The Hot Floor (13 page)

“Don’t know. Haven’t been counting,” I mumbled into my beer.

“Yes, well I have. Three times in the last two months, and that’s including today. You used to be down here every Friday and Saturday night.”

“Things have been busy at work.”

“Right. You just keep telling yourself that’s the reason, then. See if I care.”

“Den! Look, maybe you’re right. I don’t know. What do you think I should do?”

“What do you want to do?”

“I want to be friends with them both.”

“Is that all?”

I blushed, which was probably answer enough, if Denise’s smug expression was anything to go by.

“And have they given you any reason to think that might be a problem?”

I cast my mind back to last night. I’m fairly sure there had been some discussion about where we took things from there, but I didn’t remember either of them seeming upset. The kiss thing had been weird at first, but then we’d done loads of snogging after that all got sorted out.

I shook my head.

“Well, then, what’s the big fuss about? You like them; they like you. You all seem to enjoy the same pervy shit. Just have a bit of fun with them. For Christ’s sake, I think you deserve some.”

“You don’t think I’m going to wreck their relationship?”

“I think that’s something you should let them worry about, but no, I don’t. They’re solid, and they’ve done this before, lots of times.”

I nodded, reassured by her words but feeling strangely empty. Being one in a long line of fuck-buddies wasn’t really what I was after, but since it was the only possibility on offer, I guessed I’d just have to get used to it if I wanted the sex. Which I most definitely did, even if it did frighten the shit out of me.

“Thanks, Den.” I wrapped my arm around her neck and was enveloped in a Marlboro-and-perfume-scented hug.

“Don’t mention it. Oh, but if you are gonna do this, just do me one favour?”

“Sure.”

“Tell them to buy a new mattress, for fuck’s sake!”

Chapter Ten

I’d expected to see a note in my pigeon hole when we got back from the pub, so although my stomach gave a somersault, it didn’t exactly come as a surprise.

“Ooh, love letters already?” Denise cooed, so I flipped her the bird. She snorted and elbowed me on her way past. “Go get ’em, tiger.”

The note was short and to the point:

Josh, come on up. We want to discuss something with you. Rai xoxo

I scanned the words several times, willing them to give up their secrets, but they remained stumm. Still, there was Rai’s usual sign-off, so it wasn’t like I was being given the cold shoulder.

It wasn’t like the text Kenny sent before he dumped me.

I told myself that again and again as I climbed the stairs, but I still had visions of Rai and Evan’s door being slammed in my face. I actually came to a standstill outside the door in question, my arm raised, unable to make myself knock. It occurred to me that I was still sweaty and grimy from my morning at work, but it wasn’t like I could nip upstairs to shower, was it? The best I could hope for was a strip wash at my kitchen sink, and even then I’d have to use a dishcloth and Fairy Liquid. I’d probably end up smelling worse than I did now.

The door swung open, revealing Rai’s grinning face. “Well, don’t just stand there. Come on in. We’ve been waiting to talk to you, like,
all
day.”

I followed him in, my mouth zipped shut. I absolutely was not going to say anything stupid until I’d figured out what was going on. I couldn’t guarantee I wouldn’t say anything stupid after that, but at least it would be informed stupid rather than plain ignorant.

“Here he is,” Rai announced.

Evan picked himself up from the sofa and smiled at me. “All right, Josh. Good to see you, mate. Come and sit down. Fancy a beer? Tea? Coffee?”

I shook my head but sank down at one end of the sofa while Evan headed into the kitchen. I was painfully aware that neither of them had made any move to touch me. Not that I’d been expecting them to, but considering the hugs I always used to get, it was like a slap in the face.

Rai settled himself on the armchair, and when Evan came back through with three beers, he sat on the beanbag. Clearly, even the other end of the sofa was too close for comfort. My heart sank down inside me like a lump of lead crystal.

