What Happens Tomorrow (12 page)

I nod in agreement as I gaze into his loving eyes.

I love him too.

“I wasn’t lying when I said I want to take things slowly with you, but I think you should know what my intentions are. I plan on marrying you one day, Brooke. And having babies with you. I only hope you feel the same way.” He lowers his head, waiting for my reaction.

I want a future with him, and maybe even another baby, but it terrifies me to death. “Being with you makes me feel alive. You don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve felt this way, but I’m still learning, taking it day by day.”

The solemn look on his face tells me that my answer isn’t exactly what he was expecting. But he needs to stop and hear me out. I reach up with my free hand and tenderly cup his cheek. “Now it’s your turn to look at me. I need to finish what I’m trying to tell you. I do see a future with you, and yes, it does scare me. You’re the only person in my life who really understands me. You know
this
me better than anyone else does. You’re the only one who makes me feel safe, and you’re the only one who’s been able to start my lifeless heart beating again. I don’t know what happens tomorrow, none of us do, but I do know that whatever happens, I want it to be with you.”

He quickly lets go of my hand and stands up, then reaches down to grab my hands and pull me up into his arms.

I feel safe.

I feel loved.

“My mom and dad are coming to visit next week and I really want you to meet them…as my boyfriend. Will you?” Pulling back, his beautiful eyes gleam with happiness. He leans down and kisses the top of my head.

“Baby, I’d love to meet your parents. Maybe I can swing a couple of days off work and we can take them around. Show them some sights.”

Just when I think my heart can’t love him more than it already does, he surprises me. “Come on, let’s head home.”

MY PARENTS ARRIVED from Seattle yesterday. This is their first trip to Southern California and they’re both pretty excited. I must admit, I didn’t realize how excited I would be to have then here until I saw them. I can’t put into words how much I’ve missed them both. I haven’t been home to Seattle once. If I went back it would destroy me to leave again.

I roll over and look at my alarm clock for what feels like the hundredth time since I went to bed. 2am.

“Great.” I sigh. I’m having a hard time sleeping tonight, and I’m pretty sure it has to do with Tyler not being next to me. We haven’t spent many nights apart since we started dating, but when we have, I haven’t slept at all.

Taking my cell phone from the nightstand, I type out a quick text. Not that he’ll read it because, unlike me, he’s probably sleeping.

B:
Miss you. Can’t sleep without your arms around me. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow. xx

I kiss his picture on my phone screen and place it back on the night stand. He’s coming over after work tomorrow and we’re taking my parents out for dinner and then a little sightseeing around town.

I can’t wait to see him.

I didn’t realize how hard being apart was going to be. My parents are here for a week and he refuses to stay over while they’re here. He doesn’t feel comfortable sleeping together with them in the same apartment.

Who knew he was old fashioned.

I mean, it’s not like we’re actually
sleeping
together. Lord knows that hasn’t happened yet. We would just be sleeping… though I’m starting to feel like I might be ready for more than just sleep.

I decide a warm glass of milk and the rockstar romance Jenna loaned me might help me settle back down enough to sleep. Quietly, I pad down the hallway towards the kitchen. As I get closer, I notice a light on in the living room and I see my mom sitting on the couch with a glass of milk on the table beside her.

We are so much alike.

“What are you doing up?” I quietly ask as I curl up beside her on the couch.

“I hope I didn’t wake you, sweetheart.” She pats my knee. “Dad was snoring, and I was having a hard time sleeping, so I thought I would get up. I hope you don’t mind. I noticed your books and thought maybe something to read would help me back to sleep.” Her evil grin and raised eyebrow confirm my stash of sexy books has been found. “Glad to see I taught you well, sweetheart.” I giggle as she gives me a wicked wink.

My mom’s always been my best friend.

“I missed you so much,” I confess as I wrap my arms tightly around her waist. “You do realize there’s a chance I might not let you go back home, right?”

She rubs my back and I feel her lean down and kiss the top of my head. “I really like your hair like this, Brooke. It suits you, sweetheart.”

I feel something wet and warm spill onto the back of my neck and it takes me a moment to realize that it’s a tear.

From my mom.

I immediately sit up and see my mom’s eyes bursting with unshed tears “Mom? Why are you crying?” I pull her into my arms and rest my head against her shoulder.

“Everything’s fine, sweetheart.” She lovingly strokes my cheek. “It’s just that…well, it’s good to finally see you happy. You were lost for such a long time, and honestly, I didn’t think you’d ever recover.”

Her words are heartfelt and feel like a knife is cutting into my heart.I gently pull myself away from the comfort of her arms, turning to face her as I sit cross-legged on the couch. I’ve avoided any talk about my past with my parents since I’ve moved here because I haven't wanted them to worry about me while I’m so far away. But now it’s time to reassure them that I’m okay…that I’m better than okay.

“I know you didn’t understand why I had to leave, but do you see it now?” Very slowly she nods, wiping the falling tears from her face. “I knew I wouldn’t be able to let go of them…and I knew I wouldn’t be able to heal if I stayed in Seattle. The constant reminders of our life were too painful to deal with.”

