When the van’s on the ground, I kick the arms of the lift out of the way so I can back it up. I don’t say anything to her for five minutes and she’s handing me her keys. “Give me an hour and it’ll be done.”
Berkley’s eyes drop to our hands when she drops the key in my palm. “I don’t have anywhere to go. Can I just watch?”
She doesn’t want to watch. She wants to try to get me to reconsider.
“Whatever, but no talking.” My shoulder bumps hers as I walk by and open the door to her car. It smells like her, lilies and fruit. It’s some kind of body spray she wears and I remember loving it when we were together. Now I hate it. I even went to Bath and Body Works after we broke up and asked them to stop selling it.
Imagine their expression. It was one of shock that I would do such a thing but I was also fairly drunk. I proceeded to spend $300 and bought the entire stock they had and then dumped every bottle out.
It made me feel better for about an hour.
When I have the car inside on the lift, Berkley won’t stop talking and I’m regretting telling her she could stay. Another thing I hate, besides people touching my tools, is Berkley’s endless chatter about nothing. As shitty as it sounds, I get why Rawley jokes that he only gets blow jobs from her. She talks too fucking much. If your dick’s in her mouth, at least she can’t talk.
I used to think her talking was cute but then it just got on my nerves.
Like now.
Why couldn’t she just listen when I told her not to talk?
“Listen.” I take the used brake pad in my hand, warning her. “You
have
to stop talking or I’m going to throw this at you.”
I wouldn’t. I’m not that much of a dick, but she laughs it off as if it meant nothing and continues. For an entire hour. Couldn’t tell you anything she said either.
She did need rear brakes and luckily we had some in the back for her car. It takes me another thirty minutes to get both the rear brakes changed and I’m lowering the car down from the lift.
I hand her keys back to her. “You really do need to find someone else to work on your car. It’s for the best.” We’re standing close, about a foot apart and I can smell that body spray. Instantly I’m reminded of our breakup and why she left. I’m also reminded of the fact she cheated on me.
Berkley licks her lips and my gaze follows. I don’t know why, but it does. Sensing her opportunity, she places her hand on my chest. “How much do I owe you?”
It’s not that I want to do
anything
for free for her, mostly because I still owe so much on that fucking credit card and she should be paying that motherfucker off. But if I do this, maybe she’ll leave and stay out of my life. Maybe. So I try it out and tell her, “It’s on me.”
“I’ll pay you,” she breathes out, suggestively. I know exactly what kind of paying she has in mind. Before I can step back, she leans in and kisses me.
I react immediately.
“Leave,” I tell her, twisting my head away so she can’t do it again. My stomach lurches at the thought of her lips on mine. Mostly because I’m immediately reminded of the fact that she’s not Raven.
She doesn’t lower her hands so I take them from my chest, gathering them in one of mine and letting them fall at her side.
She smiles. She thinks that’ll work.
Raising my hand to her hair, I take a fistful of her hair.
“I like that,” she breaths, slouching toward me. “You know how rough I like it.”
I pull tighter to the point she winces. “I said leave. This isn’t happening between us.”
“Why?”
“You know why.”
Her brow knits as she searches my face for the answer. She’s playing dumb but deep down, she has to fucking know
where
she went wrong. She knows.
Swallowing hard, I step away, creating distance, my back hitting the edge of my toolbox. Maybe then she’ll see it as my shoulders sag on a sigh and I nod my chin in the direction of the door. “I don’t want you here.”
I don’t care that my words will hurt her. I want her to feel the pain I had when I realized I wasn’t the father of the baby we lost. I want that devastating reality crashing on her.
“It’s really over between us, isn’t it?”
Closing my eyes, I pinch the bridge of my nose as I talk. “It is.”
“Seriously?”
I don’t understand why she doesn’t get it. “Yes. Go home.”
She chews on her bottom lip, playing with her keys in her hand as she steps back. “If I leave, that’s it. I’m not coming back again.”
Our gaze meets. I’m hoping she finally sees it was over for me a long time ago. I made the mistake of sleeping with her a couple weeks after we broke up and I think she thought I’d always be there if she needed some. I’m not
that guy
, which is why it only happened once. Hypercritical of me considering my relationship with Raven? Yeah. Probably.
“That’s exactly what I want,” I tell her.
There’s hurt in her expression, a deep hurt because she knows it’s finally over. It’s been over for a while but she’s finally fucking getting it for once. “I can’t believe you’re ending us like this.”
“No.” I shake my head adamantly. “
You
ended us.
You
did that. I’m just sticking to the new plan.”
“With everything we’ve been through, I can’t believe you’re going to walk away from our history.”
I lose all dignity and control I have. “You fucking
cheated
on me, Berkley! You told me you were pregnant with my baby.”
That same shocked expression she wore in the bar that night I hinted at this marks her face. “It was your baby.”
“See, that’s how I know you’re lying.” I wait for her eyes to meet mine. When they do, I can’t help the sarcastic smile. “I
can’t
have kids.”
“What?”
Resentment punches my chest. “I. Can’t. Have. Kids. The medication I’m on made me sterile when I was a kid. Don’t blame me for ending us. You did that.”
For a moment, she’s speechless. It’s a goddamn miracle.
