30 Days (19 page)

“Don't bother with the shirt. I won't be long.”

Aww, he looked sad about that.

“I was going to try and come again,” he said once he freed a condom from its prison. “That might not work out.”

“I'm not in a rush. Come again.”

If you'd told me a year ago that I'd be this blasé about an orgasm, I would have laughed in your face.

“So generous.” He rolled the condom on, lifted my legs, and positioned his cock at my pussy. “How about we play it by ear?” And then he filled me.

The movies did get one thing right about car sex, that feeling of doing something naughty. With my ankles up by his ears, I was stretched in a way that wasn't natural. The fake leather of the seat began to squeak from the sweat that had formed on my body. Harrison still smelled of grapefruit and his skin held the scent of sunshine. The angle of our bodies forced his body hard against my already swollen clit and his head at an awkward angle against the roof.

He was naked, I was partially clothed, and we were fucking in the back seat of a rental car. The force of his thrusts started the car rocking with the motion. I closed my eyes and took it all in. This was different and strange and exhilarating. I couldn't imagine doing this with anyone but him. Not even Rob.

I ran my hands along his arms, loving the feel of his strained muscles. My pussy throbbed and I knew it wouldn't be long before I would be screaming myself. But as much as I wanted to come, I didn't want this to end. I couldn't explain it, but I knew that this was special.

I knew that maybe, possibly, I was in love with Harrison.

Seemingly out of nowhere, my orgasm swelled and spilled across me. I screamed as I clung to him. I wanted to move against him, but I was pinned against the seat and couldn't get any leverage. It was frustrating as much as it turned me on.

“That's it.” He thrust as deep as he could go. “Yeah.”

The pleasure faded into the background as my orgasm slipped away. Not that it stopped Harrison. He'd been serious about wanting to come a second time, and I was all on board with that plan. What I hadn't been expecting was that my body was keen on the idea of a repeat performance. Rather than the overwhelming desire to stop, my pussy remained sensitive and my clit ready for more.

Well okay then.

I draped my legs over his shoulders, which shifted my ass closer to him. The change in the angle let him get closer and deeper. Our mutual groans and moans filled the confines of the car. It was a weird contrast given the expanse of space where we'd just been. Everything seemed more intense, ramped up.

Harrison had his eyes closed. I was fascinated by how his sweat made his hair stick to his forehead. The flush on his cheeks and chest brought out the rich brown of his stubble and accentuated his muscles. As his orgasm approached, the muscles in his jaw flexed and his lips began to tremble. I wasn't quite with him, but I didn't care. I watched, fascinated as this strong, handsome man came apart.

His groan this time was lower, more guttural and it vibrated through me. He surged forward a few more times before finally coming to a stop. Yeah, that wasn't going to be enough. I stopped him from pulling away as I reached between us to finger my clit.

“Let me.” His voice was raw.

Thankfully, he knew exactly how to touch me. Keeping his cock deep inside my pussy, he fingered my clit at a frantic pace. My body was a rock, shaking as I willed the orgasm to come. So close. Just about.

“Guh!” I screamed and bucked and squeezed as I came.

It was as though every molecule of air left my body in that moment, only to come rushing back in a powerful gasp.

Harrison pulled back after a minute, slowly lowering my legs to the seat. “Wow.”

My body ached from the awkwardness of the angle and the muscles in my thighs were happy to no longer be crushed against the back of their respective seats. “That was. Yeah, wow just about sums it up.”

It only took us a little while to get cleaned up and dressed once more. I was happy to crawl out from the car to stretch. I felt fantastic, completely sated and internally at peace. Not only had I just had two amazing orgasms, I was okay with the idea that I was actually in love with Harrison.

As I turned around, taking in all I could from the environment, I realized something wasn't right. There was something missing....

“Oh my God, the truck is gone.”

Harrison looked lazily over his shoulder to where the vehicle in question had previously been. “Yeah, the boat had pulled in as I was coming up the hill.”

“And you didn't think to tell me?” That was a screech. I was actually screeching at him.

“They gave my naked ass a thumbs-up, so I didn't think they'd give us any grief.”

I sat down on the ground, a rock sticking into my ass. “Kill me.”

“Naw, they never saw you.”

