The Mistress of Black Grove Manor (75 page)

Ruth’s heart skipped a beat. She hadn’t realized they were going to leave her.

“O-okay.”

They gave her a smile before walking away.

Dean cleared his throat. “I think you just got set up on a date.” He said. “And judging by the look on your face you didn’t realize it was happening.”

“I… I had no clue,” Ruth admitted.

“I’m sorry, when I was texting with Nat… I thought she would have mentioned it to you.”

“No need to be sorry.” She kept speaking English, and it was getting easier and easier - now she hardly had to remind herself- but it didn’t sound right.

Dean motioned for her to follow him as he led the way.  Ruth’s eyes widened as they made their way to the top of the hill.  “Wow.”  She whispered.  It was amazing.  She’d never seen anything like it.  Despite the fact that the sand was perfect and the waves rolled in gently no one else was there.

“Not a lot of people know about it.”  He said.  “But I like to come here every now and then.  I used to with my family.”

Dean led her down to the beach.  He paused just long enough for her to slip out of her shoes, the warm sand slipping between her toes.

“I’m really glad you agreed to see me again,” he said.

“I’m glad you wanted to see me again.”

“Nat said you’re a long drive away.”

Ruth nodded.
Knowing that, why did you want to see me again?
She wondered. She didn’t dare ask. Fearing she might no like the answer.

Dean slid a backpack off his shoulders and sat down. He opened it, pulling out a water bottle and handing it to her. “I uh, was going to have a picnic, but I didn’t have time to make anything special, so, here.” He pulled out a wrapped sandwich as well.

“This is more than enough.” Ruth took it, his warm hand touching hers for a fraction of a second as she did. Her cheeks flushed as her heart did a backflip. Dean smiled pulling one out for himself as well.

“How have you been enjoying the trip?” he asked.

“It’s been… interesting.” Ruth had no way to describe how it had been. “But I’m enjoying it.”

They talked as they ate, getting to know each other. Ruth was careful about how much she gave away, instead listening to Dean tell her about what it was like working on cars, about his family, and his dog who he proudly admitted was his best friend. “I wanted to bring him, but he’s pretty sick. The walk wouldn’t have done him any good; and car rides make him sick.” He explained. “But maybe some other time you can meet him.”

“I’d love that.” Ruth said, her heart racing.
I’d love that more than I want to admit.

Dean reached out and took her hand.  Her heart skipped a beat. She had no idea how she was supposed to react. She knew she should pull away.
But I don’t want to.
She thought. She didn’t. She wanted to let him hold her hand. She turned to him.

“There’s something about you,” he said. “Something that just makes you seem different than everyone else.”

Ruth’s heart skipped a beat. She pulled her hand away from his.

“No,” she said quickly. “No different than anyone else.”

Dean stared at her, his eyes burning into hers.

How did he figure it out? What did I do wrong?

“No, there is something about you… something…”

“Nee,” Ruth said quickly. Her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach. She felt a tear touch the corner of her eyes. There she had it. She’s ruined everything with just one word. “I mean, no.” She tried to say, her voice breaking. “There’s…” She blew out a deep breath. What was the point? She’d already screwed up.
Ruined everything.

She looked down, a tear rolling down her cheek. She ruined everything, and now he’d know the truth. He’d know that she wasn’t normal, and he’d be done with her.
After all, who would want to date an Amish girl?

“What did you just say?” His voice was soft.

“Nothing.” Ruth snapped.

“No… you…” He was quiet for a long time. “Jamie and Natasha have cousins who are Amish.” Ruth wasn’t sure if he was telling her, or if he was trying to ask if she was one of them, but she just stood there. She could feel the tears sliding down her cheeks, splashing down onto the ground.

“Yea, I know they’ve mentioned it before. I know they said their mom was raised Amish for a little while.” He sounded deep in thought.

It’s all over now.
He’d realized what she was.
I shouldn’t have even bothered.

Ruth knew now, she should have just said no when they invited her out. She shouldn’t have agreed to see Dean again. She should have just kept to herself and not gotten wrapped up in any of this English stuff.

“I always thought that was really cool.”

His words sent a shiver down Ruth’s spine. She looked up at him, her eyes wide. “Y-you did?”

“Yea, I mean… I don’t know much about the culture, but I always wanted to learn more about it. Of course Jamie and Nat have never met their cousins, unless….” He raised an eyebrow. “Are you one of them?”

Ruth’s cheeks burned.
It’s not or never.
She knew it was the truth, but she didn’t know what she was supposed to say.
Nee. I do.

“Jah.”

She stared at him, watching his reaction. A smile spread across his lips. “See, I told you, you’re different than everyone else.”

Ruth’s cheeks flushed, burning. “What if I don’t want to be different?”

“Too bad.”

Ruth felt her heart drop into the pit of her stomach. She had been so hopeful that she’d be able to be normal.
With him.

“Anyways, being normal is no fun. It’s more important that you are who you are.”

“Even if that’s Amish?”

“Yes.” He reached out and touched her hand, their fingers tangling together.

Ruth’s heart skipped a beat.
What have I gotten myself into?

“Do you know when you have to leave yet?”

“Y-jah.” Ruth didn’t bother editing herself, he knew the truth now- what was the point in trying to hide it?

Dean smiled, his eyes sparkling. “So, that means yes?”

Ruth nodded.

“And… what was it you said earlier? Nee?”

Ruth nodded.

“What else?”

“What? That we say differently than you?” Her heart ached as she said it.
We’re different.
She reminded herself.

