What We Learned Along the Way (16 page)

“Hated you?” Aliya said as she looked through
a bag of baby clothes on the side of the sofa. “Why would we hate
you, and how does Mariam know? I’m confused.”

“Mariam didn’t say anything to you all? Wow.
I didn’t think she’d be able to hold a secret like that, and then
go through with her wedding? She’s a strong woman,” Jaime said,
impressed.

“Okay, my head is spinning. What are you
talking about? Why wouldn’t Mariam get married?” Malikah asked.

“I just thought you all knew. Rashad, he’s
the father,” she said. Malikah and Aliya stared at her. There was
an awkward feeling in the room. Jaime couldn’t take it.

“Juice, anyone?” she said nervously as she
walked quickly into the kitchen and opened the fridge.

Her friends followed her. “Mariam’s calling
my phone going off on me and all this time you were sleeping with
her man?” Aliya said angrily. “I can’t believe this, Jaime.”

“No, I wasn’t sleeping with him. It was only
once and it was a huge mistake. You gotta believe me. I didn’t mean
for any of this to happen.”

“And you say Mariam knows, and she’s cool
with this?” Malikah asked suspiciously.

“Yea, she knows. I made Rashad tell her
before the wedding. I didn’t want her marrying him without knowing.
That wouldn’t be fair to her,” Jaime said.

“It sure wouldn’t be! This whole thing isn’t
fair to her. I still can’t believe this.” Aliya went back into the
living room and sat down.

“I still don’t get it. Mariam looked happy at
her wedding, not like she just found out that her groom impregnated
her best friend. Are you sure he even told her?” Malikah asked.

“I’m sure he did. He called me the night
before the wedding and told me.”

“I can’t believe Mariam knew. I wouldn’t have
gone through with it,” Malikah said.

“I would have beat both of y’all down!” Aliya
said. She had come back into the kitchen. “I just can’t see myself
marrying someone after I got news like that.”

“Well, I’m sure Mariam hates me, and she has
every right to, but I’m glad they got married” Jaime said. “They
are perfect together and I’d hate for my and Rashad’s horrible
mistake to ruin her happiness. How is Mariam? Have either of you
heard from her?”

“She sent me a postcard from Hawaii. She
seems happy,” Aliya said.

“I didn’t get a postcard,” Malikah pouted.
“But she sent me an email from Chicago. She said she loves the
apartment and that I shouldn’t try to call her old phone because
her job is giving her a new one. She said she would call from her
new number once she got it.”

“That’s great to hear. I don’t know what I
would have done if I had ruined their marriage,” Jaime said.

“I wouldn’t talk so soon. That baby’s not
even born yet. It’s going to be a lot different once it’s here. It
might ruin the marriage after all,” Aliya said as she picked
through a bowl of grapes.

“That is true,” Malikah said. “Have you and
Rashad discussed child support and all that? Babies are
expensive.”

“Not really. He hasn’t mentioned anything
about helping out financially. I’ll just do it by myself. I don’t
want to bother him anymore than I already have,” said Jaime.

“It’s a little too late not to be bothering
him. What are you going to do when that baby needs diapers, and
food and clothes and medicine? I didn’t know little kids needed so
much until Harlem. That girl sucks me dry,” said Aliya.

“I got a job working as a Loan Counselor at
the bank, and I’ll get on public aid if I have to. I really don’t
want to have to bring Rashad into this. He’s Mariam’s husband
now.”

“Jaime Fareed on food stamps. I never thought
I’d see the day,” Malikah said with a laugh.

“Laugh all you want, but my baby and I are
going to be okay.”

Jaime presented herself to her friends as a
confident mother-to-be, but she was really scared, especially now
that she knew she wouldn’t have her parents’ support. She didn’t
know the first thing about taking care of a baby. She never felt
like she had any real maternal instincts. She had a cat once, but
it ran away. And all her fish always died. Could she really be a
good mother?

Aliya still couldn’t believe her father was
getting remarried. She had hoped they would get in an argument and
call the whole thing off, but that obviously wasn’t happened. She
had noticed that her father seemed much happier, no longer sad and
depressed, but she hated the he was happy with her. Her mother used
to be the one to make him feel that way. She hated to think that
someone else was taking her place. How could he do that to her
mother?

