The Tenant (22 page)

“And you realize that now? We have a wedding planned. The guests—”

“I’ll take care of everything. I’ll let them know the wedding is off, and I’ll return the gifts that have already arrived. We can’t keep pretending we’re right for each other. I’ll reimburse you for the honeymoon expenses.”

“I don’t want my money back. I want to be with you. We were planning on a future together. A home, children… What changed?”

“Nothing. That’s the problem. I was hoping I’d change, that I’d become who you want to marry, but I’m not that woman. And you’re not the man I should be with.”

She was full out crying now, and was grateful to hear rock music blasting from Derek’s room. Last thing she needed was for him to hear her like that. “You’re a good, decent guy, Mason, and you deserve a proper breakup. Face to face. I’ll do that as soon as I’ve figured things out, I promise. But I won’t marry you. It’ll be unfair to both of us.”

“Amanda, if you do this now, I won’t chase after you. If you say we’re through, we’re through for good. There’s no going back.”

She blinked against the tears. “I know, and I’m so,
so
sorry. Goodbye, Mason.”

If he said anything, she didn’t hear him. She switched her phone off and left it on her bed, then grabbed her purse. She couldn’t stay there one more minute, but she couldn’t be alone either.

Derek was opening the front door when she reached the living room. He made no indication he’d heard her, and she didn’t speak. She let him close the door behind him, and then waited until she was sure she wouldn’t run into him on the corridor before she left too.

Her sister took forever to get the door, and for a moment Amanda was afraid she wasn’t home—and no way would she use her key again without express permission. When Alice finally let her in, Amanda asked, “Can I stay here tonight?”

Alice gathered her into her arms. “You know you can. Did something happen, or are we having a guilt trip?”

“I think I finally did the right thing.” Amanda sniffled. “But now nobody’s happy.”

“Let me get the wine.”

Amanda didn’t protest. She made herself comfortable on the pillows and downed her first glass the moment Alice poured it. Several more followed while she filled her sister in.

“Only last week you told me the wedding was back on. Now you tell Mason it’s off.” Alice squeezed her hand. “Not that I’m not happy for you, but what changed your mind?”

“You. Me. Derek. You were right. Mason could never show me the same passion Derek did, and I don’t think I could settle for less now that I’ve felt what it can be like.” Amanda shrugged. “It wouldn’t be fair. Mason can’t see it now, but he will when he finds a woman who wants him like…”

“Like you want Derek?”

“Like he should be wanted. Breaking up with Mason doesn’t mean I’ll start things up with Derek again. That’s done.”

“Huh? Why?”

“It just wouldn’t work. At the end of the day, we don’t even like each other.”

“’Less you’re naked. You like each other plenty then.”

Amanda let out her breath in a whistle. “Oh, you don’t know the half of it.”

“So why not keep that up? Maybe you’ll start liking each other more? Who knows where that’ll lead?”

“Derek’s leaving in a few days, Alice. ’Sides, I left Mason for me, not Derek. I need to be alone for a while.” She knew she was lying as the words left her lips, but she hoped Alice couldn’t tell.

The truth was she wouldn’t mind if Derek stayed longer and they tried to see what might happen between them, but there was no way she’d tell him that. She couldn’t bear opening up to him and having him shoot her down as she knew he would, especially after the words they’d exchanged earlier. She’d rather start from scratch, alone, and not hang on to what could have been.

“I call bullshit,” Alice said. Damn, she’d always been perceptive.

Luckily, she was also easily distracted. “I call for more wine,” Amanda said.

“That’s easy.” Alice refilled her glass. “What are you going to tell Mom and Dad?”

“The truth minus the monkey sex.”

“Good choice.”

“Can you still deal with the guests?”

Alice looked around. “Hmmm, it may cost you a couch.”

“Brat.” Amanda’s eyes were dry now, and she was smiling. She had done the right thing and, when Derek was gone, she could begin the rest of her life. “So who was the guy nailing you to the floor yesterday?” she asked Alice, all innocence.

“
What?
”

“Cute ass, bit pale from what I saw?”

“How…?”