“Nothing to say now? I guess being called out on what a lying bitch you are is the only thing that can make you fucking speechless. I’ll have to remember that one.” Her breath hitches and for a moment, I think I might need to stop, but no, that’s not fair to me. Never once has she considered me in any of this. She’s always made the decision and I let her, not anymore. “Maybe I’ll pass it along to Rawley?”
I’ve never seen such agony on her face as I do right then. I hurt her bad with that one. She blinks three times, my words hitting her heart. “Fuck you, Tyler.”
She walks away from me, leaving me standing alone in the shop like I wanted.
“Fuck,” I curse, wiping blood off the repair order on my toolbox.
It’s Tuesday afternoon and we’re swamped, my hands bleeding from the cuts on my knuckles and fingers. You’d be amazed how many sharp parts are under the dashboards of cars and seats. I just fixed a seat where the wiring control went out so it was stuck in the recline position. I had to laugh when I was fixing it because there’s only one reason why cars come in with the passenger seat reclined all the way and it’s a teenage boy who’s brought it in hoping his dad doesn’t find out he took his Mustang for a ride with his girlfriend.
Cars are lined up down the street and we’re running our asses off trying to catch up. Being the second week in December, it snowed last night leaving the town in about two inches of fresh white powder, which means everyone wants studded tires and their brakes checked.
This morning would have gone easier if Rawley was actually here like he’s supposed to be but no, like usual, he shows up at noon. After Red was shot, he improved for a while but something happened lately and he’s fallen off the moral wagon again.
“So man, think Lyric would be proud of the way you’re acting these days?” I ask after Rawley throws up in a garbage can next to my toolbox. It fucking stinks and I’m pissed he used
my
garbage can.
Rawley glares, his eyes on the car in front of us and I step away from my garbage can. “Don’t fucking act like you’re better than me and don’t talk about my dad like you’d know if he was proud or not.”
We’re about ten feet away from one another, a car separating us when I ask, “Why? Does it bother you to know you’re a fuckin’ disappointment?”
“You know, I’ve been meaning to ask you, how’s my sister?” He looks up at me, smiling. “Break her heart again yet?” Rawley asks. There’s laughter behind Rawley’s words and it makes me see red. I’m not in the mood for this shit.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” I drop the impact gun in my hand on my tool cart, the thud echoing through the shop causing both Red and Lenny to turn toward us.
“Yeah, sure.” Rawley laughs; it’s condescending.
“You sure you want to do this right now, Rawley?” I ask, stepping around the car and toward him. “You sure you want to have this conversation, here, right now in front of your brother?”
There’s certainly no hesitation in his stare but his words are so far wrong he has no idea anymore. “He doesn’t give a shit about me so what does it matter?”
Red does care about him and it pisses me off that he can’t see it. I shove him roughly against the wall. “Stop blaming him for your problems.”
“Why don’t we talk about your problems,
Tyler
.” His arms catch him against the toolbox, metal rattling as he eyes me carefully. The smile’s finally gone. “You used my sister. Admit it.”
I admire his bluntness and fight off a smile. There’s nothing funny about it but I smile. Maybe that’s why he smiled. I’m shaking my head as he watches me—testing and provoking—because he knows I’m going to defend myself. It’s only natural. “I love your sister.”
Forget the fact that I said I love Raven to him, or everyone else standing around, what I’m focused on is his reaction,
why
he really hates me so much.
“Sure you do. You love her sucking your dick and spreading her legs for you,” he taunts.
“That’s enough!” Red shouts, his hands on both of our chests. Sure, Red’s bigger than I am but I don’t even acknowledge him then and lean into his hold, unwilling to let this go.
Rawley’s eyes scan my face as if he’s studying me. I don’t like where this is going and he doesn’t either. “I see you’ve moved back onto Berkley now too. I can’t say I blame you, she’s a pretty good piece of ass.”
“Listen to me, you stupid little shit!” I reach around Red and grab him by his shirt, slamming him up against my toolbox, tools and parts rattling with the motion. “You know
nothing
about what happened between Raven and me.
Nothing
. Or with Berkley. Just because she’s sucking your dick behind the stage after your concerts in a fuckin’ bar doesn’t meant shit. I
guarantee
you she doesn’t remember your dick from any other guy and she’ll move on like she did with me, so keep your fucking mouth shut!”
“Her mouth is all I need. It’s all she’s good for.” And he’s laughing.
The motherfucker is laughing.
I shouldn’t care because Berkley doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. It’s done between us but the fact that he’s standing here provoking me, making me think he’s a piece of shit using women, yeah, that bothers me because he seems to have the same mentality as Holden. It’s pussy and nothing else matters. Immediately I think of Raven and the fucking shit she’s around in college and I see nothing but the anger and resentment for my situation.
Shoving Red aside, I slam my shoulder into Rawley, connecting with his stomach. Our bodies slam against the ground, his head knocking back against the lift when I do so.
Both Lenny and Red are yelling at us to stop but I’m so pissed I can’t even think straight. I want to kill him for the things he’s saying. He’s been like my little brother for years but I want to teach him a goddamn lesson.
Rawley throws his body weight into his punches, a few landing on my jaw, a couple on my cheek with such force blood pools in my mouth. Pain erupts on impact, my own hits landing when I get him off me. There’s a blunt crack when I break his nose, crimson leaking from both his nostrils and his nose twisted to the right. He draws his fist back again and nails me in the stomach. It takes my breath for a moment only to have Red yanking at my shoulders.