150 Movies You Should See Before You Die (33 page)

Answer: D. The scene in
Army of Darkness
in which Ash is split in two-Good Ash and Evil Ash-is a clear and obvious echo of the transformation and eventual doubling of Larry.

PRODUCER
Rick Popko

WRITERS
Rick Popko and Dan West

DIRECTORS
Rick Popko and Dan West

STARS
Paul Weiner (
Sheriff Duncan
), Beth West (
Agent Hannigan
), Dan Burr (
Dr. Stern
), Dan West (
Deputy Dan
), Rick Popko (
Deputy Rick
), and Brad Dosland (
Jack Schmidt
)

Serial killer Jack Schmidt (Dosland) is reborn as a living turd, after mad scientist Dr. Stern (Burr) dumps bioengineered bacteria in the sewers. Now, Schmitt is killing the residents of the town as they Do Their Business, and growing bigger and bigger.

Why It Sucks

Well … hmmm … I'm at a loss for words. It does more with “Number Two” than any other movie has ever done before — and hopefully ever will again. Of course, if you enjoy scatological humor, you'll have a great time. (Confession: I enjoyed this film very much.) That said, it was a first-time effort and it shows in the uneven editing and choppy camera work.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Actress Award goes to …
Beth West for her flat (we might almost say, flatulent) and uninspired performance as Agent Hannigan.

And the Worst Director Award goes to …
Rick Popko and Dan West for using jump cuts and the “shakey-cam technique” to excess.

They Really Said It!

Agent Hannigan
: You've been watching too many crappy horror movies, Sheriff.

Betcha Didn't Know

Monsturd
was the first film effort from Popko and West. They were inspired to make it by the crappiness of
Jack Frost
.

The movie was successful enough to spawn a sequel in 2008,
RetarDEAD
, that saw Dr. Stern attempt to turn a bunch of “special” children into geniuses, unleashing a zombie plague instead.

Trivia Quiz

What horror movie has monsters bursting from the backside of victims?

A:
Dreamcatcher
(2003)

B:
Ghoulies
(1985)

C:
It
(1990)

D:
The Stuff
(1985)

Answer: A.
Dreamcatcher
. From a novel by Stephen King, this 2003 horror movie has as one of its highlights a man being killed by monsters while sitting on the crapper.

PRODUCER
Anthony Nelson Keys

WRITERS
John Elder (story) and John Gilling (script)

DIRECTOR
John Gilling

STARS
André Morrell (
Sir Basil Walden
), Maggie Kimberly (
Claire de
Sangre
), David Buck (
Paul Preston
), John Phillips (
Stanley Preston
), Elizabeth Sellars (
Barbara Preston
), Roger Delgado (
Hasmid
), Michael Ripper (
Longbarrow
), and Catherine Lacey (
Haiti
)

When British archaeologist Sir Basil (Morrell) and his obnoxious American financier (Phillips) ignore the warning of a crazed tomb guardian (Delgado) and move the mummified body of an ancient child-king to a museum, they unleash a deadly curse … and, of course, a revived mummy bodyguard hell-bent on revenge.

Why It Sucks

Mummies are great, but here we have to have one that looks like a guy in a rubber Halloween mask, wearing tan coveralls with some bandages glued on? This costume ties with 2002's
Mummy Raider
for Worst Mummy Costume to Ever Appear on Screen (and if there's not an award for that, there ought to be!).

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Actor Award goes to …
Roger Delgado for his lackluster performance. Mummy guardians are supposed to be sinister and evil — not
booooring
.

And the Worst Director Award goes to …
John Gilling for making a horror movie with only one (one!!) scary scene, the one in which a delirious Sir Basil stumbles upon the lair of a creepy gypsy woman. As a matter of fact, the scene may be scary, but it's also completely illogical.

They Really Said It!

Haiti
: You will soon be dead. Then you can rest. Ah death, death can be sweet. Sweet death, I pray for it because I am old and tired, you pray for it because you are sick. There is nothing left for you but death.

Betcha Didn't Know

John Elder was the pen name used by Hammer Films executive and co-owner Anthony Hinds.

This was the last Hammer production to be shot at Britain's legendary Bray Studios, ending a fifteen-year association.

Trivia Quiz

What cast member was a regular on the long-running BBC science fiction series
Dr. Who?

A: Michael Ripper

B: Roger Delgado

C: Andre Morrell

D: Elizabeth Sellars

Answer: B. Roger Delgado played the Doctor's foe, the Master, from 1971 to 1973, when Delgado was killed in a traffic accident in Turkey. John Pertwee, who played the Doctor, quit the show because he felt it couldn't be the same without Delgado.