Tangled Web (15 page)

She nodded again. “Yeah, but I found out
before I left that dad already had cancer. I couldn’t go. So I went
to WCC and then transferred, and by then I already had plenty of
credits that applied to sociology, and my advisor steered me there.
There was no value to a creative writing degree, she said. Creative
writing degrees were a dime a dozen. She told me I could write
while working at a job that paid the bills. So I just did it--she
told me sociology was a diverse and growing field, and I had the
aptitude for it. And before you know it, I’m pulling bruised and
broken kids out of alcoholic homes, neglected and sick kids out of
meth homes, and counseling parents who have no clue how to keep a
clean house and pay the bills. It’s an important job, but it was
killing me.

“I don’t regret staying home to go to
school. In fact, I think I would never have forgiven myself if I’d
missed that time with dad. But you reminded me of how I felt when
we were ready to leave school and conquer the world, when we had
hopes and dreams, and...”

He lowered his head, peering into her eyes.
“And?”

“Well, I’m going to school here in Denver
now, working on an MFA in Creative Writing.”

“What’s an MFA?”

“A Master of Fine Arts. I should be done in
another year or so.”

“So now you’re going for it.” She nodded.
“That’s good, Katie. You should.” His face was unlined and earnest,
his eyes peering into hers.

She had so much more to say, but she was now
close up to him, her face less than a foot away from his, those
dark blue eyes framed by long, dark lashes almost crying out to
her. She wanted to profess her deepest feelings to him, but she
didn’t think she’d be able to get the words right. Maybe on paper
she would’ve had a chance, but here, live, she doubted herself. She
wasn’t an impromptu stage performer like Johnny. And being near him
again, all she could do was remember their one night together as
they were meant to be. It had been almost a year ago, and yet she
could remember the way his tongue tasted in her mouth, the way his
back muscles had felt under her fingertips, the way his skin
smelled, the way his hands felt on her breasts, her hips, her back.
She couldn’t forget the feeling of being so close with someone who
had meant so much to her for so long, who knew her inside better
than anyone else and yet had never tasted her intimately until that
one time. It was a perfect feeling, and it had lasted but a few
short minutes, before the guilt had weighed her down. And now she
had no reasons to feel guilty anymore. She stared into those eyes
of his that were as blue as the Rockies on a clear day and couldn’t
hold herself back any longer. She had no way to stop herself, and
she watched as though from outside as her hands cupped his cheeks.
She closed the gap between them and brushed his lips with hers.

But the brush became insistent. He seemed to
pause at first as she kissed him, but he responded quickly. As her
arms wound around his neck, his wrapped around her waist and pulled
her closer. And Katie thought that maybe her lips could say what
her voice hadn’t been able to.

Their kisses became almost frantic. Johnny,
still leaning against the counter, parted his knees to pull Katie
up close so their bodies were touching. His hands rested on the
small of her back, and there was no space between them. She paused
and opened her eyes to look at him. Was this really what she wanted
to do?

Yes. No words passed between them as she
pressed her lips against his once again. She felt her breathing
deepen and she wound her hands through his hair above his neck. She
didn’t think she wanted to go too far tonight, but kissing him felt
so right. She felt every nerve fiber stand on end, electric and
tingling. Johnny’s expert tongue was warm and firm in her mouth and
she decided she wanted to see just how far they could go.

She kept her left hand wound in Johnny’s
hair but slid her right hand down his neck, down his chest to his
waistband. She moved her hand underneath his shirt, slowly moving
it back up, gently feeling one ridge of muscle after another. God,
he was ripped. She glided her hand up to his pec and rubbed his
nipple. He sucked on her bottom lip and then released it. As his
lips moved to her neck, she moved her hand to his back. He began
kissing her neck and she moaned. She pressed her fingers into the
flesh of his smooth back and felt her nipples harden as he
continued moving down her neck. “Oh, Johnny.” She felt him stiffen
under his pants pressed up against her pelvis. Yeah, he felt too
good, too good not to.

