18 Truths (32 page)

“Yes.”

Right. I guess he didn’t see any point in lying.

“While your little drama unfolded, I tried to make a copy of the file and corrupt the contents.” He looked at me with dark sorrow. “The file is read-only though, and I can’t crack the code for you to see what the real file says, but I probably shouldn’t get more involved in this anyway. I’m hoping to be sprung of this place one day for my good behavior. Plus, I’m really tired. And I should check on Conner, and my girlfriend. Oh, hey, can I have her ID card back now?”

For a moment, I stood there silently, the shock of what just happened settling in. Bo didn’t meet my eyes now. I slid the badge out of my jeans pocket, walking toward him. “Thanks for trying to help. It was nice meeting you. Please look after Conner for me. Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.”

Something in Bo’s face changed as he stood and took the ID. Maybe it was the total desperation in my tone. He stepped forward and wrapped me in a hug, lasting longer than any normal hug. When he pulled away, he squeezed my shoulder and offered me a sad smile. “Things will work out. I can tell your heart is in the right place. And at least you know what happened to Conner. Just remember, you’re never alone.” He pointed upward, and then saluted me before sliding the badge into his own pocket.

I watched him walk toward the exit, anxiety in his steps. Then, I watched him turn around abruptly.

“Olga, did I hear you mention a Nate?”

I crossed my arms against the chilling feeling building inside of me. “Yes, he’s—was—my boyfriend. We met during our time in Limbo.”

His face looked like misery, the skin bunching around his dark narrow eyes in a pained stare. “So, that means this Nate died around the same time as you and Conner did last year, right?”

Silently, I commanded myself to answer despite the terror making me quake. “Yes.”

“And your Limbo took place in the same town that Conner was from? Grand Haven, Michigan? Because the guy I drag raced home from school was named Nate, and he was upset about moving to that town. I thought it was a very strange coincidence when I learned Conner lived there, too.”

A few seconds ticked by before I really understood what Bo was saying. He was the one drag racing Nate on the last day of school, which meant I stood alone in a room with Nate’s biggest regret.

I caught his gaze and held onto it. “Coincidence? Yup, God is very big on those.”

“It’s the same Nate, then?”

I nodded. We both stood in silence for a few minutes. I couldn’t read his mind, but I assumed he was taking it all in just as I did. I felt like fainting, like I should lay down or something. Like all the blood left my body or something. I didn’t know why the coincidence was so difficult for me to believe after everything else I’d learned in the past month. Finally, I managed to choke out an explanation.

“He died drag racing another student, just like you. I’m sorry I didn’t realize the connection. He never told me your name. The accident is too painful for him to talk about. He feels responsible for your death.”

Bo rubbed a hand over his face before sliding it into his hair, tearing at his dark locks. “I figured, because I feel responsible for his death, too.”

“You’re not… angry at him?” I held my breath, waiting for his answer.

He let out a deep sigh. “No, not at all. We were equal in our stupidity that day. Will you tell him that for me?”

Brushing my eyes with my fingers, I nodded. “If I see him again, yes. Absolutely.”

Bo smiled. “I think you’ll see him again. You’re good at finding lots of things, that’s how you got here. And maybe God had more to do with your plan than you even know.”

He turned on his heel and strode away. My gaze followed him until I couldn’t see him anymore. Yeah, I knew lots of things, except where to find a box of tissues and a good cup of coffee. What I wouldn’t give for that knowledge right now.

I shuffled to the couch and slouched down. My lungs felt like they couldn’t get enough air. Considering everything that just went down, a lot of emotions should’ve been running through me. Instead, I felt dead inside. That’s when I remembered, I was dead inside. Funny how I kept forgetting that unforgettable fact, like I could change things.

My eyes burned, and I told myself not to cry. Tears wouldn’t help anything. One thing I did know was I didn’t want to stay here anymore. After all, I accomplished what I’d set out to do. I made sure Conner was safe. I told him I loved him. Maybe it would’ve been better to let sleeping dogs lie, but I also knew that no matter how much I loved Nate, my mind would’ve always wondered how things might’ve been with Conner if we had our chance. I could tell myself all I wanted that I wasn’t in love with two guys, but nothing changed the fact that I was. How I wished I wasn’t!

I kept thinking and thinking of the last year I spent with Nate though and how I remembered every second of it like it was yesterday, and think it was probably the most fulfilling year of my life. I never thought my senior year had the potential to be so perfect without Conner there, but Nate made it happen. So now I was confused as to why I felt such an urge to come see Conner, but I also knew in my heart of hearts that I needed to tell him I loved him in order for me to move on. I mean, I obsessed over him for twelve years. That’s not something that disappears overnight. What if I’d spent forever with Nate and wondered the whole time about how it could’ve been with Conner? I knew these were the thoughts of a crazy person because Nate is like the perfect guy for me, but love made me do crazy things, apparently.

