Valeria’s Cross (22 page)

When at last he pulled back, Valeria gasped for air as if she were drowning, and indeed she felt as if she were.
Do not stop
, she cried silently, and yet she clamped her lips shut so the words would not escape.
Oh, God, rescue me!
Hot tears
pricked the back of her eyelids as she wondered if she truly wanted to be rescued.

As he leaned in for another kiss, voices at the end of the hallway jerked him back. Like guilty children they stood, stiff and waiting as Prisca and one of the servants came into view. The look on the empress’s face changed from surprise to anger as she took in the scene before her.

“Valeria,” she said, walking straight to her daughter and taking her by the arm, “I was just looking for you. Come, I will escort you to your room so we can talk.”

Daring to sneak a glance at Daza, Valeria saw his disappointment. Though she knew she was in for a tongue-lashing, she would welcome it if it meant escaping the alluring clutches of the devious Daza.

Without another word, she turned from the man who only moments before had nearly consumed her with his kiss and hurried with her mother to the safety of her room.

P
risca remained with Valeria in her chambers, lecturing her about her behavior until Galerius appeared at last. When Valeria jumped to her feet to greet her husband, Prisca slipped out the side door.

“Come, sire, I have had a lovely lunch prepared for you on the terrace.” Valeria took her husband by the hand and invited Galerius outside, making every effort to be an attentive wife.

Galerius ordered the servants to leave and then turned to Valeria. “I am touched by your kindness. Thank you.”

Valeria nodded and clasped her hands before her, a contrite heart spurring her words. “Sire, I beg your forgiveness for my earlier behavior. I was shocked and deeply grieved over Octavius’ death. I do understand the great burdens you have upon your shoulders. Can you please find it in your heart to forgive me?”

Galerius eyed her suspiciously as she dared to reach up and touch his cheek, praying she had not permanently alienated him. “It was not my place to meddle in your affairs. It will never happen again.”

“Never?” He chuckled. “Now that would be a disappointment. I find it intriguing that my bride is filled with fire. An agreeable wife would surely bore me.” He smiled, pulling her close. “Come here, my naughty girl,” he whispered before kissing her.

“I was so looking forward to your return—counting the days—but I made a mess of things, and now you are leaving again.” Valeria swallowed. “I also want you to know that … I forgive you for killing Octavius.”

Anger flashed in Galerius’ eyes, and his smile faded. “Forgive me? I did not ask your forgiveness, for I did nothing wrong. I was only doing my duty.”

Valeria drew back, but he pulled her to him, his grip tightening and his eyes still fixed on her.

“Please do not be angry with me, sire,” she begged.

Galerius studied her for a moment, and Valeria was certain she caught a flicker of regret in his eyes.

“I am sorry about Octavius, but I have an army to rule. If I allow one of my charges to disrespect the rules or me, it could lead to an uprising.”

Forgetting her promise to stay out of his affairs, Valeria boldly asked, “But can you not leave the Christians alone? Let them worship their God, and you worship yours.”

Galerius’ smile was tight. “It is impossible for you to understand the complexities of war, my dear. But tell me, how is his widow?”

Valeria smiled as Galerius sat down on the divan beside the window. “Do I detect a genuine concern from my fierce warrior?” She poked her husband in the chest, and then plopped down on his lap and put her arms around his neck. “Do not tell me you have a soft heart hiding under that gruff exterior.”

Galerius put his finger to his lips. “It is our secret. You must tell no one.” When she nodded knowingly, he asked, “How did Eugenia take the news of her husband’s death?”

“She is heartbroken, of course.”

“Ah, but I am sure she knew all along that war is a widow- maker.” His eyes took on a faraway look. “Would you be heartbroken if I were the one who had died?”

