Sparrow (11 page)

I
almost resort to asking her about the weather, when an image of her face from
yesterday appears in my head.  I’m as curious now as I was then.

“Tell
me about your job,” I say, remembering how she looked less than enthused. 
“You’re doing something you love, too, right?”

She
gives me half a smile.  “It really is a great opportunity.  The pay is good; my
boss is flexible.  And the kids,” her eyes finally light up, “they’re so sweet. 
Watching them grow as dancers makes me want to burst with pride.”

“But?”

She
looks confused.  “But what?”

“There’s
something wrong.  I can tell.  You don’t talk about dance the way you used to.”

She
looks down at her knees. “You know my goals were tied to dance.  I lost
Julliard.”  She lets out a heavy breath.  “I realize I should be grateful for
what I have, and I am.  I mean, it’s a miracle I’m alive, let alone able to dance.” 
She looks at me.  “But, some days, I just want…
more
.  You know?”

I
nod.  Despite everything we’re blessed with, there’s always something else we
want.  Hell, what I want is sitting right in front of me and I most definitely
can’t have her.

“What
would be more for you?” I ask.

Her
face lights up before she speaks.  “I want my own studio,” she says with real
enthusiasm.  “My own school.  Where everything is my vision, from the shows to
the lessons to the technique.  Where I can charge what I want.”  Her face falls
a little.  “Classes aren’t cheap where I teach.  I’ve seen people turned away.”

I’m
confused as to why she can’t have this.  It doesn’t sound like an impossible
dream.  “So what’s stopping you?  You should go for it.  There would be a waiting
list to get in, I know it.”

She
smiles.  “Thanks.  The truth is I’ve always wanted my own studio.  Even when
Julliard was an option, I always knew I would teach at some point.  I’ve put money
aside; I’ve been saving it, for when Derek and I found our permanent home.  Now
that we’ve moved downstate, I need to start looking for a building I can
afford.”

“Why
haven’t you?”

Her
excitement fades.  “Derek wants me to spend the money on something else.”

What? 
After everything she’s been through, how could he deny her any happiness? 
“What’s more important than your studio?” I ask.

She
offers me a hint of a smile.  “A baby.”

I
was not expecting that answer.  My stomach plummets, landing on the ground and
splattering somewhere between my feet.  “You’re not…are you…?”  I can’t even say
the word. 
Pregnant.

She
shakes her head.  “I can’t.”

“You
can’t what?”

“Get
pregnant,” she says softly.  “The accident…I had a lot of internal injuries too.” 
She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear.  “The doctors removed the scar tissue,
but things still aren’t working right.  Derek wants us to try in vitro.”

A
test tube baby?  This subject is foreign to me.  The only thought I’ve given to
kids is how to protect myself
against
having them.  As I look at Addison,
it’s hard to believe we’re the same age and living such different lives.

“Is
that what you want?” I ask, not sure I want to know the answer.  “I mean, you’re
only twenty-five.  Maybe if you gave it some time, it might work out.”  Yes,
I’m trying to talk her out of this.  Why, I don’t exactly know.

Addison
turns, sets her feet on the ground, and stares at her shoes.  “I agree.  I’d
like to wait and see what nature brings instead of trying to play God.”  She
looks at me.  “Like you said, I’m twenty-five.  Derek is thirty-one.  I think
we have some time.  We’ve only been trying a year.”

“So,
I take it Derek doesn’t agree?”

“He
comes from a big family; kids are important to him.  He doesn’t understand why
I would want to wait any longer.”  Her face falls, defeated.  “It’s not that I
don’t want kids.  I just know that if we spend the money, it will take us years
to save it again.”

“How
much does this thing cost?” I ask, perplexed.  “Why can’t you do the in vitro
and look into the business at the same time?”

“It’s
expensive,” she sighs.  “Sometimes it takes more than one procedure to work. 
We have roughly twenty-thousand saved and most of it came from my parent’s life
insurance.  One procedure would wipe that out.”

Damn.

“That’s
why I brought Derek to the lake,” she continues, “so we could get away and talk
things through.  It’s the first time he’s been here; the first time I’ve been back
since I last saw you.”  Her eyes soften.  “This place was magic for me once.  I
thought it could be again.”

