The End of the Rainbow (19 page)

Khalil sat stone-faced and bitter, realizing that his life had taken so many turns in just a week. One moment he was on a plane to the bay, and the next he was single, bruised, and possibly infected with HIV.

“I know that I am not the best example of how to live, but I do know that it’s all under control and in God’s hands. No weapon formed against you shall prosper.” Kerrion reached back, grabbed his hand, and squeezed it. Khalil returned the grasp, gave a weak smile, and asked, “Does that apply to gays as well?” He opened the door, got out of the car, and walked towards the open driver side window. He stared at Spencer, and the two stood in silence taking in the moment before he said, “Thanks, for everything.”

“No, Problem. I always got your back. Always. I don’t care what you need or where you are, I vow to always be there for you. You are my brother and I love you with all my heart. I just wish that there was more that I could do”

“You never answered my question from earlier.”

“Which one?” Spencer asked, puzzled.

“Whose side are you on?” After a brief pause he responded to the question that Lea enlightened him on, the one that caught him off guard, made him think like he never had before, “Yours. Know that and never doubt it.”

“Thanks, that’s what I needed to hear. I’ll call you tomorrow.”“Alright. Keep your head up. Love you.”

“Love you too.” Khalil looked around Spencer to Kerrion and said “I love you too bitch.”

“I know. I ain’t thinking about you Khalil. You just be sure to call us tomorrow and let us know what the doctor says.”

“Will do.” He smiled, turned and walked towards the house.

They quietly sat and watched their friend walk toward the front door of the house. The warm summer breeze blowing through the windows felt tropical and under different circumstances would have been a reason to stay out all night basking in its flow. But tonight was not the night for wayward activity; it was for the reality of their lives to set in. New beginnings were happening and the effects it would have on each of them would never be forgotten.

When Khalil disappeared through the doors, Spencer lowered his head, and for the first time since all this started, began to cry. Kerry watched his friend release all of the weight he had been carrying and pulled him close. As Spencer allowed the tears to fall on his friend’s shoulder, Kerry looked out of the window and wondered to himself, “Does God really have our back?”

He pondered the thought and an overwhelming feeling of conviction came over him, one he hadn’t felt since he was a teenager. Khalil’s response to his words of comfort really hit something inside of him and as he held Spencer, he wished someone were holding him as well.

“Momma?” he yelled out.

“I’m in the den!” He walked through the house and came upon his mother sitting in her favorite chair, feet up on the ottoman, reading one of her many Christian empowerment books. He walked over to her, placed a kiss on her cheek and found refuge on the floor with his back against the sliding glass window. She continued to read the last paragraph and then closed the book in her lap before she gave all of her attention to her son. She stared at Khalil and then tilted her head to the side to make sure she was seeing correctly.

“What happened to your lip?” she inquired.

“Tyrin and I got into an argument a couple of days ago,” he answered without looking up at her.

“You two physically fought each other? About what?”

“His past caught up with him.”

“It all started with this son situation, didn’t it?”

“Something like that,” he said, finally looking up at her.

“Where is Tyrin now?”

“In the hospital.”

She leaned up in her chair and was about to dig deeper, but opted to let him do all the talking. She reached over and grabbed her throw that was on the floor, covered her legs, sat back and waited for him to open up. “Long story short. Tyrin is a donor match for his son,” he paused and then blurted out the rest. “But his blood test revealed he has HIV.” He sat and waited for a reaction but Vanessa sat still and unmoved. “I found out he cheated on me a year or so ago, and we fought. He tried to kill himself and is now in the hospital because of it. I won’t know the results of my test until tomorrow. That’s it in a nutshell,” he said shrugging his shoulders.

Vanessa sat there like the rock she is and watched her son sit in his despair. The room was quiet as he waited for her to respond but she was waiting on God to speak to her. He twiddled his thumbs while looking down at the carpet and Vanessa tried her best not to get in God’s way.