Valeria blinked in surprise, hoping he had not sensed her thoughts of Mauritius. “Oh, yes,” she cried, immediately stretching to plant a kiss on his cheek. “I would be devastated if I lost you, Galerius. Please do not even speak about it.” She placed her hand over her heart. The sincerity of her words and the miracle God had performed amazed her. “After living with you as my husband, I am not sure I could live without you.” She nuzzled her head into his shoulder.

“I love you,” he whispered in her ear, tenderly stroking her hair.

“And I love you,” she answered, praying he did not recognize the limitations within her words.

“What are Eugenia’s plans?” Galerius asked then, pulling back to look down at her. “Will she remain with you?”

“Of course, particularly now that she is expecting a child. I am convinced that God has sent this baby to comfort her in her sorrow.”

A cloud swept over her husband’s face as he mumbled, “What a stupid fool.”

Valeria recoiled at the harshness of his response. “Whatever do you mean?”

The dark cloud disappeared as quickly as it had come. “I was not speaking of you or your friend, my dear. I was speaking of her dead husband. What sort of man willingly leaves his family behind by refusing to make a sacrifice to the Roman gods?”

“Octavius was unaware that he was about to become a father. Eugenia was waiting to surprise him with the joyous news upon his return.”

Galerius sighed. “Still, it is impossible for me to conceive how a man can refuse to make a simple sacrifice when he knows the consequences—not only upon him, but upon his family.”

Valeria swallowed her retort, wisely waiting for a moment before speaking. “Would you not die for your gods?”

“Why, of course. But my gods would never require martyrdom of me. Octavius served a selfish god.” Galerius shook his head. “I will never understand Christians.”

“But are they not your best soldiers?” Valeria knew she was walking dangerously close to the subject of Mauritius but she was determined to continue. “Father says their integrity is strong and their service impeccable.”

“But they are also obstinate and opinionated—and hurtful.”

Valeria raised her eyebrows. “This has not been my experience. Most of the Christians I have known are kind and loving. I have never known one to be purposely hurtful to anyone.”

Galerius’ eyes narrowed. “Unless you disagree with their beliefs.”

“What are you saying?”

“When I was a little boy, my father worked as a shepherd. Each day I went with him to tend the sheep.”

Valeria saw a hint of moisture in his eyes, and her heart softened, as she thought of the parable Jesus had told of the good shepherd and the lost sheep. It would be easy to tell Galerius of Christianity, for he would surely understand the concept of God’s love and care for His “sheep.” But she knew
this was not the time. The Theban monks had taught her that everything must happen in God’s time.

“We were a happy family,” Galerius continued. “Then my father died, torn apart by a bear, as he tried to protect his sheep.”

Valeria touched his face and kissed away the hint of tears at the corner of his eyes.

“Life became hard after he was gone, and we suffered greatly. There was little food or money, but my mother assured us things would soon change because a wealthy widower in our village had asked her to marry him.”

“And did they marry?”

Galerius shook his head, and his eyes misted over once again. “Our lives would have been far different if they had. Instead, life became even more difficult.”

“But the hardships you endured have obviously contributed to the great man you have become,” Valeria reminded him.

“Perhaps,” Galerius conceded. “Just the same, my mother, sister, and I never recovered from the shame and humiliation we endured at the hand of this man and his friends when he called off the wedding, and … married someone else.”

Valeria was stunned. “What caused his sudden change of heart?”

“The man became a Christian.”

Valeria raised her eyebrows, suddenly understanding her husband’s hatred toward the Christians. “Did he try to convert your mother?”

Galerius nodded, his jaws twitching with unspoken words. “Oh, yes, but she refused for fear of angering the gods—or worse, losing her position at the temple. But even she was shocked when he deserted her.”

“That is a very sad story,” she conceded. “But you must admit that it is difficult for a man and woman of different
faiths to be married,” Valeria ventured, choosing her words carefully.

“It has caused no problems in your parents’ marriage,” Galerius pointed out.

Valeria took a deep breath, ignoring her racing heart. “Or in ours. Please, continue your story.”

