The Guide to Getting It On (27 page)

W
omen often ask, “Why should I give him a handjob? I can’t possibly compete with the hand that knows him SOOO well. Besides, there’s nothing special about it. He can give himself a handjob any time he wants.”

After reading hundreds of men’s sex survey responses about masturbation vs. handjobs from a lover, we can assure you that the vast majority of men, more than 90%, would rather receive a handjob from a lover. And that’s after a number of men said that technically speaking, the handjobs they give themselves are often better. But they still enjoy the experience more when it’s a partner who is doing the stroking.

After all, what does he think about when he is jerking himself off? It’s you! So when it is your hand that’s doing the deed, you are there in person to flood his senses with what he can only fantasize about when he is alone. And that’s just giving him a garden-variety handjob. Wait until you read about the luxurious handjobs that can turn his entire body into a giant sex receptor, with each stroke feeling like a small slice of heaven. But first, there’s more to understand.

What You Bring To It

Before we get into technique, perhaps it might help to tell you about two different reasons why guys jerk off. There can be lots of other reasons—these are just two.

One reason is for alone-time fun. It’s the sexual equivalent of jogging on a country road or walking though a park as the sun is coming up. He may be alone physically, but he’s probably in good company thanks to the fantasy he’s having. (Some women get upset when they discover that their partner still jerks off; they don’t understand what this kind of masturbation is about and they view it as rejection. That’s unfortunate because people usually masturbate throughout life, whether they are in a relationship or not.)

There’s another reason why a guy might jerk off. It has to do with longing for the presence and touch of a woman. He imagines a woman he loves is there and it helps him feel less alone. For a lot of us, this kind of jerking off helped us keep our sanity until someone like you came along. It was a form of sexual life support.

Depending on the mood and the situation, your handjob might be casual and fun—like the way he does himself when he’s happy and it’s a form of sport—or it might be to supply comfort and intimacy. Either way, it’s all good.

So even though your hand may be doing the same thing that his hand has done thousands of times before, it’s your presence that makes your handjob special and superior. That’s why it’s important that you look at it as being something special. Try putting more into it than just moving the muscles in your arm. Make it a truly fun and intimate act. Cuddle close to him or give him a tender kiss on the neck or nipple while you are doing him with your hand. Take control. Your handjobs can be more emotionally comforting than you might know. And you don’t have to worry about getting pregnant while giving a guy a handjob, which can be an added bonus for some women.

A handjob can be an opportunity for intimacy and closeness that a lot of women underestimate. And that’s just an old-fashioned stroke-it-till-it-spits handjob. Wait until you see what else you can do. But first, the basics.

Getting a Grip—Learning Boy Basics

“I could never move my fist that fast for so long. He really manhandles that sucker, and it doesn’t seem to hurt!”
female age 55

A frequent complaint from men about the way women give handjobs is that they use too light of a touch. Remember, one of the most common slang terms for masturbation is “beat your meat.” It’s not “tickle your meat” or “caress your meat.” It’s BEAT your meat. Terms like “jerking off,” “slap the monkey,” “bash the bishop,” and “wacking off” do not imply gentleness either. The technique that men use most when they masturbate can be summarized as: Grab it hard and give it a good workout. Of course, there are plenty of exceptions, so as with all matters of sexual pleasure, be sure to ask.

To find the optimal hand position, lie parallel to your man and reach across his body as he does when he is masturbating. Ask him to form your fingers around his penis in the same way he does when he’s alone and thinking about you. The way he holds the penis and where he puts his hand on the shaft are more significant factors than you might think. Try to imitate the exact place where he grips himself. There are reasons for this. One of the most sensitive areas of the penis is called the frenulum. It’s just below the head on the side that’s away from the man’s belly when he has an erection. It shows good form to rub a finger—not fingertip—over this spot with each stroke, especially if you plan on getting this over with before next Christmas.

