This Love of Mine (Raine Series #1) (18 page)

Kayla

I was
counting down the minutes until my phone read midnight. The night seemed to
just drag on and on, since the guys dropped us off. Of course, now that we were
no longer around my grandparents, Cami wanted to talk about nothing but Glenn.
So here we sat, on my bed, me waiting for midnight, and her yammering on about
Glenn.

"Why
didn't you tell me how hot he was? You're such a bitch! You know I'm joking,
but oh my god, seriously. He is hotter than any other guy I have ever met.
What's he like? I mean, I only got to talk to him alone for about five minutes,
so..."

"Oh
my god, Cami. You are too funny. You could have your pick of any number of guys
back home. I guess I never noticed how good-looking Glenn is. I'm sorry, I have
been a bit preoccupied with someone else." We both broke out in a fit of
laughter and for the first time in awhile, I felt happy. It felt so good to sit
with my best friend and talk about boys. Boys that
weren't
complete assholes. "So do you actually like this guy,
or are you just fixated on him for the moment?"

She
blatantly rolled her eyes before answering me. "Honestly, I don't know.
But, I do know that he gives me butterflies, and I haven't felt that with
anyone. Enough about me though, what's
really
going on with you and Madison? And don't you dare try and lie to me; I can tell
there is something more than just an infatuation. Spill!"

I
thought about lying to her, for all of about two seconds, but she was right, I
couldn't hide this from her. "Well, first off, I have to tell you
something." I jumped off the bed and quietly closed my door, making sure
that my grandparents had no chance of hearing me. "We had sex the other
night." I waited for her reaction, but she just sat there, cross-legged on
my bed, with the most stoic look I have ever seen on someone's face.
"Okay, not really the reaction I was looking for, but sure."

"I
knew it. You dirty little whore, I knew it." Cami rolled onto her side,
practically busting at the seams. Since she wouldn't stop laughing, I decided
to start kicking her in the side with my foot playfully.

"Shut
up, I am not a whore, you slut. Now stop laughing at me and let me tell you the
rest."

"Okay,
okay, I'll stop."

After
about five more minutes of on and off giggling, Cami finally started to slow
her breathing, so I took my opportunity to finish telling her the rest of it.
"I like him, Cami."

"Well
duh, of course you do. I knew that much."

"No
I mean, I
really
like him, like A
LOT. I don't know what it is, but I find myself being drawn to him. This
feeling I get when I'm around him, is something I have never felt before. Not
only is he drop-dead gorgeous, he has a heart of gold. That boy would
literally, do anything for me. He even asked me to go with him to Arizona.
But..."

"But,
you said no. I know you, Kay. You're never going to let another guy in, not
after what Wren put you through. Honestly, I don't blame you. But, I think that
you should let Madison in. He seems to genuinely care about you. If I didn't
know any better, I would say that boy loves you. I can see it in the way he
looks at you. He doesn't just want you for the summer, he wants you
forever
."

I sat
back against my headboard, contemplating everything she had just said to me.
Could he really love me, already? There was no way he could already feel that
strongly about me. Although, I have to admit the feelings I had for him were
definitely much more than like. I ran my fingers through my hair and down over
my face. "I don't know what to do, Cami. You know I can't go with him. I
can't go back there. Ugh, why couldn't I have just met him later?"

"Oh
honey, no one says you guys have to be together now. Did you ask him if he was
willing to do the long distance thing? You know, come visit you and all that
fun stuff?"

I nodded
my head as the first tear started rolling down my face. The reality of the
situation finally setting in. Cami was at my side instantly, with her arms
around me, rubbing my back. She had been around for all of it. My father
leaving, my momma's drinking and drug habit, and every single bump in the road
with Wren. Cami had always been my rock and the one person I could tell
anything to, without fear of being judged or anyone finding out. She was my one
constant in a small world of inconsistent people.

"He
didn't seem open to the idea." I barely managed to get the words out
through my sobbing.

