Take a Deep Breath (Lake of the Pines) (7 page)

“I can understand that. I wouldn’t expect less from you Liv.
You were really young and thought you were doing the right thing I’m sure.”

“I really did think I was doing the right thing for Sara.
That’s why I stayed in the marriage for so long. I can’t have any regrets. I
have Sara. Besides, it wasn’t all bad. Things were good for Ron and me in the
beginning. When we first met, he swept me off my feet. I couldn’t get enough of
him - I guess that’s obvious since I got pregnant - but the feeling was mutual.
We were so into each other. And then, I don’t know...things changed. I’m not
sure what went wrong or what I did…” Her voice trailed off. “I’m sorry. I don’t
mean to go on about my ex-husband.”

“I don’t mind Livvy. I really don’t. I want to hear about
your life. I want to hear about your hopes and dreams. I want to hear about
you. What I don’t understand is if you don’t love him then why are you
confused?”

“It’s just that sometimes I wonder if I deserve to be happy.
I wonder if I was being too selfish by leaving. I wonder if I tried hard enough
to be a good wife. Did I put my own needs and happiness above my daughter’s? Am
I a bad mother for making her shuttle between homes? God, I’m a divorcee. I always
thought marriage would be forever. But it got to the point where staying was
worse than leaving. But now I just don’t know if I can do it alone, especially
when I seem to be on the edge of sanity half the time.”

“Stop talking like that right now!" Cam raised his
voice.

Liv was startled. She shook her head. “It’s true. I know
it’s all in my head. If only I could just stop worrying about every little
thing. Ron was right. I
am
crazy. ”

“That is ignorance on his part. You’re no more insane than I
am! Lots of people have anxiety attacks. You just happen to be one of the
unlucky ones whose emotional side takes longer to catch up with your logical
side. Who wouldn’t have anxiety and panic after going through a divorce? You
were fine last night, you’ll be good today, and you’ll be even better tomorrow.
You’re perfectly
normal
.”

“You really think so?” Tears welled in her eyes and she
swallowed hard to keep herself from crying.

“I know so.” Cam smiled at her and took her hand in his.
“Let me ask you something. Were you happy in your marriage?”

“No. I was miserable. Somewhere along the line, I just
couldn’t please him anymore. It seemed like no matter what I did, he could find
something wrong with it. The more I tried to please him, the more it seemed I
disappointed him. He’d get angry over the littlest things and then he would
shut me out. The more I gave him, the more he wanted. Yet, it felt like he
wasn’t giving me anything back. I was just a convenience for him. Pretty soon,
I was empty. I just didn’t have anything left to give. That’s when I found out
there was another woman—actually more than one. We tried counseling, but
somehow everything got turned around to be my fault. I just couldn’t take being
such a failure anymore. I had to get out. I didn’t want Sara to think that was
how marriage was supposed to be. I didn’t want her to think our dysfunction was
normal and end up in a relationship like mine.”

“You did the right thing. Staying wouldn’t have been good
for Sara or you either. It takes two people to build a good relationship. It
sounds like you did everything you could to make it work and more. Don’t take
all the blame on yourself. Just because your marriage failed, doesn’t mean
you’re a failure. You can do anything you want alone or otherwise. It sounds like
your ex-husband is the mental case.”

Liv laughed out loud then. “Yeah, maybe he is. Thanks, Cam.
I appreciate you listening to me. I really do feel better now. I miss talking
to you. I miss you. I didn’t realize how much until I saw you again.” She studied
his face for a moment. “Enough about me, though.” She had to know if he was
involved with someone else. She had to ask the question she’d been afraid to
ask the night before. “So are you seeing anyone special? Are you married?”

“No.” Cam grew serious then. “I never got married. I’ve had
a couple of girlfriends over the years, but nothing really serious. I was busy
with medical school, and then residency and my practice. But mostly it was
because there was this girl I couldn’t seem to get out of my head. I couldn’t
help comparing everyone else to her. I was, am really crazy about her, but it
turned out she only wanted to be friends.” Cam dropped her hand then and walked
over to the boulders. He didn’t feel confident or sure at the moment.