The day of the wedding had finally arrived,
but Aliya was not planning on going. She could understand that her
father needed companionship, but she didn’t have to like it. She
had just finished washing her hair and had planned a simple spa day
at home. Lucky for her she had a loud door bell, which meant she
was able to hear it over the heavy whirl of her blow dryer. She
wasn’t expecting anyone, so she wrapped up her half-straightened
hair and went to door.

“Langston, what are you doing here?” she said
through the door, her eye still glued to the peep hole.

“Waiting on you to open the door. You gonna
let us in or what?”

She stepped back and made room for Langston
and Harlem to come in.

“What are you doing here, babe?” she asked.
“And why are you dressed so nicely?” Langston always looked nice,
but he didn’t usually wear suits unless he had a good reason. Even
Harlem looked a little cuter than usual.

“Don’t tell me you forgot about your father’s
wedding.”

“I didn’t forget about it. I’m just not
going, and neither are you!”

“I have to go. I told your father Harlem and
I would be there. I just assumed you would too.”

“I’m not about to disrespect my mother by
going to that. She basically just died and he’s ready to run off
with some floozy. Fine, you and Harlem can go if you want, but
count me out.”

“Aliya, your mother didn’t just die. It’s
been five years, and I seriously doubt Jasmine is a floozy. I’m
sure you father misses your mother just as much as you do, but he
has to move on with his life, just like I did. Harlem’s mother died
three years ago, so should I not be engaged to you right now?”

Aliya hadn’t thought of it that way. Her
father was still relatively young and she knew in the back of her
mind that he’d start another relationship one day. She just didn’t
want that day to come so soon. She knew it would hurt her father if
she didn’t show up, but she didn’t know if she was ready to see him
with another woman.

“Come on, honey. Go get dressed. You know
your father would be hurt if you didn’t show,” Langston said.

“I guess I can go,” Aliya said reluctantly.
She went into the bedroom and came out ten minutes later in a long,
multi-colored dress with a red hijab. Aliya wasn’t wearing hijab
full time, but she had started wearing it off and on. Langston
thought she looked cute.

“Aw, look at my little Muslim,” he said as
she took a quick look in the mirror. “You know, that really looks
nice on you. You should wear it more often.” Aliya loved to wear
things Langston liked.

Aliya and Langston showed up just in time for
the wedding. This was Langston’s second Muslim wedding, so he
wasn’t confused about what to do this time around. He took his
shoes off in the men’s foyer and took a seat in the men’s section.
He waved at Aliya’s father who was sitting in the front.

Jasmine looked nothing like Aliya expected.
She had imagined some withered old lady with fake teeth, but
Jasmine looked pretty young, not so young that she seemed like a
bad choice, but younger than Aliya had expected. She obviously took
good care of herself, and her dress was gorgeous. It was a deep
green with gold accents. Aliya loved non-traditional dresses. She
thought there were too many wonderful colors in the world to settle
for white.

After the wedding, Jasmine walked over to
Aliya and gave her a big hug. “You must be Aliya! You’re father
talks about you all the time,” she said. Aliya was usually a huggey
person, but she wasn’t comfortable hugging Jasmine. She stood stiff
in the embrace and fought the urge to push her off.

“How did you know who I was?” Aliya
asked.

“It was easy. You look just like your father,
only prettier,” she said with a laugh.

“I resent that,” Mr. Ansar said as he walked
up behind his new wife and put his arms around her.

“Oh, I’m sorry, sweetie. You know you’re
pretty too,” Jasmine told her new husband playfully. Aliya excused
herself to the bathroom.

“Where are you going in such a rush?”
Langston asked when she pushed past him.

“Bathroom,” she said in a flat voice.

“Great, take her with you,” he said as he
handed Harlem over to her. “She’s been squirming around on my lap
for the last ten minutes. They look good together, don’t they?” he
said, looking toward the new couple.

“They look alright,” Aliya answered as she
picked up Harlem and took her to the bathroom. Langston walked over
to the bride and groom.

“Congratulations, Mr. Ansar,” he said with a
big hug.