"Kay,
let's just not talk about this right now. You need to pull yourself together.
You're going to see your beautiful man in a little over an hour and you don't
want to be crying. My suggestion, just be with him while you can. Your only
seventeen hun, you have plenty of time to figure this whole thing out. For once
in your life, just live in the moment. You got it?"

I
happily agreed and leaned down into her shoulder as I let the last few waves of
tears find their way out of me. I must've dozed off because I woke to someone
shaking my shoulder. Before I could find out who it was, I was sitting up and
practically swinging. When Cami's face came into focus, I practically choked on
my own breath.

"Cami,
I'm so sorry. I swear I didn't know it was you. Oh my god."

"Kay,
it's okay. Calm down, it's okay. I'm not mad, I just wanted to make sure you
didn't sleep through your date."

I shook
my head, reminding myself that I was in a safe place now. "Thanks. I'm
going to get ready real quick. Are you sure you're okay with me going?"

"Of
course. I'm tired anyway; so I'm just gonna crash. You two have fun."

I shot
her an appreciative smile, as I closed the door behind me. I had set out my
outfit for tonight when we got home earlier. It wasn't anything fancy, but it
was cute enough that he would want to rip it off the minute he saw me. I
changed quickly, and then pulled my boots back on. When I opened the door, Cami
had already passed out on her side of the bed. I smiled at the picture of my
best friend at
my
house, and for once
I realized that my life here held more promise than anywhere else, and I wasn't
willing to risk that for anything.

I walked
to the field with my head down. My heart was already hurting with my new
realization. It took me twice as long to get to the field than usual, and I
knew it was because I turned around at least five times. Maybe if I didn't show
up at all, then he would get the hint. Damn it, why did this have to be so
difficult? When the top of the hill came into view, so did Madison. He was
standing against the tree we always sat under, smoking a cigarette. He looked
absolutely amazing in the moonlight, and I wished I didn't have to do what I
was about to do. A wide smile spread across his face as he saw me come into
view. A small smile touched my lips, but never reached my eyes, and by the look
on his face, he had noticed it too.

"Well
hey there, pretty girl. I was beginning to think you weren't gonna show up.
What took you so long?" His hands gripped mine, as if they were a lifeline.
I tightly squeezed them back and placed a kiss to his cheek.

"Sorry
to keep you waiting, cowboy." He smiled down at me and brought his lips
down on mine.

I wanted
to pull away, I really did, but once his hands slid around my waist and pulled
me into his chest, I didn't have the strength to say no. He pushed his hands
into the back of my hair as his tongue explored my mouth, giving it a small
tug. I moaned into him, urging him to take things further, and he didn't
hesitate.

My tight
white shirt was instantly over my head on the ground, and Madison's shirt was
quick to follow. This time it felt a bit rushed, but after the decision I had
made before coming to meet him, I was more than okay with it. His hands were
soft and gentle, caressing me in a way that could only be portrayed as loving.

Within
minutes, he was gently laying me down on a large blanket that I hadn't even noticed
on the ground before now. His lips left hot scorching trails on every inch of
my exposed skin as he made his way up and down my body. When his lips found
their way back to mine, I fell back in awe. The things he could do to me with
just one kiss were overwhelming.

I felt
Madison hesitate once he was positioned at my entrance. I could see it in his
face that he was treating this as though it was our last time, and I couldn't
help but feel the same. I urged him to continue by wrapping my legs around his
waist and pulling him into me. He resisted for only a moment and then pushed
himself deep inside of me.

A loud
moan escaped my lips and I watched as a sly smile touched his. I pulled, pushed
and gripped him against my quivering body. With every movement, my mind drifted
off to a peaceful place and I gave myself over to the plethora of emotions
invading my mind, without regret.

We found
our release together and I felt as though I was floating on a cloud above my
body. It was overwhelmingly amazing. Madison rolled onto his back, pulling me
with him and clutching me to his chest. I nestled my head into the nook of his
strong, muscular arm and wished for this to be an everyday occurrence. When I
was about to tell him exactly how I was feeling, he ended up beating me to the
punch.