“Not the point! They could call the cops.”

He held out his hand. I couldn't believe that he was so calm about the whole thing. “Then we better get out of here.”

When I slipped my hand into his, everything felt right. “My hero.”

“Always.”

We came chest to chest as I stood, which was why I was able to see the flicker of shock cross his face. Whether it was from his comment, or something else, I wasn't about to mention what I saw. But that flicker of hope that had ignited inside me flared a tiny bit brighter.

Harrison was in the shower scrubbing grapefruit from his groin when I thought it was probably time to check in with Nikki. If anyone would appreciate my situation, it was my sister. I opened a bag of chips we'd picked up on the way back to the motel as I waited for her to answer.

“Alyssa! Where the hell are you?”

That wasn't exactly the greeting I'd been expecting. “And hello to you, too.”

“It's been two days and you haven't checked in yet. You promised me that you'd do that.”

“I sent you a text when we got here. You knew who I was with and everything. It's Harrison.” He wasn't some stranger that she didn't know.

Actually, he kind of was.

“Fuck, he could have kidnapped you. You should have called me sooner.”

I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at the display. Yes, I had in fact called my sister who never once cared what anyone thought of her or what she did. “Why are you freaking out?”

“Why am I . . . you went away with a stranger to have sex.”

“Nikki, you knew what we were doing—”

“I still don't even have your location. He could take you anywhere and we'd never be able to locate you. You're pretty naïve when it comes to shit like this.”

“I'm not naïve—”

“God only knows what this man could have done to you.”

“Nikki!” I wasn't one to get upset at her, but this was a bit much. “I don't know what your problem is, but you need to calm the hell down.”

“You're not thinking with your head. You're always too trusting and people take advantage of that.”

The thing about sisters is that early on in your relationship you embed an invisible knife in each other's hearts. Then over the years, you twist it just to get at the other person. Nikki just twisted mine hard.

“I'm not a child. I know what I'm doing. And forgive me, but you were the one encouraging me to go ahead and have some fun with him. You told me I had nothing to lose and experience to gain. You were the one who said I needed to move past Rob.”

“Rob. Yeah, you've clearly moved past him. On to the next guy before you know it.”

“Hey! That's not fair.” My throat tightened. “Rob has been gone a long while now. I'm trying here.”

There was silence on the other end. I could hear her breathing so I knew she hadn't hung up. “Nikki, what's wrong?”

“Nothing. I was scared. I'm glad you're okay.”

“Hon—”

“Call me when you get back so I know you're home.” The line went dead.

What the hell had just happened?

I was still sitting staring at the phone when the hiss of the shower stopped and Harrison emerged naked in a billow of steam as he toweled his hair. “I would have offered shower sex, but I need more recovery time than that.”

There was nothing I could do about Nikki, not at the moment. I'd spent my whole life doing the things that others expected of me. I was sorry that I'd upset her, but when it came right down to it, the only way I'd be able to move on with my life, to get the things that I wanted, was to go out on a limb and grab them.

“Hey, you okay?” Harrison cupped my cheek, rubbing his thumb along my jaw.

“Yeah. I was just checking in with my sister.”

“You sure? You look upset. If we need to go back—”

“No.” I covered his hand with mine and trapped it against my face. “She's having a bad day and took it out on me. It's nothing she won't bounce back from.”

I'm fairly certain he knew I was lying, but he didn't call me on it. “Okay. There's still a dry towel in there if you want to shower.”

“Awesome. Then how about we find a place to get some supper.”

His smile lodged itself behind Nikki's knife, a balm to the wound.

25

I
was exhausted and slept well that night, despite the pointy springs that composed most of the mattress. When I woke, I stretched out, expecting to come into contact with Harrison's warmth. Instead, I was met with cool sheets. Instantly awake, I sat up and scanned the room. The suitcase wasn't visible. Neither was the sex bag.

“The hell . . .”

Nikki couldn't have been right about him. While I might not have the experience with men that she does in the sex department, I do know people. What the two of us had might not be love, but there was respect. He wouldn't leave me here in the middle of nowhere with nothing to show for it.

Would he?

