The Tenant (23 page)

“The florist may have been told to change the bridal bouquet to a wreath.” He trained his gaze to the floor.

“I messed with the cold water,” she said.

“You did? I burned my”—dick—“self.”

“Yeah. Sorry about that.” She didn’t exactly seem remorseful, with her arched eyebrow and half-smirk. “How many sizes smaller?”

He gave her a blank look.

“The dress,” she said.

“Ah. An inch?”

“Well, it fit me on Tuesday, so I guess I can have extra pepperoni on mine.”

His jaw went slack.

“My pizza?” Amanda said. “I want it with extra pepperoni? And mushrooms. And I want at least four slices, so don’t be stingy.”

She was planning to murder him; there was no other explanation. She would wait until he was asleep and press a pillow against his face or stab him and try to make it look like an accident. He’d just admitted to having tampered with everything that had to do with her wedding, and she was talking about cold cuts?

“And a diet cola, please.”

And that.

He shrugged. If he was going, he was going well fed. He called the one place where the pizza almost rivaled what he could make and ordered the family size, with everything. And diet cola. Because he was obviously dealing with a mad woman, and it was better for him to go along with everything she asked.

So he ended up watching
The Notebook
after lunch, his thigh touching hers.

Maybe this was the
Twilight Zone
?

Amanda dozed off, leaning on his shoulder, before the movie ended. They’d both acquired weird sleeping habits lately. He watched to the very end—glad he managed not to shed a tear despite the heartbreaking ending—turned off the TV, and then laid her down gently so he could get up.

He needed to pack and leave before he changed his mind and stayed with her forever.

Saturday, June 14
th
2014

Derek was gone.

Really, truly gone.

And so was his stinky fridge.

Amanda was on her own, with her new bedroom and her awesome new kitchen, and couldn’t figure out why she hated her new, comfy couch. It was deeper, softer, and definitely less worn out than Derek’s—hello,
brand new
—but she never lay on it. She didn’t even much sit on it. Or on the kitchen chairs.

And she rarely slept in her bed.

In the month since Derek had moved out, Amanda had been a fugitive from her own home. She’d returned to work and spent long hours teaching her students how to defend themselves against all types of would-be assailants. She used her breaks as an excuse to beat up the defenseless Kung Fu Dummy and took all the extra shifts she could without upsetting anyone’s schedule.

The nights were worse.

What had she done with her nights before she and Derek first had sex? It wasn’t like she’d been a party animal, and she definitely hadn’t been spending them getting laid. Derek’s brief passage through her life should have been a ripple in her otherwise smooth sail. Instead, it had been a tidal wave that swept away all that had been there and left her needing to rebuild if she were to survive.

There was that stupid suffocating feeling again, the one that grew inside her chest and up her throat, driving the air out of her and keeping her from drawing a breath.

She closed her eyes and tried to empty her mind of all things negative. She was well. She was complete. She was in balance with the universe.

She was useless at meditation.

She hadn’t been, before…

Gah!
No more thinking of Derek!

She put on her jacket. She’d go pick up Chinese, get a fresh set of pajamas from her place, and go to Alice’s. Her sister now had a brand new couch too, as payment for taking on the hard task of letting guests know Amanda’s wedding was off. That couch was easier to sleep on. And she’d basically slept there most nights, since it had been delivered.

She’d just locked up the dojo when her cell phone rang. She grimaced. Odds were it was one of three people: her dad, her mom, or Becca, and it was an hour or so too early for Becca to be doing her evening check-in thingy.

“Mom” flashed on the screen. “Awesome,” Amanda mumbled before picking up. “Hi, Mom.” Holding her phone between her ear and shoulder, she pocketed her keys and began walking toward the nearest Chinese place.

“Hi, honey. Your father and I were talking and—”

“And you thought you’d see how I was doing.”

“Well, we haven’t heard from you since—”

“Since you called me this morning because you found that recipe I never asked for, for that sauce I don’t remember ever tasting.”

Variations of this conversation were the norm since she’d informed her parents she wasn’t going to marry Mason. She didn’t know why they felt the constant need to make sure she was okay; she’d been the one to end the relationship.

Then again, she wasn’t okay, but they had no way of knowing the reason for that.

“There’s no need for getting snide, Amanda.” Her mother sounded hurt, and Amanda would feel bad about it if “hurt” wasn’t on her mom’s well-constructed guilt-inducing repertoire. “You can’t blame us for caring.”

“Mom, you know I love you, but there’s nothing for you to worry about. Mason and I are through. It’s been weeks. I’m over it. Can you stop acting like I should be crippled by heartache?”

“We don’t… It’s not that.”

In the background, Amanda heard her father say, “Tell her, Carol.”

“I will,” came her mom’s muffled answer, as if she’d covered her receiver with something. “Your father and I think there’s something you need to know,” she said, clearly this time.

“What now? Is there something I forgot to cancel? Something I need to pay?”

“No, no. Nothing like that. It’s about Mason.”

Irritation rose inside Amanda. “What about him?” Had he called them again, maybe left a message for her? She knew she still owed him a face-to-face conversation, but when she’d called him to arrange that, he’d said he didn’t want to see her for the time being.