He stood up, breaking the connection with
Katie, leaving her feeling disoriented. He moved the few feet to
the door, half twisting the doorknob. She heard a sound of disgust
exit his lips. He started looking around the room, then grabbed the
old floor buffer and slid it across the room to in front of the
door. Katie understood now--there was no lock on the door but it
was
going to happen, no doubt about it.

Johnny turned around to face her and picked
her up, wrapping her legs around him. He assaulted her lips with
his, and she opened them while he walked back to the counter and
sat her on the edge. He parted from her and looked down at her
corset. “God, you’re hot.” He kissed the top of her
larger-than-usual right breast. “I have no clue how to even get
this goddamn thing off you, so fuck it.” For an instant, Katie
thought of Johnny’s impatience with her white satin blouse last
year. He instead unbuttoned her jeans and then stuck his tongue
back in her mouth, rubbing his hand on top of her panties.

She sucked in a deep breath and reached for
his pants too. She couldn’t wait. She didn’t know what to say, only
knew she was desperate. She didn’t want to say the cliché that
she’d read in hundreds of women’s books, that she wanted him inside
her. But she did. Badly. His other arm held her between her
shoulder blades as her head hung back. He began kissing her just
below the hollow in her neck. She arched her back. She unzipped his
vinyl pants and reached her hand in, finding his rock-hard cock.
“Just fuck me, Johnny.”

And so he did. She shimmied her panties and
jeans down her thighs while he pulled a condom out of his wallet
and in less than a minute he
was
inside her. One of his
hands still supported her in the middle of her back; the other was
cupped gently around a breast, his finger and thumb massaging the
nipple through the corset. Her left arm rested on the small of his
back and she moved her right hand up to his head, running her
fingers through his hair again. She pulled his head toward her and
opened her mouth to his. She wanted to take all of him as deeply as
she could. And he felt so good. He moved in her rhythmically until
her breathing grew deeper, deeper, when at last she climaxed and
Johnny followed shortly after.

As their breathing slowed, Johnny rested his
damp forehead against hers, still holding her up. Then she slumped
so that the back of her head rested on the mirror. She felt
exhausted. It had been a long day and an emotional night. But it
was good. It was very good.

Katie stretched, pulling her jeans up.
Johnny already had his pants zipped up again. His eyes seemed to
sparkle and he had a slight grin on his face. Katie couldn’t
imagine the future, but she knew that now everything would be all
right, would be pretty close to perfect. She ran her fingers
through her hair and couldn’t help but smile.

She felt shy talking to Johnny about it.
Stupid. She had just fucked him in an uninhibited manner, dozens of
people in the room next door, and now she was tongue tied? Besides
that, they’d known each other since they were kids. And now she
felt like she couldn’t even broach the subject? She bit the corner
of her lip and drew in a deep breath. As she eased herself up to
sit on the counter, she realized it emphasized how short she was as
her legs dangled. But she felt at ease there. “So now what?” She
could feel her cheeks were warm and flushed.

Johnny was smoothing the vinyl fabric on his
thighs. He looked up. “Well, I say we go back to the party and eat
us some beers.”

Katie chuckled in the back of her throat.
Leave it to Johnny. “No, I mean...us.”

Johnny straightened up. He looked up and
shook his head. “What d’ya mean? Nothing’s really changed, has
it?”

Katie felt the smile wane, but she refused
to believe anything was amiss. “Yeah. It kinda has.”

Johnny reached down, tugging at the tongue
of his right boot, straightening it out. He looked up. “No, not
really.” He finished messing with the tongue and stood again,
leaning his left shoulder against the wall where the floor buffer
had once been, looking at her. Katie didn’t say anything but felt
her eyebrows draw together slightly. “Here’s the way I see it. We
were friends walking in here; we’re friends when we leave.” Katie
nodded as though each up-and-down motion were a chore. “And, hell,
it’ll be nice to have a friend here in Colorado when I tour. You’ll
be my woman at this port.” He held one hand over his chest and
stuck the other in the air. “I promise you’ll be the only woman I
fuck in Colorado or any adjoining states.” His eyes moved to her
breasts and then back to her eyes. “And, shit, wear that fuckin’
Renaissance top next time I’m here, and I’ll try to figure out how
it works. God, that makes your rack look incredible.”