After
what had just happened, I came to the conclusion that I was more than willing
to try and make this thing work, despite my reservations. Apparently, what we
had just shared had done the opposite to him. I was in utter disbelief as the
next few sentences came pouring out of his mouth. For the first time, in a long
time, I wanted to beat the ever-living shit out of a man, other than Wren.

Madison

"I'm
letting you go, Kayla. As much as I want you and want this to work, I just
can't. I feel deeper for you than anyone I have ever been with, but I can't
deal with you pushing me away at every turn. I'm leaving in two days, well
technically the end of today, and I think it would be best if we didn't see
each other until then. I need you to know that no matter what happens, I will
always be there for you. You can always call me, anytime and I'll come
runnin'."

I knew
she was gonna be pissed, hell I half expected her to smack the shit out of me,
but I have to admit I was shocked by her reaction.

"You're
absolutely right Madison, I do push you away. And right here, this, you and me,
this is why I pushed you away. I knew confiding in you was a mistake. I don't
know how I could've been so stupid. Do me a favor, and forget you ever met me.
Actually, you know what, I'll make it easy on you and just keep out of your
way. Have a nice life, cowboy."

Before
she was even fully clothed, she was runnin' back towards her house. I sat up as
I pulled my shirt over my head. I knew it was going to hurt to do that to her,
but what I hadn't anticipated was just how bad it was going to break my heart.

I could
feel the tears welling up behind my eyelids as I gathered the blanket from the
ground. I didn't even bother to pull my boots back on or my hat. I watched as
the last light left on in her house went out, and I stopped under our tree one
last time. After tonight, this tree would lose all of its meaning to her, but
it would forever represent the life I so longed to have, with the only girl I
had ever loved. Kayla James did something to my heart and mind that could never
be replaced. No other woman would ever measure up to her and the feelings that
came along with loving that girl.

I pulled
my smokes from my pocket and lit up one last time in this vast empty field. I
took in the feel of the humid air wrapping itself around my sweat glistened
body. The way the moonlight danced through every branch of the tree, and I
pictured Kayla's face the last time we made love. I took a drag and slowly blew
out the cloud of smoke between my dry lips. I knew she was going to hate me,
just like she did her momma and that sorry excuse for an ex-boyfriend. Knowing
what I said to her was a lie, didn't make it hurt any less. If I could take it
all back and know she would come running into my arms, I would. But the reality
of it was that she didn't want me as much as I wanted her, and that was
something I was going to have to come to terms with on my own. The lines of a
Gary Allen song sat on repeat in my brain. "Life ain't always beautiful."

Well,
that's for damn sure!

Those
words, never rang more true than in this moment. Lord knows I believe that she
was meant for me. There was a reason that girl was brought into my life, but in
some twist of fate, that meaning didn't want to come out right now. I was okay
with that.

I was
off to Arizona the end of today, and I was hoping that something positive would
come out of all of this. As I finished my smoke and put it out on the patch of
grass below me, I remembered what my grandfather always told me. "There is
one person for everybody. You may meet her now or you may meet her later, but
she will always stay with you, whether in body or spirit." Man if that
ain't the truth.

I made
my way back to the house, stopping to say good-bye to Rocket and the other
horses before I headed off to bed. I knew I wasn't going to be gettin' much
sleep tonight, but lord knows I would try. I thought about taking a shower when
I got back to my room, but I just couldn't bring myself to wash off her sweet
strawberry scent. That and the memory of the time we got to spend together, was
something I wanted to hold onto for as long as possible. I stripped down to my
boxer briefs and fell onto my bed, without pulling back the comforter or
sheets. I tucked my hand behind my head and closed my eyes to visions of Kayla
staring back at me. I fell asleep to her smile and her smooth gentle laugh.
Dreaming of nothing but that gorgeous brown haired beauty standing by my side.