Her
words hit me in the chest.  I thought this place was special, too, before I lost
her.  I start to wonder what forces brought us back here, at the same time, all
these years later.  Then I realize she’s not finding the magic she came looking
for.  “Is that why you were upset earlier?”

The
tops of her ears turn pink.  “You know what?  I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t be
dumping all of this on you.  It’s way more than you want to know.  Forget it. 
Let’s talk about something else.”

I
shoot her an incredulous look.  “Are you kidding?  I can’t forget what you told
me.  You’re going through something huge; you’ve
been
through something
huge.  If you need to talk, I’m here.  I don’t know how much help I’ll be, but
I can listen.”  I stop short of telling her I’ve missed her voice so much I
don’t care what she’s saying.  She could read the dictionary and I’d want to
hear it.  Twisted as it is, if talking about her issues with Derek keeps her
here with me, I’m okay with that.

Her
face fills with uncertainty.  “You’re sure?”

“Absolutely. 
Tell me why you were upset and then you can ask me something personal.”

“It’s
not hard to figure out,” she says.  “I tried to talk to Derek this morning, and
I didn’t get anywhere.  Instead of finding a middle ground, we argued.  He still
doesn’t think we should wait.”  She bites her bottom lip.  “I also told him
about me and you; about what we used to be.  I don’t think it helped.”

My
mouth falls open.  “He didn’t know?”

She
shakes her head.  “He knew I was seeing someone before the accident, and he
knew it was serious.  I never gave him a name.”

“Why
not?”

“Would
it have mattered?”

I
guess not.  I don’t tell my girlfriends the names of my exes.  “So, I take it
he’s pissed?”

“I
would say shocked above anything else.  He’s more upset that I’m denying him
offspring.”

She
has to be kidding.  “Did he say that?” I ask.  If he did, I may have to pay a
visit to Mr. Cole.  All Addison is asking for is time.

She
shrugs.  “Not in so many words.”  She turns her head and looks toward the oak
trees.  “I feel guilty for hurting him.  I hate that we don’t want the same
thing right now.”

Her
eyes start to tear up again, and I want to stop her from crying.  I know I
shouldn’t, but I reach out, grasp her chin, and gently turn her face back to
mine.  “Listen, I’m the last person who should be giving relationship advice. 
Just ask Kevin.”

She
smirks.

“But,
you’re entitled to your opinion.  It’s your life, too.  Derek should understand
that.  If he doesn’t, he’s an ass.”

Addison
narrows her eyes and leans out of my hold.  “You don’t know him.”

“You’re
right,” I respond.  “But, as my brother so rudely pointed out the other night,
relationships won’t work without give and take.  I know.  I follow a
‘pattern’.”  I mimic air quotes for emphasis.

She
laughs.  “Does Kevin moonlight as a psychologist?”

“Just
around the campfire.”

She
smiles again, and I’m happy to see it.  I don’t care that it got there at my
expense.

Just
then, a beep sounds and Addison reaches into the front pocket of her jacket. 
She pulls out her cell phone and consults the screen.

“Let
me guess,” I say.

“He’s
worried.  I’ve been gone almost an hour.”  She frowns.  “I should go.”

As
much as I don’t want to send her back to Derek, I have no choice.  Standing, I
offer my hand to help her up off the hard cement we’ve been sitting on.  She
takes it, and I pull her to her feet.  Without a word and to my surprise, she
winds her fingers through mine.  She leads me toward to our parked cars, and I
follow without an ounce of regret.  Slowly, we walk side by side, holding hands,
as if time never separated us.

I
love every moment of it.

When
we reach her truck, I open the door and help her up into the driver’s seat.  I
don’t want this to be the last time I see her, but my gut tells me her decision
to hold my hand was her way of saying goodbye.  When her fingers leave mine, my
stomach feels hollow.

“Take
care of yourself,” I manage to say.  “Promise me you will do what feels right.”

She
pauses from putting the key in the ignition and looks at me.  “Always.”

The
way she says the word confuses me.  It’s almost as if she’s talking about
something else, other than her fight with Derek.  My mind races.  “Well, if you
need someone to talk to, you know where to find me.”

