The End of the Rainbow (25 page)

“No,” he said smugly as he stared at Tyrin.

“Well the shit hurts like hell and I am at a total loss without him.”

“I can only imagine, and I repeat imagine, what you are going through and I guess it can be hard to have someone there one

minute and gone the next, but in all honesty Tyrin this is your fault and I can’t pacify you too much because you brought this on yourself.”

“And that is the other thing that is pissing me off. What the hell was I thinking? No nigga was worth losing Khalil. I don’t even know where that little motherfucker is and he has fucked my life up completely. Spencer this is a fucked up situation I am in.”

“You right about that,” he confirmed as the telephone rang and he inadvertently answered it without checking the caller id. “Hello”

“Wassup man, I’m downstairs, buzz me up.” Khalil said into the receiver.

“You’re downstairs now?” Spencer nervously asked.

“Yes fool. Throw a robe on and buzz me up.”

“OK.” He buzzed Khalil in and looked at Tyrin. “You have to go. Now!”

“Why what’s wrong?”

“Khalil is about to walk through that door in about two minutes! You gotta go!” Spencer exclaimed as he hurriedly tried to remove Tyrin from the couch and push him toward the door. “Can you move a little faster please?”

“No. I need to see him and clear all this up.” he calmly responded.

“Not the fuck in here you don’t! Tyrin I will fight you my damn self if you don’t get out of my house.”

“This is the perfect opportunity for us to discuss things face to face. Calm down, I can handle Khalil.”

“You can handle Khalil? What the fuck you mean you can handle Khalil? He hates you and if he sees you here, he will hate me too. Tyrin, get the fuck out!” Spencer nervously stood in the middle of the floor and watched Tyrin unflinchingly sit on the couch and take another sip of his Vodka and Cranberry. “Tyrin, I am begging you to please not do this today. I am not in the mood for all this bullshit.”

“Why don’t you go into the bedroom and I will handle the rest. I don’t know why you’re stressing yourself out. This is between me and Khalil and I’m about to work it all out. This is God’s way of answering my prayer.”

“Are you thinking before you talk? You are really losing it man.”

“What else can I do?”

The knock at the door stopped Spencer’s heart and he stood paralyzed in the middle of the room hoping that this was all a dream. He looked at Tyrin calmly sitting on the couch unmoved by the unnerving situation and with all that was simultaneously going on he could not find the strength to place one foot in front of the other.

The knock came again and before he could react to it, Tyrin was already on his feet heading to answer it like he was owner of the residence. “Oh my God” were the only words that Spencer could force out of his mouth. As he tried to pace his breathing he almost passed out when he saw Tyrin’s hand touch and turn the doorknob.

Khalil stood in the hallway wondering what was taking Spencer so long to open the door. He was growing a bit anxious because on top of all that he just experienced at church with Tyrin, he wasn’t in the most patient mood. He let out a sigh when he heard the door about to be opened and relaxed a bit because he knew Spencer was about to turn his traumatic post church experience into a sitcom. The lunch with Corny was much needed and filled with the right advice, but Spencer always had a knack of helping him deal with his problems in from entirely different perspective.

The door opened and instead of being greeted by his best friend, he was welcomed by the face he was growing to hate. He was instantly filled with anger as he stared Tyrin in the face but then it dawned on him that this was not even a location in which he expected to see his whorish ex-boyfriend. He tried his best to come to a reasonable explanation within the five second lapse of time he spent in shock. The air was thick and neither of them knew what the other was thinking, but they were both certain that it was awkward.

Tyrin decided to test the waters, so he cracked a perfect smile and with a soothing voice of comfort said, “I am so glad you are here. Come in because I need to apologize for what happened earlier.”

“Are you motherfucking kidding me?” Khalil snapped. “What the fuck are you doing here and where the fuck is Spencer?”

“He’s in here; we were just having a few drinks. Come on in,” Tyrin calmly replied.

