Shades of Desire (11 page)

She started to shake.

He focused in on her button lip again and wondered what it would feel like to hold this woman. Whether she’d be shy and sweet if he kissed her, so that he’d need to coax her mouth open with his tongue before she fully relaxed and melted against him. Or whether she’d burn hot and fast, using her tongue to spar with his own, being as quick and agile with her body as she was with her mind.

He turned and stepped away. Paced and ran his hands through his hair even as he felt Jase’s gaze. What is going on here?
I can’t feel this. I can’t do this.
He was looking into the murder of a teenage girl. This woman was caught up in a killer’s web somehow…innocent…but it was never wise to—

“Mac?”

He must have been out of her line of vision, because she’d stood, and she sounded frightened. Even so, his name on her lips caused his gut to tighten. His cock to swell. His body to break out into a sweat.

He fought back his desire and turned to Jase. “Tell Stevens I’m going to stay longer. You can head back and fill me in when I get there.”

“He’s not going to like it,” Jase said sotto voice. At Mac’s earthy reply, Jase left without another word.

Before he could change his mind, Mac ruthlessly forced himself to lay his cards on the table. She had enough cause to be jittery without having to deal with the blazing attraction he felt for her. She was probably picking it up in spades, unsure what his next move would be and whether it would be personal or not, when personal was completely inappropriate at this point. He stepped up to her. “I’m attracted to you, Natalie.”

It was obviously the last thing she’d been expecting him to say, and the breath whooshed out of her. Her eyes were rounded, her lips slightly parted to reveal white teeth and the barest glimpse of her moist, pink tongue.

“I’m just telling you because it seems dishonest not to. But I’m a cop and you’re a witness—” one targeted by a killer, he thought “—so there’s nothing you have to worry about with respect to my attraction. In fact, I won’t mention it again. We need to concentrate on finding Melissa, catching this guy and figuring out how we’re going to keep you safe. We need to—”

She held out her hand as if to gauge the distance between them and stepped closer. He stepped forward until her palm rested lightly on his chest. When she didn’t lower it, he felt his pulse pick up speed. Knew she could feel it thumping against her own skin.

“I need to forget about what’s happened to me,” she breathed. “Today. Eight weeks ago. The past year. I need to feel normal for just a few minutes. I hear you. I don’t know why you’d be attracted to me—”

He frowned and lightly gripped the wrist of the hand still touching him. “Now, hold on—”

She talked over him. “I know nothing can happen between us. But I’m attracted to you, too, Mac. That’s why, I—I want you to distract me again. Please? With no expectation of more. Can you just do that?”

Frustration ate at him, causing him to pull her slightly forward until her body barely brushed against him, making him ache and her gasp. “What are you asking for, Natalie?”

She licked her lips and forced a smile. “Nothing major. No big deal. Just a kiss. Will you kiss me, Mac? Please?”

For a stunned moment, he said nothing. He stared into her luminous eyes, wishing it was her passion for him that made them look dazed. Given her plea, maybe it was.

One thing he was certain of—he couldn’t go another second without knowing what she tasted like. Despite his screaming instincts, which were telling him to back away—
now
—he slowly lowered his head until his forehead rested against hers. She gasped again but didn’t move. He breathed in deep.

Inhaled her wonderful scent.

Cinnamon.

It seeped into his pores.

He gently rocked his head back and forth. With his free hand, he caressed her upper arm.

Slowly, he lowered his mouth to hers.

* * *

O
H
, G
OD
.

She’d been expecting color. An explosion of fireworks in those autumn-hued tones that just being in his presence brought to mind. Instead, the moment Mac’s lips touched hers, Natalie’s entire world went dark. Darker. It wasn’t the bleak kind of darkness she feared with all her heart, the one she knew she’d have to face someday, but the rich, dense darkness of chocolate. The kind to sink into. The kind to savor.

Where there was no past.

No future.

Just the moment.

And the incredible sensations that come with it.

His taste exploded on her lips, spreading through her body with such delicious warmth that she immediately opened her mouth for more. His tongue slipped in, wet and agile, rubbing against her own. Then, with a light flick against her lips, he was gone.