“My mother made a choice to remain faithful to her gods, and she could have lived with her decision. But then this man married one of the Christians, and she was insanely jealous of my mother and ridiculed her, making her life miserable.”

“I suspect this woman was not a Christian and likely made a false profession of faith in order to marry this wealthy man,” Valeria speculated.

Galerius shrugged. “Whether she was a false Christian or not, I cannot say. But one thing I know—she was an evil woman. Eventually she convinced her husband that my mother was a fanatical lunatic, and he mocked her, too, as did their Christian friends in the village.” Obviously agitated by the memories, Galerius stood to his feet and began to pace.

“Romula must have been devastated.”

“That is an understatement. Even though I was only a little boy, I remember how she cried, night after night. She was so deeply hurt, but it did not take long for her hurt to turn into anger, and then hate, and finally revenge. Eventually she devoted herself to her beliefs and worship of the gods, cursing all Christians. She vowed to do everything in her power to destroy them.”

“And she taught you to despise Christians too?”

He stopped and stared at Valeria. “Christians are not difficult to despise.”

Ignoring the retort that rose up inside her, she stepped to his side and took his hand. “Christians are not perfect.” She took a deep breath. “There was only one perfect man, and He
is Jesus.” Though she wanted to say more, she sensed the need for restraint. She smiled and changed the subject. “Have you had an opportunity to spend time with your delightful son yet?”

“Our son?” He smiled. “I went to the nursery just minutes ago. He was sleeping, but the nurse echoed what I have already heard from everyone else—that you are a wonderful mother.”

“I could not love that baby more if I had birthed him myself,” Valeria admitted, blocking out the thoughts of her husband’s first wife and the agony she no doubt still felt at being separated from her husband and children. “Candidianus is a joy to my heart. Thank you for giving me the privilege of raising him. And I …”

When her voice drifted off, Galerius frowned. “What are you thinking, my pretty one?”

She mustered her courage and, doing her best to keep her voice steady, said, “I hope you will consider my feelings before you murder another Christian or anyone else who is near and dear to me.”

The look of stunned surprise on Galerius’ face quickly faded, and he laughed aloud. When at last he regained his composure, he said, “You need not meddle in military affairs, my dear. That is best left to me; it is not your concern.”

Valeria took a deep breath. “I understand why you despise Christians, but please consider that not every one of them is as cruel as the man your mother loved … or his wife. It is obvious you have sought revenge, but not all Christians behave like this. It is time to let it go.”

His laugh faded from his eyes. “You are my wife, not my military advisor. Though I must admit, you amuse me.” He lifted her chin again and kissed the tip of her nose. “And how can I amuse you, my love?”

Valeria smiled, determined to push past her lingering feelings of anger and resentment. “Give me a child, one that will be a part of both of us.”

His face softened, even as his eyes sparkled. “Let us first enjoy the lunch your loving hands have prepared for me, and then I shall be delighted to accommodate your wishes.”

B
ack in Galerius’ palace and with the wedding behind them, Valeria and Prisca entertained themselves as best they could, overseeing the servants and the running of the large royal household, but also spending much time in prayer and study of the Scriptures. At last Valeria felt her spiritual strength returning, and though she often wished her husband and father would come home, she also enjoyed her ability to freely worship without concern about offending either of them.

Her greatest joy was watching little Candidianus seemingly grow right before her eyes. She also marveled at the miracle of life so obviously forming within Eugenia as her shape changed. Valeria missed her stepdaughter, but news from the girl was full of the joys of her newly married state, including an expected child.

Once again, Valeria’s heart constricted with the pain of a barren womb, but she quickly asked forgiveness of her heavenly Father for any feelings of jealousy or envy. She was grateful for Candidianus and the love he brought to her life. In addition, she harbored the hope that she had become pregnant while she and Galerius were together in Venice.

This morning, as Valeria worked in the garden, she was thankful that she no longer had to contend with Daza. Surely, by the time the men returned and her husband’s obnoxious stepson showed his face in her presence again, he would have recovered from his lust for her.