“Kinda walked in on you. Wanted some yoghurt, but you didn’t answer your phone, so I let myself in.”

“Well, now you know better. And I need to find my phone.”

“You’re not gonna tell me who it was?”

“Can’t.”

“Why? Is… Are you keeping it a secret?”

“No. Just can’t remember his name.”

Amanda shook her head. “Alice, please be careful…”

“If you’re about to start with the birds and bees thing, you better bunk in with Becca tonight. I know to use a condom,
Mom
. Can even roll it on with my mouth.”

“Yuck! I did
not
wanna know this about my baby sis. And that wasn’t what I meant. I want you to be careful not to have your heart broken.”

“You forgot to add ‘again.’ Don’t worry, after Dorian, I’m done with love.”

Amanda knew Alice was still licking her wounds after that breakup. It had been five months or so, and Alice had been with him for less than that, but being dumped on New Year’s Eve could do some lasting damage. “I’ll always worry.”

“God, you sound ancient.”

“I feel it.” It wasn’t a lie. Amanda needed to put in some heavy workout hours, but at the same time felt exhausted, mentally and physically. It felt as if all her energy had been drained from her body, and all that remained was an empty husk.

“Maybe you should have some more meaningless sex with Derek?”

“No.”

“Some of the meaningful kind, then?”

Amanda snorted. “Derek’s too shallow for anything meaningful. And I’m not into him.”

“Of course not. That’s why you mentioned his shallowness first.”

“So what does Nameless Guy do?”

“Dunno. Bet he’s homeless too.” Alice waggled her eyebrows.

“And a wino?”

“Most definitely. But hot.”

“Noticed his ass. Well defined.”

“Should have seen his front. Hung like a mule, that one.”

“Alice!”

“You got yourself into this.”

Amanda knew she had, and didn’t regret it. Alice had managed to get her mind off her own failed relationship
s
, and it was fun not being the focus of one of their heart-to-hearts for once. “Well, since I’m here, are you at least gonna tell me how you met him?”

“In the elevator.” Alice blushed adorably, and Amanda was thankful for the reminder that her sister hadn’t yet become the cynic she pretended to be. “He was visiting someone in the building and helped with my grocery bags.”

“And you decided to thank him for it.”

“That was the plan, but he merely gave me more to thank him for.”

They looked at each other and cracked up.

Amanda almost managed not to think of Derek for the long hours until sleep claimed her.

Almost.

Except for once, when she wondered how the fuck she’d convince Alice to take her in for the month or so it would take to get used to staying in the apartment without him.

Thursday, May 15
th
2014

Derek looked at his watch, then the clock on the wall by the fridge. Both showed the same time. Almost noon.

He’d been up since seven, and there had been no sign of Amanda.

Where was she?

Had she finally convinced Mason to put out and spent the night at his place?

Had Derek driven her to it?

He tapped a cigarette on his near-empty packet. Any headway he’d made in New York toward quitting had been cancelled when he’d woken up to the memory of Amanda’s touch.

To the realization it would forever remain just that—a memory.

He wouldn’t have to linger on that much longer. He was moving out in two days. His new landlord had been surprised—and more than a little taken aback—by Derek’s hurry, but a four-month down payment fixed that. And sure, South Beach was further than he was planning on going, but he’d be by the sea, and women in bathing suits could do wonders for heartache.

Heartache. Because of Amanda. Derek simply couldn’t accept that. If anything, it had to be indigestion.

Maybe he should stop waiting for her to get home, and pack his stuff. He’d have to send movers in for big stuff, but Mike had offered to help with his clothes and essentials.

What essentials?
Months ago, he’d have categorized his shower curtain and bathmat as
essential
, but he’d learned to live without them. He could learn to live without
her
.

And when had it all become about her again?

He’d start with his CD collection. He sat cross-legged on the floor, by the CD tower, and began pulling box after box out of it. It was about time he sorted those out. He was sure he still had some of that dumb pseudo-intellectual shit Catherine had made him buy. He began neatly stacking the ones he still wanted to his right and tossing the rest on a pile to his left.

