30 Days (15 page)

Micro-tremors racked his body until I felt the first gush of come across my tongue. It was only then that he cried out, thrusting deep into my mouth. Come hit the back of my throat, bitter and thick. I know a lot of women don't like the taste of it, but I for one do. There's nothing else like it on Earth, no taste that can compare, and I greedily swallowed every ounce he gave me.

Discomfort in my legs and back finally drove me to release him and stretch out long beside him on the bed. As he lay there panting, I pulled the glove from my hand with a snap and tossed it to the floor.

“That was fun.” I turned my face to look at him, but he still hadn't opened his eyes. “You okay there?”

With his arm still draped over his eyes, Harrison licked his lips. “We should go out to supper.”

I blinked several times. “Pardon?”

“Dinner.” He turned his face so he was able to peek at me from beneath. “You and me.”

“I . . .” Frowning, I gave my head a shake. “I thought you weren't interested in a relationship.”

He rolled his eyes. “Dinner, not marriage.”

“You're a jerk. Why would I want to go out with you?” I didn't want to appear anxious for his answer, because as much as I tried to hide it, eating out with him was an idea far more tempting than it should have been.

He finally dropped his arm and rolled onto his side to better look at me. “Despite knowing that I'm leaving in a few months, despite having other women express interest in starting something up with me, despite knowing neither of us is ready for anything beyond this, I can't help but want to take as much as I can from our time together. In other words, I like you and want to get to know you better.”

Oh. I blinked past the sudden rush of unshed tears. I shouldn't feel excited about the prospect. I shouldn't feel guilty either, but somehow I was both. “Well fine then. Since you put it that way. I'll happily go out to dinner. But you're still a jerk.”

He smiled. Not a smirk, or a grin, or anything else. A genuine smile that lit up his eyes and ignited a warm glow in my chest. Maybe, despite everything that was working against us, things would be okay.

Ignoring the whispering doubt in the back of my mind, I snuggled in close to him and let my mind drift. After all, we were going out to eat. How bad could things be?

19

T
he next few days became a series of text-flirting, researching restaurants that were nice but didn't scream
we are having a date,
and masturbating. I had to work as well, which totally put a kink in the whole fantasizing about meeting up with Harrison. He had several client meetings through the week, which made it challenging to spend time with him.

No wonder he was single. Dude was a total workaholic.

The amount of time working had been the one thing Rob and I had argued about. He was a teacher, which gave him lots of time off, but in specific time frames. He'd poke at me when I wasn't willing to use up some of my precious four weeks off to go to a matinee, or take a long weekend just to fool around. But even I worked less than Harrison.

It meant some careful planning when it came to arranging our dinner. After looking at schedules, we settled on Thursday night at seven.

I was a distracted mess at work the entire day. I managed to blunder through a revision-note meeting on the newest security hardware manual, which went right up until five. Then I quickly said my good-byes and bolted for the subway.

It took me an unreasonably long time to get ready once I got home. It wasn't as though Harrison was going to think any less of me if I wasn't all decked out. Hell, I still wasn't exactly sure if this was a
date
date, or if we were just two sort-of friends who'd had sort-of sex going out for dinner. Because dressing for one of those was
way
different from dressing for the other.

As I stood looking at my closet, I saw a blue-and-green sundress that I'd bought quite a number of years ago. I took it out carefully, remembering the last time I'd worn it. Rob and I had been able to go out on a date before he went into the hospital for the final time. He'd told me that he loved the color on me and the way it hugged my waist and hips perfectly.

My chest tightened as I slipped it from the hanger and pulled it on. I'd lost weight since the last time I'd had it on. Stress always did that to me. Looking in the mirror, it struck me how much I'd changed since my first and only wearing. There was nothing wrong with it; if anything it looked better on me now than it had then.

But it didn't
fit
right, like it belonged to another person in another life. Emotionally, I'd been battered and was only now coming out the other side. Harrison had been a big help in getting me into the light once more. While this dress would forever be linked with Rob's final illness in my mind, the garment deserved as much of a second chance as I did.

And yet, I couldn't help but feel this wasn't being fair. Not to anyone.

No, I needed to do this. I found some of my newer costume jewelry to dress it up and give it a fresh look. I also took a few extra minutes to straighten my hair, letting it fall down around my shoulders for a change. It would be different enough from last time.

I know I was.

The knock on my door came at five after seven. I peeked through the peephole, not wanting to mistakenly hug Pierce, and saw it was Harrison. Strange, he looked a little off. Nervous even. Maybe he'd simply had a bad day and needed a bit of a break. I slipped into my sandals and opened the door with a smile.

