What Happens Tomorrow (11 page)

But there’s still one person I haven’t told.

Jenna.

Tyler keeps telling me I need to open up to her. To trust that, because she loves me, there won’t be any awkwardness in our friendship. I want to believe him. I know deep down that Jenna would be supportive. But there’s still that small part of me that worries our relationship will be changed forever.

It’s difficult to deal with the loss of those you love most in this world but when you lose your friends during a time of need, the people you thought you would always be able to count on .…

God, I miss Tanis.

I had a few friends who were around and very supportive in the early days, and Tanis was one of them. She was my best friend growing up. We’d met in the seventh grade and were inseparable. She hardly left my side when I was recovering in the hospital after the accident but after the funerals she disappeared. Like all the others.

No visits.

No phone calls.

She was just gone…as though she never existed in my life. And I was left heartbroken.

Many times I thought about calling her. But what would I say?
“Hey Tanis, you’re a shitty best friend because you abandoned me when I needed you the most and it still hurts me to this day.”
She was my best friend. But our friendship didn’t hold a candle to my bond with Jenna.

Before Tyler left for work this morning, I mentioned that I was going try to spend some girl time with Jenna today. I thought it was time I shared my past with her.

“Jenna knows who you are, sweetheart. Telling her about your past with Matt and Katelin doesn’t make you a different person. Trust in her, okay?” He placed a lingering kiss on my lips, then left for his apartment.

I decide to give Jenna a call and return one of the many early morning calls she’s made to me. I snort at the possibly of catching her still asleep. She’ll be pissed and it’ll totally be worth it.

“Who the hell is this? You’d better have a pretty fucking good reason for calling me this fucking early.” Her words are uttered in annoyance through her ragged voice.

“Ah ha! Finally, I caught
you
sleeping for once!” I laugh on the other end of the line. I feel like I should win a prize for finally catching her asleep.

“Seriously, Brookie! This had better be a big fucking emergency or I’m going to make you pay.” She yawns loudly into the receiver. “Jasper played until the wee hours of the morning. Then he came back here and played me. God, that man has magical fingers and crazy ass stamina. Mmmmm,” she groans in a sexy voice.

Ewwww!

“Oh my god, Jenna, seriously, too much information. That’s a visual I don’t need running through my mind today.”

I hear her snort loudly. Guess that means she’s finally awake. “Oh, come on. Maybe it will inspire you and lover boy to finally do the deed! What are you two waiting for anyway? If Tyler needs some pointers, I’m sure Jasper can hook him up. Jasper definitely knows how to please a woman. Holy shit, the oral skills the man has! I can’t even begin to describe the incredible shit he can do with his tongue. Last night he—”

“I am so
not
having this conversation! La La La!” I holler into the phone, trying to stifle a giggle. The worst mistake I made was telling Jenna that Tyler and I haven’t slept together yet. She immediately asked what
his
problem was. Of course, how would she know that I was the one with the problem. “I didn’t call to get a recap of your raunchy sexcapades. I called to see if you wanted to spend some bestie time together today, since it is your day off. But if you have plans with Jasper, we can totally do it some other time.” It didn’t dawn on me until this second that she might actually have plans for the day. Jenna and I used to hang out all the time, but lately we rarely talk. “I miss you, Jenn. I wanted you to know that.”

“I miss you too, Brooke. Some bestie time with you today sounds perfect. Jasper is out cold and I’m sure he’ll sleep most of the day away. God…after what I did to him last night. You totally need to try this out on Tyler. First you put your —”

I cut her off as I double over in a fit of laughter. “Ewwww! Would you please stop? What am I gonna to do with you.” I snort. “Now get your butt out of bed and let’s get some breakfast at Riptides,” I playfully command.

“Sound good. See you soon.”

An hour and a half later we’re seated in our usual booth, coffees in hand. “You look really happy Jenna. I think Jasper’s good for you.”

She smiles, picking up her mug before taking a long sip. “You know how you click with some people? Like it was meant to be? That’s how it is with Jasper. Yes, the sex is fucking incredible, oh my god, but it’s more than that. He’s just an all around good guy, you know?” I nod in agreement. I can relate. “And it doesn’t hurt that he’s a sexy guitar player in a band either. I’m telling you, Brooke, the man is the whole fucking package. And speaking of packages, holy shit, you should see his.” She grins like she’s just won the lottery. I guess, maybe she has. I shake my head and smile.

“I’d rather not, but thanks for the offer. Seriously, you do know you have zero filter, right?” Winking, she raises her coffee mug into the air as if to toast me. “And that, my friend, is precisely why you love me.” And she’s completely right. I love how Jenna takes life as it comes. “So how are things between you and lover boy? They must be good because I never see you anymore.”

Her comment makes me sad.

Guilty.

“Things are really good. Although, sometimes I feel like I should be waiting for the bubble to burst.”

She annoyingly rolls her eyes, throws her head back and sighs. “Why would you think that? You’re a total catch and so is Tyler. You two are great together. God, can you imagine how insanely gorgeous your babies will be?”

If only she knew.

I figure now is as good a time as any to bring up my past. It’s not fair to keep her in the dark. “There are some things about me…about my past, that I haven’t told you. Things I haven’t told anyone…well, until I told Tyler.”

She carefully places her mug down on the table and looks at me curiously. “You know you can always tell me anything, right?” she offers as she reassuringly reaches over to squeeze the hand I have wrapped around my coffee cup.

