Read What We Learned Along the Way Online
Authors: Nadirah Angail
Tags: #Fiction, #Islam, #muslim fiction, #black muslims, #coming of age, #marriage, #muslim women, #african american, #age 15 to adult, #identity
“When are you going to tell her, Rashad?”
Jaime said on the phone later that evening. “I don’t know how much
longer I can avoid her. It’s killing me to keep this secret.”
“I can’t tell her. Can’t you just act like
it’s someone else’s?”
“No! I’ve told enough lies already. I’m not
about to lie about this baby’s father. This is just as tough for me
as it is for you. Do you know what it’s like to walk around knowing
your baby belongs to your best friend’s husband? I’m the one that
has to have this baby. I’m literally carrying this secret with me
every day. All you have to do is tell Mariam and you can’t even do
that?” Jaime was disgusted.
“But, Jaime, I can’t lose her,” he said
slowly. “I cannot lose her. I’ve tried to tell her, but…” Jaime
didn’t let him finish the sentence.
“Tell her,” she interrupted coldly. She hung
up before Rashad could respond.
The day of the wedding, Mariam was a nervous
wreck. “Where are my shoes?” she yelled.
“They’re right behind you,” Nadia said in an
annoyed voice. Mariam had been losing things all morning.
“Oh,” Mariam said. “But, where are my
earrings?” she complained. “I just had them a second ago!”
“They’re in your ears. I wish you would calm
down,” Nadia said.
“I’m just so nervous and excited. I’m about
to be a married woman!” she screamed. When Aliya, Malikah and her
mother walked into the dressing room, Nadia was relieved.
“You all deal with her,” she said as she got
up to leave. “I’m outta here. She’s about to drive me crazy.”
Aliya laughed. “Thanks for holding down the
fort, Nadia. We’ll take it from here.”
Nadia didn’t like Aliya, but she couldn’t
help but notice that she had been a lot nicer and didn’t seem as
whorish as she used to. Maybe she was growing out of her
man-stealing phase.
“Where is Jaime? Has anyone talked to her?”
Mariam asked.
“No, I think she’s still pretty sick,” Aliya
said. “I haven’t seen her since her party. It doesn’t look like
she’s going to make it.”
“Poor thing,” Mariam said. “I’ll be sure to
call and check on her after the ceremony, but who’s going to be the
fourth bridesmaid? Those dresses are paid for.”
“Kalimah can do it. She looks great in
dresses,” Malikah said. “I’ll go get her.” A few minutes later,
Malikah came back with Kalimah.
“I heard someone has a beautiful dress they
want me to wear,” Kalimah said as she walked through the door.
“Thank you so much, Kalimah. You’re a
lifesaver. The dress is on the table.” Mariam said, pointing her in
the right direction.
Kalimah walked out of the dressing room in
the long, light yellow dress. “It’s a little big,” she said,
holding her arms out in front of the mirror.
“You know Jaime’s been getting a little thick
lately,” Malikah said.
“But it doesn’t look bad on you,” Mariam
said. “It’s just very modest.”
“You all look beautiful,” said Mariam’s
mother.
“Ten minutes til we get this show on the
road, girls” Sister Rose yelled as she stuck her head in the room.
“The imam said he wants to start on time.”
“This is it,” Mariam said to all her friends
after she took a deep breath.
“I can’t believe this day is finally here!”
Aliya said as she took her place in line.
“I know. Me neither,” Malikah said
excitedly.
They heard the call and knew that was their
cue. Nadia was the first to walk out. Even though it was her
sister’s wedding, she felt like all eyes were on here. She loved
the attention. She felt like she was a model walking down a runway.
Malikah was next. She didn’t like it so much. At first she felt
like she was walking too fast, so she slowed down. Then she felt
like she was walking too slowly, so she sped back up. She saw
Isaiah in the crowd and it made her smile.
Kalimah came next. She walked slowly down the
aisle. The last time she was at that mosque, she was getting
married. Adam waved at his wife as she passed. She pretended not to
see him.
Aliya was last. Langston was the first person
she saw and it put her at ease. She couldn’t help but imagine that
she was the bride and he was the groom. She could tell Langston was
a little uncomfortable sitting on the floor instead of in a chair.
