No I meant what time tomorrow is Lover Boy getting back?’ James was okay about everything, really he was, but the fact that he couldn’t bring himself to call Rob by his name made me think maybe he wasn’t
quite
as alright as I
’d
thought.

‘Rob’ I said emphasising his name, ‘should be here sometime tomorrow evening, don’t know what time exactly.’

‘So this might be our last night together?’

‘If I sort things out with Rob, and if we end up back together, I’ll explain
to him
that
you’re just a friend.’

‘And we can all be friends together you mean, just the three of us, or f
our of us after the baby’s born?
’

‘Well not exactly that, but I don’t see why you and Rob can’t be friends.
And
we don’t know yet if . .’ And there it was again, that uncomfortable pain. It was sort of like period pain, but not. Anyway it stopped me talking again while it lasted.
‘If . . Rob and I are going to be able to sort things out, I mean I have no idea if he’ll even listen to me when he gets back.’

‘Are you sure you’re okay?’

‘Yes I’m okay. I’ve just been feeling a bit uncomfortable today, and Ella’s probably feeling uncomfortable too, all squashed up like she is, it’s nothing.’

‘You don’t think she’s . . I mean you’re not having the baby are you?’

‘What like now you mean? No. I’ve got another three weeks to go yet, she’s just stretching or something.’

‘Well babies have been known to arrive early you know.’

‘Yeah but not this early
. They told me at my last check-up she still wasn’t engaged properly.’

‘And did anyone tell Ella that?’

I didn’
t bother answering
, I just looked at him hard.

‘Well engaged or not . . It looks to me like it might be . .’ James started to say.

‘And when did you become such an expert?’ I interrupted
him before he could finish the
sentence.

‘Okay, I just thought . .’

‘Yeah well, I think I’d know if I was in labour. And she’s not due for another three
and a half
weeks
yet,
so it can’t be can it?’

‘If you say so
, a
lthough you’re not exactly an expert either.
’

‘Do you want another slice of pizza? I can’t eat mine.’ I said trying to change the subject.

‘
You’ve hardly eaten any. Are y
ou sure?’

‘I’m just not very hungry.’

‘Mm hm.’

‘Give it up will you, I’m not hungry because I had a big lunch okay?’

James took another slice of pizza and started to eat, all the time watching me like he was waiting for something to happen.
‘Just stop it. I’m going to make some tea’
I said, and went to the kitchen to escape his scrutiny.

‘Have you got everything ready?’ James shouted to me.

‘Like?’ I shouted back.

‘Like the stuff for the hospital, like Ella’s stuff for when she arrives?’

I didn’t answer, couldn’t answer. I was having another pain. I looked up to see James standing in the doorway. ‘That was another one wasn’t it?’ he said smugly.

‘No.’ I lied holding my bump.

‘Yes it was. You need to sit down and we should probably start timing these things.’

‘But it can’t be, Ella’s not due for another . .’

‘Three
and a half
weeks. Yes I know, you told me.’ James said taking the empty mugs out of my hand that I’d been getting out to make the tea, and guiding me back to the living room.

He sat me down on the settee, asked if I thought I’d be alright for a minute or two
,
and went back to the kitchen to finish making the tea. The kettle had already boiled so it didn’t take him long, and he was back again with two mugs of tea before I’d even properly registered that
he’d gone.

‘If this
is
really it, d’you think everything’s alright, I mean it’s not supposed to be happening yet is it?’
I said.

‘I’m sure everything’s fine
, you need to relax and drink your tea.’

I drank my tea but I didn’t relax, I mean who could relax at a time like this? We didn’t talk, James sat down in the armchair opposite me and we stared at each other in silence waiting for something to happen. But of course just sitting there waiting like that, nothing did.

‘This is silly.’ I said getting up. ‘I’m not just going to sit here and wait.’

‘I’ll put the telly on, take your mind off it.’

I sat down again and James switched the telly on. He flicked through a few channels but at this time of day it was mostly the news. We watched the weather report, James taking non
e
too
subtle sideways glances at me the whole time.

‘For goodness sake stop watching me, I feel like a time bomb about to go off. Nothing’s happening, I told you it was just Ella trying to get comfortable.’ But as I said it I got another one and instinctively held my breath until the feeling passed.