“A few drinks! A few damn drinks!” He pushed his way past Tyrin and stormed into the apartment. He saw Spencer standing in the middle of the room and just asked, “Why? Why would you kick it with him after all that he has done to me?” Spencer stood silent and Khalil waited for an answer. “I thought that no matter what you would always be up front and honest with me. I trusted you more than I trusted this bastard standing behind me. I told you everything and confided in you with my deepest secrets. You know more about me than anyone else in the world; we have been through the fire together!” He walked toward Spencer and with each step grew more and more tired of the entire situation. He felt overwhelmed with so many emotions and couldn’t find the reason or the mental strength to escalate this any further. He stood “I asked you whose side you were on and you said mine.” He began to chuckle and shake his head because it was finally sinking in that he was all alone. He took in a deep breath and just said, “Wow” before he turned and walked toward the door.

Tyrin stood in front of the door and said, “You and I need to talk. There are things we need to clear up and I am tired of you avoiding me.”“You’re tired Tyrin?” Khalil calmly asked.

“Khalil. It’s not what you think. Tyrin really loves and misses you, man. I think if you just listen to what he has to say, you may realize that you two can work through this. Just calm down for a minute and talk to him. Do you really want to throw it all away?” Spencer voiced his opinions from across the room.

“Are you kidding me Spencer? Are you really sticking up for this cheating ass motherfucker? What the fuck is really going on here?” he pushed his way past Tyrin and walked toward Spencer.

“We need to work through this and the only way we can do that is by talking to each other. We have been through stuff before and I know that we can make it through this.” Tyrin expressed while walking behind Khalil.

“Fuck you!” He blurted, without even turning to face him. His eyes were frozen on his best friend. He couldn’t find the words to express how he felt at the moment. Looking at Spencer and hearing Tyrin pushed him to a place of pure rage and he felt himself losing control.

“Really? Is that how the church teaches you to respond? I mean I’m new at this Jesus thing, so enlighten me as to how I am supposed to talk to you and still get into heaven?” He sarcastically asked.

Between the sarcasm in Tyrin’s voice and the shock of Spencer’s actions, he knew that if he didn’t leave now, he would end up in jail. “I can’t keep going through this because I’m going to end up killing you.” He turned and looked Tyrin square in the eye “I’m tired. Tired of you, tired of this situation, tired of all the surprises and new things around each corner. Let me make this very clear. On Tuesday I will come and pick up my shit. After that, I need you to leave me the fuck alone for motherfucking good. If you don’t, I will kick your bitch ass every single motherfucking time I see you. Now move your punk ass out of my way and let me leave so the two of you can finish your…” He looked back at Spencer and made sure there was eye contact before he finished the sentence with, “drinks.”

Tyrin was unarmed by the language and realized that it may be in his best interest to allow him to leave. Spencer never moved from that one spot or uttered a single word in his defense. After Khalil left the apartment he stood in silence and accepted the fact that he had crossed the line and possibly pushed Khalil out of his life for good. He wanted to run after him but had no idea what he could say to justify Tyrin being in his apartment.

“I’m going to leave.” Tyrin said to Spencer.

“Shit, you might as well stay now. The damage has been done.”

“I’m sorry if I broke up your friendship. I should’ve known better.”

“Yeah well as of late you haven’t been the sharpest knife in the drawer when it comes to decision making. What the hell am I going to do though? Lest you forget, he and I still work and own a shop together. This is going to get extremely awkward.”

“Can I make you a drink?” Tyrin asked as he closed the front door.

“Triple shot of Gran Patron. Thanks.”

NINETEEN

Khalil walked through the house doing last minute inspections. He wanted to make sure that everything of his had been removed and put onto the truck. In a few minutes all of this would be behind him and he could focus on getting on with his life. Since the unexpected discovery of the Tyrin-Spencer alliance he had to call in a favor to Corny and a few of the willing workers hovering outside the truck rental location. In five hours hours he and the four other pairs of hands were able to load up year’s worth of acquired merchandise.

The master bedroom now solely belonged to Tyrin and the kitchen was totally void of anything needed to prepare a decent meal. One of the guest rooms was totally empty, as was half of the living room. The only rooms that remained untouched were the weight room and the game room. He made sure that the carpet was vacuumed, floors mopped, glass cleaned, and bathrooms scrubbed. All that was left to do was leave the keys and garage opener in a place where Tyrin would find them, and be on his way.