“So you and my daughter are next, right?” Mr.
Ansar asked.

“We’re working on it, inshallah,” Langston
replied.

“Inshallah?” Mr. Ansar repeated. “Looks like
someone’s been studying his Arabic.”

“Yea, I have. Those books you gave me are
really interesting. I’m really thinking about making the leap.”

“That’s great. Be sure not to rush, though.
This is a big decision. Make sure it’s right for you,” Mr. Ansar
advised.

“Make sure what’s right for you?” Aliya asked
as she walked in on the end of the conversation.

“Your father’s just giving me some advice
about converting,” Langston said.

“Converting? You’re converting?” she
asked.

“I’m not one hundred percent sure, but I’m
thinking about it. You know I’ve been reading all those books,”
Langston said.

Aliya had seen all the books Langston was
referring to, and she heard him using Muslim phrases here and
there, but she didn’t take it seriously. She thought he was just
trying to impress her father. She wasn’t sure if she wanted him to
become Muslim. The Langston she knew was fun and relaxed. She
didn’t want him to convert and become one of the overbearing men
she had dated in the past. Part of what originally attracted Aliya
to Langston was the fact that he wasn’t Muslim, wasn’t like
everything she was trying to escape.

Though the food at the reception was good,
Aliya spent more time picking rice out of Harlem’s hair than she
did eating. At times like that, Aliya didn’t just feel like
Langston’s fiancé, she felt like Harlem’s mother. She got
overwhelmed at the thought of being a real mother, doing all the
things real mothers have to do. She was already bending over
backwards for Harlem as a fiancé, and they didn’t even live
together yet. She didn’t want to think about all she’d have to do
once she became Harlem’s mother officially.

After Harlem poured her second plate of food
on the floor, Aliya had had enough. She was ready to go. She looked
over at Langston and saw he was having a great time with her father
and his friends. She didn’t want to interrupt. She spotted some
other children and took Harlem over to play with them. Aliya found
a seat with a group of mothers not too far from where the children
were playing. While everyone else seemed to be enjoying themselves,
the women she was sitting with all looked just as miserable as she
was. They made small talk from time to time, but it was obvious
they were all ready to go.

“I knew we should have left the kids with
Abdullah’s mother,” one woman said to another.

“And I should have left my daughter with her
aunt. I told my husband I actually wanted to enjoy myself at this
wedding, but he insisted it would be fine if we brought her. I
think he just didn’t feel like driving to my sister’s house,” the
other woman said with a roll of her eyes.

“I bet he did,” the first one said. “It’s
always fine for them because they’re not to ones sitting over here
watching the kids. Hey, hey,” she yelled to one of her sons. “I
told you about body slamming people. Put that boy down!” She turned
her attention back to her friend. “See, this is what I have to deal
with all day.” The two women laughed.

Aliya thought about what it would be like if
Langston converted and they got married. Would he expect her to
sacrifice all her free time to watch Harlem while he laughed and
had a good time? She couldn’t see herself happily filling that
role. She loved Harlem and didn’t mind spending time with her, but
she didn’t want to find herself feeling like a single parent. She
looked over at Langston. It looked like someone had just told a
good joke because they were all huddled together and laughing
pretty hard.

“Why the sad face, honey?” Jasmine asked.
Aliya was so deep in thought that she didn’t see her walk up.

“Huh? Oh, I was just thinking,” Aliya said,
still a little dazed.

“Why are you sitting over here by yourself?
Come sit with us.” Jasmine pointed toward a table full of women. A
lot of them looked around Jasmine’s age, but some of them looked
like they were in their twenties.

“Thanks, but I don’t want to go too far.” She
motioned her head toward the playing children.

“You’ll be able to see her from there.
Besides, with all these mothers over here, I’m sure she’s safer
than ever. Come meet my daughters. I won’t take no for an answer.”
Jasmine grabbed Aliya’s hand and pulled her over to her table.

“This is Mina and Darah,” Jasmine said. Aliya
gave them the greetings and shook both their hands.

“I really like your dress,” Mina said to
Aliya.

“Thanks. Yours too,” Aliya lied. She hated
giving false complements, but she felt obligated.