Thinking about crazy made me remember how I still needed to encrypt the file, but Bo couldn’t help me now. There was nothing left for me here. Part of me wanted to go after Conner, to fight for us even though he wouldn’t. But the other part of me, the part that’d been exhausted from the trying weeks, wanted to lay the day to rest because I knew I couldn’t take his rejection twice. Plus, if we couldn’t stay together for more than a few hours, then it was easy to chicken out with the excuse that we weren’t really meant to be.

After gathering my things, I scrambled out the door and down the hallway, thankful that God never changes and that no matter what, He would never leave me. The power of faith was by my side, and I felt that somehow everything was leading to His purpose for me. The words of Jeremiah 29:13 echoed in my head: “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” I’d sought and found Conner, and ultimately, both of us were let down. Maybe the thrill was only in the chase for us. Only God could fulfill me in this difficult time. I knew that didn’t mean I’d be spared pain, suffering, and hardship for my actions, but He would still see me through if I seeked Him whole-heartedly. Neither strange dimensions, sorrows, or frustrations would break up my relationship with Christ.

Figuring I should leave the same way I came so I wouldn’t alert any guards, I blindly turned around a corner—I couldn’t remember which direction I’d come in. The only thing I knew was I entered on the second floor. When I spotted a fire alarm, I stopped and leaned against the wall, studying the hallway. The open door up ahead looked like the one I had come through yesterday, considering I could spot what looked like a row of security cameras on the wall just through its entry.

Something inside me twisted. Disappointment. I couldn’t believe I was leaving without saying goodbye to Conner, but I also couldn’t focus on that, or I’d hurl. Without giving him another thought, I found my feet carrying me down the hall, my hands holding my book bag in place on my back so it wouldn’t make too much noise as I ran. Willing myself to swallow my terror, I tiptoed into the room. I squinted against the fluorescents and found the room occupied, a guard sitting behind a desk.
Crap!
Stepping away immediately, I thought of what to do. I ducked around the nearest dark corner and noiselessly opened my backpack and retrieved the other invisibility pill I hadn’t used yet. Just outside the door, I swallowed the magical tablet. Within seconds, I’d already leaped off the balcony onto the tree branch and climbed down the trunk, my visibility not returning until I stood at the lake’s perimeter. I ignored the tears in my eyes the whole way to the wormhole.

Luckily, since the hour approached midnight, the lake stood empty. Sam’s instructions stated that to everyone else in Juvie, the portal was nonexistent because you had to know about its existence to see it. But to me, I could see the magic there in the form of a mist over the lake, trailing like a cloud from the riverbank to a spot about eight feet away. The damp Earth, still churned up from where I clawed my way out yesterday morning, clearly marked my point of entry.

I didn’t wait long to dive into the water, or I might’ve chickened out. Just beneath the surface, a faint light gleamed. I plunged deeper in the water, swimming swiftly toward the glow. As soon as I reached the wormhole, a whiplash current caught me, sending me spinning like a tornado into an abyss. There was a sense of flying through space, weightless and dizzy, until I broke through a surface and suddenly, I arrived at the base of a waterfall. I climbed out, woozy but dry, and took in the nighttime sky dotted with a million stars.

Before I could take in my surroundings, a pair of hands gripped my shoulders from behind.

“Love is the voice under all silences,
the hope which has no opposite in fear;
the strength so strong mere force is feebleness:
the truth more first than sun, more last than star.”
—E.E. Cummings

lga!”

The voice sounded anxious and familiar, and I spun around to face Nate. My eyes met his, and I expected anger, but I didn’t see any. Instead, he reached his hand up to my face and rubbed my cheek lightly.

“You’re all right?” His voice was soft now. “I’ve been sick with worry.”

I felt a burst of love for him, just like I had when I saw Conner in Juvie.
What is wrong with me? I can’t be in love with two people at once, can I?

“Nate, what are you doing here? I thought you…”
Hated me
, I thought, but was unable to speak the words aloud.

“You thought I hated you,” he said, like he was trying to keep his voice even. “Olga, I was in a jealous rage the last time we spoke.”

“Yeah, well, I know what that feels like.”

“You mean Grace and me, right?” With a heavy sigh, he scrubbed a hand over his face. “Look, I’m sorry about that. I only tried to shut you out because I was following orders.”

My head jerked back. “Following orders? From who?”

“Riel.” His lip curled a little bit when he said the name.

I took a step closer to him. “I don’t understand. Why would Riel tell you to shut me out? She was
our
assignment.”

“Because there’s something about Grace you don’t know. Something Riel told me. And he didn’t want you getting involved with Grace’s case because he thought it was too dangerous. He wanted to protect you.”

“What? Why would he want to protect me? Riel doesn’t care about us. We’re just humans.” Although I knew that wasn’t totally true. Despite his rough exterior, he had shown he cared a little bit about me.

Nate hesitated a split second before replying. “He does care about one of us. I think he’s in love with you.”