18 Truths (28 page)

I brushed my lips against his ear. “I always loved you, too, Conner.”

It felt like I had something else to say, maybe something about our timing always being off and if he thought it was a sign that we weren’t ‘meant to be’? But then he half groaned my name and kissed me again, and I forgot my words.

“I can’t believe we were both in love with each other, and it took this long for us to say anything.” His lips whispered against mine, gentle and careful.

But I didn’t want gentle and careful anymore, because those things just reminded me of Nate, and I wanted to forget him now. I pulled Conner on top of me, gathering all of his body against mine, and kissed him with a fierceness I hadn’t even known I was capable of.

When we finally drew apart, his eyes were glassy. “So, you liked the song then?”

I traced the line of his jaw with my finger. “Much better than
Ode to a Septic Tank
.”

His mouth crooked up at the corner as he rolled off me. “That was going to be the breakout hit of Cantankerous Monkey Squad. The internet would’ve thought it was hilarious, and then Ellen would’ve had us on her show and signed us to her record label.”

Leaning in, I rested my head on his shoulder, my face against the crook of his neck. “Well, the internet did think it was hilarious in my Limbo state. Nic filmed Nate and Sean doing the song and posted the video on You Tube, and it got a lot of hits.”

My heart pounded, as if just now remembering Nate and all the things I still needed to confess to Conner. He kissed me on the forehead, then moved to set his mouth over mine before noticing how still I’d become.

“What’s wrong?”

I wasn’t ready to face all the heavy yet, so I put off the truths a little while longer. “Well, it’s just I’ve told you all about what I’ve been up to this past year, but I don’t know anything about your life here.”

He propped himself on one elbow and looked down at me. “I was wondering when you were gonna ask me how I’ve been. You’re incredibly rude, you know?”

I slammed my palm against his shoulder and he fell backward, a twisted smile on his face. Before I had time to think of a comeback, he pulled me on top of him.

“Do you really think I care about updating you on the past twelve months? All I want to do is kiss you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.”

“And there will be plenty of that coming, after you tell me about your time in Juvie.”

“Fine, but can we stay like this as I tell you?”

Resting my head on his chest, I said, “Deal.”

He worked on undoing my braid and ran his fingers through my hair. “Well, when I first arrived at Juvie, Leo met me at the gate and explained the situation. They offered me counseling sessions, too, but I refused. I figured talking about what I’d missed, mainly you… I didn’t see how that would be therapeutic. So for the first two months, Juvie felt like prison. I didn’t eat or leave my tent, except when Bo made me.”

“Since when could anybody make you do anything?”

“He’s my roommate, my accountability partner. It’s like a brotherhood, and we can influence each other a bit more than others can. So he made me attend my Intro to Juvie class at Camp Fusion High, made sure I came with him to the weekly Sunday service, helped me with my chores.”

“There are chores, too?”

“Yep. It’s a lot like being a teenager on Earth, except more sheltered, and dark. Eventually, I started to see there was no point in my moping around. I was going to be stuck here for a long time, probably longer than I lived on Earth, so I might as well make the most of things. After that reality check, I went back to what I knew and started to do what I did best.”

“Flirting?” I teased, but the thought made my heart shrink inside my chest.

“Hahaha. Not too far off. Socializing, just to keep my mind off you. At first, I was just
fakin’ it till I made it
type of thing. But I also wrote tons of music during that time. That’s when I finally started crying over everything that had happened, crying mainly over having to let you go. Leo saw I needed something to keep me going, so he suggested I start weekly guitar lessons in exchange for one of my chores, and then I became kind of popular, and more at ease here.”

I looked up at him. “Are there not many guitar players in this camp?”

He laughed. “There are, just none that play as good as me. Or sing well for that matter, so I’ve kinda thrown in voice lessons as an extra bonus.”

Raising an eyebrow, I said, “Looks like death has managed to humble you.”

“What? It’s not my fault I rock to Holy Heaven! God gives us gifts, and I’m just trying to use mine. And by the way, music isn’t the only gift I have.”

I took the bait. “Oh, really? What’s your other gift?”

“Haven’t you noticed tonight? This,” he whispered, brushing his lips against mine, sending shivers down my spine. “Can I stop telling stories now, and do more of this?”

His mouth brushed against the spot just behind my ear, leaving me trembling. Part of me wanted to ask about Julia, who he was in fact, still dating. That also made me think of Nate, who I wasn’t dating anymore, but that didn’t mean I was over him. As Conner’s lips made their way to mine again, I pressed a finger to his mouth.

“Conner, stop. We’re moving too fast.”

“On the contrary. It’s taken us thirteen
years
to get here.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, forcing some self-control. “You know what I mean.”

The tips of his fingers trailed down my back, finally coming to rest in the back pocket of my jeans. “What do you suggest we do instead?”

“Why don’t you show me around Juvie some more?”

He smiled at me, his eyes growing wide. “I know the perfect thing to do with you. Come on.”