She whimpered as he lifted his head. “No,” she gasped, clutching his shirt and trying to pull him close. “More.”

“Natalie.” He placed his hands on her shoulders. “We’ve got company.”

A voice came from behind him. “I’m sorry. I called out when I came back in, but you—uh—didn’t hear me. I have to talk to Mac. Now.”

Natalie’s eyes popped open. Jase’s voice broke her out of her passion-induced trance, but she was still disoriented. Turning her head, she saw the faint outline of a very tall man. Her entire body stiffened.

Jase.

Agent Tyler.

Mac kissing her. Because she’d asked him to.
Begged
him to.

Her hand flew to her mouth.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

“Easy,” Mac murmured. “It’s going to be okay.”

She shook her head and tried to get past him, but his nearness and her own embarrassment caused her to lose her sense of direction. She flung out an arm, trying to find the table they’d been standing next to, but all she encountered was warm, male flesh. She jerked back as if he’d burned her.

“I need you to leave.”

“Natalie—”

Her
phone started ringing now, and she grasped her head, its shrill ringing tone making her wince.

“Shit. Jase, go answer the phone.”

“No—”

Jase muttered a low curse himself, then once more left the room. In some distant part of her mind, she heard him close the sunroom door. Probably to muffle the ringing phone while he ran to answer it, but it didn’t matter why.

She lost it.

She was disoriented. Her body and emotions spinning out of control. She forgot they were detectives and that a moment ago she’d been trying to pull Mac into another kiss.

Panic licked at her from all directions. Logic fled. All she knew was that she was vulnerable. Helpless.

Just like before. In a park, thrust into total darkness. In this very house, with fingers wrapped around her throat and squeezing the air out of her. In the closet attic, screaming for a mother who hated her.

Lindsay. Murder. Melissa.

She’d been so desperate for Mac’s touch, she’d forgotten it all. Hadn’t even heard Jase return when he had.

Her arms flew out as she tried to navigate her way toward the door. Her legs slammed into something hard, and she almost fell.

“Careful!”

She felt a hand at her elbow and wrenched away. Her breathing kicked into overdrive. Fast and shallow.

“Natalie. Stop!”

Something wrapped around her waist from behind and pulled her backward. She whimpered and struggled, flinching when she felt a hand cup her face. “Out,” she moaned, the crazed fear in her voice making her panic spike. “Out.”

Please let me out, Mommy. I’m scared of the dark. Please.

Her childish pleas, memories from the past that still haunted her, echoed in her brain, transporting her back twenty-plus years.

But in the present, warm breath fanned her ear. Grounded her.

“Nat. Listen to me. You’re okay, baby.”

She felt something touch her forehead.

“It’s Mac. Agent McKenzie. You’re safe.”

Slowly, he released her. “You can leave if you want. You’re safe. Do you understand?”

Mac. Agent Mac McKenzie.

Safe here. In her house. Not left alone in a closet by her mother. Not alone in her home with a killer.

She felt some of her panic subside. “Sit,” she managed to say.

“Here you go. I’m scooting a chair behind you right now. That’s it. I’ve got you.”

She felt the chair at the back of her legs and sat down. Pressing her face into her hands, she concentrated on breathing. In and out. In and out.

Her fingers relaxed. Her heartbeat slowed. Soon, she was breathing normally, and the room was completely quiet.

Quiet enough for realization to hit her.

She’d lost it. Freaked out because they’d closed a door in her own house.

Mortification filled her.

“I—I’m sorry,” she clipped out, wondering how many times she’d humiliate herself in front of this man before she learned her lesson.

* * *

W
ATCHING
N
ATALIE
try to gather her composure after her panic attack was more painful than he would have ever thought possible. He wasn’t known as a softie. He’d had all kinds of people cry in front of him. Badass criminals. Worn-down hookers. Tormented victims. Even his ex-wife. Few moved him. It wasn’t that he was unfeeling, exactly, just realistic. Life was about pain far more than it was about pleasure. He figured everyone came to that realization at some point, and he had to remain emotionally removed in order to do his job.

