Tangled Web (11 page)

Enter Grant. She’d known Grant for two
years, and he’d been content in the background, pursuing her with a
slow-and-steady pace. She hadn’t led him on, but she hadn’t had the
heart to push him away. The next time he asked her on a date, she
accepted. And Katie found that, after the chaos she’d witnessed
with Johnny, steady Grant was a welcome change.

Or at least she had thought that until
Johnny breezed back in her life again.

She’d stopped by Johnny’s mom’s house after
work, and his mom told Katie that Johnny was down at Bad Boys, one
of the local biker bars. She explained to Katie that Johnny was
auditioning band members, and Bad Boys had offered to let Johnny
use the bar. His mom treated Katie like she always did, so Katie
hoped Johnny hadn’t told her about what had recently transpired
between the two.

Katie almost visibly shuddered. She would
never go to Bad Boys of her own accord. She had nothing against
bikers, but she knew that most of the bar fights in town occurred
there. She’d heard far too many stories. But she needed to see
Johnny, now that she’d had time to think and compose herself. She’d
left a couple of messages with his mom that he hadn’t returned, so
she knew she had to see him face to face. She knew Johnny well
enough to know that he’d be leaving town again soon, and she also
knew that he could be gone for several years once he left. She
didn’t want years to pass between them without talking about what
had happened between them.

She walked into the dark bar. Smoking in
restaurants and bars had been long outlawed in Colorado, but this
particular tavern still smelled of old stale smoke and even older,
staler beer. Several of the light fixtures were in disrepair, so it
was gloomy inside, but the old stage up against the back wall was
well lit. She knew that’s where Johnny would be. There weren’t many
people inside the bar right now. As she walked toward the little
stage, she saw Johnny’s back, a guitar strap breaking up the smooth
line on a diagonal. He faced three other men--one at a drum kit,
one holding a bass guitar, and the other at the microphone. Even as
she got closer, she couldn’t hear what he said, but his posture was
straight and confident. She hoped his search for new band members
was going as well as he’d wanted.

She sat at a table in front of the stage and
when a cocktail waitress came around to ask for an order, she felt
obliged to buy a drink. She asked for a beer and waited patiently.
Johnny started strumming a few chords while telling the other guys
something, and the bass player started playing a matching chord.
The waitress delivered the beer to Katie, and Katie paid her and
tipped her well. The band played a few notes and Katie thought she
might recognize the tune as one of Johnny’s old songs, but she
couldn’t be sure. Meanwhile, a knot tightened and twisted in her
stomach. She felt a little relieved after talking with Grant a few
days ago, but she wouldn’t feel one hundred percent until after
talking to her friend. He turned around finally and saw her. She
couldn’t quite make out his expression, but he wasn’t necessarily
glad to see her.

He finished playing the riff he’d been in
the middle of and then faced the other three guys again. “Let’s
take five, okay? Or you guys can keep playing if you want, but I
need a few minutes.” He looked at Katie. “I have some other
business to attend to for a little bit.”

Katie looked down at the open mouth of the
brown beer bottle she was holding. She hadn’t even sipped it.
Johnny jumped down off the stage to right in front of the table.
“What’s going on?”

“I just wanted to talk to you for a little
bit. If now’s a bad time--”

Johnny shook his head. “No. I guess this’ll
be fine. I only have a few minutes.” Katie nodded. “Let’s go
outside.” Katie followed Johnny, walking quickly to keep up with
his pace. Once outside, away from the door, Johnny said, “So?”

Katie sighed. He wasn’t going to make this
easy. But she had to do it. She forced herself to look up into his
steely eyes. “Look, Johnny, I just wanted to apologize for the
other night. You were right. I should have told you what was going
on in my life. It wasn’t fair to you or Grant that I kept any of
that a secret.”

“It wasn’t just unfair, Katie. It was like
lying.”

She screwed up the right side of her lip.
“Yeah. I guess you’re right. But I want you to know I never meant
to hurt you.” She heard her voice wavering and fought to keep it
steady. “I want to know that we’re still friends.”