“If…if you finished things with him because you thought he was cheating…” Her mother hesitated. “I truly believe that wasn’t the case. When you two last visited, he’d mentioned family would be visiting. After you…dropped by his place, he called here. It was your
father
who told him to give you space. The boy had every intention of breaking down your door to make you listen to his explanation.”

“Ummm…I already know that, Mom. Mason told me.”

“He did?”

What was happening? “Yes. And I believed him.”

“Then why did you two break up?”

“I told you. I realized it wasn’t working.” She
had
told them. Alice had offered to fill them in, but Amanda had wanted to do it herself.

“I thought you were just saying that because you were hurt. Because you believed he had an affair.”

But Amanda had talked to them about it more than three weeks ago. “Then why did you wait a whole month to tell me the truth? Why not as soon as I said I’d called off the wedding?”

Silence.

“Mom?”

“It’s not been a month yet. And at first, we thought you might be better off without him. Alice said… We all thought you needed someone more…
adequate
.”

“Oh my God, Mom! You could have said something sooner.”

“But, honey, you said you knew he wasn’t cheating.”

“Not about that! About not liking him!” She yelled to be heard above the noise of the street. People turned and stared. Maybe she’d been louder than she’d thought.

“Because we didn’t think you loved him, and we were waiting for you to figure that out. But you’ve been different lately. Like your breakup is tearing you up inside. You’re silent, and your eyes are always sad. And you barely eat anything.”

“I eat plenty.” But everything else was true—except the part about it all being about Mason.

“Maybe you should call him?”

“Maybe.” She’d thought of it, but she wasn’t sure Derek wanted to hear from her any more than Mason did.

Mason. Her mom meant Mason.

“No, Mom. I’m not going to call him. You’re right, I haven’t been myself, but it’s not because of Mason.” She’d be damned if she admitted it was because of Derek. “I’ll be okay. Promise. And tell Dad not to worry either.”

She hung up the phone and walked toward home. She no longer felt like Chinese. She had a hunkering for Italian, but nothing could quench that.

•●•

“Oh, use your key, already,” Alice said, letting her in. “There’ll be no more sexing happening till you’re back to your non-mopey self and out of here for good.”

“’Cause I’m the reason you’re not getting any.”

“I guess when you broke the draught with Derek, the curse moved to me.” Alice shrugged.

“I’m sure that’s the case.”

“Hey! You’re not holding food. Why, why, why?”

Amanda rolled her eyes. “Pick up the phone and order something.”

“You buying?”

“Yes. Now order. I’ll have anything you have, as long as it’s fatty.” She no longer had to fit in a tiny wedding gown. She smiled despite herself. Derek had been rather ingenious in sabotaging her wedding. He might have been a jerk, but he was smart. And hot. And funny, when he wanted to be.

“Cool!” Alice said. “Can I call from your phone?”

“Sometimes I feel like you love having me at your mercy.” Still, she held out her cell.

Alice ordered and Amanda began setting the coffee table for dinner. “Mom called me,” she said.

“She did?” Something in Alice’s tone indicated this piece of info wasn’t news to her.

“Yes.” She softened her voice. “You knew they didn’t want me to be with Mason any more than you did.”

Alice nodded. “But I’m pretty sure they both like Derek. Maybe even more than I do.”

“Is that even possible? You’re one step from getting a Team-Derek t-shirt.”

“Had to order it. They didn’t have it in my size. My boobs are too big.”

Amanda smiled half-heartedly and then did the bravest thing she’d done in a while, including cancelling her own wedding. “I think I was falling in love with him,” she said and finally accepted it as the truth. She expected Alice to comment, but her sister simply watched her from across the table.

“I was. I was falling in love with him,” Amanda said, starting to like the sound of that.

“But you let him go?”

She folded a napkin in half and set it on the plate closest to her. “I couldn’t do anything else. I’d just broken off my engagement to another man. Derek would never take me seriously. Best I could hope for was to be his fuck buddy.”

She thought of the last couple of days they’d spent together. They’d been polite to each other, friendly even. They’d watched movies and had lunch together like real roommates. And he’d never touched her. “Maybe not even that.”

Alice handed her another napkin, and Amanda looked at it for a second before taking it and wiping at her eyes. She’d felt like crying for a while now. Letting the tears fall was almost a relief.

“I still think there might have been more between you two,” Alice said.

Possibly. If they hadn’t seen each other at their worst. If they hadn’t had the fight that had made her decide she and Mason didn’t have a future together. If she hadn’t seen the contempt in his eyes when he’d told her what he thought of her.

Forty-eight hours of pretend-companionship couldn’t change that.

Besides, Derek had moved out weeks ago. He was probably already someone else’s pain in the ass. Someone else’s
lover
.

“Call him. See what he thinks.” Alice was like a dog with a bone.

Amanda shook her head. “He’ll
think
I’m stupid. Besides, what if he does feel the same? We start dating? So soon after Mason? He’ll find out. What’ll people—”

Alice jumped off the couch, looking strangely furious. “
Fuck people!
You’ve been doing things by the book all your life. The one time you didn’t, you got the best sex
ever
with a guy who may deserve to be with you. And you’re throwing that away for what random family acquaintances and your bitter ex’s buddies will think?” She planted both hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes. “You know what? I take it all back. Don’t call him. Maybe you don’t deserve to be happy after all.”