The Gate to Everything (Once Upon a Dare Book 1) (14 page)

Autocorrect kept messing up his words, so he finally stopped texting and let himself process how it had felt to see Grace today. His heart had stopped. She had looked so scared and yet so beautiful. And her belly. The sheer size of it blew his mind, and when he’d felt her contraction while holding her in his arms…

Shit got real.

Meg came in about fifteen minutes later. He knew because he’d checked his watch at least twenty times. He jumped to his feet, spilling the magazines he’d arranged. The smile on her face might have been perfectly believable if not for the worry knotting her brows.
 

“Jordan, Dr. Saunders thinks it would be safer to do a Caesarean given everything Grace has gone through. There’s some increased bleeding now that labor’s started. They’re prepping her right now. Dr. Saunders gave permission for me to scrub in and assist.”

He’d felt nauseous watching the scalpel cut across the woman’s belly in the video. How much worse was he going to feel knowing that was happening to Grace? “I’m glad you’re going to be in there with her, Meg.”

She gave him a short smile. “Would you like to join us? Grace said she was okay with it if you are.”
 

His knees almost buckled. She was trusting him. Grace was finally trusting him. “Yes…that would be…great…just great.”

“Well, let’s get you in there.” She rested her hand on his arm for a moment. “It’ll be fine, Jordan.”

He took one of her hands and squeezed it. “I’m so glad you’re here, Mrs. K. What would we do without you?”

Meg led the way. Some medical assistants helped them both scrub up and don hospital gowns. When they walked back into the main room, he stopped short. There was a white shield across Grace’s chest to prevent her from seeing the procedure. Her engorged belly was bare and brightly lit under the lights.

He swallowed before cautiously angling closer, immediately intimidated despite the video he’d seen. Nothing could have prepared him for this. He was afraid they were going to hurt her, that the scalpel was going to do permanent damage. And there was nothing he could do.

“Welcome to the party, Jordan,” Dr. Saunders said, her dark eyes the only part of her face not hidden by the mask.

His head was buzzing so much he couldn’t form a response. Then Grace turned her head to look at him, and his legs went rubbery. That instant connection between them seemed to fill the room. Her moss-green eyes were scared and frantic.

He rushed forward and grabbed her hand. “I’m here now,” he told her, reaching deep for his strength. “It’s going to be fine, Grace. They’re going to take great care of you and our baby.”
 

She nodded frantically. “I’m glad you’re here, Jordan.”

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else,” he told her, his heart rapping against his chest.

The nurses pulled up a chair for him by the head of the bed. Had she feared he would faint? The chair was too small for him, so he sat on the edge. He was tall enough to see over the screen and couldn’t look away as the scalpel flashed under the bright lights. If Grace could endure this, the least he could do was bear witness.

Biting his lip under the mask hard enough to taste blood, he watched as the scalpel found its mark and drew a line across her belly. Blood followed in its wake.

Grace gripped his hand, and he feared she was feeling pain. “Are you okay?”

“There’s some tugging,” she said, her voice charged with emotion.

“It’s okay, Grace,” Meg told her. “Pressure is common even though the epidural numbs from the waist down.”

Suddenly Jordan’s eyes flew back to Grace’s belly. There was a lot of blood, but there was also a little baby being lifted out.
 

Holy shit.

“It’s a girl,” Dr. Saunders announced, holding up the baby for them to see.
 

She squalled at the top of her lungs, and Jordan was suddenly glad he was sitting down. His head exploded.
A girl.

Grace started crying, and soon he was pressing his cheek against hers, crying too.

“We have a girl, Gracie,” he said, his voice hoarse. “We have a daughter.”

“Oh, God,” she whispered. “A little girl. Oh, Jordan.”

He watched as the nurses took his daughter over to examine her and clean her up. They allowed Meg to help.

“She’s passed the Apgar test,” Meg said, swaddling her in a pink blanket one of the nurses handed her. She picked up the tiny bundle and brought her over to them. Tears were wetting Meg’s mask too.

Grace held out her arms, and her mom settled the baby down on her chest. Filled with wonder, Jordan released Grace’s hand so he could reach out to finger the blanket holding their daughter.

“She’s so beautiful,” Meg said softly. “You couldn’t have done better, you two.”

They huddled together as a unit, eyeing the small face protruding from the swaddling. Her eyes were slightly open and dark blue. She had small, cupid-shaped lips and a good crop of brown hair with a tinge of red. Delicate fingers barely rested outside the blanket, so small and transparent Jordan could barely comprehend it.
 

“Just look at her,” Grace said, tears running down her cheeks unchecked.

“She’s perfect.” Jordan reached out a shaking hand and gently ran a finger along his daughter’s cheek, amazed at how soft her skin was. “She’s so tiny.”

“She’s tiny because she’s early,” Meg said. “She weighed in at six pounds, two ounces. Not too shabby after everything she’s been through.”

He and Grace didn’t seem to know what to say after that. Both of them stared at their daughter and gently touched her face, their hands uniting in a mission to make sure she was real.
 

Meg smoothed a hand over Grace’s head. “They need to sew you up now, honey. Then they’ll take you to recovery. I’ll stay with you. The baby needs to go to recovery too, but you’ll get her back soon, I promise.”
 

“Wait!” Jordan said when he saw the nurse headed their way. “They’re taking her away?” No one had told him that. He felt a spurt of anger.

“Would you like to go with her, Jordan?” Meg asked. “Would that be okay, Dr. Saunders?”

“Sure,” the doctor said. “We need to put her in the NICU to keep her warm. But you can hold her for a few minutes beforehand, I think. Get to know your daughter.”

Grace grabbed his hand. “Go with her, Jordan. I don’t want her to be alone.”

