Unbearable (the TORQUED trilogy Book 2) (31 page)

Sophie blinks slowly, twisting on the stool to face him directly. She loves him, still, and probably always will.

It’s then, listening to my brother pour his heart out on stage, I look to Tyler, who’s intent on me, finding meaning in the song as well. My heart races, my skin prickling with the force of his stare. A jolt of nausea hits me and I swallow. Fire breaks out over my skin, spreading throughout, igniting the thunderous roar of my pounding heart. Placing my hand over my chest, it’s racing, wondering when we will finally get our shit together.

As crazy as it sounds, I’ll never be able to move on from him, if I keep seeing him. It’ll never happen; that’s how much power he has on me.

I stand abruptly and run for the door, needing fresh air. The winter air hits me as soon as the door opens but it offers no relief. None.

The parking lot’s crowded, people bringing in the New Year with their laughter while all I have inside me is hurt.

“Stop following me,” I tell him when he’s standing before me.

Tyler curves an eyebrow at me, waiting on my reaction, running the back of his hand over his jaw before burying his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “You knew when you walked outside a bar, alone, I’d follow.”
His eyes are cloudy, lost inside.

“No, I didn’t know that.”

LIAR!

I attempt to move, make it to my car, but he stops me. Moving quickly, he traps me against the side of the building. Every hard line of his body presses me into the side of Murphy’s bar and I’m reminded of the night everything began with Tyler Hemming.

He focuses on my lips, knowing what he is doing to me. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable by coming here. Red asked me to come out with them. He didn’t realize that we weren’t… on good terms.” His stare darts from my eyes to my lips and back again. He licks his lips and mine part in response. He always ignites a reaction from me even in anger.

“I can’t be around you, Tyler.” My breath catches in my throat, and I’m trying to remind myself to focus on breathing. It seems like the moment our eyes actually meet, we’re back to being miles away from each other, distanced by what neither of us can say.

“So you can’t even be in the same room with me now? Why? We used to be friends.” He glares, red-faced, eyes locked on mine, his chest rising and falling faster, clearly struggling to remain in control. Just like Christmas, he wants to say more to me, but there’s something stopping him. Pride maybe.

“Because it makes it worse for me. Just because I can’t be with you doesn’t mean it’s easy for me to walk away. You hurt me, Tyler. I feel used. I feel like I was just a toy for you to use when you felt it was convenient. And now I’m putting distance between us because I can’t resist you. You say you want to be together but how do I know that’s not to get in my pants again and then you’ll walk away when you want? You’re right, we used to be friends but that was before I fell in love and now I can’t go back. I can’t risk my heart.”

His brow pinches together with my words; his scowl set on mine. Cold blue eyes drop to the pavement as he lets go of my hand.
Leaning in slowly, he whispers. “Just remember, Raven, I never wanted us to end like this.”

Withdrawing, he turns and walks away, the cool night air shocking my face like he’s slapped me.

I know exactly how this looks. Here I was a month ago begging him to love me and now I’m pushing him away. I’m in a constant battle with my head and my heart. This girl, the one pushing him away, I’m doing it because I’m tired of compromising my own self-worth.

As you know, Valentine’s Day is the dumbest holiday ever.

Imagine my joy when the hall I live in is having their annual Valentine’s Day Kiss Me celebration as I’m trying to make my way back to my dorm room after class. I had seen the signs declaring the annual celebration but I hadn’t really put much thought into the fact that it’s today. So while I’m unpleasantly surprised to see the crowds gathered, what really shocks me is seeing Holden, drunk off his ass with two girls on either side of him and smiling like the fool I know him to be.

What truly pisses me off though is when he grabs my hand, letting the girls loose and yanks me to his chest, his dusty blond hair falling in his face. “This is the girl I want to kiss.”

And he kisses me. Not just any kiss either. He fucking sticks his tongue in my mouth and grabs my ass in the process.

Wide-eyed, the kiss-me twins next to him walk the other way about the time I shove Holden back against the wall he’s standing next to.

“You douche dick.” I wipe the back of my hand over my mouth. A lot of the times, when I’m super pissed, my cussing doesn’t make sense. Like now. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

It hits me suddenly. The anger and humiliation that he did this in front of twenty or so people and they’re all waiting for my reaction. Everyone in the room is staring at me and I’m so embarrassed.

My heart begins to beat rapidly, Holden staring stoically at me, waiting for my final reaction he knows is coming. He stands up straight and takes a step toward me. “Raven, just relax. It’s all in fun. You remember how to have fun, right?”

You remember how to have fun, right?
I repeat those words in my head several times.

The sting of his cheek and my throbbing hand is my answer to that question. “You have no right to kiss me, ever again.”

He humiliated me enough last year, what gives him the right to do it again? I want away from the crowd. Now.

It’s around midnight when I’m finally climbing the stairs to my third floor dorm room. After the bullshit with Holden, I may or may not have decided a keg was my date tonight and had a few beers with those kiss-me twins. Turns out they were pretty cool chicks and what really made my night was that we all agreed Holden was a horrible kisser.