“What did you want to say to me?” I asked, just wanting to get it over and done with so I could pick up the pieces of my shattered daydreams and get on with my lonely little life.

The two of them exchanged a cautious look.

“It’s not what we wanted to say to you,” Evan said slowly. “It’s summat we all need to discuss. The ground rules. We need a new set, since the last lot have been well and truly broken.”

“I don’t get it. Ground rules for what?”

“Ground rules for our relationship,” Rai said.

“But you need to come up with those together. It’s your relationship.”

“Are you being deliberately obtuse?” Rai asked. “Our relationship. The three of us. We’re friends, right?”

I cleared my throat. “Yes?”

“And now we’ve started having sex, right?”

I nodded, not trusting my voice right then.

“So therefore we have a relationship. Friends with benefits. And if we’re living on top of each other, socialising and shagging, we’re going to need a few rules to help make things go smoothly.”

“Uh, okaaay.” Hope bubbled up inside me, mixed with a big fat dose of trepidation.

“In the past, we’ve had a veto on three-ways with any blokes we’re likely to run into on a regular basis,” Evan began, “mainly because Rai here gets like a green-eyed monster if he thinks I’m going to see them behind his back.”

Rai shifted uncomfortably. “You know it’s not that I don’t trust you.”

“I know, I know,” Evan soothed. “It’s okay, pet. I understand. Rai has issues to do with abandonment,” he said, turning to me. “This is why we’ve never been able to keep an arrangement with other blokes going for all that long. He worries I’m going to leave him for them. But he doesn’t feel that same danger from you.”

“Oh.” I took a moment to let it sink in. “So that’s good?”

“Yes, exactly!” Rai said, his eyes gleaming as he leant forward. “We’ve never had this before. I didn’t even get bothered seeing you kissing each other. What we have to decide is how we handle this. I’m okay with the idea of you two chilling out together if I’m not around, but I’m not sure if I could cope with you shagging without me.”

“Oh!” That hadn’t even occurred to me.

“I’m really sorry,” Rai said.

“No, really, that’s fine. I wasn’t expecting it to be anything other than the odd three-way, to be honest.” Not that I’d even been expecting that much. I couldn’t believe we were sitting here discussing this like adults. My heart pounded, and I broke out into a sweat. Shit, what was going to happen when they realised how rubbish I was at this talking-about-my-feelings stuff? Emotionally unavailable. That’s what Kenny had called me, amongst other things.

“Well, we’d like it to be more than just the odd three-way, if you’re up for it,” Evan said. “I’m fine with you and Rai getting together when I’m at work, but he thinks that isn’t fair on me, so we wanted to check with you.”

“Er, sorry, what are you asking me?”

The two of them shared that look again, but this time there was a kind of fond exasperation in their eyes.

“Do you want to be able to shag Rai when I’m not here?” Evan asked. “It makes things a bit imbalanced, but we’ll go with it if you’re okay with that. He’s a right randy little bugger, and he wears me out, so I could do with some help on that front, if you’re up for it.”

“I am somewhat oversexed,” Rai agreed, sounding thoroughly proud of the fact.

I grabbed one of the beers and took a long swig. There wasn’t enough lager in the world for a conversation like this.

I drained the bottle and set it down, the alcohol finally loosening my tongue. “So let me get this straight,” I said. “You want us to all stay friends and get together for, er, what we did last night, on a regular basis.” They nodded, and I fixed my gaze on Evan. “And you and me are both allowed to screw Rai on our own, but we’re not allowed to do it together without him.”

Evan frowned. “That’s about the size of it.”

I picked up my bottle and began worrying at the label, trying to get my thoughts in order. Did I want to sleep with Rai if Evan wasn’t there? My dick said
bloody right we do!
but my head wasn’t so sure.

“I, er, I’m not sure that I could. It would feel like going behind your back.”

“I’m all right with it,” Evan said, Rai nodding enthusiastically.