There was so much she wanted to say but knew it wouldn’t be accepted right now; so she sat and waited on the words from her Lord. She was also busy praying for her own strength, even though she had the appearance of stone, her insides were screaming as she looked at her child sit in utter fear and discouragement. It was taking all she had not to crumble in front of her firstborn. “What time tomorrow do you find out?”

“I have to call her at 11:00.”

“And then what?”

“Well, if I’m positive, I will start a medication regimen. If I’m negative, which I highly doubt, I will start a new life.”

“So if the results come back against your favor, you will wallow in the past and not press on.”“Press on to what momma? I have nothing to look forward to. I can’t believe that everything I have worked so hard to achieve is gone. I thought I had overcome the odds, but instead I just got slapped in the face. This is really fucked up.”

“Khalil, you need to stop and reevaluate all that you have done. You have completed college, started your own business, and your clientele is unbelievable. You have made it this far in life without landing in prison, on drugs, or dependent on alcohol. I am proud of you. I look at you and just leap for joy because you have done what a lot of young men fail to do. You have gained your independence and made something of yourself.”

“But momma, he cheated on me. I trusted him with my life and look what he did to me. I would have never done that to him, or anybody for that matter. I feel so betrayed and used. Had I never met him I would be fine.” He was breaking down in front of her, something he never wanted to do. With each word uttered, he felt more and more of himself beginning to crumble to the ground. “I thought he was going to always be there, but now I hate hearing his name; I hate hearing his voice; I wish he would have killed himself so I could feel like I had been vindicated. He did this to me and he gets to live, it just isn’t fair.”

“Who said life was fair? You need to get a grip. This happened for a reason and nobody knows the reason better than you. Khalil you have been running on full for a long time and now that your tank is empty you want to throw in the towel. You have two choices, sit right here in this empty state, or get yourself some more gas and continue the journey. Life hurts and life is hard. I refuse to sit here and let you throw yourself a pity party. Get a grip and get one now! Tyrin messed you over, OK, next page, simple as that.” Her voice grew more stern and in control.

“It hurts momma,” his face red and covered with tears.

“What pain feels good? Tell me because I need to know.”

“I don’t want to die.”

“And you’re not going to. God isn’t finished with you yet. My prayer hasn’t been answered.”

“What prayer? Can we not talk about God right now! It’s his fault that I’m dealing with all of this.” he angrily responded with belief that if God had made him straight, he wouldn’t be going through this drama.

“Be careful with your tone. Don’t blame God for this. You decided to life this lifestyle, no one made you do it.” she responded with confidence.

“Really? You think so momma? You honestly believe that I woke up one morning and said hey I think I’m gonna be gay?” He got up off the floor and was about to leave, but then remembered that he had no way home.

“Let’s not open that conversation. You have enough on your plate to deal with at the moment without us discussing lifestyle choices. All I’m saying is that you need to work on your relationship with God. It’s time you start taking your spiritual side more seriously.”

“So if I get back in church, all will be well, huh? Ok, I’ll give that a try again and see how it goes.” He sarcastically responded while standing to his feet. He had set in his mind that if she decided to further discuss church, he would just walk home. “It’s gonna take a lot more than church to fix what I’m going through. I really wish people would stop thinking that church is the cure all for everything.”

“I never said church was the cure all. Church has nothing to do with it. It’s all about God and what he can do; not a building filled with folks that need help themselves.”

“Can we not talk about this right now? I’m really not in the mood to hear it.” He took out his cell phone and was about to call Spencer for ride home. He didn’t want to disrespect his mother, so he felt it was best to leave before he said something out of order.

Noticing the anger in his eyes, she opted to let the subject rest and move onto something else. She knew her son well enough to understand that he was at the point of no return, and rather than have him say or do something he would regret, she chose to diffuse the tension. “So have you and Tyrin discussed your living arrangements?”“Not in full.” He responded, appreciating that she let the last topic go. He felt it safe to stay and closed his cell phone.

“That needs to be your next step, because you need to start the healing process.”

