150 Movies You Should See Before You Die (15 page)

STARS
Jessica Harper (
Suzy Banyon
), Stefania Casini (
Sara
), Joan Bennett (
Madame Blanc
), and Udo Keir (
Dr. Frank Mandel
)

Suzy Banyon (Harper) comes to study at a prestigious German dance academy, but instead is drawn into the murderous and deadly web of secrets that exist within its walls. Is there a killer on the loose in the school, or is it the spirit of its founder — a reported witch — who has returned from the depths of Hell?

Why It Sucks

When
Suspiria
is over, you won't be asking, “Is that all the gore he's got?” but rather, “Is that all the story there is?” Star Jessica Harper's deer-in-the-headlights performance is decent, and the death scenes are brutal and creative — one character is killed by a roomful of barbed wire. But everything in the film is badly explained and every sympathetic character in the film suffers from Stupid Character Syndrome.

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The Crappies

The Worst Script Award goes to …
Dario Argento and Daria Nicolodi. The film's producer ordered them to change the setting from a boarding school for small children to a dance academy for young women, because he was uncomfortable with children being brutally murdered onscreen. Argento and Nicolodi made the change but didn't bother to rewrite the characters, who now come across as adults with the minds of children.

And the Worst Director Award goes to …
Dario Argento for making a visually impressive film, but completely forgetting that characters and story matter, too.

They Really Said It!

Dr. Frank Mandel
:Bad luck isn't brought by broken mirrors, but by broken minds.

Betcha Didn't Know

Nearly four minutes was cut from the film to gain an R rating in the United States.

Dario Argento is the father of actress Asia Argento, and many of his films were produced by his father or sons. Filmmaking is truly a family business for the Argentos.

Trivia Quiz

Aside from a character in
Suspiria
, who is Pat Hingle?

A: An American stage and film actor who appeared in four Batman movies.

B: A cartoon character used to sell Pringle Potato Chips.

C: The inventor of the Technicolor process.

D: Dario Argento's girlfriend in 1977 (and future wife).

Answer: A. Pat Hingle portrayed Commissioner Gordon in three of the four Batman movies made in the 1990s.

PRODUCER
Jonathan R. Skocik

WRITER
Jonathan R. Skocik

DIRECTOR
Jonathan R. Skocik

STARS
Jonathan R. Skocik (
Alan Chesterson
), Shawn Burke (
the
Traveler
), Melanie D'Alessandro (
Suzan Chesterson
), Erica Highberg (
Linda Clarke
), David L. Penn (
Dan Strife
), and Megan Hartley (
voice
of Susan
)

Seven people are trapped in an abandoned house by a supernatural force. An immortal man with monstrous strength (Burke) appears and forces them to torture each other to death.

Why It Sucks

Well, it's got wooden acting and clunky dialogue. But the real problem is that the torture effects are so literal that this movie's unwatchable for many viewers. “Highlights” include teeth being shattered with a hammer and chisel. On the other hand, the film's low budget keeps both characters and viewers trapped in the torture rooms with no sense of movie fantasy or comic relief.

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The Crappies

The Worst Script Award goes to …
Jonathan R. Skocik for dialogue that in most cases can be charitably described as “tinny.”

And the Worst Director Award goes to …
Jonathan R. Skocik for failing to recognize that some of his effects were beyond his meager budget (and pretty insane), such as when the Traveler grows a new head after his original is cut off.

They Really Said It!

The Traveler
: Let's play a little game.

Betcha Didn't Know

Linda Clarke is the only performer with any acting credits other than this film, She continues to appear in low-budget horror films, with eight credits to her name as of this writing.

The movie was Jonathan R. Skocik's only solo effort to date.

Trivia Quiz

Which of the following featured two O scar A ward — winners in the roles of torturer and torturee?

A:
A Bucket of Blood
(1959)

B:
Last House on the Left
(2009)

C:
Marathon Man
(1976)

D:
The Evil of Frankenstein
(1964)

Answer: C. In
Marathon Man
Laurence Olivier plays a sadistic Nazi who tortured Dustin Hoffman, an innocent bystander caught in an international conspiracy.

PRODUCERS
Jeff Grenier and Alexandre Michaud

WRITERS
Jeff Grenier and Alexandre Michaud

DIRECTOR
Alexandre Michaud

STARS
Martin Dubreuil (
Kane
), Mireille Leveque (
Samantha
), Marie-Ève Petit (
Sally
), K. M. Lavigne (
Inspector Blake
), Anthony Pereira (
Zack
), and Marc Vaillancourt (
Ygor
)

Four thrill-killers (Dubreuil, Petit, Pereira, and Vaillancourt) prowl a Canadian city by night in search of victims to kill … and eat raw. As a homicide detective (Lavigne) closes in on them, he and his wife (Leveque) are added to the menu.

Why It Sucks

If you're looking for terrifying and gory violence, this is a film for you. Time and again, it goes beyond anything you can imagine. Of course, it you like that sort of stuff, then that's a strong point of the film. What isn't, however, is the way the blood-splattered urban cannibals can wander city streets unnoticed. Or the way the film just sort of dribbles off into the credits at the point where it feels as if it's about to reach a climax.

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