I nervously curl my lips into a smile. “I do, but I wasn’t in a place to tell anyone. You’ll understand why.” I suck in a breath. “Do you remember the night you found out about me and Tyler?” she nods, hanging on my every word. “That night…you found my photo album. I blew it off as nothing but family photos but I lied. Truthfully, I was terrified you were going to open it and find out my secret.”

I slowly exhale as I raise my mug to my lips, pausing a moment before taking a long sip of my now lukewarm coffee. “Jenna, I was married a long time ago.” A look of surprise spreads from her forehead to her lips.

“Okay,” she says, clearly not understanding my despair. “But I’m confused. Why is being married before is such a big deal, Brooke? I thought you were going to tell me you were a serial killer or something a little more fucked up.” Her body relaxes as she sits back in her seat. What happened? Did he beat you? Was he an asshole?” She pauses, cocking an eyebrow. “So did you end up divorcing him or are you still married?”

I shake my head, sucking my lips in before releasing them to speak. “Nothing like that. My husband Matt and our daughter Katelin were both killed in a car accident four years ago.”

I study Jenna, waiting for some kind of sign I can use to gauge her reaction, but she just sits there, so I continue my story before I lose my nerve. “Katelin was eighteen months old when they were killed. I couldn’t function for a long time after the accident. Physically, I wasn’t as hurt as…” I pause, shaking my head.

They weren’t hurt.

They were dead.

“I survived because I was sitting on the passenger side of the car. They weren’t. I gave up on life for a while. I didn’t know how to live without them. Many times I contemplated ending my life, but obviously, I didn’t. I had to make a decision either to end the pain or start fresh. I decided on the latter and moved here. I only recently told Tyler, and that was because he the unfortunate witness of one of my nightmares.”

Jenna shakes her head in disbelief as she chews on her bottom lip.

One breath.

Two breath.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” she quietly questions, the hurt evident in her tone.

“I wanted to tell you so many times. I swear I did, but I was terrified. Terrified that if you knew my story you would end up like everyone else in my life and I’d lose you. I’ve lost many friends because they felt uncomfortable around me. They all seemed to forget that I was still me, still Brooke, only sadder. I’ve never had a friend like you before, Jenna. You’re like the sister I never had. I was scared to death of losing you. I still am.”

Her head lowers as the words leave my lips, then she slowly raises her head to look at me. Her eyes are damp, her expression unreadable. I’ve never seen her look this serious before. “God Brooke, I had no idea…I don’t know what to say. Can you believe it? Me at a loss for words.” This is what I was afraid of. I don’t want anyone, especially Jenna, to feel uncomfortable around me.“I’m so sorry. It wasn’t my intention to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“Brooke, stop apologizing! You are an incredible woman who I’m proud to call my best friend. You’ve been through something so traumatic that I can’t even begin to imagine it, and yet, you’re sitting here worried about how I’m doing. Are you fucking kidding me?”

She closes her eyes tight. There’s no denying her pain.“I gotta say, I’m a little hurt that you’d think this would change our friendship. I am so sorry that you lost your family, but I’m even more sorry that you lost those you thought you could trust. I didn’t know your family Brooke, so I can’t mourn for them. That might sound cold, but the only person I'm concerned about is you.”

She reaches across the table and takes my hand “Like you said…sisters. You can talk to me about anything. I promise I’ll always love and support you.”

I try to control the loud sob threatening to have every eye in the restaurant on us. “I was worried you’d feel uncomfortable around me. I just want things to be the same between us. I can’t lose you.” She squeezes my hand tight.

“And you’re not going to.”

TYLER PLANS THE perfect picnic in the park, and we spend the afternoon feasting on the gourmet lunch he put together. I must admit, I was shocked. I had no idea he could cook.

Guess we really don’t know each other that well.

We cuddled up on the blanket as we talked about our week when a familiar sound caught my attention…a toddler’s giggle. The little girl couldn’t be more then three years old, and her short, stubby, blonde pigtails bounce from her head as she screeches and giggles, playfully running away from her mom.

Parents often hush their children for fear of people complaining. But it really is an amazing sound.

Deep in thought, I don’t notice Tyler grab my hand until he squeezes it tight. “You okay? You’re thinking about Katelin, aren’t you?”

I turn to him and nod.“I was,” I reply solemnly. “I wonder what she would have been like at this age?” I huff in a sigh. “Too bad I’ll never get to know.” I watch as he slides his thumb across the back of my hand. There’s something about his touch that’s calming. Like he has a magical effect on me.

“Do you ever think about what it would be like to have another baby?” he asks cautiously, waiting for my reaction to his question.

“Of course I do. I know I wasn’t a mom for very long, but you can’t imagine what it’s like to…to…”

He drops my hand and tilts my chin up. Forcing me to look at him. “Hey, I didn’t ask to upset you, okay? I’m only curious about how you see your future.” He pauses, looking deep in thought. “I know this is all new between us, but I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t looking at a future with you. It’s not like we just met. We’ve both become important to one another this last year and I’m not gonna lie. I think about marriage …”

He turns away from me, his lips set firm as he slowly releases a breath out through his nose. “I don’t want to scare you off, but I’m thirty-four years old. I’ve done the dating thing, more than done it, and I’m ready to settle down … with you.” He takes my hand in his, entwining our fingers. “Look at me, please. I love you.”