“Know that the true worth of your travels
lies not just in where you’ve come to be,
but in who you became along the way.”
—Linda Staten

onner hauled the sailboat out onto the lake.

“She’s a nice boat,” I said, hopping aboard.

Conner jumped on behind me, then flipped on a navigation light so we could see in the darkness. “Yep. All of them are a standard fifteen feet. I give sailing lessons here, too.”

“So, he can sing, he can play guitar, he can sail, he—”

“Is incredibly insightful and freakishly good-looking. I know, I know. The list goes on and on.”

I clicked my tongue. “Yup, and humble. Don’t forget that.”

He plunged around in a storage locker on the starboard side, dug out two life jackets, and then propped one in a corner. He sat down and leaned back before noticing my stare. “Oh, don’t worry. No storms, remember?”

I pulled the other life jacket on. “I’d rather not tempt fate. Everything has the potential to be a test.”

Wind parted Conner’s hair. “Oh, okay. Even though we’re dead, I’ll wear one if it makes you feel better.” He pulled the jacket over his shirt, and then saw my frozen face. “What? Too early to make a flippant remark about dying?”

“No, I was just wondering, why do you even have life jackets here then? Can you still get hurt?”

“Yeah, I mean nothing can kill us, but we still get hurt. Don’t you?”

I thought back to my time on Limbo, when ramming head first into a sliding glass door and slicing my hand with a cutlery knife did nothing to me. “Nope. Not as a spirit—”
Crap. I almost forgot I didn’t tell him that part yet.
“Not as a spirit during my alternative timeline. I guess each realm has its own set of regulations.”

“Well, you may be operating under our rules now that you’re here, so I wouldn’t take up juggling machetes any time soon.”

“Aw, but that’s the sole purpose of my visit.”

He threw his head back in laughter, and then went about setting a course, avoiding the jagged rocks along the shore.

“You ever walk along the rocks like we used to down by Lake Michigan?”

“I pretty much spend all my free time at this lake. In fact, sometimes when I can’t sleep, I sneak out to come here and listen to the lapping of the water against the side of the boats. It’s nice, being able to sail again.”

I nodded. There was nothing that could beat the freedom I felt from sailing. Lake Michigan provided a wonderful thinking spot during my middle and high school days. Often the only sound interrupting my pondering was the occasional Coast Guard ship signaling their return to Grand Haven. One hour always faded into the next, and before I knew it, I’d neglected my entire to-do list for the freedom of the water. My parents managed a marina together, so I grew up around boats my whole life. The summer after fifth grade was when I taught Conner how to sail.

A tiny light flashed in the air, zapping me out of my trip down Memory Lane. “Are those fireflies?”

“Yep.”

I shook my head. “It amazes me, all the stuff that’s the same in the Underworld.”

“You can find those little guys around the lake here 24/7.” He scanned the darkness. “And you’re right; we do have a lot of the comforts from home. There’s also a floating dock we all like to do flips off and skip rocks from. Some campers are still afraid of the lake though, even in Juvie. I guess
Jaws
robbed the experience from them of ever swimming in anything that isn’t chlorinated.”

“Does Julia swim in the lake?” I hoped she didn’t. I just couldn’t help myself; I wanted her to be the type of prissy girl nobody from the Jedi Order would like.

Conner changed course abruptly, as if the question caught him off guard. “No, but she said it was actually the
Friday the 13
th
movies that ruined freshwater swimming for her. By the way, as soon as I see her again, I’m breaking up with her.”

We headed toward the tip of something, a small island from the looks of it, but seeing in the dark still proved difficult for me. “How’d you guys get together anyway?”

The sound of the wind multiplied, as if somehow protesting my question.

“Bo’s girlfriend, Cheri, hooked us up. We’d all been hanging out quite a bit, just doing the usual stuff. About a month ago, Cheri asked if I wanted to see a movie with her and Bo. When I got to the rec room, Cheri shoved me ahead of them and shut the door. Julia waited on the couch,
A Walk to Remember
starting to play. There were candles and everything. When I sat down, she informed me we were on our first date. The girl doesn’t ask permission, she just does what she wants.”

I felt my cheeks flame. “Sounds like your kind of girl.”

He reached out and held my hand. “You’re my type, nobody else even comes close.”

My gaze traveled out over the lake, the boat approaching a narrow strip of island. “So was she your first girlfriend in Juvie?”

His eyes searched my face, as if looking for judgment. “Yes and no. My first
girlfriend
I suppose, but I’ve been on dates with three other girls.”

“Three?” I couldn’t hold back the surprise in my voice, and the hurt.

He took a deep breath, bringing the boat beside the island. “No second dates followed with those. And like I said, Julia and I have only been together for a month; hardly compares to the thirteen years we’ve been together.”

Conner jumped out of the boat and secured the line to a post in the sand.

I clambered after him, seizing my backpack. “A month is a long time though, for you.”