He had never been in a mosque before, but he was an open minded
person. He thought it was kind of cool.
Mariam looked gorgeous when she walked out.
The fitted bodice of her long off-white dress flowed out into a
loose, flowy skirt with a small train on the back. She couldn’t
believe the whole thing was actually happening. Her dreams were
finally coming true. She didn’t have well-off parents like her
friends. She had to work for everything she ever had. Now, all the
hard work she had done to get out of her neighborhood and find an
honorable man was paying off. She wasn’t going to spend her life
poor and struggling like her parents had. She was going to move to
Chicago with her incredible husband to work at an incredible job.
She was going to have a great life.
Mariam was happy to see all the friendly
faces in the audience. She saw family members she hadn’t seen in
months and old friends she hadn’t seen in years. Hamza was on the
side jumping up and down. Her father had to hold him to keep him
from running up to Mariam. She looked around. She didn’t see Jihad.
Why would he miss her wedding?
Before she could get angry about her brother
not being at the wedding, she looked up and saw Rashad. He looked
so handsome in his suit. As she got closer, she noticed that Rashad
had tears in his eyes. He was trying to hold it back, but it was
hard. Mariam thought it was so cute. She really loved him.
The Imam asked them if they accepted each
other as husband and wife. Mariam said yes. Rashad said yes,
too.
Ever since Mariam’s wedding, Aliya had
marriage on the brain. She had just turned 21 and she felt so much
more mature than she had a few months ago. She had quit Starr and
was working as a teacher’s assistant at an elementary school. She
liked it. It wasn’t nearly as exciting as bartending, and the money
wasn’t as good, but it was a lot more fitting for a young woman
looking to settle down with her dream man.
Gone were the miniskirts and low-cut shirts.
Her closet was filling up with cardigan sweater sets, button down
blouses and loose-fitting trousers. No matter how conservative her
clothes became, she refused to get rid of her shoe collection. She
had heels in every color, style and height, and she still wore them
all. The children she worked with always thought her shoes were so
pretty and loved the sound they made when she walked across the
tiled floors. Langston never said he wanted her to dress any
differently, but she knew he appreciated the new, toned-down
look.
“We have a little time before the movie,”
Langston said. “Do you mind if we make a little stop first?”
“No problem,” Aliya answered as she ran her
hand through his locs.” After ten minutes of driving, they pulled
up to a cemetery
“Honey, where are we going?” She was a little
scared.
Langston smiled warmly. She loved his
smile.
“Don’t worry. This looks a lot scarier than
it really is.” He took her hand and led her to a grave. The tomb
read: Andrea Washington, A beautiful wife and mother. Langston
knelt down to wipe some leaves from the headstone.
“Harlem and I come here a few times a month.
This is her mother,” he said peacefully. Aliya was shocked. She had
always wondered about Harlem’s mother, but he never gave any
details. He always seemed so uncomfortable when the topic came up
that she decided to let it go. She just assumed Harlem’s mother was
some woman that ran off with another man and broke his heart or
maybe a drug addict. She had no idea she was dead.
“She was diagnosed with cancer a few months
into the pregnancy and got really sick. We had a lot of
complications with Harlem, but Andrea was determined to see her to
term. Whatever she set her mind to, she did. She was just driven
like that. She promised me our baby would be okay. Labor took so
much out of her, but she delivered a perfectly healthy baby girl. A
few minutes after Harlem was born, she turned to me and said ‘See,
I told you I’d take care of our baby.’ She died the next day.”
“Oh my God,” Aliya said with tears in her
eyes. “I had no idea. I’m so sorry.” She looked up and saw he was
crying too. She gave Langston a long hug.
“After she died, I thought I’d never love
again. I thought I’d never meet anyone that makes me feel the way
you do. Aliya, you’ve been the world to me and Harlem. Honestly, I
don’t know which of us loves you more,” he said with a small
chuckle.
After the two of them walked back to the car,
Langston put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a small black
box. “I guess what I’m trying to say is…” he took a breath. “Harlem
and I would love for you to join our family. Will you marry me?” he
asked as he dropped down to one knee.
Aliya didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t
expected this at all. Thirty minutes ago, she thought she was just
going to the movies.