Liv followed him. Her heart was pounding in her chest. “I’m
sorry, Cam. I know how it feels when you want more and the other person
doesn’t. There’s no feeling worse than that. I know it sounds trite, but she
doesn’t know what she’s missing.”
If he only knew,
she thought. She
looked away from him then.

Cam turned her around to face him. “Liv, look at me.” He
lifted her chin up forcing her to look him in the eyes. He wasn’t going to miss
his opportunity again. Nothing stood in his way now. She wasn’t married. “That
special girl? The girl who only wanted to be friends? It’s you, Livvy.”

“Me?” Liv was stunned. “But, you told your brother we were
‘just friends.’ And last night, you wouldn’t touch me. You pulled away.”

“No, if I recall, you’re the one that said we were just friends.
I was the one stupid enough to let my pride get in the way and agree with you,
letting you walk out of my life without a fight. And, as for last night…I
thought you were married. It took all my restraint not to…”

“I, I, I don’t understand…”

“God, Livvy, I wanted to kiss you so badly that day, last
night...almost as much as I want to kiss you now.”

Liv gasped. “Me too…” Desire hung in the air between them.

Cam leaned toward Liv and tentatively touched his lips to
hers. He drew back momentarily, hesitating. He didn’t want to scare her. Liv
circled her arms around his neck and looked up into his eyes. He kissed the
side of her neck and whispered in her ear, “Here we are again. This time Brad’s
nowhere around.”

“Right, no Brad…That’s such a good thing,” Liv murmured
before Cam found her lips again. She reached up and pulled him closer, tangling
her fingers in his hair
. I can’t believe this is happening,
she
thought as her body responded to his and she quit thinking altogether. He
softly moved his mouth over hers, deepening the kiss. She opened her mouth
slightly inviting his tongue in. The kiss rapidly grew more passionate and
needy. Liv moaned as their tongues entwined together. Cam started to break off
the kiss, but Liv drug his mouth back to hers. Starved, she couldn’t get enough
of him. She didn’t know a kiss could be so good. He moved his hands under her
tank top slowly, waiting for her to stop him. She didn’t. She was just as soft
as he imagined. He longed to see her body, to touch it, to kiss it, to…

Pup-Pup started barking at a couple of playful chipmunks,
taunting her from afar, startling them both and reminding Cam of where they
were. He pulled back before he couldn’t stop. He knew it was too soon for her.
That
was close,
he thought. Breathing heavily, he brought his hands around her
waist and leaned his forehead against hers.

“Cam, I didn’t know. This is…” Liv began to say before she
was overcome with emotion.

“Are you crying Livvy? Please don’t cry.” His voice raspy,
fear filled him. He’d never forgive himself if he’d gone too fast. “I’m sorry
if I…”

She hugged him to her and laid her head on his shoulder.
“No, don’t apologize. I’m crying because I’ve wanted you for so long. I didn’t
think this dream could ever be. And to think it’s my fault we never connected
before. I know how to mess everything up. I thought you felt sorry for me and
embarrassed that Brad almost caught us kissing.”

“I wasn’t embarrassed. I was angry that Brad ruined the
moment before I could kiss you. And for the record, I’d wanted to kiss you all
summer. I thought when you told Brad we were only friends, that was your way of
telling me you didn’t want to kiss me after all; that you didn’t feel the same
way I did. So you see it wasn’t anyone’s fault Liv. You haven’t messed anything
up.” He descended on her mouth again. He outlined her lips with his tongue
before plunging it into the sweetness of her open mouth. Liv raised her leg up
and around the back of his thigh and pulled him even closer. She wanted to feel
his hard body against hers. Her hands glided down his strong back as she pulled
his shirt up from his waist band. She needed to touch him. Cam groaned. He knew
they should stop, but it felt so good. It felt so right and he’d waited for
this for so long.

It started to sprinkle. Liv looked up toward the sky and
laughed as the rain splashed on her face. Cam kissed her throat and trailed
kisses up her neck until he found her mouth once more. She gave herself into
him oblivious to anything else around her. The rain came down harder and they
were both soaked. Cam put his arm around her. “Come on! We better get back.”

