Unbearable (the TORQUED trilogy Book 2) (29 page)

Is he fucking serious? Tyler Hemming wants me more than just friends who fuck?

Why would he want that? I mean, he told me in not so many words I wasn’t worth the drama. Okay, well, he didn’t say that but he sure as shit made me feel that way.

Tyler holds my gaze for another second then clears his throat. “Uh… you shouldn’t have to think about it this long.” And then he gives me a smile.

Returning his smile, I lean back in my seat. “I just don’t know how to answer that.” I’m thinking and it’s probably not what he was expecting me to say. I mean look at Tyler… most would probably drool over the chance to even have pizza with him, let alone be asked to consider more than pizza and being his fuck buddy. What gives? Why the change of heart?

Seeming annoyed with my lack of response, Tyler’s gaze slides away and he takes an extra-big bite of his pizza. “Never mind,” he mutters around a mouthful and rolls his eyes.

Okay, that pisses me off.

And I choke on my drink. “Don’t say that to me and then say never mind because I don’t jump at the chance,” I say when I can breathe again.

Tyler just shrugs. I’ve hurt his feelings but damn it, he’s fucking hurt mine too!

“How the hell did you expect me to answer?”

He slouches down further in his seat. “Maybe at least consider it.”

“Why?” I squeak. “Why now?”

And he fiddles with his napkin before reaching for his beer. “Why is it so hard for you to believe I want something more than sex?”

Is he for real?

“Uh, because you told me
numerous
times you couldn’t and wouldn’t fall in love with me. You said you weren’t in a place to fall in love and I believed you. For six months I begged you for more and you made it clear I wasn’t what you wanted. Excuse me if I’m a little confused here. The last time I looked, I’m still six years younger than you. I’m still your best friend’s little sister. I’m still in college with college drama. Still have all the same things in my life that you said you didn’t want. So I have to ask, what’s really changed? Does this have to do with your fight with Rawley?”

He scowls as if I slapped him with my words and says, “Berkley kissed me.”

What? It takes me a moment to process that one, mostly because I want to cunt punch Berkley for kissing him. And then why would he tell me? Is he trying to hurt me? Make me feel bad about myself?

“Good for you then….” It’s the only thing I can think to say.

Tyler nods, and I take a breath, my insides suddenly shaky and cold because his eyes have a coldness to them. “She wasn’t
you
,” he snaps, flopping his hand up and then smacking it against the table, his voice full of remorse.

Stumped by his sudden onset of anger, I stare, the air around me cooling. “Okay.”

He clearly thinks I’m judging him—he scowls, his hands curling into fists on the table. He stares stoically at me. “She fucking wasn’t you and it made me sick to my stomach that I was fighting my feelings so much. I want you and it’s
fucking misery
. I didn’t sleep with you because I thought you were
easy
or I wanted to fuck you for a summer. You’re better than that and it sucks that it took me so long to get here but you know what also sucks? That you’re letting your idea of what you deserve stop you from the reality of you actually having it.” He laughs, but it isn’t amused. No, not at all. His jaw tenses. “I mean, Jesus Christ, Raven, I’m a fucking man not some college frat boy and I’m asking you for more…
with m
e.”

I want to rip out his tongue. We’re back to my drama and exactly why I need to end this with him.

More? Of course, it’s no secret, I desperately want more but at what cost to my heart? I don’t miss that he brings up a college frat boy either. It’s a hit to my chest because it just proves my damn point that he doesn’t want what’s in my life.

Wiping my hands on a napkin, I wipe the condensation from the glass and then take a long drink of ice tea, half tempted to spit it in his face. “I don’t think we should see each other anymore. I’m only home for a few weeks and then I need to get back to my college drama.”

Absolute silence greets me. Tyler frowns as if he hasn’t heard me, but then his chest lifts on a breath and he clears his throat when I stand from the booth. “You’re leaving?”

“Yeah.”

The neon green light hits the side of his face, highlighting the strong lines of his nose and jaw as he turns to look out the window. The curve of his lower lip plumps before he presses his mouth into a line.

He regards me silently and then nods, not looking at me but at the empty beer in front of him. He gives himself a little shake, then lifts his head. And then he stands and brushes past me.

I’m somewhat stunned by everything that was said, and in a way, relieved. I think it’s obvious where we stand and while it hurts to know I caused Tyler pain, at least he knows I’m not going to be his toy any longer.

The cool crisp night takes my breath as I walk out of the restaurant. I can’t believe I just ended things with him for good.

If you ask me to name the one holiday I despise more than all the rest I wouldn’t hesitate when answering, Valentine’s Day. I fucking hate Valentine’s Day. This year though, I would have to say there’s one higher on that list, Christmas.

It’s not that Christmas holds any horrible experiences or memories. Just the opposite actually. This time of year was always a great time in my house. But with my dad being gone and Rawley being a royal fucking shit who refuses to celebrate, it makes it hard to enjoy. It seems this year Christmas serves only one purpose: to remind me my life is like a damn train wreck. I want to close my eyes and wake up after New Year’s.

Oh, and Tyler didn’t exactly make it any easier. Fucker sent me flowers. On Christmas. Nice gesture, huh? Well it was, but unfortunately, it only sent me into tears because damn it, my heart still wants him, still, despite what my head tells me.

After spending the morning with my mom visiting my dad’s grave, and then Nevaeh’s with Nova, Red and Lenny, needless to say I’m a bit emotional.

