The Gate to Everything (Once Upon a Dare Book 1) (21 page)

“What can I say to make this better, Grace?” She was so tightly wound, a gentle touch might shatter her.

“There’s nothing. Tony was right. It was my fault for talking to one of the customers.”

He reached for her hand. “I know that breaks your heart because you like to talk to people.”

“I don’t want to have to live my life always on guard, Jordan.”

He stroked the back of her hand. “I don’t like it either, Grace. Sometimes, I hate having to look at the person in front of me and wonder if they’re being nice to me because they’re nice or because I’m Jordan Dean.”

“I thought you stopped caring about that a long time ago,” she said, watching him with narrowed eyes.

“I’m not sure that ever goes away,” he said with complete honesty. “When my dad left, and I found out all the bad things he’d done, I wondered if he’d been…”

“What?” she asked softly. The tenderness in her voice gave him the strength to continue.

“I wondered if he’d been pretending to like me the whole time. Otherwise, why would he have done those things and then up and left us? He lied about so many things, maybe he lied about caring about me.”

She squeezed his hand. “Oh, Jordan. I’m so sorry. Whatever your dad did, I’m sure he loved you. You were his son.”

And yet he’d left without a word. “I’ve always wanted people to like me—really like me—because…” Oh shit, if he was going to be honest, he might as well go all the way. “Because then they won’t leave.”

Her eyes closed for a minute, and she looked down. “That’s gotta hurt—being worried about that.”

It sucked. Big time. “Sometimes, it’s in the back of my head that even the people closest to me don’t really like me. That’s why I pretend not to care about the haters. It’s my way of protecting myself.”

She was silent for a long time. “This helps me understand you. I’m glad you finally told me you feel that way.”

His chest wasn’t as tight now. “I’m glad I did too.”

“I wish I didn’t care so much what people said,” she said, putting her free hand to her forehead and rubbing it like she had a headache.

“It’s one of the things that made me fall in love with you,” he said, feeling the jolt in her hand as the words shot through her body. “Even when you left Deadwood for the big city, you never stopped treating people like we were living in a small town.”

“People deserve to be treated with respect and dignity,” she said simply, letting go of his hand and standing up.

“Not the ones who use you to get to me,” he said, rising from his chair as well and gazing at her steadily. “Not the ones who say you’re prettier in person. Grace, how could any man look at you and not see how beautiful you are? How your smile lights up a room? How your very voice both calms and excites? How your hands are sheer perfection, whether they’re holding a butcher knife or your newborn daughter? But mostly, how could any man look at you and not see how sweet and kind you are?”

Her chest rose with a deep breath.

“A man like that isn’t worth an ounce of your energy,” he said, crossing to her. “Do you believe that, Grace?”

He watched her eyes, making out the gold and browns around her irises. She, in turn, searched his gaze. “I want to, Jordan.”

He took a step closer, and when she didn’t back away, he took it as a sign.

“Then believe it,” he said, “if you’ve never believed anything else I’ve ever said to you.”

Her gaze was steady, and he could see the pulse pound in her neck. But he remembered Blake’s advice and stayed where he was, waiting for another sign from her.

“I’m afraid no one else is going to see it besides you,” she whispered.

Part of him wanted to shout to the rafters at that admission, but he knew it could pitch them either way: into the past or into the future.

“We couldn’t make it,” she said again, putting her hand tentatively on his chest.

It was another sign, but she’d had a tough night, and he didn’t want to press his advantage. “We didn’t let go of each other because we stopped loving each other.”

He heard her audible inhale and waited. One, two, three, he counted.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “We didn’t.”

Then she leaned her head against his chest, and since he didn’t know how else to soothe the agony in her voice, he put his arms around her.

Chapter 18
      

Grace knew letting Jordan hold her was a bad idea.

Being in his arms again reminded her of how long it had been since they’d touched each other except in relation to Ella. She’d missed it down to her bones.
 

When he’d told her all of the things that had made him fall in love with her, she could hear what he wasn’t saying—they were all still true for him.

Jordan wasn’t any less in love with her than she was with him.

Tonight she didn’t want to fight that any longer—even if she had no solution for what had torn them apart the first time. She let her hand trail up his chest to rest on his heart. Then she pressed back and gazed into those amazing blue eyes of his. She’d seen desire in them thousands of times, but somehow it all felt new again.

“Gracie,” he said in a deep voice. “Be sure.”

She wasn’t sure beyond this moment, but she was okay with that. She was tired of fighting what she wanted. Over these last few months, she’d fallen in love with a new side of Jordan, the doting, big-hearted father.

“Be with me,” she whispered, stroking his cheek with her other hand. “I want this. I want you.”

Jordan lowered his mouth to hers, keeping his eyes on her the whole time. When he kissed her, there was a new gentleness tempering the passion, love, and intention that were so deliciously familiar.
 

Grace opened her mouth to take the kiss deeper, but Jordan kept his pace slow. Grace felt the emotion boiling inside him. She could also feel his determination not to mess up, and somehow that soothed her tension. They were both in uncharted territory.
 

The natural fragrance of his skin, as beloved as it was familiar, had her hands caressing the defined muscles of his back. What had been a gentle kiss changed into something deeper, more urgent. Grace ran her tongue over his bottom lip and teased the seam of his mouth.
 

He gave a soft grunt of pleasure, and Grace pressed her tongue to his. He answered in timeless moves they’d perfected over years of kissing each other, and just like that, they fell back into the perfect ebb and flow of loving each other.

As the kiss built, Jordan slowly sucked on her tongue. When she gave a soft moan, he nipped her bottom lip at the corner. It was something that had never failed to make Grace groan.

