18 Truths (26 page)

He sat next to me, reached out and touched my hand. At first, the notion summoned a thousand other times he’d done the same thing for a number of reasons. But none of those reasons felt like this. This hand on my hand felt strange.

“Do you think everything happens for a reason?” He swept a tear off my cheek.

I stared at the ground, praying I could give a right answer for once, an answer that would bring comfort. “Yes. I mean, I’m sure we’d all love a perfect life. But like it or not, everything serves a purpose.”

He glanced uneasily at me. “Yeah, Leo always touches on that point at our weekly service. He says you can’t be triumphant without going through trials first.” He squeezed my hand. “Why did you come here, Olga?”

The same familiar blue eyes from my childhood bore into mine.

“The truth?”

He nodded.

“To see you. I just needed to see my friend.” I squeezed his hand back, harder than I meant to. “Even though I felt more alive this past year as a dead person, how could I ever be happy after learning the truth from Dr. Judy? After knowing in my heart someone I deeply cared for wasn’t there with me, but was within my grasp somewhere. At times, I tried to fight how I felt. But I think God put us in each other’s lives for a reason, and I thought I needed to use my situation to help you. And maybe you don’t need my help, but you’re a real part of me and for me as a whole to ever be saved, you would have to be there, as much as my own body has to be with my soul.”

He scooted closer and put both arms around me, hugging me as we both sobbed some more. Despite our sadness, I basked in the feeling of his warm arms around my shoulders, of the stubble of his chin on my scalp, of the closeness of us as my head rested on his chest. There was a long silence before he asked another question.

“What was your reaction when, when you found out you had been dead that whole year?”

I sat up, displacing his head. “I thought the news was the most absurd thing I’d ever heard. Wouldn’t you?”

He tugged at the blond hair falling into his eyes. He needed another haircut, and the thought struck me as odd, that his hair was still growing. Mine didn’t anymore.

“Remember my Aunt Tricia?” He grabbed a box from the shelf in-between his and Bo’s cots and passed me a tissue. “The nutty family member everyone has? She believed in ghosts, went to psychics, and had a Ouija board. I thought all of her superstitions were insane, but she was smarter than all of us.”

I laughed. Of course, only Conner could make me grin with one of his remarks at a time like this.

“You look really pretty when you laugh.”

An awkward silence pierced the air like a cannonball. I wasn’t used to compliments from Conner. I was used to a boy who thought of me as the nerdy best friend he loved to tease.

I cleared my throat. “Well, this isn’t weird at all.”

“Do you want to hear a corny joke?” His voice was unsteady. I didn’t think I’d ever heard his voice sound unsteady until today.

Shooting him a fake-annoyed look, I said, “Is the sky blue, the grass green?”

He smiled. “How do you make a hormone?”

I threw my pillow at him. “Conner! Don’t tell that kind of joke here.”

He lifted his shoulders and shrugged. “What? The only dirty mind here is you. All I was thinking is you like science, and it’s a science joke.”

“Oh, you remember
that
, do you?” I twisted my hands in his blanket.

“Olga, I remember everything about you.”

Suddenly, a lump rose in my throat. “Mhmm. Where’d you hear this joke?”

“Sean told it to me in ninth grade.”

Swallowing over the lump, I blinked hard. “Then I definitely don’t want to hear the punch line. You wouldn’t believe the amount of totally inappropriate jokes he passed on to Nate.”

I blushed, forgetting I probably shouldn’t mention He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

“Ah, him again.” He spoke in a harsh tone, one I’d hardly ever heard him use before. “So how serious is this relationship?”

I didn’t know how to answer this, so I deflected, like usual. “You know a nap sounds really good about now. Aren’t you tired? It looks late outside.”

“It always looks late outside. But we can climb underneath the covers if you want. I just wouldn’t get too comfortable because I’ll sit on top of you and fart until you tell me everything.”

“Back to your old dirty bag of tricks already? I figured an experience like this would’ve made you a little more mature.”

“I’m still just a rocker who likes to have fun.”

“And I’m still the quirky geek girl, except I’m dead and met my first boyfriend in an alternate universe. When you get beyond that, not much has changed.”

He gave me an incredulous look, and even in the darkness, I could see myself reflected in his eyes. “Everything changed today. For the past year, all I saw was your face. Your freckles scattered across your cheeks. You’re untamable red hair. Your moody eyes—always shifting from green to blue. Your nose—always in a book. Your lips—always pressed together in thought.” He lifted his hand and outlined the shape of my mouth with the tip of his finger.

I held my breath as my heart pounded. Him touching me this way, THE guy I’d always loved, felt intimate. No, not intimate. We’d been intimate friends for a long time. This felt a hundred times better than intimate, this felt… sexy.

“Now you’re here. And I really want to do something with you, even some things I shouldn’t want to do since you have a boyfriend, not to mention my girlfriend.”

I swallowed, then took a breath while glancing around the tent and trying not to blush, my hands shaking. “Wow, you’re not holding back anything, huh?”