STUMBLING DOWN THE hall, I look toward my room and see Tyler sitting in front of my door. Fucking Tyler. It’s like he knows when not to show up, and does.

He doesn’t move. He’s just sitting on the floor, propped up by the door with his head in his hands.

I walk slowly toward him. “What are you doing here?”

He stands immediately, grabbing onto the door frame to steady himself. He then begins to chew nervously on his bottom lip and shoves his hands into the pockets of his loose fitting jeans. He’s wearing a dark gray hoodie with the hood pulled up over his head shadowing his eyes. “You didn’t answer my texts and I wanted to talk to you.”

I want to laugh. But I don’t. “What do you want to talk about? I mean seriously, do you honestly believe we have anything more to say to each other?”

There’s debate in his eyes. I can tell he’s doubting whether he should say anything at all. He pulls the hood off so I can see him more clearly. He’s different. Something in his intimidating stare tells me so but I can’t place the difference. “After what I saw earlier, I kinda want to talk about you and Holden.”

A pain hits my chest. “What are you talking about?” I unlock my door, damn near tempted to slam it in his face, only he follows me inside, obviously wanting answers.

Once inside he tilts his head back and leans up against the wall, looking up at the ceiling. Whatever it is, it’s hard for him to say. “You kissed him. I fucking saw you.”

“I don’t know what you think you saw but that’s
not
what happened.”

“Don’t lie to me. I’m not fucking stupid. I know what I saw. Did you want him to kiss you?” Tyler’s body remains rigid and unfamiliar, his eyes on mine waiting for a lie he assumes is coming.

A mixture of shame and regret take over and my stomach dips. “No,” I eventually answer without meeting his eyes. How can he think I would want that after being with him?

The very thought of Tyler believing I would kiss Holden willingly hurts, makes my chest burn. I wonder if I would react the same way if I saw him kiss Berkley.

The answer is yes. I would. Hell, I did react that way based on a text message. And even after the last months and the way he’s treated me, I’d still have the same jealous reaction. I know I would.

I lick my lips and his gaze follows, his brow furrowing. His anger smolders with an intensity so bright I want to squint. “Bullshit,” he snaps, shaking his head.

He’s drunk. He has to be. What’s with the men in my life? Does Valentine’s Day to them just mean Be A Douche Day, treat women the absolute worst?

“What the hell is with guys today? Why is it that you all think Valentine’s Day gives you a license to treat women like shit?”

He stands there unsure how to answer my question.

When did Tyler turn into this guy? Something inside of us became clouded when jealousy got the better of us. Our friendship was nothing like it started out as. That closeness is gone and we’re left with this, whatever this is.

“
He
kissed
me
.” I try to keep my voice down. I didn’t want to draw attention to us in here, but I really wanted to scream this next part at him. “I didn’t ask for that, Tyler. I’m not, nor will I ever be with Holden again. If you haven’t noticed, I don’t take back assholes just because they decide they made a mistake.”

He seems to soak this in before responding. He nods, tight and tortured, but he doesn’t say anything. Lightheaded, I take a seat on the edge of my bed but Tyler doesn’t move.

Let me tell you something about Tyler. When pushed, he can and
will
respond like any man. Ask Rawley. I’ve seen it many times. I’ve just never been on the receiving end and I’m waiting for the explosion.

I intend to walk outside and get some air. So much had already been said and I’m afraid if he says anything more, I may hate him.

“You know, if you had stuck around for another thirty seconds instead of overreacting, you would have seen me deck him too.”

He still says nothing.

I face him, our bodies nearly touching now as we stand near the door. We’re so close his breath blows over my face and I know for sure he’s been drinking. “
You
don’t get to tell me who I can kiss.
You
can’t come in here and tell me who I can be with.”

He rolls his eyes like he’s frustrated that I’m not getting it. “I came because I want you to be with me and instead of talking to me, you’re ignoring me.”

With my arms crossed over my chest, my fingers are digging into the skin of my arms as I watch him. “Oh yeah? Well, how’s it feel?”

He frowns and after about five seconds of thought, he slowly shakes his head. “Is that what this is about? Getting even like I purposely hurt you? Is that what this is?”

I can’t believe we’re arguing about this. “Tyler, I don’t know what this is about. I don’t know why you’re even here.”

He raises his hand to touch my cheek, conflict raging in his eyes. “I’m here because I want to be with you. I miss you.”

“No, you’re here because you’re fucking drunk and lonely.”

He shakes his head adamantly. “No, that’s bullshit.” He tosses his hand lazily in the air and I take a step back against the wall behind my door, the one scattered with pictures of my family and him. He’s looking at me now, thick black brows slanting over his eyes in a deep scowl. “Six weeks, Raven.
Six fucking weeks
I’ve been trying to talk to you. Being drunk only gave me the courage to come here and put an end to it. I’m sure you can relate. You remember don’t you? That night in this very room when you were drunk and told me you loved me?”