“Is this hard for you?” I ask Lenny when she steps back away from Nevaeh’s grave and gives Red and Nova a chance to talk to her alone. We’re both crying now.

She considers this for a moment and then shrugs. “No. I mean, she was his first love. And Nova’s mom. As much as I love them and want to be a part of their lives, I’d give anything for them to have never gone through losing her.”

I’m crying and wrap my arm around Lenny’s shoulder. “Jesus, you’re too good to be true.”

She laughs, kissing my cheek. “So, how’s Tyler?”

I side-eye her. “Not awesome. It’s complicated. Like
Da Vinci Code
complicated.”

Truth is, complicated isn’t even the right word. More like shitstorm.

Christmas dinner helps to take my mind off things, at least for a little while. My Uncle Hendrix and his family, along with my mom’s sisters, come over and for a few hours, we all try to enjoy the holiday and embrace what is our new norm. I’m thankful when I leave and head to Red’s with him, Lenny and Nova because my aunts are staying the week with my mom. I enjoy my aunts in very small doses.

So now here I am, sitting on my brother’s couch enjoying Christmas evening with a five-year-old beside me playing with her tooth because Red and Lenny are fucking in the bedroom. It’s gross. Not them fucking—there’s that too—but I can’t stand people touching their teeth. It’s repulsive.

“Stop playing with that thing. It’s making me sick to my stomach.”

Nova drops her hand from her mouth, letting go of her loose front tooth. “Do you think that if the tooth fairy farts, pixie dust comes out her butt?”

“Probably.” I’m trying to watch
Christmas Vacation
with Nova but she’s more interested in asking questions than actually watching it and to be honest, my minds on other things, or people.

I must have missed one of Nova’s million questions because for some reason, she jumps on my lap.

“What are you doing?” she asks, getting in my face and placing both her hands on my cheeks making me look at her.

“I’m thinking.”

“Well don’t.” She grins. “You’re not good at it.”

“I’m in college. I’m
good
at thinking.”

“Is Uncle Ty coming over soon?” Nova pops up off the couch and looks out the window. “I haven’t seen him yet today.”

God, I hope so. Is it wrong that I want him to?

No, what’s wrong is that you want his head between your legs for Christmas.

Groaning, I toss my head back against the couch. “I’m an idiot, aren’t I?”

“What’s an idiot?” Nova asks, staring at me curiously.

Craning my neck, I hear Red unlock the bedroom door and emerge from the bedroom. “Someone who doesn’t make good decisions.”

She thinks about that for a minute, her tiny forehead scrunched in confusion. “So like Uncle Rawley?”

“Exactly, kid.
Exactly
.”

Red ruffles my hair. “You staying the night?”

I nod. “Yes. I have no life. Might as well.”

He shrugs and nods to the kitchen. “Want some apple pie?”

I stand immediately. “Fuck yes, I want apple pie.”

Nova jumps down off the couch. “I want some too!”

We move into the kitchen, and Lenny eventually joins us, flushed cheeks and all. I smile, she glares, and Nova quirks an eyebrow at her. “Are you sick?”

Lenny’s a little flustered and shrugs, her anxious eyes darting to me, Nova, and then Red. “No, I’m okay. I was just making the spare bed for Auntie.”

What a liar. They don’t even have a spare bed but luckily for her, Nova is focused on the pie and not the made-up bed.

Nova shrugs and grabs a spoon. “I want a huge piece, Daddy.”

He does as she asks and then gets out three more plates.

Sitting next to me, Lenny looks relieved for the subject change.

“Where’s Rawley?” I ask after a mouthful of pie, curious if Red actually knows. I haven’t seen him since last night at Uncle Hendrix’s annual Christmas Eve party and thought for sure he’d show up for Christmas dinner. But he didn’t.

Red makes a face, then corrects it and hands Lenny pie as well. “Haven’t seen him since he destroyed a customer’s car.” Red didn’t go to the Christmas Eve party so it explains why Rawley showed up there, and not to Mom’s house today.

Lenny had told me about what happened in the shop that day with Tyler and then Rawley quitting, but every time I try to talk to Rawley about it, he tells me to ask Tyler. And the fact that he missed Christmas and Dad’s grave today is just a slap in the face. Stupid jerk.

“He better have a good fucking excuse for letting Ma down,” Red says, taking a seat next to Nova at the table.

“What did he say when he left that day at work?”

Red takes a slow bite of is pie and then shrugs. “He said some words, made some hands gestures and then quit.”

My eyes widen and I stop before taking a bite of my own pie. “Oh, wow.” I still can’t believe Rawley did that, but then again, I can. It’s just like him to throw tantrums. Once when we were kids, I think in the second grade, he was told he couldn’t go out for recess because he put gum in some girl’s hair. When we came back, the teacher had a surprise when he’d turned over every desk in the class room and ripped down all the posters on the wall.

He didn’t like to be told no, or singled out by anyone. Or be made aware of his issues.

It’s funny. For being twins, we’re complete opposites. One extreme to the other.

A knock at the door brings me out of my thoughts. Nova jumps up to look out the window to see who it is and starts to squeal and runs to the door. “It’s Uncle Ty!”

Shit. Tyler.
As much as I want to see him, there’s a part of me that isn’t ready to see him.

“Uncle Ty! Happy Christmas!” Nova yells as she jumps into Tyler’s arms.

He catches her and lifts her up to give her a kiss on the cheek, and then picks her up higher to blow a raspberry on her stomach. She giggles uncontrollably to the point he nearly drops her on the floor.