Something always triggered a memory. Like going for coffee to the shop Katelin and I used to frequent, or climbing into bed at night and staring at the side of the bed that use to be Matt’s.

“Everywhere I looked I saw them. I would see Matt sitting in his reclining chair watching Sunday night football with Katelin nestled in his arms. Do you remember how much she loved to watch football with him?” My mom smiles and nods at the memory. Matt was a diehard Seahawks fan. “I can still hear the sound of her angelic giggle every time Matt jumped up to shout and scream at the refs on the TV.” I smile, recalling the happy times in my life that are now distant memories.

“I can’t even put into words, how much I missed him after he died. So much that it would take my breath away.” I suck in a slow breath, whispering my confession. “Some days I secretly prayed it did, but I’m sure you knew that.”

I watch as my mom bows and nods her head, making my heart ache. I know it’s difficult for her to hear. Not only did she lose the precious grandbaby she worshiped, and the son-in-law she adored…

But she also lost me.

Like a lightbulb turning on it finally dawns on me.

She lost a child that day too.

“All the plans we made for our future, the brothers and sisters we hoped to give Katelin. It was all gone in the blink of an eye. I missed the sound of his voice when he came home at night. The way his pillow smelled of his scent. The way he made me feel safe when he held me in his arms. I missed watching him with Katelin. Really, I just missed him.” I didn’t realize how much I still missed him until this very moment.

My mom wraps me tightly in her arms. “I know, sweetheart. It killed Dad and I to watch you suffering, knowing there was absolutely nothing we could do to help take away your pain. You’re our baby Brooke. You always will be no matter how old you get.”

She’s right. It doesn’t matter how old I get, being in my mom’s arms is the safest, most loving place on earth. “It gets easier as the years go by. But losing Katelin…I barely had a chance to be her mom. She was so little when she was taken. It isn’t fair. She was barely walking and talking.” Katelin was a late bloomer, only starting to walk at sixteen month old.

Tears flow effortlessly down my face as I think back to the times she would run at me with a little grin spread across her tiny cherub face as her eyes danced in delight. She would launch herself at me with complete faith that I would catch her, then wrap her arms tightly around my neck and pull me close to leave a big sloppy kiss on my cheek.

I would give anything to feel that again.

I sigh deeply at the memory. “I was just getting to know the little person she was becoming and then poof, she was gone. It’s not fair that I have to spend the rest of my life mourning for the life she’ll never have.” I slowly shake my head from side to side, rolling my bottom lip in my teeth as I try to ward off the tears.

“I’ll never get to watch her grow up, Mom. Never get to talk to her about boys or help her through her first broken heart like you did for me. I’ll never get to watch my beautiful girl as she walks down the aisle on her wedding day, and I will never get the chance to watch her become a mother.”

She tightens her arms around me as we weep together for the little girl who was precious to both of us. I push back, breaking our embrace, and sit up to wipe the tears from my face with my hands. “I need you to know that as much as a part of me will always mourn for them, I’m okay. I’m trying to move on with my life. I’m trying to get past the constant feeling of guilt because I survived and they didn’t. They’re gone, but I’m still here and I owe it to myself to live. Maybe even…to love.”

Closing her eyes tight, her tense lips relax and she gently nods her head. “It’s Tyler isn’t it?” she quietly asks as a look of peace warms her face.

“Oh, Mom…it is.” I can’t help the smile that’s curved across my lips. “Never in a million years did I expect to fall in love, but I think have. I don’t know what I did to deserve a second chance. I mean, some people never even get to experience it once in their lifetime.”

Mom’s head tilts over to the side. “You don’t see it, do you, sweetheart? Some people will never experience a loss of such a magnitude as you have, let alone, live through it.” She draws in a ragged breath.“I would like to think that our two guardian angels up there are looking out for you. They want you to be as happy as Dad and I do. I know Matt would want to see you live your life, not living in constant mourning. Be happy, my darling girl. Live your life without guilt or regret. No one deserves to be happy more than you do.”

I hear the sound of feet padding down the hall as my dad walks toward us. “Don’t be mad at me for eavesdropping. It’s hard not to with as loud as you get,” he playfully teases. He sits down on the edge of the coffee table across from me, then reaches over, placing a strong hand on each of my shoulders. “Listen to Mom, Brooke. She’s right. All we want in life is your happiness.”

Lovingly, he looks to my mom. I find it so incredibly touching that my parents are in love with each other after all these years. I’ve seen families torn apart for a lot less than what happened to our family.

“Brooke, will you do me a favor?” he asks, looking away from my mom.

“Sure, Dad, of course. What do you need?”

“Can you remind me to thank Tyler tomorrow.”

“Why do you need to thank Tyler, Dad?”

My dad’s bottom lip quivers. “Because he helped bring our daughter back to us.”

I lunge forward into his arms.

Safe.

“I love you, Daddy,” I tell him, squeezing him as tight as I can. I feel his arms tighten around me as he strokes the back of my head.

“I love you too, Brooke, and I’m happy to have my beautiful daughter back in my arms. I’m so proud of you.”

Moments later I feel my mom’s arms around me too. I once felt completely alone in this world. But I was never alone.

I just couldn’t see it.