Johnny shrugged but said nothing. Katie felt
that she had to keep going, had to say everything that had been on
her mind for so long. “You made me realize something, Johnny. I
didn’t realize how miserable I was with my life until you came back
in it. I had settled down, really settled for a boring,
unsatisfying life, but you made me see that I wasn’t happy. So the
good news is that I am making some changes, big changes, in my
life. I’m too young to be saddled to a job I hate, in a house I’m
not happy with, in a life that makes me sad. So...thank you for
helping me see that.”

Johnny’s eyes seemed to soften. After a few
moments, he said, “Good for you. You should do what makes you
happy.”

The knot in her stomach moved up and wound
itself around her heart. “Johnny?”

“Yeah?”

“Are we okay? I know I’ve betrayed you, but
can you ever forgive me? I just want to know we’re going to be
okay.”

Johnny’s jaw was clamped tight. At last, he
opened his mouth and said quietly, “Yes, Katie, we’re still
friends. But I need time. And space. I really don’t want to talk
about this anymore, and I have work to get back to.” She nodded,
her eyes drifting down to look at the Harley-Davidson logo on his
t-shirt. He didn’t say anything until she forced herself to look at
him again. “So, are we done?”

That hurt. Katie couldn’t keep looking in
his eyes, and they dropped back to his chest. “Yeah, I guess
so.”

And, with that, he went back in the bar as
fresh tears streaked her cheeks. She found solace in the fact that
Johnny said their friendship was still there even though he needed
time away from her. She’d be sure to give him that.

Katie sat at the table in the creative
writing lab, letting her pencil draw swirls on the notebook paper
in front of her. She hadn’t had a student sit at the table in over
an hour, and she was biding her time until she could leave. She
considered drafting a poem for her poetry workshop class, but she
knew that a student was sure to show up if she started. So she
continued to doodle.

While her pencil moved, her mind wandered
too. She was giving serious thought to Daniel, the history
professor who’d been asking her to go on a date for several months.
She hadn’t told him “no” outright, and so he kept asking.

She’d met him this morning at the college
coffee cart, and they’d sat at a table to talk for a few minutes.
They’d first met back in September at that very same place. He’d
asked her what she taught. She’d laughed at his mistake and
explained that she was a new graduate student in Creative Writing.
As an apology, he bought her coffee and they sat and chatted. He
was tall with broad shoulders and dirty blonde hair and at least
five years older than Katie. But he wasn’t bad looking and was
charming, with his quick smile and gentle voice. Before they parted
ways that day, he’d asked Katie for her phone number. Katie gave it
to him but also warned him that she was, for the time, not ready to
date. He said, “No pressure,” and the two of them continued to meet
for coffee once a week. During the spring semester, they were still
able to meet on Wednesday mornings; they just met a little later in
the morning than they had in the fall.

This morning, Daniel had asked again. He’d
said, “Look, Kate, I understand how past relationships can damage.”
He laughed. “Why do you think I’m almost forty and have never been
married?” She lowered her eyes, first to the table and then to the
ring finger he was tapping on with his right index finger. She was
ready to utter yet another apology when he said, “Man, what did the
last guy do to you?” No way could she tell him it hadn’t been the
guy’s fault. Correction: guys. It had been Katie, all Katie. She’d
hurt the man who’d proposed to her, who’d professed to her that he
imagined the two of them growing old together, walking the beach
hand in hand with snow-colored hair, all the more striking
juxtaposed against their deep tans, an image that had always made
her smile. But she’d also hurt the man who’d been her oldest, most
trusted friend, one who had known her as a child, who had shared
the journey into adulthood with her, a person who’d never judged
her, had simply loved her, the man that she had loved since she was
still a girl.

Maybe, though, it was time to stop dragging
that luggage around. In the silence of the writing lab, Katie began
to give Daniel more serious thought. He was an intelligent man, one
whom she found interesting. He was considerate and thoughtful. What
could it hurt to at least give it a try? If it didn’t work, no big
deal. Her heart couldn’t hurt worse than it had in the past, could
it, especially if they proceeded with caution?