Natalie’s frantic attempts not to cry in front of him moved him more than he could ever have imagined. “Natalie, sweetie—”

Someone cleared his throat. Jerking his gaze up, Mac saw Jase in the doorway. “I called for a security detail and she’s here. It’s Officer Liz Lafayette.”

A pretty blonde cop in a blue uniform peeked out from behind Jase and waved. “Agent McKenzie. Ms. Jones.” Obviously realizing she’d just waved at a blind woman, she winced, then smoothed her expression into neutrality. Even so, there was no missing the curiosity in her gaze.

“I need to talk to you, Mac.
Now.
”

Swearing under his breath, he said to Jase, “Look, give us a minute—”

Natalie cleared her throat. “Go. You need to go. I’ll be fine.”

Turning to look at her, he shook his head. Her face was once again a blank slate. His refusal was swift. Instinctive. “No, we need to talk about—”

“No. We don’t,” she said firmly. “I’m fine now.”

“You weren’t fine a few seconds ago,” he snapped, lowering his voice only slightly despite the fact Jase and the officer would hear him anyway. “That wasn’t normal, Natalie.”

“Haven’t you learned by now?” she said softly. “Nothing’s normal about me. I just panicked for a bit. That’s all. I’ll be fine by myself. I always am.”

“Nat—”

“Don’t you get it?” she said, raising her voice. “I want you to leave. As we discussed, I’m a witness, not an invalid. Go smother someone else for a while.”

Mac stared at her and accepted that pushing her much further would likely cause her to break. But no way was he letting her completely off the hook. He’d warned her. Given her an out. Tried to do the professional thing. In response, she’d asked him to kiss her. Had melted in his arms when he had, setting in motion a heady addiction that made every other need he’d felt pale in comparison. She would damn well deal with it now, because he would be kissing her again. Plenty.

He straightened and took a step back, making sure his voice held an appropriate amount of admiration. “You’re good, you know. You might stumble, but you’ve mastered the cool bitch facade better than most.”

Behind him, the officer gasped. Jase let out a slight groan.

Natalie merely smiled tightly. “Thank you, I try. Now, while I appreciate what you’ve done so far…” She lifted her head, her eyes scanning the room. “What you’re
all
going to do to keep me safe from here on out, you need to go.”

Knowing she was trying to put him in place, back into the safe little box he’d been in before today, Mac bent down and spoke softly in her ear, making sure that, this time, the others in the room wouldn’t hear him. “The thing is, I’ve seen what lies underneath your mask, Natalie. I’ve tasted it. So I’ll leave you in Officer Lafayette’s capable hands for now. But don’t get too comfortable hiding in the dark again. Because I’ll be back. We’re going to find the man who threatened you, and we’re going to catch Lindsay’s killer, regardless of whether they’re the same person or not. And when we do, you won’t be a witness anymore. You won’t be part of the job. You’ll just be a woman who’s attracted to me as much as I am to her.”

“A
blind
woman,” she reminded him, her voice snotty and not all that quiet. “Try to think about that before you return. It’ll save us a lot of trouble if you do.”

He stepped back and straightened. “No trouble, believe me,” he said almost cheerily. “They say that when a person loses one of her senses, it enhances the others. That leaves us at least four we’ve got to work with. And they’re pretty damn good ones, if you ask me.”

She gasped, her mouth dropping open.

Satisfied, Mac turned to find Officer Lafayette and Jase watching him with matching expressions of fascination. “Take care of her, Officer. I’ll be back soon.”

It was a promise. One he fully intended to keep.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

“T
HAT
’
S
MY
PRECIOUS
LITTLE
BOY
. My little prince.” Shannon Morrison laughed in delight when her son, Matthew, smiled at her again. “He’s smiling. Honest to goodness smiles. He’s right on track according to what the books say.”

“That’s wonderful, dear.”

At her husband’s monotone response, Shannon glanced up at him. He was sitting at his huge glossy desk, his head bent over a pile of papers, his glasses perched on his strong Roman nose as he wrote this week’s sermon.