He ended the kiss slowly, his heated blue eyes gazing at her steadily, gauging her mood, her passion. Even in the harsh light of the kitchen, she could see the flush of desire on his face.
 

He smoothed a hand over her cheek. “Are you sure, Grace? I…need you to be sure.”

He’d asked her that before, and it touched her that he would ask again. After his earlier revelations about protecting himself, she knew he was asking for him too. “I’m sure.”

He kissed her again on the mouth. “You have three minutes. Five minutes tops. I’ll be right back.”

Then she watched him walk out of the kitchen. She’d thought he was kidding, but when he didn’t immediately return, she went to the front door. Sure enough, he was running for the gate between their houses.

What in the world was he doing?

She gave a huff and headed upstairs to check on Ella one last time. If he’d said he was coming back, he was coming back. After ensuring their daughter was sleeping peacefully, she headed to her bedroom and took off her shoes from her perch on the bed. Her bedside clock said they were nearing three o’clock, and while she wanted Jordan, she was tuckered out. If he didn’t come back soon, she was going to end up asleep. She heard footsteps in the hallway and turned. He stood in the doorway, breathing hard.

“I think that was the fastest I’ve ever run,” he rasped out. “Tell me you’re still sure.”

Sue her, but he was even more attractive to her when he was slightly sweaty. “Why in the world did you take off like that?” she asked in exasperation.

He held up a packet of condoms. “I assumed you weren’t on the Pill, and while I love Ella, I didn’t think you’d be up for Irish twins.”

Good Lord. “Birth control.”

“Yeah,” he said, still not moving from the doorway. “I need you to say the words one more time, Grace.”

“I want you, Jordan,” she said and held out her hand to him.

“Thank God,” he said and strode forward with purpose toward the bed.

He joined her there and followed her down to the mattress, kissing her with increasing intensity. Oh yeah, this was the focused, intense lover she’d missed.

She gripped his back as their tongues dueled, wanting an anchor in this emotional storm buffeting them both. They’d come together after being apart before—when she’d gone to Italy for training or when he’d been away at training camp—but this homecoming was different.

She ran her hands under his T-shirt finally, needing to feel his bare skin, and on cue, he rose over her and stripped it off. All the saliva dried up in her mouth. Jordan was breathtaking with all his hard, taut muscles and six-pack abs. Reaching for the T-shirt she wore under her chef jacket, he nudged her hands aside and helped her remove it. Then, before she could blink, he unsnapped her bra. He’d always had mad skills that way.

He stopped and looked down at her breasts. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed these. How much I’ve wanted to see how they’ve changed.”

Her cheeks immediately flushed. “I…ah…they aren’t like they used to be. Jordan, I’m pretty self-conscious about this, but my breasts…ah…crap…they leak sometimes. I have no idea what they’re going to do…if you keep touching them.”

His gaze was all business now. “I’ve read about breastfeeding and sex.”

That was a shock. “What?”

“Before you go thinking I had ideas, first, I’m a guy, and second, I was curious. I want you to be comfortable, Grace. But you don’t need to worry about them leaking or squirting or doing whatever they want to do.”

Now she really wanted to squirm.
“Jordan.”

“You love having me touch your breasts,” he said, caressing the sides of them with his fingertips. “I want this to be good for you. So good.”

She arched her spine in response to his touch, which she did love. “Promise you won’t laugh, and if it gets too weird, I’ll cover them back up.”

“I won’t get weird,” he said, “but I promise to honor your wishes if you get uncomfortable.”

He leaned closer and kissed the curve of her breast, moving slowly but with determination. He caressed them, and when he tugged, she gasped.

“They’re pretty sensitive, and not in a comfortable way,” she said, and he fell back to kissing the sides again.

Watching her intently for cues, he grew adept in deciding where and how to stroke her. Pretty soon, he was kissing her mouth while caressing her breasts. Arousal pooled in her center, and she relaxed into it all.

“I’ve missed you, Gracie,” he whispered.
 

Grace looked at his face, so beloved to her. Those piercing blue eyes, the straight nose, the strong, stubbled jaw. There had never been really anyone for her but Jordan. The tie that held her to him both humbled and enraged her. But it was there.

It moved her, the slowness and care he was taking with her. Their last lovemaking had possessed none of this deliberateness.

“I’ve missed you too.”

He lowered his mouth slowly. Their tongues danced, and Grace caressed his jaw, her fingers tingling from his sexy stubble.

Not wanting to rush the moment, they kissed and kissed and kissed. Every now and then his hands would venture down to caress her breasts with careful intent while hers traced the defined muscles of his chest.

When he kissed his way down her neck to her belly, she let her eyes flutter shut. God, she was ready for him. But he paused, and she opened her eyes when he traced her Caesarean scar.
 

“I wish I could have endured this for you,” he said quietly.

Her heart seemed to expand like an over-filled balloon. “We got Ella out of the deal. That’s all that matters.”

“Thank you for her,” he said, meeting her eyes. “I can’t imagine my life with her—or you.”

Oh, the way he was weaving words tonight. She could barely soak it all in, so she only gave him a brilliant smile. He slid his hands to her hips and kissed her right below the line of the scar.
 

She flushed with passion. “I can’t wait,” she breathed out, lifting her hips so he could slide her pants off.

“You don’t have to.”

Like a pro, he tugged both her pants and panties off in one motion, pausing only to take off her socks and kiss the soles of her feet before nudging her legs apart.
 

He pressed a kiss to the core of her, and her loud groan filled the room.