I peeled off a strip of the label. “I’m not, though. Sorry. I’d never forgive myself if I came between you.”

Rai smirked at the unintentional double entendre—at least, I hope that was what it was at—and I saw Evan shoot him a warning glance.

“That’s cool,” Evan said. “We don’t want you to do owt you’re not entirely happy with.”

“I am hoping you’ll be
coming
between us on a regular basis, though,” Rai teased.

“Yeah, yeah.” Evan laid a hand on Rai’s knee. “If you could drag your mind out of the gutter for one minute, we’re trying to have a serious conversation here.”

“A serious conversation about sex, though, so I think you’ll find that was an entirely appropriate comment. We need to talk safety too.” Rai fixed me with an intense gaze, and I dropped my eyes to the half-peeled label again. This was more excruciating than sitting through sex ed at school with our enthusiastic and progressive biology teacher explaining the role of the prostate in anal sex to a bunch of sniggering fourteen-year-olds. Especially as some of them had already sniffed out the truth about me, and I just knew I was going to get monumentally teased after the lesson. “Me and Ev go bareback, but we’ve always insisted on rubbers for anal with other guys. We don’t want to make you feel awkward, though, so we wanted to find out if you’d be willing to get tested and go raw too.”

The beer bottle label stubbornly refused to help me out. I closed my eyes and screwed up my courage. I could talk about this. Sure I could. “I was tested last month, after a, uh, one nighter. Everything was fine. I’d played safe anyway. Me and Kenny kept using them the whole time too.” I probably should have figured out something about the lack of trust in our relationship from the fact that Kenny wouldn’t hear of ditching them, but I’d always written it off as him being conscientious.

I risked a quick glance up at Rai and Evan to catch them exchanging one of their loaded gazes again.

“So are you telling us you’ve never barebacked before?” Evan asked.

I shook my overheating head.

“Do you want to?”

“It feels amazing,” Rai said. “Especially when it trickles out afterwards.”

“Don’t gross him out, pet!” Evan swiped at Rai’s knee playfully.

“What? Nothing gross about your spunk in my arse, darling.”

“No, but—”

“It’s like I’ve been given a gift,” Rai continued, leaning forwards confidentially. “Sometimes I stick a butt plug in afterwards to keep it up there longer.”

Jesus! I must have looked as shocked as I felt, because Rai gave a smug smile and winked at me.

“I can only apologise for my pervy boyfriend,” Evan said, smiling, “but he’s right. It does feel great. For the top as well. But there’s no pressure. We’re fine with using them if it makes you feel safer.”

Nothing about this situation felt remotely safe. Every step I took was off the map, and I had no idea if I was headed towards mountains, ocean or Here Be Dragons.

But barebacking with these two? What blew me away was that they’d even consider it. “You’d really trust me?” I asked, looking between the two of them.

“Of course,” they said simultaneously, then grinned at each other.

“We know you’re not a big risk taker,” Evan said. “You’ve got cautious written all over you, and we reckon we’re good enough friends now to know you wouldn’t deliberately fuck us over. Yes, we trust you. All we ask is you let us know if you sleep with anyone else. We’ll do the same if we do.”

“Wow. I, er, I don’t know what to say.”

“‘Yes’ would work for me,” Rai suggested. “What about you, Ev?”

“Don’t pressure him, love. Remember what we agreed.”

I sat there and tried to process how anyone could trust that readily. Were they the freaks, or was it me with the trust issues?

Okay, on further consideration, it was definitely me.

But was I willing to trust the two of them? From what I’d seen of their relationship, their love, they’d never risk harming each other. It was everything I’d ever wanted out of a relationship, and even if I could only have it at secondhand, I wanted in…so long as we could remain friends just as before.

“Can I ask something first?”

“Sure,” Evan said.

“Are…are things going to be like before? I mean, I got a bit worried when you didn’t even hug me when I arrived. And then you’re both sitting all the way over there…”