Although his dark hair was now steely-gray, Reverend Carter Morrison was as handsome as the day they’d met. He still drew the eye of every female who came within fifty feet of him, young and old. Together, they made a blindingly attractive pair, with comparable intellect, charm and eloquence adding to the whole package. They’d risen through the ranks of the Crystal Haven Church just as she’d known they would, and although they’d been stymied for a time, as much as she hated to admit it, that had been more her fault than his.

Her inability to conceive had been her shame, and it was the reason she’d put up with his weak nature for so long. Still, even when her ability to be surprised or hurt had faded, her respect for him had continued to diminish. Over the years, she’d been forced to become hard. Cruel. It was what he’d driven her to, otherwise everything they’d worked so hard for would have disappeared.

Now, things were heading in the direction they always should have.

They had their son, which meant Shannon’s father would no longer deny them their due—a leadership position with the church on the national level.

They had their son, which meant she no longer had to disguise her shame with steel.

They had their son, which meant they could learn to love one another again.

As she watched her husband, she felt a trace of respect returning. Alongside it flashed something just as unexpected—desire.

He’d done what he’d promised. He’d given her the thing she wanted most in the world—a child of her own—and he’d done what he needed to in order to ensure their family’s destiny was fulfilled. He might have faltered for a time, but in the end he’d proven himself loyal to her. When forced to choose between his baser instincts or his place beside her, he’d chosen
her
. He no longer had reason to seek out others.

She could give him everything he needed.

Standing, she picked up Matthew, kissed his cheek and handed him to Adele, his nanny. “Have a good nap, my sweet little prince,” she said softly. “Once you’ve put him down, you can take the rest of the day off, Adele. Thank you.”

Adele nodded and carried Matthew out of the room, leaving Shannon alone with her husband. She waited until she heard Adele leave, and then she closed the study door. She stepped behind Carter’s chair and began to massage his shoulders. He stiffened when she touched him, but she didn’t retreat. As she continued the massage, he relaxed slightly, letting her knead the knots out his shoulders.

“You’re tense, Carter. I think the past few months have been hard on you. Why don’t you let me help you relax?”

She smoothed her hands, first one, then the other, down his chest. Then she did it again. Then again. With each caress, she stretched her arms farther, until soon her fingertips grazed the front of his pants and the flesh that was hardening at her attention.

He said nothing, didn’t move, but his breaths quickened and grew louder.

She walked her fingers to the front of his shirt, then quickly jerked on the separate panels, causing his buttons to fly off. She tugged his shirt out of his pants and once again teased him with the back-and-forth slide of her hands, this time on his bare skin.

She felt her own breathing escalate. Felt the welcome warmth and moisture between her legs increase. Slowly, so slowly, he pivoted around in his chair until he faced her, and she stood between his splayed legs, his hands on her hips.

“What’s going on, Shannon?” he asked.

“Can’t you tell? I want you. I want to feel your hard shaft, your delicious shaft, the marvelous shaft that gave me my beautiful son, inside me. I want you to take me. Hard. I want you to fuck me, Carter, the way you’ve fucked all your little whores.”

His eyes flared with desire. She’d never talked dirty to him before. Never intimated that she wanted sex between them to be anything other than traditional missionary position. But things were different now.

She was a mother. She was one with the earth. Fertile. Passionate. Primal.

And she wanted to be fucked by her husband.

He kicked his feet in between hers and knocked her legs apart. His hands tightened on her hips, and he pulled her down until she was straddling him. Then he wound his fingers in her hair and pulled, yanking her head back, hard.

She gasped, the sharp pain frightening her even as it stoked her desire to new heights.

“You want me to fuck you? Are you sure about that, Shannon?”

She opened her mouth to answer, but just then her cell phone rang.

He didn’t release her hair. Cautiously, she retrieved her cell phone from her pocket and lifted it up so she could see the screen.

It was Alex Hanes.

Carter looked at her, his mouth twisted in a sardonic grin. “Aren’t you going to get that?”

Shannon smiled. She pressed the button to “ignore” the call, then tossed her phone behind her. Carter loosened his grip on her hair, just enough that she could move. With one hand, she caressed Carter’s chest, then reached down to cup him between his legs.

“He can wait. Right now, this is the only thing I want.”