The Gate to Everything (Once Upon a Dare Book 1) (17 page)

“Jordan!” he heard Meg call from behind him as he reached that frickin’ yellow gate, the one he saw as both his curse and his saving grace.

Turning around, he steeled himself. “Yeah?”

She crossed the distance to him with narrowed eyes. “Give it time. With the men. It was hard with me too in the beginning. Especially seeing this house. Remember? It will get easier.”

Would it? Meg had a more open heart than her husband and sons—always had. “Okay,” he said, not wanting to debate the matter. “I’m going to stay downtown tonight, but I’ll text you when I’m on my way back to see Ella before I leave.”

She frowned. “You don’t have to stay away.”

“Yes, I do,” he said, kicking at the ground. “It will give us all some space.”

“Fine,” she answered briskly. “But text Grace. I’m leaving pretty soon, and you two will need to get used to talking without me in the middle.”

He watched her walk swiftly back to the house and felt darkness sweep over him. The sound of deep baritone laughter from inside the house made him hang his head.

Besides his Once Upon a Dare brothers, one of the most precious relationships Jordan had ever had was with the Kincaid men.

It grieved him to realize Ella wasn’t going to bring it back.

Chapter 14

Grace found herself a little teary-eyed the day of her mother’s departure. Jordan had asked if Meg could leave on a Tuesday so he could pop back from the stadium to say goodbye. Technically Tuesday was his only day off during the season, but like most hardcore football players, he worked some that day too.

She watched her mom bathe Ella on the final morning and talk to her in that sing-song voice reserved for babies. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you,” she said as her mom transferred Ella from the water to her bath wrap decorated with giraffes.

Her mom gently dried Ella off as the baby stretched and let out a little cry from the change in temperature. “You’re going to be fine, Grace. It’s been nice spending all this time together, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah, it has,” she said in a small voice. Gratitude didn’t begin to cover it.

“A mother doesn’t often get to spend this much time with a daughter once she leaves home,” her mom continued, wrapping Ella in the cloth and picking her up. “I’ll always be grateful for it.”

She hugged her mom’s waist, mindful of the baby. “Me too.”

“It’s time to make your family your own, Gracie,” her mom said, carrying Ella back to the changing table in the nursery. “From where I’m standing, you and Jordan seem to be doing pretty well so far.”

Grace couldn’t deny it was true. She was able to go for more days now without remembering that this house was a replica of another she’d loved, and that was a victory. And Jordan… Well, even though he was traveling for pre-season games and working like a mad man, he still checked in whenever he could. The video messages he sent for her to show Ella pretty much melted her heart. Jordan had also asked her to take videos of anything special Ella did and send pictures of her, of course. Her mom had commented on how adorable it was that Jordan went so gaga over his daughter, and Grace couldn’t agree more.

“Every time I think we have a schedule, it changes,” Grace said, grabbing a diaper and handing it to her mom. “And it’s going to change again when I go back to work in two weeks.” She’d decided an eight-week maternity leave was reasonable, especially after all the time she’d taken off for bed rest. Thankfully, she and Jordan had already hired a woman to look after Ella. The nanny they’d chosen was a young woman from a big family in St. Paul, Minnesota. Amy had attended Emory University and majored in childcare. Jordan had asked to handle the details of her employment, and because her mother had advised her to pick her battles, Grace had allowed it.

“When you have a baby, things constantly change,” her mom said, finishing off the diaper and then dressing Ella. “Get used to it.”

Grace grabbed the damp bath wrap to take into the bathroom. “I love being a mom,” she said. “But I’m still a little scared when I don’t know what to do.”

Her mom put Ella to her chest, rocking her. “Join the club. Do you think I know how best to help you and Jordan? All I can do is do my best. Remember that with this little one here. As a mother, there will always be moments when you don’t know what to do.”

The bath wrap fell to the floor. “I didn’t know you felt that way. You’re like super mom.”

Her mom made a raspberry with her mouth, startling Ella. “Sorry, sweetie. Your mommy was being silly. There’s never going to be some light-bulb moment where you figure it all out. If anyone tells you that…I’d call horse puckey.”

Grace’s mouth twitched. “Horse puckey, huh?”

“Exactly,” she said, cuddling Ella close. “Oh, I’m going to miss you. Both of you.”

“We might have to send you the pictures and videos we send to Jordan,” Grace said, feeling bereft already.

“I’d love that,” her mom said, smoothing the little brown hairs on Ella’s head. “Why don’t you shower and get dressed while I’m still here? That way I can spend a little more time saying goodbye to my granddaughter.”

Grace fingered her ratty white robe. Laundry hadn’t been a priority lately. “Good idea.” She stooped to pick up the damp wrap before leaving.

Out in the hallway, she paused by the door to listen to the song her mom had started singing. “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” had been her favorite lullaby growing up, and she planned to continue the tradition. When her mom finished, she started to head to her suite.

“Listen up, young lady,” her mom said, and because Grace thought for her a moment that her mother was talking to her, she paused. “Your mommy and daddy are going to need you to remind them why all this back and forth between the two houses is necessary. I know you’re going to be up to the task. You have the best mommy and daddy any little girl could ever ask for. I hope you can help heal the hurts between them. Who knows what might happen then? Maybe your daddy will grow up a little more and your mommy will forgive what was.”

Grace put her hand to her mouth as pain flashed in her heart.
Oh, Mom.
They hadn’t talked about it, but did her mom still hope she and Jordan could reconcile? Of course, she did, Grace realized.
 

“But mostly, Ella,” her mom continued, “I hope you can teach them how to laugh with each other again. They used to laugh so much when they were together, and somewhere in this whole hullabaloo, they forgot how.”