As if his confession hadn’t thrown me for a loop already, the thought occurred to me that I hadn’t known for sure if the girl with him earlier, Julia, was his girlfriend. Now my brain shouted,
Newsflash, Katie Couric! Of course, he has a girlfriend! He’s probably had a million of them here! This is Conner!

“I know this must all seem confusing. But I promised myself if I ever got to see you again, I’d tell you the truth. No more secrets… my new words to live by, or die by.”

I wasn’t sure I was ready for his truths. For sure, I wasn’t ready to tell mine; including the fact that Nate technically wasn’t my boyfriend anymore, so I tried to lighten the mood. “Hmm, no more secrets. Conner, once when I was in second grade, I told everyone Jon Bon Jovi was my boyfriend.”

“You know what I mean.”

I did. His words tugged at my heart. I knew I had to explain the entire situation about how I got here. Not just about the deal with the demon, but also how I ended my own life. Right now, he believed I died alongside him, even because of him. I wished I had the guts to tell him everything. But no matter how much I knew what I should do, I just couldn’t bring myself to get the words out. I was stressed enough about figuring out how to corrupt the Alpha File 120, so Sam wouldn’t really get the information, and about finding a way to stay with Conner for longer than twenty-four hours. Rehashing the events of my death in detail would only add to my growing list of problems. We’d need to cross that bridge later.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Conner giving me a look, waiting for me to respond.

I stood. “Are you gonna show me around this place or not? It’s not every day a girl gets to travel to another dimension.”

For a moment, he just sat there, a flabbergasted expression on his face. “Right then. Time to change the subject.” He stood, and then grabbed his guitar. “Follow me. It’s about time I took you out on our first date.”

Without meaning to, I let a smile slip across my face, remembering so many other days and nights I had wished for Conner to say those exact words to me.

“This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”
—William Shakespeare,
Hamlet

nce outside the tent, Conner took my hand in his and led the way with a tiny flashlight. Feeling the warmth of his hand over mine made my heart feel like it was sky diving as he showed me around the mazelike forest.

“So, what is there to do here?”

He craned his head to look back at me. “We really just have the usual camp stuff. There are bikes to ride. The lake water is always warm for swimming, and it’s ultimate sailing weather here year round, never any storms. Inside the school, there’s a rec room with a television and couches to watch movies, nothing over PG-13 of course. There’s also some pool tables, air hockey, dartboards, and two bowling lanes. Oh, and we have a massive library spanning the two floors, with a coffee shop inside. When I can’t stand missing you for one more second, I’ll go there and read your favorite classics. I’ll even drink a coffee in your honor, despite still loathing the stuff.”

I pushed away the tiny voice in my head telling me I wasn’t here to flirt. “Is that where you’re taking me for our first date? Plenty of opportunities in the library to woo me with some poetry and pour some Bailey’s into my coffee.”

He blinked at me. “Are you implying I need to get you liquored up to be interested in me? If so, I’m seriously gonna have to work on my skills. And wooing? Sounds like your mom’s vernacular finally rubbed off on you. I see we’re back to the turn of the century.”

“Yeah,” I said, my voice dropping to a whisper, thinking about how much I missed my mom. “She’d want a proper courtship for her one and only daughter, so you better make our trip to the rec room or the library spectacular.”

He grinned. “Any of those options would be fine for another girl, but not for you.”

His voice lacked the seductive tone he’d used on other girls. This tone felt genuine.

We made our way along a deep green canal, our usual banter leaving little room for quiet. He held my hand firmly the whole time too, and I couldn’t help but think how right it felt, his hand in mine. Eventually, we came to a crossing bridge at the foot of a large leafy tree. The bridge led to a set of wooden stairs, lots of them, winding up to a simple platform surrounding a rather large Swiss Family Robinson like habitat.

I tightened my grip on Conner’s hand. “What is this place?”

“A tree house. When I first stumbled upon this place, the kid in me got so jacked up. I have so many good memories of playing with you in my backyard fort. It just made being here in Juvie seem more like home.”

I could feel his gaze on me as I stared up at the top. “How many stairs do we need to climb?”

He laughed. “One hundred thirty-three, but the panoramic view from the wrap-around porch at the top is better than anything I’ve seen here. Well, until you showed up today.”

Guilt washed over me. I had begun to enjoy myself way too much. I still hadn’t told Conner the truth about how I died or how I got here. Determination set in, and I decided I had to tell him soon, before this ‘date’ went any further.

“Race you to the top!” I yelled, dropping his hand before sprinting up the first set of stairs.

Squinting in the darkness, I realized this might not have been the best of challenges. But being dead had its advantages. Being fast or getting tired or having an asthma attack wasn’t a concern anymore. Instead, I focused on how it felt to be here, for the moment, acting like a kid again with Conner. Soon, he sprinted next to me, laughing as the wind whipped around us. This was what my entire life had been about. Moments like this with my best friend. Romantic or not, Conner was my soul mate. My love for him was innocent and tied to every nostalgic memory I had of my childhood. We’d always be connected because what we had went beyond romance or friendship.