Before
she can say anything, her phone beeps again and she rolls her eyes.  “Gotta
go.”

I
get it; if I were her husband, I’d be worried, too.  I step back as she closes
the door and starts the engine.  She raises her hand, giving me a slow wave,
and then looks over her shoulder to back the truck on to the road.

Standing
with my arms crossed, I watch her leave, damning my heart for hurting again.  Through
the window our eyes meet, and I almost think she’s changed her mind and decided
to come back to me.

A
short second later, she drives away.  I’m left standing alone to wonder if I’ll
ever hear from her again.

Exhausted,
I toss my keys on the kitchen counter.  I’m due a hot shower, a cold beer, and
a long nap, in that order.  For some unknown reason, Kevin bailed on me today,
and I’ve been working my ass off since six this morning.

While
I’d like to be angry with him, I really can’t be.  In our business, the fall
season is the slowest for Dayton Landscaping.  My brother and I tend to spend
the time catching up on paperwork.  Things get busy again in the winter months,
when we offer snow removal services for homeowners and businesses.  However,
this fall my brother managed to secure a contract with Eden Gardens, a
subdivision in Macomb Township.  We’re taking care of the fall cleanup for every
lot in the sub, which means over 100 homes.  My guys and I have spent the last
few weeks winterizing sprinkler systems, cleaning up leaves, and trimming back common
areas.  It’s a race to get everything finished before the temperature drops,
and I’m dead on my feet.

But
I also have more money in the bank.

I
make my way to the bedroom and peel off layers as I go.  Long-sleeve thermal:
gone.  White t-shirt: gone.  I wad them into a ball and toss them on my unmade
bed, followed by my sweaty socks.  If Jen were here, she’d glare at me for
throwing my dirty clothes where she sleeps.  As I reach for the button on my
pants to remove my grimy jeans, a realization hits me.

She’s
been gone a month.

Thirty
days have passed since I was at the cottage.

It
surprises me how fast time has passed.  I pause, grateful for the extra
business that has kept me busy.  I don’t think I could take my usual fall
boredom; I’d be out of my mind sitting in this empty house replaying every
decision I’ve ever made when it comes to both Jen and Addison.

I
shed the rest of my clothes and make a vow at the same time.  I haven’t beaten
myself up over them, and I’m not going to start tonight.  What’s done is done;
the past is the past.  Today is a new day and all that shit.  It’s time to get
comfortable, and I’m not talking about getting cleaned up and lounging in
sweats.  I’m talking about my life, from this day forward.  So I’m bound to be
a bachelor.  So what?  I know guys who would kill for that life.

When
I step into the shower, I hear my phone ring from the bedroom.  I let it go to
wash up, then hear it again when I get out.  Curious, I wrap a towel around my
waist and walk across the hall to find my cell.  When I dig it out of my pants
pocket, I have five missed calls from Kevin, all within minutes of each other. 
My first instinct is that something bad has happened, and an image of our
mother appears in my head.  I immediately dial his number.

“Where
have you been?”  Kevin answers before I can say anything.

“In
the shower.  What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” 
I can practically hear him smile through the phone.  “Everything’s perfect.” 
He pauses.  “I did it.”

“Did
what?”  I plop down on the edge of the bed.  “Figured out you’re annoying as
hell?”

He
laughs.  “No.  I proposed.  Ashley said yes.  We’re getting married.”

My
jaw nearly hits the floor.  “You what?!  Why didn’t you call me first?”

“So
you could try to talk me out of it?”  I picture his twisted expression.  “No
way.  Ashley’s the one.”

“Kev,”
I start to reason with him, “you’ve only been dating a couple of months.  I
mean, she’s a great girl, but don’t you think you’re moving a little too fast?”

My
brother introduced me to Ashley soon after we got back from the lake.  We went
out to dinner and, at first, she was reserved and polite, almost boring. 
Later, after the main course and a few drinks, she opened up, revealing her
quick wit and wicked sense of humor.  I immediately liked her.  She hung on
Kevin’s every word, and she’s exactly his type; shorter than him, curvy, and
very blonde.  But, does their compatibility warrant a quickie wedding? 

“This
is why I didn’t tell you,” he huffs.  “I don’t need your shit.  Can’t you just
be happy for me?”