“Who are all those fucking immigrants in my damn driveway?” Tyrin asked as he entered into the house closing the front door behind him. He walked through the mirrored entryway and stopped at the top of the three steps that led down into the living room. His eyes began to scan the room for any sign of vandalism and to his surprise the place looked unharmed.

“Hello Khalil.” Tyrin said from the foyer.

“Hi.” He nervously responded.

“So, this is it huh?” He asked. “I don’t understand why you didn’t want to do this face to face. I know you’re angry, upset, mad and whatever the hell else, but you could at least be man enough to handle this in a mature fashion.” His body was tense and his stiff demeanor was causing Khalil to grow a bit nervous.

“Actually I’m trying to be as cordial as possible in spite of all that is going on. What more do you want from me?”

“Really? It’s interesting how when you want to talk we talk, but when I try and be considerate to you, I’m shut out.” he said slowly walking down the steps. “So I take it that you have gotten all of your shit, oops, sorry pastor. Your
stuff
out of my house?”

“I left the keys and garage opener on the dining room table.” He felt himself wanting to argue the last statement but knew that it wouldn’t serve a purpose, so he just stood firm and watched his ex approach him in a very confrontational manner. The closer Tyrin got the more uneasy he felt, and without thinking he slowly began to back himself into the warm window behind him. “I’m going to leave Tyrin. I need to get the truck unloaded and returned to the rental agency by a certain time.”

“It’s like that now?” He asked with a chuckle. “You don’t even feel comfortable around me?”

The two were now standing face to face, one attempting to get closer, and the other desiring to get away. Tyrin placed his thumb over the scar on Khalil’s mouth and slowly caressed it as he reflected on the actions that led to its presence. Khalil smelled the liquor on Tyrin’s breath and turned his faced away from the scent, only to be further bothered by the hot window that was now resting against his cheek.

“Why are you running from me?” Tyrin asked as he firmly gripped his face in his hand. “Oh, I get it. You’re scared of me? You weren’t scared when I was pumping you from behind, so why the hell you scared now?” He placed his free hand on Khalil’s genitals while never losing eye contact with his obviously unwilling partner. Khalil tried to pry himself from between the glass and the stranger that had him pinned but the more he struggled the harder Tyrin gripped his face. He began to kiss and nibble on his exposed neck and grind his pelvis on Khalil’s trapped body. “Will you please stop? You’re hurting my damn face.” Khalil begged.

“You used to like it like this. Why are you tripping?” He pulled his erect penis out of his sweatpants and backed away from Khalil. As he stood there exposed in front of his unmoved ex, he realized that it was truly over between them. His anger mixed with hurt was too much for him to bear and his expressions showed his feelings of defeat. He slowly pulled up his sweats and stood there staring at his betrayed partner that no longer wanted to have anything to do with him. “You really don’t love me anymore do you?” he sadly asked.

Khalil felt the tears begin to stream down his cheek and was unsure if he should answer the question. The two stood in awkward silence for what seemed like an eternity before Tyrin went into a fit of verbal rage. “What the hell is wrong with you? Don’t you see that all of this is a sign that we were meant to be together? We both are positive, who else would want us? Stop tripping and just think about it? You’re being so fucking difficult and it’s driving me crazy! Fuck!”

“You have really lost your mind. Do you have any idea what you have done to my life? Do you know that because of you I can now never have children? Because of you I have to take medication everyday for the rest of my life? You have cut my life short and now you have the audacity to say that we are meant to be together. You really have issues!” Khalil felt his suppressed anger begin to flow to the surface and he was ready to deal with Tyrin head on.

“Issues, how can you say that to me? I would kill, as well as die for you, and you are going to stand there and say that I have issues. You’re never going to find anybody that loves you the way I do. Leave me? I dare you. Khalil I swear to God that if you even think about getting with somebody else, male or female, I will fucking kill you!”

“You swear to God? You don’t even know God! You cussed out a friend of mine in front of God’s House, so how dare you use him in a sentence.” Khalil began to walk toward the door and was glad that this ordeal was almost over.