“You’re here.” She sounded as surprised as he felt. He hadn’t heard her walk in.

“I am.” He turned toward the sound of her voice and saw her with her back against the door.

“And you’re…” She drew a circle in the air with her index finger.

“Figuring out what I’m taking with me. You’re finally getting the place to yourself on Saturday.” He forced a smile.

She didn’t smile back. She didn’t appear relieved, happy, excited. She only looked at him blankly.

“Don’t worry, I don’t expect you to throw me a farewell party.”

“No, I know.”

So his joke
had
been as pathetic as it had sounded to him.

He went back to his discs; one, two, three for the “To Keep” stack; one he couldn’t give a flying fuck for. His gaze returned to the door. Amanda hadn’t moved.

“Something I can do for you?” he asked.

“I’m good. You need any help?”

The first answer that came to mind was a snarky, ‘
Sure! You scratch my itch, I scratch yours
.’ Instead, he said, “Don’t you have anything better to do?”

“Not really.” To his shock, she sat opposite him, mirroring his position. “So what are we doing?”

So they were going to pretend they hadn’t fought the night before. That he hadn’t kissed her. Shouldn’t be too hard for Amanda; since she and the Neanderthal patched things up, she’d been pretending she’d never seen Derek naked.

“We’re separating good music from pointless mewling,” he said.

“Oh, a chore that requires critical thinking. Love that!”

He wanted to tell her she didn’t have to do it—nobody’d asked for her help—but he realized she wasn’t being sarcastic but playful. He liked playful on her.

“Let’s see what you’ve got then.” He went for playful too. He could pretend he’d never been inside her, that he didn’t want to tear her clothes off right now. He could pretend she was just a friend, helping another friend out. He didn’t need her to explain why she changed her tune.

He managed to keep his mouth shut for as long as it took her to put a Nine Inch Nails in the correct pile. Barely. “Why are you doing this?” he asked her.

She heaved a sigh. “Because there’s no reason not to. You’re leaving, and what’s done is done. We don’t have to spend another forty-eight hours fighting, and I don’t feel like hiding out in my room or leaving my own home while you pack. So I’m going to help you sort this out, and then maybe we can eat something and do what normal roommates do.”

Did that include sex?

Amanda must have read his thoughts, because she arched an eyebrow in what seemed like a warning.

“I’m game,” he said in the end. “Let’s be normal roommates till I move out. I’d offer to make us a pizza, but I’m not going near that fridge.”

She laughed. “Well, that might be a problem, ’cause that thing’s going with you, buddy.”

It was the first civilized interaction they’d had since they’d stopped sleeping together that didn’t feel forced, and Derek liked it. He’d have to remember not to like it too much. He didn’t want to become friends with her.

Amanda turned out to be surprisingly good at knowing where his tastes ran. “You’ve got me all figured out, huh?” he asked after they’d been working in silence for a while.

She looked up, startled. “What do you mean?” She sounded defensive.

“The music. You know what I like.”

“Oh, that. Yeah. Not surprising you’d like all the hardcore,
manly
stuff.”

“That’s me. Manly to the bone.” Bone-r, which was starting to tent his sweatpants.

She had to have followed his gaze, because her eyes widened slightly. “I see you
really
like your music.”

He hadn’t expected her to comment on his…situation, and was himself surprised when he barked a laugh. “It seems so.”

She didn’t say anything else until he offered to order lunch for both of them. “What’d you want? On me.”

“I’ve been craving pizza for a couple days now, but didn’t want to—” She huffed. “The dress had to fit.”

Right. That. She’d been so friendly and nice so far, and Derek hated to muck that up, but he had to be a man about it and fess up. “About that…”

She gave him the weirdest little glance ever, as if she was biting something back. Something sweet and sour at the same time.

Or there was nothing special about her look, and he was putting off disturbing this balance they’d achieved.

He had to be a man about it. “The dress didn’t fit because I called them and changed your measurements.”

“What?”

“When you first moved in. I was feeling particularly petty, and you’d left your day planner… That was when I rearranged the painters too.”

“And the menu.”

“And the menu.”

“Anything else?”