Finally, the clock moved its hands to
announce that it was five minutes to two, and Katie figured that
was good enough. She was tired of pondering her thoughts. Her
fellowship this semester required that she teach two undergrad
creative writing classes and staff the creative writing lab three
days a week. For some reason, Wednesday afternoons seemed to always
be the slowest (which was why the lab closed at two instead of four
on Wednesdays), and she doubted her advisor would give her grief
for leaving a few minutes early. She looked around the room, from
the mural painted by one of the art students several years ago of
famous American creative writers covering one entire wall (Emily
Dickinson, Edgar Allen Poe, Mark Twain, John Steinbeck, Ernest
Hemingway, Toni Morrison, and even Stephen King among dozens of
others stared down at the rough drafts of creative writing students
in the lab--talk about pressure) to the warm brown couches and the
more practical padded office-type chairs surrounding the hulking
oak table in the center. Then she finally shut the lights off and
closed the door, inserting the key on her chain.

As she was removing the key from the lock,
she heard someone down the hall. “Katie. Katie!”

She looked toward the familiar voice. It
belonged to Heather, her roommate. Heather walked as quickly as her
tiny feet would carry her. Katie was always surprised at how lithe
Heather was, but she would never say anything to Heather about it,
because she thought Heather might be sensitive about her weight.
The young woman was by no means obese, but she was overweight by at
least thirty pounds. And Katie always expected the girl to lag
behind because of it; instead, Katie’s short legs often had
problems keeping up with Heather.

The young woman, almost ten years younger
than Katie, was indeed breathless when she caught up to her.
Heather’s large blue eyes sparkled and deep dimples appeared in her
cheeks as a smile spread across her face. “What’s going on?” Katie
asked.

“Oh, my God! You’ll never believe it!”

Katie slipped the key in her backpack and
slung the pack over her shoulder, starting to walk back the way
Heather had just come, Heather beside her. “Try me.”

“KPQI is giving away concert tickets right
now!”

Katie smiled and continued walking. “Yeah,
so? They’re always giving away concert tickets.”

“But...” Heather paused and stopped
walking.

Katie got a few paces ahead before she
realized she was walking alone and turned to face Heather. “But
what, for heaven’s sake?”

Heather inhaled deeply. “You said J. C.
Gibson was one of your old friends.”

Katie’s heart sunk at the mere mention of
Johnny’s stage name. Yes, of course, he was an old friend, but they
hadn’t spoken since she’d gone to Bad Boys and begged for his
forgiveness... and she still wasn’t sure she had it, no matter his
assurance. “Yeah...”

“Well, his new band had an interview a
little bit ago on KPQI. I tried calling your cell, but I figured
you were with a student. Anyway, they’re still at the station, and
they’ve been giving away tickets to their concert tonight all
afternoon!”

Katie smiled and began walking again.
Heather took the hint and rejoined her side as they walked out the
front doors of Crawford Hall. “I take it you’re wanting to go to
the concert?” Heather nodded. “Aren’t the tickets sold out?”

“Well, yeah,” Heather exclaimed as if Katie
had just asked her a dumb question. “Shock Treatment in concert
with Bitch Slap and Alien Invasion. Are you surprised?”

Katie’s mouth screwed up at one corner.
“Really? No.”

“So don’t you wanna go?”

Katie thought about it. “I don’t know. I
don’t think so.”

“Oh, my God. What’s wrong with you?”

Katie shook her head. “I don’t think I’ve
ever told you the whole story, have I?” Katie continued walking
down the sidewalk, but Heather tugged her arm.

“I’m parked over here.” She cocked her head
toward the parking lot. Katie had planned on walking to their
apartment as she usually did, but of course she’d take a ride with
Heather. “So there’s a story, huh?”

Katie sighed. “Yeah, and I’m afraid if I
tell it to you, you’ll think a lot less of me.”

“Oh, puh-leese,” Heather wheezed, her smile
causing her rosy cheeks to crowd her eyes, making them look like
she was squinting. “I somehow doubt it. You know I worship you.
You’re my muse. And I guess if you’re flawed, that’s why you’re
such an awesome writer.”