“Hey, you.”

I was greeted with a small bouquet of flowers. “For you.” Rather than his normal cheeriness, Harrison sounded tired.

“Thanks. I'll quickly put these in water before I go.” Harrison was checking his phone when I got back to the door a minute later. “Problem?”

“No. Had something I thought was resolved rear its head again today. Shouldn't impact our plans.” With a smile he tucked his phone into his pocket and held out his arm. “Shall we?”

“I know you said dinner was up to me. So I was thinking we could go to The Peartree. Casual, but they have a great wine list. I made us reservations for seven-thirty.”

“Perfect.” His phone buzzed, but he ignored it.

The drive over was pleasant and we chatted mostly about the building tenants. Harrison rolled his head to the side and looked at me from the corner of his eye. “I think Pierce threatened me.”

“He what? No way.”

“What did you tell him about us?”

“Not a thing! When he stopped by the other night with the newsletter he saw me dressed up and commented. Said it was good for me to get out and date again. I never said who I was meeting.”
I didn't . . . did I?

“Well, he figured it out. I ran into him last night on my way in. He said if I hurt you that I'd have to answer to the homeowners' association.”

I pressed my hands to my heated cheeks. “I'm sorry. He shouldn't have said that to you.”

“It's fine. It's good that you guys look out for one another. You don't see that every day. Especially in a big city.”

“He's never done anything like that before. God, I didn't even think he liked me.” I was more annoyed than flattered. Given all the times he'd harassed me for not following the rules, he had no business sticking his nose into my fledgling love life.

“Clearly he does. Here we go.” And he pulled into the parking garage.

The Peartree was packed by the time we arrived. Even with reservations we had to wait ten minutes for our table to be cleared. Instead of the easy back-and-forth conversations we'd had in the past, I couldn't get myself to relax. There wasn't any reason to be nervous. Harrison was as charming and funny as always. So why the hell was I so tense?

“You look like you need a drink.” He handed me the wine list. “Tonight's my treat. Get whatever you'd like.”

Yes, alcohol was always a great idea. When the waiter came, I smiled and gave my order. The moment he'd slipped out of earshot once more, Harrison leaned in and took my hands in his. “Why are you nervous?”

I couldn't help but laugh. “I've been asking myself the same thing. It's not as though this is a first date or anything.” Except that it totally was.

“We both wanted a chance to get to know each other, so here we are. Good food, good wine, and excellent company.” He placed a kiss on the back of my hand. “Let's play a game.”

“I saw that movie, it didn't end well.” I hated horror movies. Yet, I'd watched all of the
Saw
movies regardless because they were awesome.

“I promise no body parts will be removed. I was thinking more along the lines of twenty questions.”

We paused when the waiter brought us our bottle of wine and a breadbasket. I took a generous sip of wine—and dear God that was good—before focusing my attention back on Harrison's proposal. “I think that's a good idea. You go first.”

I wanted to lick his lips, especially when he smirked like that. He nodded and lowered his voice. “Okay. Are there any rules you want me to adhere to?”

“We can only plead the Fifth for two questions.” I was proud of myself for taking such a liberal approach.

“We're Canadian. We don't have
the Fifth
to plead.”

“Don't be a smartass.” I giggled. “Other than that, I say anything's fair game. Ask away.”

“Fine.” Harrison swirled his wine around his glass, his gaze locked on mine. “How old were you the first time you had sex?”

And there was my blush. “Umm. Wow, you like to start off strong. I was seventeen and it was with Rob. We'd been officially dating for six months, but we'd known each other forever.”

He took a sip, never breaking eye contact. Despite having spent as much time with Harrison as I had, I still hadn't gotten used to that crazy intense way he'd look at me. It was as though I were the most important person in the world, but he still hadn't figured out how I worked.

I cleared my throat. “Okay, my turn. How old were you when you first had sex? And who was it with?”

“That's two questions.”

“I'll take the hit.”

The expression on his face changed, for a brief flash he looked fond. Not the sort of thing I'd come to associate with him. “I was sixteen and her name was Amelia. She was my best friend's older sister.”

I leaned in and lowered my voice to a whisper. “How much older?”

“That's another question.” He winked. “Want to use your third already?”

I leaned back and pouted. “Bastard. No. You're next.” His phone chose that moment to buzz. “Do you need to answer that?”

The fond expression was vaporized the moment he looked at the screen. “No. It can wait.”

“Are you sure?” I couldn't have said why exactly, but I knew whoever he'd been talking to didn't have anything to do with his job.

“I am. What was the one thing on your sex cards that freaked you out the most?”