“You’re
23.”

“I
know.”

“Why
the rush?”

“I
love her.”

“Are
you two in trouble?”

“Like
how?”

“Is
she pregnant?”

“No!”

I’m
silent for a few moments, wondering how we came from the same gene pool.  While
I keep my feelings guarded, Kevin wears his on his sleeve.  He’s impulsive; I’m
careful.  While he listens to his heart, I pretend mine doesn’t speak – especially
when it brings up a certain married ex.  Thinking of Addison reminds me that I’ve
been in his shoes once, a long time ago, and I should cut him some slack.  If
he’s feeling anything like I did back then, he’s a total goner.

And
maybe that’s the point.

Take
the chance.  Own the opportunity.  Make her yours while you can.

Before
I can concede that he’s probably done what’s best for him, he sighs.  “I want you
to be my best man.”

My
free hand rubs the back of my tense neck.  I want to be happy for him; I
honestly do.  “Okay,” I say.

“Okay
you’ll do it?”

“Of
course I will.  If this is what you really want.”

My
brother snorts sarcastically.  “No; I proposed because I’m confused.”

“You
know what I mean.  I’ll support you, even if you decide to walk out of the
church at the last minute.  We’ll come up with a secret signal, and I’ll meet
you out back with a getaway car.”

He
chuckles.  “Great.  I’m glad we have that unnecessary plan.”

One
side of my mouth quirks up as I picture him wearing a tux and sliding across
the hood of a car Dukes of Hazzard-style, saving just enough time to jump
inside before I hit the gas to peel out of the parking lot.

“So,
now what?” I ask.  “Please tell me you’re not getting married next week.”

“No;
we haven’t set a date.  But, we made plans for this weekend, and you’re
involved.”

“How
so?”

“Ashley
wants to get all our friends together to celebrate.”

Of
course.  “Where at?”

“Necto.”

I’m
familiar with the trendy nightclub; Jen and I went there once for her
co-worker’s birthday party.  There were plenty of pulsating lights and
pulsating bodies; needless to say I spent the night with my ass parked at our
table.

“When?”

“Saturday. 
I’m not sure what time yet.”

“All
right.”  I sigh.  “I’ll make an appearance, but I don’t know how long I’ll stay.”

If
scowls made a sound, I’d hear Kevin’s.  “For once in your life could you just
relax?  Come out and have some fun.”

“Yeah,
yeah.”  I stand and glance behind me.  “Listen, I’ve got to go.”  Since I
answered the phone without drying off, my bed is all wet.  “I’ll see you
tomorrow at work.”

“Yep. 
I’ll be there.”

“Good. 
We need the help.”