Wrap your entire hand around the penis so your thumb and index finger would touch if there weren’t a big sausage in the way. Your hand should be in the same position as if it were holding a cup of tea. That’s how we guys learn to masturbate, by drinking tea.

Make sure your fingertips are on the side of the penis rather than in front. Otherwise, your fingertips would go over the frenulum, which can be uncomfortable. Guys usually position their hand so the crook of their finger rubs over the frenulum rather than their fingertips.

Another reason to position your hand exactly where he does is because the foreskin is only so elastic—especially if he is circumcised. If your grip is too high or low on the shaft, the foreskin will be pulled beyond its stretching point. Much confusion can be avoided if you ask him to place your fingers where he likes them. Then have him guide your hand up and down so you can see how high and low to stroke.

Dry or Lubed?

While each man has his own unique spin, men masturbate wet or dry:

• Dry:
  A man wraps his fingers around the penis at a strategically placed point, slightly below the head. He then moves the entire foreskin up and down with each stroke. Even if the penis is circumcised, the foreskin should glide over the shaft that it covers, although it might tug up on the scrotum more if the man is cut. Men will often grasp the shaft more tightly than might seem comfortable. Much of the sensation occurs as the fingers move over the highly sensitive part of the shaft called the frenulum.
  
• Lubricated:
  Using lubrication results in a handjob that feels more like intercourse. When giving himself a lubricated handjob, the man often wraps his whole hand around the penis. The lubrication allows the hand to glide over the shaft and the head of the penis. A man who is circumcised is more likely to use lube. If you’ve still got your foreskin, there’s no need to use lube when masturbating, although some guys who aren’t cut also like to use lube.
  
• Dry vs. Lubricated:
  Lube helps a man who is circumcised to get more sensation from the head of his penis; when he does it dry, he tends to focus finger pressure on the front of the penis below the head. The lubricated handjob can be a more sensuous experience. However, plenty of guys prefer doing it dry, and there are many times when masturbating dry is more practical. It is less of a production, and it is easier to clean up with a tissue or sock.
  

What Does a Penis Feel Like?

When a penis is soft it feels a little like human lips. The skin has a silky smooth, almost translucent texture that slides over the tissue beneath it. A soft penis is extremely flexible. It can be warm or cold to the touch and feels more like a squid than a hotdog. Some people describe it as being squishy.

To know what a hard penis feels like, find a fairly buff guy who lifts weights and ask him to flex his arms. A hard bicep feels similar to a hard penis, although a hard penis won’t be nearly as big around except in guys’ dreams. Poking a finger into a man’s unflexed pecs will give you an approximate idea of what a semi-erect penis feels like. Here are some women’s recollections about the first time they touched a penis:

“It was sort of like ‘Oh my God, what do you do with it?’ I knew if you did something to it in the right way, that was good. I felt very, very carefully, not sure what I was dealing with at all. It was like an alien creature that you were supposed to automatically know how to please. As I listen to myself describing it, I must have considered it as separate from the individual who it belonged to!”
female age 34

“It was not a pleasant experience then, but it sure is now.”
female age 42

“I had intercourse a number of times but never touched it. I didn’t get into that until much later.”
female age 26

“I didn’t like the way it felt when flaccid. A couple of years later I finally got around to making friends with it, and it became exciting.”
female age 21

“It took me a while to figure out that you could really handle it, that it wasn’t fragile.”
female age 27

Your Touch vs. His

Men sometimes view their body and their penis as two unrelated entities, with the body merely being the chauffeur. They stroke the penis without caressing the other body parts that can help jerking off to feel more like a full-body experience. This is one of the ways that your giving him a handjob can be so special—you will hopefully be adding your own special magic, perhaps by straddling some part of him and pushing your crotch into it, or by caressing him with your other hand, or by kissing him with your sweet soft lips, or by whispering into his ear...

Few women realize that they have the potential to control nearly every cell in a man’s body with each stroke of their hand. Instead, they just jerk away until things get sticky.