The hoarseness in her voice had him fighting tears. “I won’t leave her alone, Grace.”
 

She sniffed. “I know we didn’t talk about names because of…stuff, but if it’s all right, I thought we’d call her Ella Allison. For your mom.”

Pain flashed in his heart.
“Grace.”

Allison had been his mother’s given name, but she’d gone by Alice most of her life. Jordan felt more tears spill. He quickly knuckled them away. “It’s a beautiful name. Mom would have loved it.”

Grace gave him a soft smile, and her green eyes seemed to glow now. He was mesmerized. “I think she knows, Jordan. I feel her here. Don’t you?”

Goosebumps broke out across his skin. “Yeah,” he agreed. He wasn’t a spiritual man, but he’d felt her presence at big games before. And he felt it now. That sense of peace and love that surpassed regular moments in life.
 

The nurse cleared her throat. “We need to take her to recovery.”
 

Jordan leaned down to kiss Grace’s cheek. “We’ll see you in a bit. I’ll take care of her, Grace, I promise.”

When she nodded fiercely, he carefully took the baby from her arms.

Ella Allison fit perfectly in the crook of his arms. He’d practiced with a doll at home, wanting to be ready. But she wasn’t a doll. She was his daughter, and the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen in his life.
 

“Follow me, please,” the nurse said, and he gave Grace one last look before heading to recovery.
 

Jordan sank into the rocker the nurse suggested he use. He was still trying to relax his arms, but he couldn’t stop staring at her. She barely moved, but when she did, it was to stretch—like she was expanding into all this new space after being tucked away in her mother’s womb for so long.

“You have that deer-in-headlights look that most first-time fathers have,” Meg said, making him look up.
 

She walked quietly across the room and placed a hand on his arm.

“It’s…” He struggled to form a sentence.

“Yeah, I know,” Meg said, patting him. “You did a good job in there.”

“Jesus.” He cuddled Ella closer. “I didn’t do anything. Grace did it all. Sorry I cussed. I’m…not myself. I’ve been working on cleaning up my language.”

Meg chuckled. “You came. You stood up. You comforted. That’s all fathers can really do anyway.” She looked down at her granddaughter’s face. “I can already see both of you in Ella’s features. She has the shape of Grace’s eyes and your nose.”

His eyes gazed down at his daughter, and suddenly he could see it too. He leaned his head against Meg’s arm, needing the connection to her. “Oh, Mrs. K.”
 

“Yeah, it’s pretty awesome stuff, Dad.”

“Dad,”
he muttered hoarsely. “That’s going to make me either freak out or cry. Not sure which right now.”
 

“Oh, you’re going to do just fine. I need to get back to Grace.”
 

He didn’t look up from his daughter’s face. He realized Ella’s hair had the same reddish tint as her mother’s. “Tell Grace I…”
 

His throat seized up as he heard the ticker tape in his brain play again.
I love her
, it seemed to shout. Anguished, he looked at Meg.

“Tell her I love her and that Ella’s okay,” he said finally, unable to stop the words from swirling out of him.

She looked down, and for a moment he was afraid she was going to say something, but then she simply walked out.

Jordan blew out a breath. It had been dancing on his tongue for months now. Whether Meg delivered the message or not was her choice. Right now, he was feeling all the love in the Universe.

All too quickly, they took Ella to the NICU.
 

As he waited alone, he grew restless. He flipped through magazines. He got up and sat back down. He paced. He wanted to see his new daughter. He wanted to see Grace. He felt bereft without them.

Meg finally came back a little while later to tell him that Grace had finished nursing, and he could return to her suite. He was caught off-guard, so he muttered, “Oh,” like an idiot.

Nursing. Breasts. Milk. Yeah, Grace wouldn’t want to share that with him. She’d always been modest, and he didn’t expect a baby would change that. The whole nursing thing was a mystery to him despite all he’d read. The articles and books all indicated it was an important element of the bonding between a mother and child. But he’d also read how much fathers enjoyed being included in that bonding, and he’d hoped Grace might let him be a part of it. He’d have to wait and see.

When Jordan entered the suite again, his bones melted like wax. Grace was lying back with Ella tucked into her arms, her head tilted so she could gaze down at the little face. He walked over, feeling time slow. Grace looked up when he pulled a chair next to her bed. Her smile was so radiant that he could only grin right back at her.
 

“Isn’t she the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?” she asked, pure joy cascading out of her like sunlight.

He nodded. Words were inadequate.

Grace handed him the baby, and he blinked down at her. Her little face, so peaceful, peeked out of the soft pink blanket. She seemed to be sleeping.

“You don’t have to share her,” he heard himself say.

Grace only smiled all the brighter. “Sure I do. Ella needs you too.”
 

Jordan cuddled her close to his chest. “Ella,” he said directly to his daughter for the first time and felt her stretch like she was already responding to her name.

When his eyes met Grace’s, he couldn’t look away.

Chapter 12

Grace ended up staying in the hospital for four days because of the C-section, and after weeks of bed rest, she was chomping at the bit to get out.

But Ella made everything worthwhile. She seemed to eat all the time. And when she stretched her little arms or cracked her eyes open, Grace felt so much love well up inside her, she was sure she would overflow with it. Then there were the practical matters of learning how to breastfeed and change the baby’s diaper carefully with the umbilical cord still intact, but Grace reveled in it.
 

When he wasn’t at the hospital, Jordan oversaw the rapid moving of Grace’s things from her apartment to the new house with Tony’s help. The baby’s room was already set up—had been for weeks—which was all Grace really cared about. So long as she had a bed to sleep in, it didn’t matter.

Jordan mentioned his house next door had just been finished as well. He seemed a little stressed about his own move, but Grace couldn’t be sure if it was because the reality of their new living arrangement was upon them.