After
I hang up, I toss my phone on the bed, wondering when my little brother got so
mature.  It’s going to be hard to think of him as a settled, married man.  I
shake my head as I make my way to the dresser and find my well-worn sweats, the
pair with the obnoxious hole in the knee; the ones Jen hated and wanted to
burn.  I finish drying off, lose the towel in a crumpled heap on the floor, and
pull the pants on with a weird twinge in my gut.

~~~~

Saturday
night rolls around faster than anticipated.  I’d put off a bunch of errands,
like grocery shopping and laundry, with how busy I’d been at work.  When I
discovered I had one pair of clean underwear that morning, it prompted me to
suck it up and get shit done.  Empty the trash: check.  Wash dirty dishes:
check.  Buy food: check.  Get haircut: check.

Now,
turning into the parking lot of Necto Nightclub, I try to determine how short
of a stay would be considered rude.  Dance clubs really aren’t my scene; I’m
more of a sports bar kind of guy.  I plan to say hi, introduce myself, have a
couple drinks, and head home.  I have a full day of football to watch tomorrow.

God,
I’m boring.

I
leave my truck with the valet and then walk toward the entrance, quickly
texting Kevin to find out where he is inside.  As I pay the cover, my phone
vibrates in my hand.

Next
to the bar, far side of the room.

The
club is packed.  I should have expected nothing less on a Saturday.  Heavy bass
pumps through the speakers as I pass through the crowd.  I maneuver my way around
the gyrating bodies and toward the bar.  As I brush past one girl, I
accidentally bump her arm.  Some of the drink she holds sloshes on her hand,
and she turns and pins me with an irritated stare.

“Sorry!”
I apologize over the music and reach out to steady her arm by her elbow.  “It’s
a little crowded!”

She
studies me and her irritation disappears.  She plasters on a flirty smile and steps
closer, placing her hand on my chest.  Before she can say anything, I step back
and release her elbow, nodding my goodbye.  The last thing I came here to do is
hook up.

After
a few more seconds of scanning the bar, I spot Kevin’s waving arm next to
Ashley’s blonde head.  I make a beeline straight for them.

“Hi!” 
Ashley enthusiastically greets me.  She throws one arm around my neck in a hug
while balancing some sort of red drink in her other hand.  “I’m so glad you
could make it!”

I
pat her back awkwardly.  This is only the second time we’ve met.

“Let
me introduce you to the girls!”  Her eyes sparkle.

Is
she overly excited or just buzzed?  I give Kevin a questioning glance, and he
grins as she grabs my arm and pulls me forward.

“Ladies,”
she addresses a girl with dark hair and a red head sipping drinks as they lean
against the bar.  “This is Kyle.  Kevin’s brother and our Best Man.”

The
one with the raven-colored hair extends her hand and smiles.  “Nice to meet
you.  I’m Nikki,” she introduces herself.  “Ashley’s sister.”

My
eyes dart to Ashley, then back to Nikki.  They look nothing alike.  While my
brother’s fiancée is the all-American blonde, Nikki has exotic features and an
olive skin tone.

“She
means sorority sister,” the other girl notices my confusion and elaborates. 
She elbows Nikki, then shifts her glass to her left hand and offers me a
handshake as well.  “My name’s Tara.  Also a sister.”

I
shake her hand and smile hello.  Tara has cute freckles and gorgeous green
eyes.  “Thanks for clearing that up.”

“These
two will be in the wedding party,” Ashley explains.  “We’re still waiting for my
best friend – oh!”  She stops short as something catches her eye.  “Here comes
the Maid of Honor now.”

Ashley
steps around me to greet the new arrival, and I turn my head to follow her. 
When I see who she meets, I forget how to breathe.

Addison
lets go of Derek’s hand and skips toward Ashley with open arms.  They let out a
girly squeal as they hug one another and jump up and down.

My
eyes snap to Kevin and I walk up to him, turning my back on the girls.  “Did
you know about this?”

He
shrugs and looks over my shoulder.  “No.  If I did, I would have told you.”

There’s
a tug on my elbow, and I turn around to find Addison standing directly in front
of me.  She looks like she jumped straight out of my dreams wearing some sort
of sheer, gauzy cream-colored tank top, dark, skin-tight denim, and knee-high
boots.  Her hair falls in long, messy waves, and when she speaks, I can’t tear
my eyes from her shiny, glossed lips.

“What
are the odds?” she asks with a tiny laugh.

“About
a million to one,” I answer around the smile that breaks across my face.

She
reaches out and squeezes my forearm, then walks around me to point at Kevin. 
“You,” she says dramatically.  “Here I was giving my best friend crap for moving
too fast only to find out she’s engaged to a Dayton.”  She shakes her head with
a smile.  “You had me all worried for nothing.”

Kevin
fakes an innocent look, then winks.  “My apologies.”

Addison
opens her arms and gives Kevin a hug, saying something in his ear I can’t make
out.  Whatever it is makes him grin and rock her body back and forth, squeezing
her tight.  When they step apart, Addison looks around the group and asks, “Do
we have a table?”

“Uh
uh.”  Ashley swoops in and grabs her hand.  “No sitting; only dancing.  I’ve
been waiting all night!”

Addison
rolls her eyes as Ashley tugs on her fingers.  As she’s led away, she asks
Derek, “Get me a vodka cranberry, ‘kay?”

My
eyes fall on her husband, and he nods but doesn’t look amused.  His irritation makes
me wonder if he doesn’t want her drinking or if he doesn’t want to be here,
period.

Nikki
and Tara follow the girls to the dance floor.  As they pass us, Tara stops and
asks Derek to keep an eye out for her boyfriend, John.  He agrees, which leads
me to ask Kevin who else he’s expecting.