“Having a threesome. I suspect that's why Rob put it at the bottom. That was always his fantasy more than mine.” That was enough to lighten the mood and get us back into the swing of conversation.

We did this back-and-forth thing for the twenty minutes it took for our appetizers to be replaced by our meals. I'd finally relaxed enough to be more than a little silly. Harrison started to go along with things, but every so often his phone would buzz. A quick glance at the screen, a frown, and then a question to me.

By the time our entrees had arrived, I was starting to realize that this maybe-sort-of date wasn't going so well. “How was your steak?”

“A bit overcooked.” He scowled at the phone.

“My fish is awesome. I love tuna and they cooked it just enough.”

He was still scowling at the phone. “Are you up for dessert?”

“Maybe.” I squirmed in my seat and not for the good reason. “Harrison?”

“Yes.”

“How many questions do I have left to ask?”

“Not including that one? Two.”

“Okay.” At this point in the night, I really didn't have much to lose. “Who is calling you?”

He closed his eyes briefly. “I plead the Fifth.”

Ah.

There was only one reason he'd not want to answer that particular question. “It's your girlfriend, isn't it?”

The easygoing man who'd willingly offered up his body to allow me to experiment with my sex cards was gone in a flash. There was a hard edge to his face, though I wasn't sure if it was because of my question or the fact that I'd just caught him out in the biggest lie ever.

My chest tightened and it became difficult to breathe. It was as though my heart was being squeezed by my lungs.

“Well, thank you very much for the meal. I think I'll be skipping dessert.” I neatly folded my napkin and stood.

“Lyssa, it's not—”

“I told you, my name is Alyssa. A. Lyss. A. Three syllables. You haven't earned the right to drop any of them.”

“Fine. Alyssa. It's not what you think.”

“It doesn't matter what I think. You lied to me. There are many things I can forgive, but lying about another woman isn't one of them.”

I pulled my shoulders back, grabbed my purse, and marched out to the nearest taxi.

20

N
ever again was I going to go on a date. Correction, never again would I date on a Thursday night. Because if things went down the shitter like they had with Harrison, I'd have to face people at work the next day. That meant I needed to pretend to be happy, when really I was just an angry, bitter sourpuss.

I needed wine, chocolate, and a chick flick. Or maybe some porn. I hadn't decided yet.

When I finally pulled my sorry ass back home, armed with my provisions, I cringed at the thought that I might run into Harrison. I should have considered our proximity to each other when I'd started down this whole bonking-your-neighbor thing. I steeled myself before marching up the stairs and making my way to my condo.

As fate would have it, Harrison was nowhere in sight. I scampered as quickly as I could to my condo. I once again fumbled trying to pull my keys free. It was as I stood there, searching for them through the abyss that is my purse, that I heard the dreaded creaking of a door opening.

“Alyssa?”

I didn't look Harrison's way, more focused than ever on getting into my home.

“Alyssa, we need to talk.”

His approaching footsteps increased the pace of my frenzied search.
Ah ah!
The metal was cool against my hand as I palmed them and pulled them free. I shoved them into the lock, jerked open my door, and slammed it shut. For good measure I snapped the deadbolt locked before pressing my head to the door.

Harrison's footsteps stopped, and while I couldn't make out the words, I could hear him muttering. I shouldn't care that he was frustrated by me obviously avoiding him. I was justified in my actions. He'd lied to me. He hadn't even bothered denying the fact that he had. Just because things hadn't gone well with him didn't mean that my plans to go through Rob's cards were thwarted. Harrison was a tool. A means to an end. It wasn't as though I'd started to fall in love with him or something. No relationships, our one hard and fast rule.

There were plenty of fish and all that crap. Nikki would know how to set me up with a guy who'd be willing to play out some of my fantasies. I might even let her set me up for one of those speed-dating things she desperately wanted me to try.

The knock on the door vibrated through my forehead, which was still pressed to the wood. I staggered back, nearly dropping my shopping bag and losing the precious contents within.

“Alyssa?”

Fucking Harrison. “Go away.”

“Please. Let me talk to you.”

“No.” I made sure to stomp extra loudly to the kitchen. I slammed the cutlery drawer shut once I liberated a spoon for the ice cream.

Another knock.

“Go away, Harrison!” I then marched to the living room, popped in my DVD, and proceeded to half-watch my movie while pouting.

Stupid men.

Fifteen minutes of silence had me convinced that he'd given up and gone back to his place. I would never admit to being disappointed that he hadn't tried harder, even though I was. The ice cream in the tub had softened and had started to form rivers of cream around the mini peanut butter cups embedded within. I didn't bother to pause the movie while I returned the tub to the freezer.