Dean nodded.

“Well…” Ruth thought about it. “I don’t know everything.” They’d learnt a couple English words in school, just to make sure they understood it, and some of the books Ruth had read had been written in English. “Baby, you guys say baby. We say bobbeli.” Ruth sounded it out, nice and slow for him.

He nodded taking it all in.

Ruth’s mind raced as she bit her lip. Dean sat down, pulling Ruth with him. They sat on the grass, she was thankful for the pants she wore today, not having to worry about the way the dress normally shifted when she sat.

“Tell me more.” He asked.

“I…” Ruth wasn’t even sure where to start.

They talked for an hour before Jamie came back, Natasha at her side. “You ready to head home?”

“Jah,” Ruth jumped to her feet. It felt refreshing to be able to speak normally. Both girls’ eyes widened in front of her. She just smiled before turning to Dean.

“I’ll see you around?”

Ruth nodded.
I hope so.
She thought. She didn’t dare say she had no clue.

“Good. I want to see you before you leave.” He reached out and took her hand, pulling her close to him. His eyes locked on her.

Ruth’s heart skipped a beat.
Gott, please guide me.
She prayed.

His arms wrapped around her without warning, pulling her close to him. She surprised herself as her arms wrapped around his neck.

“I’ll see you around,” he whispered before pulling away. It sounded like a promise more than anything.

“Jah,” Ruth said.
Please let that be true.

She turned to her cousins and led the way. She didn’t dare turn around, she was already resisting the urge to turn back there and go back to him. She couldn’t stop thinking about the way his arms had felt holding her. She wanted to feel that again. Not from just anyone. From him.

“Soo…” Jamie waited until they were out of ear shot. “What happened?”

“I mis-spoke.”

“And?” Natasha butt in, pressing herself close to Ruth.

“And what?”

“What happened? What did he say?”

“He asked if I was your Amish cousin.”

“And you said yes?”

“Well, nee. I said ‘jah’ because there wasn’t really any point in not using what I was used to.”

“You didn’t lie?”

“Nee, there was no point in it. He’d know I was lying.”

“So then what happened?”

The girls hung off every word Ruth said.

“He asked me what words we said differently.”

“That’s it?” Jamie asked.

Ruth nodded.

“Really?”

Again, Ruth nodded.

“That’s so like him.” Natasha said. “I could tell he was into you the second he saw you.”

Jah, as an Englisher.
What would happen now that he knew she wasn’t normal? He said it was good, but would he change his mind as soon as he realized what was so different about her?

“I bet he’s gone home to google it right now.”

Ruth’s brow furrowed. “Google?”

“Uh, search, on the internet…. You um, do know what the internet is, right?”

Ruth laughed softly. “Jah, I know.” She’d never used it, or seen it used but she had heard of it before. In truth, the idea confused her a little, and she would love to see what it actually was and how it really did work- but she at least knew what it was.

They came to a stop just as they were about to turn on to the street where the house was.

Natasha got the hint and pulled Ruth’s dress out of her purse.

Ruth slipped into it quickly, thankful it was a little bit too long so her parents wouldn’t be able to see the bottom of her jeans.

Together, her and her cousins fell back into pace and headed for the house.

“So, you like him don’t you?”

Ruth didn’t need to ask what they meant. Even Amish girls used the word ‘like’ in that way.

“Jah, I do.” She admitted to herself and her cousins. “Not that it matters, we’ll be leaving soon.”

Ruth felt her heart sink into the pit of her stomach. She didn’t want to leave him. She didn’t want to have to say goodbye.
I haven’t been baptised yet.
Ruth thought. It was true.

“If you leave…” Jamie said, as if she had been reading her cousins mind. “Would you be shunned like Grandma?”

“Nee.” Ruth swallowed dryly. “I haven’t been baptized yet.” She caught the look of confusion out on her cousins faces.
They don’t know our customs.
Ruth would have thought that Grace would have at least told them about this. “A person is baptized when they decide they are ready to commit to the life; normally this is after Rumaschpring for most.”

“But you didn’t take part in it.” Jamie cut her off.

“Nee, I didn’t. But my parents wanted me to wait a little longer, I think they wanted to me to be baptized with my husband, which I haven’t found yet.” Ruth cleared her throat, ignoring the feeling in her heart when she thought about marrying. “Your Maemm was still young when she left, which meant she hadn’t been baptized. Her Maemm on the other hand, had been baptized and married. She left her family. For that she was shunned.”

“But mom-”

“Wasn’t.” Ruth cut her off. “You have to fully commit before you can be shunned.”

“Mom never told us that.” Natasha sounded hurt. “We… we could have been visiting you guys all this time.”

Jah, I guess you could have.

“So, grandma is shunned though, what does that even mean?”

“Yea,” Jamie piped in. “They don’t talk about it very much.”

“It means Maemmi broke her baptismal vows.” Ruth paused, working through how she was going to explain this. “When you do that, you’re sometimes given the choice to admit that what you did was wrong, and you would be welcomed back to good graces.”

“But grandma didn’t?”

“No. She left.” Ruth paused. “I don’t know the details about why she left. All I know is that she must not have wanted to stay. She could have, if she’d admitted what she did was wrong. When you’re shunned it’s not that you’re not allowed to be there, you are. You just… there are things the others can’t do. They can’t eat with you, or do business with you, they can’t even accept things from you.”

“Wow,” the girls said in unison.

“I never realized that,” Jamie whispered. “I always thought when she was shunned…”