When her mom resumed humming, Grace padded to her bathroom, thinking over what she’d said. She and Jordan
had
stopped laughing. When he’d put her on the back burner to focus on his dream job as the starting quarterback for Atlanta, they’d stopped laughing. And as more people had started watching them and photographing them, Grace had forgotten how to laugh altogether.
 

She’d felt like every moment of their shared life was being dissected. But it had gotten worse. While she’d always been complimented for being pretty in a tomboy way, the media had declared her “Too Dull for Dean.” She wasn’t thin enough. She didn’t dress well enough.

Pretty much, they’d said
she
wasn’t good enough.

And the fear that Jordan would one day agree with them had drilled down to her very bones.

As she undressed, she looked in the mirror. She still had a little baby tummy, and her breasts really were huge, but it was her body—the body that had brought Ella into this world—and there was beauty in that.

She’d allowed other people to start telling her who she was toward the end of her relationship with Jordan. That was going to have to stop. She needed to be more empowered for her daughter. As she stepped under the spray, she made a pledge to be herself—and not care what anyone else had to say about it.

Easier said than done, perhaps, but it was a start.

A couple hours later, her mom was ready to go. When Grace caught sight of Jordan jogging over, she felt like she’d grown a new skin. It might still be thin, but it was there.

“Not too late to change your mind, Meg!” Jordan called out as he approached. “How are we going to putter along without you?”

“Get a golf cart,” her mom quipped, rocking Ella. “I’m only a phone call or a text away. For both of you.”

He put his arms around her, careful not to squash their daughter. “Thanks for everything, Meg. You’re the best. First, last, and always.”

“You’re welcome, kiddo,” she said, kissing his cheek. “You give it to San Francisco this weekend, okay?”

“Already done,” he replied with his Jordan flare. “Let me have Ella so you can say goodbye to Grace.”

“I need to give this little one a special kiss,” she said, repositioning the baby so she could look at her. “One that’s gonna last your grandma.”

Ella squinted in the sunlight, and it made Grace smile when Jordan immediately raised his hand to shield her from the bright light.

“You’ve got good daddy instincts,” her mom told him. “And you, precious little girl. You’re going to be so much bigger when I see you next. I’m going to miss you like you wouldn’t believe, but I know you’re in great hands. I love you, pumpkin.”

She gave her a kiss and then snuggled their cheeks together, closing her eyes. Grace thought her mom might cry, but then she smiled and handed the baby to Jordan.

“All right,” her mom said, turning to Grace. “Now you.”

She closed the distance and wrapped her arms around her mom. “I’m going to miss you too. So much.” She felt tears leak out from her eyelids.

“Yeah,” her mom whispered, rocking her. “Me too.”

“Tell Dad and the boys I love them,” she told her mom as she hugged her tight one last time.

Her mom gave an audible sniff and nodded. “Count on it. Pretty soon, it will be the holidays, and we’ll see each other again.”

She and Jordan hadn’t discussed that yet, and she saw him glance over sharply. “Can’t wait.”

Her mom gave Ella another peck before heading to the car. “I’ll text you when I land. Love you!”

“Love you too,” Grace replied.

After the car pulled away, Jordan came over and gave her a gentle nudge.

“Are you going to be okay?” he asked, bouncing Ella gently. “You know you can go and see them anytime you want. I’ll make it happen.”

Already he was anticipating her needs. He’d always encouraged her to visit home more often when they were together, but she’d rarely taken him up on the offer. Work kept her busy too. Honestly, she could buy her own ticket, and he knew it. He’d wanted to do it for her because it made her happy.

“Thanks,” she said as a few more tears streaked down her face. “I must still be a little hormonal and overtired.” Man, she hoped that crap would be over soon.

Jordan transferred Ella to the crook of his arm and wrapped his other arm around her. “If that’s why I’ve been so emotional lately, I must be hormonal too.”

She elbowed him in the side, and he gave a reluctant laugh. “Funny.”
 

“No, I’m serious,” he said. “I take one look at Ella sometimes, and I get all choked up. She’s…amazing. I knew I’d love her, but…”

She looked up and found herself falling into his arctic blue eyes. “What?”

He lifted his shoulder. “I never imagined loving anyone like I love her. She’s everything. You know?”

It took Grace a moment to swallow. “Yes, I know.”

“I mean…you were everything too,” he said, his eyes meeting hers for a split second before darting away.

Once. Before all your football dreams came true.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed,” she said, feeling that all-too-common tension return. “I understand.”

“Do you?” he asked, his grip on her tightening.

Suddenly Grace was all too aware of the male strength he exuded. Its power to liquefy her insides with desire hadn’t abated—if anything, it was stronger than ever. It had been a long time since he’d touched her like this. It didn’t matter that he was only trying to bestow comfort.

“It’s less complicated with her,” he continued, his gaze flicking back to her.

The heat in his eyes told Grace she wasn’t the only one remembering what it had been like between them.

All too quickly, his eyes fastened on their daughter. “Ella is just…this precious little person I’ve been given to cherish. I can’t imagine what I’ve done to deserve her, but I’m grateful for her. Man, my teammates were right. When you become a daddy, you blabber like a moron over your kid.”

Jordan had always been emotional. It was what drew people to him, Grace included—and it had made him a great football player. When it came right down to it, there had always been a sweetness in him.

“I’m glad you’ve fallen so hard for her,” Grace said softly. “I have too.”

“Did you think I wouldn’t?” he asked, his brows slamming together.

She eased out of his grip because…well, if she didn’t, it might mean something. “No one could have told me how much love I’d have for her. I don’t think we had a clue.”

He held up one hand. “Clueless. Yeah, that’s me. But I’m starting to feel more confident about doing daddy things. Your mom was a great teacher.”

She stilled for a moment, surprised by his choice of words.