“Yeah, we better get back.” Liv straightened her shirt and
redid her pony tail. She started to feel embarrassed about how aggressive she’d
been, although Cam didn’t seem to mind. She untied Pup-Pup’s leash and the
three of them headed down the trail. The rain made the trail slick and muddy.
By the time they made it back to the main road not only were they drenched, but
splattered in mud too. Instead of leaving her to follow the road back to his
place, Cam decided to walk with Liv back to the Adams’ cottage. He wasn’t ready
to leave her just yet. Besides, he reasoned, her place was closer and he could
dry off a little before finishing his morning run. He held her hand in his. The
warmth of it radiated through him. He stopped right before the bend in the road
that lead back to the cottage. The rain had slowed.

“What’s wrong?” Liv looked down at herself. Her tank top
clung to her and she felt her hair plastered to her face. She must look a
fright, but she didn’t care. Cam smoothed the wet hair out of her face and
stroked her cheek with his thumb.

“Nothing’s wrong. I’m selfish, is all. I’m not ready to
share you with everyone yet.” He lowered his mouth on hers. She melted into him
and molded her wet body against his. She poured all her feeling into the kiss
meeting his tongue with hers. She felt drunk on his taste. They broke the kiss
off at the sound of a car coming from behind them. Liv was giddy. She was
making out with Cam in broad daylight in the middle of the road and it felt so
right, so good.

They walked around the corner and the cottage came into
view. Liv immediately saw Sara’s face glued to the window.

“Here they come, Grandma!” Sara yelled. “And she has Cam
with her!” Hannah smiled.

“Mom, Mom, what took you so long? Grandma was starting to
get worried!”

“I’m sorry, Sara. I lost track of time.” She let go of
Pup-Pup’s leash and the pup ran directly to the little girl and started licking
her face. Pretty soon Sara was as wet and muddy as the dog. Sara giggled and
squealed as she pushed the little dog down.

“Sara would you please run down to the bathroom and grab
some towels for us? We’re dripping all over the floor.”

“Okay, Mom.” Sara disappeared down the hall.

“Sorry to have worried you, Mrs. Adams. It was my fault,”
Cam said when Hannah appeared in the doorway between the living room and the
kitchen.

“No worries, Cameron. I’m glad you two are safe. When the
storm started to kick up I got a little worried about Livvy. I didn’t realize
she was hiking with you or I wouldn’t have worried as much. It looks like she’s
in good hands.” She looked over at Livvy and smiled. She knows, Liv thought as
she touched her swollen lips.

“Actually Gram, I was sitting on the bench on the Big Loop
overlook resting for a minute, when Cam came jogging up the trail. We got to
talking and lost track of time.” Liv felt heated all over again when the
thought of what else they were doing flickered through her mind.

“Well I’m just cooking up some breakfast. Would you like to
join us?” she asked.

“Actually, I was wondering if you girls would like to go out
on the boat with me later. It looks like the rain is clearing up. We should
have a nice afternoon.”

“That sounds like fun, Cam. What do you think Gram?”

“You kids go and have fun! I’m not up to bouncing around in
a motor boat in the heat of the afternoon. I’ll pack you a picnic lunch to take
with you on the boat, though.”

Sara returned with a stack of towels.

“Here you go!” She handed one out to Cam and one to Liv.

“It looks like you could use some drying off, too,” Cam
laughed.

Sara’s t-shirt was streaked with mud and the front of it was
soaked.

“Why don’t you run and change Sara,” Hannah said. “But first
give Pup-Pup a bath!”

Sara gave Liv the “do I have to look.”

“Sounds like a great idea to me,” Liv concurred.

“Do I have to? We’re on vacation. We don’t mind being a
little dirty,” Sara whined.

“It’s not the dirt that bothers me so much as the smell of
wet dog!”

Sara grumbled, but headed toward the back utility room sink
with Pup-Pup in tow.

“Well, I need to run a couple of errands before I can take
the boat out. I’ll be back in an hour or so in the boat to get you.” Cam
toweled off his hair and face.

“Here, you can take my car, if you want.” Liv tossed him her
car keys that were hanging on the hook next to the door.

“Thanks, that’ll speed things up. I wasn’t looking forward
to that five-mile jog back to my place. See you guys in a bit.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Liv took the damp towel from him.

Hannah nodded agreement and headed toward the kitchen to put
some eggs on to boil.

“See you in a bit.” Reluctant to leave Liv, Cam stole one
last kiss and was out the door.