“You think I’m bullshitting don’t you?” He said as he closely walked behind him. “You’ll be back! You were born gay and you’re gonna die gay, so you may as well hang all that church shit up and come back home!”Khalil was certain that he was going to make it, his heart was beating at a rapid pace and he knew that he was being followed but tried to show no signs of fear. As he was about to turn the knob he felt his head jerk back and his body was flung face first into the mirrored wall that paneled the entryway. The velocity of the impact caused his forehead to crack the glass and when he impulsively turned around to try and defend himself, Tyrin’s firm grip around his neck was pinning him into the shattered glass. “Don’t leave me Khalil. I can’t make it without you.” Tyrin’s face was covered with tears and beads of sweat were beginning to form on his forehead. His eyes were intense and the energy that was emerging from his body was filled with both pain and fear.

“Let…” Khalil struggled to speak as he embedded his nails deep into Tyrin’s forearm trying to get him to release. He couldn’t believe this was happening to him. He had given his life to God in the midst of a major trial and this was his payment. He was struggling to get his breath and as Tyrin squeezed tighter he felt his eyes fill with water and the room turned into a kaleidoscope of images. The pain in his neck accompanied with the throb in his forehead was becoming too much for him to bear. As the air grew thin and his lungs became tight, he knew this was it. Tyrin was going to kill him and there was nothing he could do about it, he had no strength left, the struggle was over and his body was growing weak.

“I love you.” He loosened his grasp and thrust his tongue down Khalil’s throat. Khalil stared at the ceiling and wanted so bad for all of this to finally be over. The act he was once a willing participant was now something that he wished would end. He couldn’t breathe and the harder Tyrin kissed, the less oxygen he was receiving. His heart was pounding in his chest and he needed Tyrin to stop but he didn’t have the strength to push him away. Finally, Tyrin removed his mouth and said, “I’ll be here when you get back.” Khalil hunched over grabbing his throat coughing, gasping for air and scared to move a muscle.

Khalil stood straight up and as his eyes met Tyrin’s, he wiped his lips and said, “I can’t believe we actually got to this point. You were everything to me and I lived for you. I loved you more than you will probably ever realize, but you got weak and selfish.” He paused to regain his composure. “I think that’s what hurts the most, your selfishness. And how you aren’t even willing to let me go and get my life back.” He looked into the changed man opposite him and felt his heart ripping in two. “I hate that I can’t hate you. I want to hate you so badly but I just can’t. I should hate you. I need to hate you, but Tyrin, what is killing me is that I can’t hate you.”

Tyrin felt his eyes begin to water as he looked into Khalil’s. He knew that the end had come. He realized that there was no way to salvage what had been done. As much as he wanted him to stay, he knew that it was not in the best interest for either of them. The anger he had at himself for allowing this to happen was overpowering. He moved away from Khalil, walked back into the living room and just sat on the couch. He was exhausted and had no more fight in him.

Khalil somberly stared at him for a moment before opening the door that led to the waiting world. As the sun shined into the foyer of what once used to be his palace of dreams, he stepped onto the walkway that would lead him away from it all. He walked outside thanking God for his life and noticed Corny looking at him with worried eyes. Corny rushed up to him, noticed the cut on his forehead and was about to rush into the house after Tyrin but Khalil grabbed him, “Don’t bother man. It’s over, it’s finally over. Let’s just go. I will be fine.”

“You sure? Man you don’t have to take this from nobody. Is he still in there?”

“Remember what you said to me at Roscoe’s?”

“Which part?” Corny asked in frustration.

“You said to let you know when I think it will be a good time for me to move on.”

“Oh yeah, I remember that.” he answered with a calming smile.

“Well I’m letting you know now, so let’s just go.”

He looked back at the house one more time, taking all of it in. He never imagined a day when he would be walking away from it all. But he knew that going back through those doors were no longer an option. He felt the warm summer breeze on his face and looked at the three workers waiting by the U-Haul. Corny began walking toward the truck and as he followed suit he had no choice but to understand that everything was part of a plan greater than his own.

He, along with one of the workers, hopped into his convertible and pulled away from the place he once called home. He entered Pacific Coast Highway, let out a sigh and said “OK Lord, it’s all on you now.” He turned up his Karen Clark-Sheard CD and as her sisters helped her sing
‘Jesus Is a Love Song’
, he looked over at his passenger and said “I hope you don’t mind gospel, because this is all I got right now.”