What the hell was he saying? Katie felt like
she was hearing a foreign language that she was having to translate
as it hit her ears, and it delayed her response. Finally, she felt
her mouth slacken in disbelief, but she still couldn’t bring
herself to say anything. Her face must have given her away, though,
because Johnny stood up straight and said, “That’s what you wanted,
isn’t it? A friend with benefits?”

Katie finally found her breath. “Is that
what you think?”

Johnny smirked, the corner of his mouth
turning upward. “Where does
thought
come into play? Have we
actually
thought
about any of this?” His eyes lost their
twinkle and grew cold.

Katie was seeing a side of Johnny she
honestly hadn’t even known existed. He was being a
dick
.
“What are you saying?”

Johnny walked toward the door, pulling the
floor buffer to the side. “I’m saying that we’re friends, Katie.
We’ll always be friends, no matter what. And if you wanna be
friends with benefits, I’m cool with that too. ‘Cause, hey, that
was an awesome fuck tonight. A great way to end a show. Now, I’m
gonna go enjoy my fans. Why don’t you come join me?” And with that,
he walked out the door.

Jesus Christ. Katie felt the breath rush out
of her lungs, ripping out of her body like a stock car. She splayed
her fingers out on the counter to steady herself, but she felt
weak. He could have hurt her less if he’d just kicked her in the
stomach with those combat boots.

So now she was just a steady fuck when he
toured in Colorado? Seriously? She shook her head. God. Either he
was such a freaking womanizer that it didn’t matter that she was
his oldest friend, or she’d hurt him so badly that he’d closed off
every sensitive part of himself. She had to believe the latter,
because the former was just too harsh to believe. She’d known
womanizers before, and some part of them was sociopathic--they just
couldn’t relate to people on a personal level at all. They didn’t
know how to care. But that wasn’t Johnny. Was it?

No, she couldn’t believe it. But the other
truth was just as horrible. It told her that she had sliced his
emotional core from limb to limb and he wasn’t going to open
himself up to hurt anymore. Just the thought made the tears begin
to drop at thunderstorm pace, until she was wiping them away, still
unable to see through the blur of salty water. She saw a roll of
stiff unbleached paper towels and tore some off, rubbing the rough
edges against her nose.

She cried for several minutes and then told
herself she had to stop. This was ridiculous. She decided she was
going to cry at home. She didn’t want anyone coming in, asking her
what was wrong. The wound was still bleeding. She didn’t want to
talk about it until it started to scab over.

She slid off the counter and turned around
to face the mirror. God, she looked horrible. She tore off more
paper towel and rubbed underneath her eyes, hoping to remove most
of the smudged makeup. Then she smoothed her hair and threw the
paper towels in the army green metal trashcan under the counter, on
top of the rubber that was probably still warm. She took a deep
breath. She decided she would just ease out of the place if she
could get away with it. If not, she’d wave a quick good bye and
slap a smile on her face as she walked out the door.

She heard a chant going on in the other
room. “Drink it! Drink it!” She cracked the door open a few inches
and peeked out. She saw the entire crowd turned toward the other
side of the room. Two guys from the first band had cups of beer and
were in some kind of drinking contest, or else something else was
going on that Katie probably didn’t want to know about. But it
offered her a perfect opportunity to slide out the door unnoticed.
She didn’t even have to tiptoe. Johnny was in the middle of the
crowd and stood out--between the red shirt and his height, it was
hard to miss him. Heather and Kiefer were now sitting on a
sectional in the corner opposite the drinking game, intent in
conversation. Katie wouldn’t find a better opportunity than this,
and so she walked in a diagonal toward the door, as though a serial
killer were hot on her heels. And she escaped without anyone seeing
her. Or, at the very least, without following her.

* * *

Katie rarely had the opportunity to ride on
the light rail, but she would tonight. She lived just a few blocks
from campus and always walked, rain or shine. And when she and
Heather had to go grocery shopping, they would take one of their
cars. She just didn’t have need for the light rail very often. But
she would tonight; she knew it would drop her off on campus. She
just had to find which route to take. But it didn’t matter. She
didn’t want to go home right now. She just wanted to be alone and
think, really think.