There was another knock, but this time it was softer than before. It didn't sound like Harrison. Though apparently I didn't know him as well as I thought. He could be trying to trick me or something.

When I looked out the peephole, I was greeted by the smiling face of Mrs. Le Page. It looked as though she had something in her hands, but the glass distorted what it was enough that I couldn't see it.

Carefully, I opened my door and peeked around the corner. “Hi.”

“Hello, sweetie. Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“No, I was just watching a movie. It's fine. What can I do for you?”

I should have realized something was up when she smiled up at me with that sparkle in her gaze. “I was wondering if you could help me with a little problem I have.”

“What's that?”

I opened the door further and realized that Harrison was leaning against the wall. “Hi.”

I glared at her. “Traitor.”

Mrs. Le Page patted Harrison's arm. “This charming young man has been standing out here in the hall waiting for you to open up so he can apologize to you. It would help me tremendously if you could hear him out. If you don't like what he has to say you have my permission to slap him.”

“Hey!” He pushed away from the wall. “That wasn't part of our agreement.”

“You did something dumb. Not surprising because you are a man and you are genetically predisposed to upsetting women. It's nature.” The slip of a woman moved Harrison so he now stood fully in the door directly in front of me. “Now, you two have your talk.” Before she moved away she pressed a hand to her chest.

“Are you okay?” Meddling or not, I didn't want to see her sick.

“Just a bit of indigestion that's been with me all day. I'll be fine once I lie down.”

“Do you need help?” Harrison placed his hand on the small of her back, helping to steady her. “I can see you upstairs.”

“And have you lose out on your chance to apologize?” Mrs. Le Page snorted. “Start groveling, young man.” Then she abandoned me to deal with Harrison.

I squeezed the door edge, hoping it would ground me somehow. “You have one minute.”

“It was my ex-wife who'd been calling.”

You know when you read in books about a character having a realization so powerful that they felt it like a blow to the face? That totally happened. One second I thought I knew everything there was to know about him, and the next, BAM!

My mouth fell open. “Your . . . you were married?”

His face was devoid of emotion. “For five years. It ended badly.”

I probably should have invited him in, cracked open the wine, and talked about this in a civilized manner. Instead I tightened my grip on the door and hoped I'd be able to make sense of what he was saying. “You might have mentioned that.”

“It wasn't important. Things were over.”

“Then why was her calling you so upsetting? How long have you been divorced?”

“It was finalized six months ago.” He looked away, the muscle in his jaw working madly. “She's under the delusion that there's a chance we can get back together.”

Something twisted in my stomach, until I felt the bile rising in my throat. Harrison had been honest when he said he wasn't ready for a relationship, said that it wasn't even on the table. It was weird, but I hadn't even thought of him and his life much beyond our arrangement. Sure, I knew he had a family, friends, and a busy job, but an ex-wife? That made Harrison more real somehow. A person with his own challenges who might enjoy having the company of a friend. Someone he could talk his problems over with. Someone to cuddle on the couch or to run interference for him.

I caught myself leaning closer to him. My gaze traveled up to his and stayed there. God, he looked tired and lonely. Maybe as much as I was.

Maybe . . .

No. He'd been clear with me from the start. He wasn't looking for something. His ex was clearly still having difficulty coming to terms with their divorce and he was busy dealing with that. I'd let myself believe that there might be something that could grow between us, putting more pressure on him than he needed. That wasn't his fault, it was mine. Just like I'd needed time and space after Rob's passing, I'm sure Harrison needed the same.

But I also knew myself well enough that I couldn't be around him, to continue doing what we were without my emotions becoming entangled. Having a recent ex-wife in the mix wasn't something I could handle. He deserved someone who could be there for him in all the ways he needed. Right now, I wasn't that person.

Best to break things off while we both still could.

“It sounds like you have a lot on your plate.” I straightened up, my gaze slipping to the floor. “I want you to know that I really appreciate everything you've done for me over the past few weeks. I've learned a lot. Both about sex and myself. But I do think it's best if we just end things here. Part as friends. I just don't think . . . yeah.” I stuck out my hand. “Okay?”

“I don't want to.” He hesitated before taking my offering. “Fine.”

We let go nearly as quickly as the shake had begun. I stepped farther into my condo and began to close the door, when he stopped me. “I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

The tightening of my throat made it difficult to lie. “What makes you think I'm hurt? See you around.”

The clicking of the door and the shuffling of his steps moving away from me increased the sick feeling in my stomach. Ignoring the movie and my glass, I picked up my bottle of wine and headed straight for the bedroom.