“Langston, I’m so…” She could barely talk. “I
don’t even…” She stopped again. She looked down at him. He was
holding a beautiful ring and was staring her right in the eyes.
“Yes!” she said.
Aliya wasn’t able to concentrate during the
movie. She couldn’t stop thinking about Andrea and Harlem, and what
it would be like to be the wife of a millionaire. The next morning,
she went to visit her father. As much as they argued, she couldn’t
bring herself to get married without talking to him first.
When Aliya’s mother died, her father became
really depressed. He stopped sleeping in their bedroom and wouldn’t
even use the green bathroom on the second floor. Her mother had
painted it a few weeks before she died. Every night for the next
two years, he made a pallet on the living room sofa and slept
there. Once Aliya moved out, he sold their spacious home and moved
into a small apartment.
It was actually a studio on the 4th floor of
an old brick building. Aliya hated her father’s apartment. She
begged him to move, but he wouldn’t hear of it. So, every time she
went to visit him, she had to walk up four flights of stairs in the
dark, musty stairwell. There was an elevator, but it was always
broken, and the so-called doorman was always sleeping with his legs
propped up on the desk and his hat over his face. Luckily, the lock
on the main door was broken as well, so she didn’t have to bother
waking him to get inside.
After stepping over a yellow mystery puddle
that she prayed wasn’t what it looked like, Aliya stood in front of
apartment 4C. She knocked on the door a few times. No answer. She
turned the knob and it popped open. Her father was praying in the
corner. She sat on the sofa and waited for him to finish. She hated
the bare walls and floor. She told him many times that a few
pictures and maybe a piece of carpet could really help, but every
time she came over, the place looked exactly the same.
“As salaam alaikum, Aliya,” her father said
in a gentle voice. He was a small man with long, wavy, salt and
pepper hair. If you didn’t know him, you might think he was Native
American or from somewhere in South America. He had smooth, tight
skin and didn’t look a day over 35. No one would have guessed he
was 50.
“Before you say anything, daddy, I just want
you to know that I didn’t come over to argue. I don’t want to argue
with you anymore. Life is too short and I don’t want to look back
on my time with you and only remember our arguments.”
Her father sat on the sofa beside her and
smiled. “So what brings you to this side of the tracks?” he
asked.
“I’m getting married,” she said with a shrug
of her shoulders.
“Married!” her father said. “Alhumdullilah. I
must meet him. Where is he?”
Aliya laughed. “I know it is killing you not
to ask, so I’ll just go ahead and answer: No, he’s not Muslim, but
he’s actually interested in Islam. He brought it up on his own.”
She braced herself for the argument she knew would ensue.
“I trust your judgment. When can I meet him?”
he asked.
Aliya thought for a second that maybe she was
dreaming. “You mean you’re not mad?”
“No, I’m not. I’m happy for you.” Of course
Aliya’s father wanted her to marry a Muslim, but he had to move one
step at a time. He was just happy she was settling down and
wouldn’t be out dating all those men anymore. Plus, she said he was
interested in the religion. That was a bonus.
“I didn’t expect that response,” she said. “I
guess I could bring him by tomorrow after work.”
“Okay, I’ll be here.” Aliya gave her father a
hug and then hurried to leave while things were good between them.
She didn’t know how much longer it would last.
When she told Langston about meeting her
father, he seemed excited. She was used to guys trembling in fear
when she mentioned her father. Everyone always assumed that Muslim
fathers were super-conservative drill sergeants that ate people
alive. Aliya knew a lot of Muslim parents just like that, but she
also knew parents that let their daughters wear bikinis and their
sons’ girlfriends sleep over. Hers were somewhere in the middle.
They weren’t exactly what you’d call strict, but they definitely
had rules she knew not to break.
“So, you’re not even the tiniest bit scared
of my big Muslim father?” she said, holding her arms up like a
monster and making her voice really deep.
“Not really. I’ve been reading this book I
bought. It’s really interesting.” He held up a book called The
Beginner’s Book of Islam. I was hoping your father could answer
some questions I have.”
“Questions like what?” Aliya asked. She sat
on the floor across from him and folded her legs beneath her.
“Maybe I can help.” Langston laughed and shook his head.