I sat in the bed with the sheets pulled up to my chest waiting for something to happen. When I heard the car pull up and the door slam, the tension bled from me. Harrison opened the door, a carrier with two cups of coffee and a Tim Horton's bag resting on top.

“Good, you're up. I got us breakfast.”

It was corny, but the moment he smiled at me it was as though the sun had come out from behind the clouds. Warmth spread through my chest, fueled by the joy I felt. “Tim's is a much better option than I thought we were going to get.”

“Here you go.” I took the coffee and breakfast sandwich from him. “I got muffins, too. For later.”

Without rocking the bed or spilling the coffee, Harrison leaned in and kissed me. It was a lazy kiss, one that could have gone on for hours and I wouldn't have minded. He'd had a sip of his drink already, and the taste of it urged me to keep going, to try and suck it from him. If it weren't for the interruption of his cell phone ringing, we probably wouldn't have gotten to breakfast at all.

“Sorry.” He kissed me once more quickly before fishing the phone from his pocket. “Hello?”

It was amazing to watch him go from relaxed and happy to tense and pissed off. There didn't even seem to be a middle ground. One moment he was great and the next,
poof,
insta-pissed.

“I told you not to call me.”

It didn't take a genius to figure out that it was his ex on the phone. My heart sank a tiny bit, but I wasn't so vain as to think this was any of my business. I took my coffee and sandwich and indicated to Harrison that I'd be outside.

The air was heavy this morning as large gray clouds filled the sky. It had been so hot and humid recently, the obvious upcoming rain wasn't much of a surprise. It seemed to be holding back for the moment, so I took my breakfast over to an old picnic table. The gray wood dug into the backs of my thighs, forcing me to adjust several times before I got comfortable.

This was actually quite pleasant. A nice hot cup of coffee and warm food to occupy me while I waited for my guy to come out. Mentally, I cuddled up around the term
my guy
, loving the way it felt. Sure, I was probably reading too much into it, but Harrison was starting to act the way Rob had before we'd gotten engaged. While yes, there were certainly some barriers we would have to face if we were going to make things work between us, I couldn't imagine that they would be too insurmountable.

His needy ex-wife would be the biggest concern. Well, that and the fact his job was going to take him away soon. If that move turned out to be Montreal, or somewhere else in Ontario, then I could work with that. Maybe there was even a chance he could ask his office for a more permanent posting here in Toronto. There were lots of possibilities that we could discuss.

The sandwich turned to lead in my stomach as I forced down the last bite. It wasn't a bad thing for me to move on. Rob had told me he didn't want me to be alone. Hell, Nikki had said that too. Now her words revived the guilt that I'd thought I'd gotten past. Was what I had with Harrison a bad thing? I didn't think so, but maybe I was blind to what was really going on.

God, why did life have to be so complicated all the time?

I'd gotten halfway through my coffee before Harrison finally joined me.

“Everything okay?” I turned around to look at him when he didn't immediately answer. “Harrison?”

He gave his head a little shake. “Yeah, it's good.”

It clearly wasn't, but I didn't want to press matters. “Come sit. I think this thing can support us both.”

It wasn't a sure bet. When he sat down on the opposite side, the entire table shifted in a not-so-reassuring manner. “Scary,” he said once everything stopped shifting.

“Hey, it was stable with just me here. I'm not saying you're the problem, but ya know.”

“I'm used to being the problem. Don't worry.” He smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

His mood had clearly changed and long slow kisses weren't going to be back on the agenda until I improved things. I slid my hand across the table to cover his. “So, I was thinking maybe we could do something today that didn't involve sex. Well, at least for the first part of the day. I'm sure we can slip a card or two into the mix.” I grinned. “Like I said, I was thinking. I saw a sign when we were driving back yesterday for zip lining. Rob and I used to do that a couple of times a year. It's a lot of fun if you haven't done it. We could go, get our hearts pumping.”

He pulled his hand away as he leaned back. “Not really my thing.”

“Oh. Sure.” Maybe he was scared of heights and didn't want to admit it. I racked my brain trying to think of something else. “I know. We're pretty close to Lake Simcoe. We could drive up and maybe rent a speedboat. Rob and I did that a few times too.”

“No.”

“Yeah, you're probably right. I don't think my boat license is valid anymore anyway.”