“I don’t want to see him.”

“You have no choice in the matter, as long as he has stuff there, and you co-own property, you have to go through the same litigations as any separating couple. Get your game plan in order and hold your head up in the process. Khalil, do not let him see you break down behind this. Don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that every time he sees you there will be some type of altercation. Keep your cool, no matter what. As long as he knows that you are

still wound up and looking tore up behind all of this, he knows he still has a piece of you.”

“OK.”

“You’re staying here tonight?” she asked.

“If you don’t mind.”

“I’m not about to drive way out to Malibu, so I guess I have no choice but not to mind.” she smiled

“Thank you momma, I love you.”

“I love you too. Come give me a hug.”

As the two embraced, she steadily prayed for him and assured him that it was going to work out. She thanked God for keeping her strong throughout the encounter and wording her mouth in a way that would give her child comfort. Khalil didn’t want to let go of his mother; he needed to be held by her. As she squeezed tighter he felt pounds of pressure fall off his back. Weight that had been crushing him for days was being lifted and he finally felt hopeful about his situation.

*****

“I can’t wait to see you this weekend.” Andre sleepily said to Kerrion.

“I will admit that I am looking forward to seeing you as well.” he replied as he poured himself another glass of white wine and sat back on the couch.

“How are things going down there with Khalil and all that?”

“He is trying to deal the best he can but I know that this must be a hard blow for him. He saw Tyrin today and another cat was let out of the bag.”

“Damn, for real? Did he come to the house to pick up his stuff or something; I mean how did their paths cross?”

“Oh I didn’t tell you. The punk bastard tried to kill himself this morning.”

“Shut up!” Andre exclaimed in disbelief.

“Yep. He tried to slit his wrists in his hotel room and the person next door called security on his dumb ass. Khalil ran to the hospital like a caring wife only to discover that the cheating shit happened on more than one occasion, so that really fucked him up.”He took a sip of his wine and awaited Andre’s response.

“Their shit is turning into a soap opera. I mean I knew that brothers cheated but this is going to the next level with all of the drama. It’s kind of scaring me.”

“How so?”

“I don’t want to go through that bullshit. I can stick with females if dealing with dudes is going to be just as complicated.”

“Bitches cheat too, don’t get it twisted.”

“Yeah, but baby peep this. If a girl fucks you over you can pretty much talk to anybody about it. If a dude gets over on you it’s a totally different feeling. I would be embarrassed if a brother played me. I hope you ain’t into all of that foolishness? Because to be honest you only got one time to fuck over me and I am out,” Andre said.

“One time huh? So are you telling me that I can only make one mistake and then you are gone? I mean if that’s the case we might as well hang up the phone now because I can guarantee you that I will make mistakes.”

“Just for clarity. Fuck over me, and make mistakes are two totally different situations altogether. Fuck over is what Tyrin did to Khalil. A mistake, is forgetting to pick up my clothes from the cleaners, get it right my brother.”

“I feel you.”

“Do you really?”

“Yes I do.” Kerrion said smiling.

“What you feel?” Andre asked, casting the bait.

“I feel that I am starting to care for you. I feel that you are starting to care for me. I feel that this weekend is going to be something beautiful. Let’s see, I feel that if you play your cards right everything is going to be alright.”

“I’m leaving it all up to you.” Andre broke into song.

“I see somebody knows Alicia Meyers.” Kerrion said.

“I see somebody knows how to express their feelings.” Andre replied.

The two sat on the phone for another hour and then realizing the time decided to call it a night. Andre rolled over and stared at the clock, counting down the minutes until he would be able to see the man he was catching serious feelings for. He hoped that what he had witnessed between Tyrin and Khalil would never happen to them. He knew that all relationships had problems but theirs took the cake. The gentle sounds of the couple upstairs making love caused an un-welcomed feeling of loneliness to overtake him. He was too tired to satisfy himself so he threw a pillow over his head and forced himself to drift off to sleep.