Even as she had. Yes, Valeria could now say that with calm assurance. No longing or desire remained in her heart for the handsome young man. God had used the physical distance between them, as well as her many hours in prayer, to deliver her from what would surely have been her destruction.

Hunger pains reminded Valeria it was lunchtime. She rose to her feet and brushed the dirt from her skirts and then her hands. Candidianus would be hungry. Though the nurse would see to the boy’s needs, Valeria preferred to do as much as possible for the young child herself. She still ached to cradle a babe of her own, and yet she wondered if her love for her own flesh-and-blood infant could be any deeper than it was for the little boy who held her heart in his chubby hands.

Smiling at the thought, she stepped from the garden into the coolness of the palace to retrieve her son from his room. On her way down the hall, Eugenia stopped her. “I was just coming to the garden to give you this letter from Galerius.”

Receiving the message from her friend’s hand, she hurried to her room to read it and to freshen up before feeding Candidianus.

Valeria was still in tears when Prisca came to her room later that afternoon. “What is wrong, my darling? Eugenia told me you received a letter from Galerius. Did it contain bad news?”

Valeria shook her head. “No, it was filled with declarations of his undying love for me.”

Prisca raised her eyebrows. “I never took Galerius for a writer.”

“I suspect Galerius’ secretary embellishes my husband’s words with his own flowery language. But I will admit the beautiful letter lifted my spirits.”

“Then why on earth are you sad?” Prisca sat down on the divan beside her daughter and stroked her hair.

Valeria choked up again before confessing, “I hoped I might be pregnant, but I … have just discovered this afternoon that … I am … not.”

Prisca took Valeria’s chin and lifted her face toward hers. “Darling, I know how disappointed you must feel, but please do not work yourself up into such a state. You are very young, and there is still plenty of time for you to have lots of babies.”

“But how can I get pregnant when my husband is thousands of miles away most of the time?”

“You just said Galerius wrote in his letter that the battle will be over soon. In the meantime, you have Candidianus—and what a joy that child is!” Prisca smiled and raised an eyebrow. “Perhaps God is delaying the desires of your heart. Consider that if Candidianus were older, a new baby would not have to compete with his charming older brother.”

Valeria smiled through a veil of tears. “You always seem to have an answer. Of course it would be impossible for any baby to be as good-natured as Candidianus, and certainly not as smart or beautiful.”

Prisca nodded. “Every child is special, but I agree that Candidianus is one of the most gifted and beautiful children I have ever known.” She chuckled. “Although I would suggest that we break our habit of referring to him as beautiful. The lad is growing up so quickly, he will soon despise the word!”

Valeria smiled. “I shall call him my handsome boy.” She paused as Prisca blotted her tears with a handkerchief. “I am sorry, Mother, but with the wedding behind me, the palace décor completed, Galerius away, and now no baby to prepare for, I am in the depths of despair.”

Prisca smiled. “I have the perfect solution for you. Last week I made contact with a wonderful Christian priest in Thessalonica, a Greek scholar named Bishop Marcus. He has agreed to come to the palace three days a week so we can continue our study of the Scriptures. Our first lesson is Monday.”

The news sent Valeria’s spirits soaring. Although her days were spent caring for Candidianus, she still had an abundance of time on her hands. There was no way she would rather spend it than studying the Scriptures.

For the next few months, Prisca and Valeria dedicated themselves to their studies of the Greek language and the Scriptures, in addition to caring for Candidianus. They also attended the nearby Greek church and began worshipping with the believers there.

A few months later, Valeria was sleeping soundly when urgent words penetrated the darkness and called her back to reality. She forced her eyes open and squinted at the outlined face behind the candlelight. Even as she recognized one of her servant girls, Valeria’s heart leapt at the implications. Had something happened to Candidianus? To her mother? Or maybe her father or husband had been wounded … or worse, killed on the battlefield.