There had to be something. I knew Harrison was an active guy, but I didn't really know if he was an outdoor active guy. Not that Rob had been, but we always managed to find something to do. “The only other thing I can think of is to maybe check out some of the little antique road shops along the way. Rob hated when I dragged him along to those, but they're pretty cool and you can always find something—”

“Alyssa!”

He'd shouted my name so loud that I jerked back hard enough to send the picnic table rocking once again. “What?”

“I'm not Rob.”

Whoa.
Shock bled into annoyance. “What's that supposed to mean? Of course you're not Rob. I buried him two years ago.”

“You'd never know it from the way you talk. You mentioned him three times in thirty seconds.”

Had I? Sure Rob wasn't far from my thoughts most days, but I'd gotten better, moved on to bigger and better things. Was trying to move on to him. “So what if I did?”

“And that's why you're going to have a hard time finding anyone else. You're in love with a dead man.”

My head swam and my stomach felt as though it had filled with blood. My mouth watered and for a moment I thought I might actually throw up. I had to cling to the edge of the table to keep from swaying. “Pardon?”

“Every day when I talk to you I can see it. That little flash that passes through your head when you think about him.
How would Rob react? Would he like this? This used to be my favorite thing to do with Rob so every other man I'll ever be with will have to like it too!
”

I couldn't speak. Even if words were able to come out of my mouth, I didn't even know what to say. How does a person respond to something like that? I couldn't very well deny it. I was in love with Rob and I always would be. But did that mean I'd be forever condemned to living the rest of my life alone?

He'd balled his hands and his breathing was coming out in short gasps. “
Maybe if Harrison does everything I want him to it will be good. But not as good as Rob.
”

“You asshole.” Tears streaked my face, but I made no move to wipe them away. “I didn't deserve that.”

His red face slowly drained of color. “No.”

“This wasn't about a relationship. You'd said that from the beginning.” I wiped my nose with one of my napkins. “You agreed to have sex with me. You've been the one to stress this wasn't anything more than that. How dare you get mad at me for . . . for being who I am.”

“Alyssa, I'm sorry.”

“You damn well should be.”

Harrison slowly got up and moved around to my side. When he reached out to touch my shoulder, I couldn't help but flinch. He pulled back before making contact. “I shouldn't have said that.” His voice had gone quiet. “Any of that.”

“No. You shouldn't have.” I wasn't going to cry anymore. I wouldn't give him that. “I would like to go home now.”

“We should probably talk first.”

“No.” I got to my feet, careful not to touch him. “You're right. I do still love Rob. That must be a hard thing for you to be faced with. I'm sorry you're having a hard time with your ex-wife. You broke up. It didn't work out. You both have gone your separate ways.”

It was hard to face him, to look him in the eye and see what he was feeling, but I did. Which was apparently not much based on his blank expression.

“But at least you have the option to still talk to her if you want. I don't. All I have are my memories.”

“That's the problem. I'm with you and I feel as though you're using me. I'm not Harrison, but a Rob stand-in.”

“You offered. I didn't need you.”

“Bullshit. I saw you at that dance club. You looked like a deer in the headlights when that guy came up and started grinding on you.”

“And you thought I needed saving?” I might be a lot of things, but even Rob knew that I was more than capable of looking after myself.

No. Fuck that and fuck him.

“Harrison, I know this is hard for you to believe, but I managed to get my husband through chemo, watched him rebound, watched the cancer come back, buried him, handled all of the details surrounding his death
and
kept going. I might not look like a fighter, or strong, or anything else modern women are supposed to me. But. I. Am.”

“I know.” His words were gentle, almost sad. “I never thought you weren't.”

“The sad thing is that despite you warning me about your aversion to relationships, I thought maybe we might have a chance. That's what I was thinking about before you came out here, how I could convince you that it might be worth a shot, you and me. Thank you for putting me back on the right path.” I walked back toward the room. “I'm going to pack.”

“Our bags are already in the car. I was planning on taking you back to the city. To spend a night in a five-star hotel instead of this dump.”

I couldn't even look at him. “I assume you left me some clothing?”

“Yes. In the bathroom.”

“That saves me a step then. I'll get dressed and you can take me home.”

Those were the last words we said to each other for several weeks.