She bolted upright in bed and tried to steady her voice. “What is it?”

“Forgive me, madame, but Lady Eugenia is asking for you,” the girl answered, her own voice quavering as she spoke. “The baby is coming!”

To witness the miracle of childbirth was a gift from God for Valeria. The squalling baby boy arrived in the wee hours of the morning, just as the first silver light of dawn began to peek over the horizon and invade the windows of the bedroom. By then Eugenia was too exhausted to do anything but sleep while Valeria held the tiny bundle in her arms and paced the floor beside his mother’s bed, crooning to him while he alternately flailed and sucked his fists, frantically searching for nourishment.

“Soon, little one,” Valeria whispered. “Let your poor mother rest a little, and then she will feed you as best she can.”

“You are a natural.”

Valeria started, turning toward the sound of her mother’s voice, surprised to see Prisca standing in the doorway.

“I am very proud of you,” Prisca said, approaching her. “The servants told me you were here for Eugenia throughout the night.” She kissed Valeria on the cheek and then peered at the tiny bundle in her daughter’s arms. “It is a boy, I hear.”

Valeria nodded. “Octavius, after his father.”

“Of course.” Prisca looked up, still smiling but with a hint of tears now misting her blue eyes. “May I hold him?”

Gently, Valeria transferred the squirming infant from her own arms to those of her mother, who received him with the expression of an experienced mother, immediately smiling and cooing at him.

“Little Octavius,” Prisca crooned. “So like your father already, with your dark hair and dimpled chin! What a joy you will be to your mother.”

Valeria smiled. She had noticed the same characteristics the minute she laid eyes on the new arrival. Even Eugenia
had commented on it before finally falling into an exhausted sleep.

“He looks healthy,” Prisca commented.

“I thought so too. I am so glad. Eugenia needs a healthy, strong baby. I prayed for one.”

Prisca nodded. “As did I. It appears our faithful Father has answered our prayers.”

Eugenia moaned in her sleep, and the two women turned their gaze to her bedside. Valeria knew her friend still had a long, hard road ahead of her, but she was grateful to know she would travel it with Octavius’ son at her side.

One morning, as Prisca and Valeria were on their way to a communion service, a messenger arrived with a letter from Galerius and another from Diocletian. Valeria tore into hers and began to comment as she read. “The Roman Army was victorious over the Egyptians.”

Frustrated, she turned to Prisca. “What does Father’s letter say?” Valeria stepped behind her mother and stood on her tiptoes to look over Prisca’s shoulder.

“Excuse me. This is personal.” Prisca slapped the letter to her chest, pretending to hide it.

“So Galerius is not the only soldier who has a secretary that writes poetic love letters,” Valeria teased.

“Your father pens his own letters,” Prisca retorted. “But before your curiosity kills you, Diocletian makes no mention of Syria.” She smiled. “He is returning from Egypt and wants us waiting for him upon his return to the palace in Nicomedia.”

“Perhaps Galerius will soon be victorious in Syria so he can join us in Nicomedia,” Valeria mused. “I shall simply die if he is delayed!”

Prisca nodded. “But just look at you. How you have blossomed in that time from a frightened and reluctant young girl to a self-assured wife and mother. Your once slender, girlish body has developed into the voluptuous figure of a grown woman. I fear Galerius’ eyes will pop out of his head when he sees you again.”

Valeria laughed. “Oh, I hope so! That should help me get pregnant right away.” Valeria patted her empty belly. “We must visit the dressmaker before the men return. I want an entire new wardrobe, one that will dazzle my husband when he returns from Syria.”

“First we must pack for our trip to Nicomedia. When we arrive, we shall order our gowns from my favorite dressmakers there.”

“Eugenia is asking for you to stop in at her room as soon as you can.”

The servant’s announcement shot panic through Valeria’s heart, as she and her mother rushed to Eugenia’s side.

“What is it?” Valeria cried as they burst into her friend’s room. “Is the baby all right?”