Shades of Desire (20 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

F
OR
ONCE
, N
ATALIE
WOKE
to darkness with no fear. No dread. No thoughts of what her future would be like, if only she could keep her vision. Instead, she lay still and greedily stretched every one of her remaining sensations in order to savor the here and now.

She heard Mac speaking on the phone, his voice low, as if he didn’t want to wake her. Automatically she sat up, wanting to see him naked. Admire the body that had so thoroughly satisfied hers. But then she remembered. And though she still didn’t feel dread, her joy was tempered nonetheless.

She smelled his wonderful scent just before the mattress dipped. His hand curved around her belly, stroked her soft skin, then trailed upward to gently cup one breast. When he spoke, the addition of his decadent voice to the mix seemed only natural.

“What are you thinking?” he murmured.

She smiled. “I’m thinking we only got to one of the four things you predicted.”

“One and a half, remember?”

“I’m not likely to forget something so…immense.”

He burst into laughter and hugged her closer. “You want to live a little more before we go for round two?”

“What do you have in mind?”

“Ice cream?”

“What? Really?”

“I’m serious. I’m starving, and after what just happened, the only food that will come anywhere close to satisfying me is ice cream. Got any?”

“No.”

His body fell back as he groaned, clearly feigning crushing disappointment. She giggled, the youthful sound almost foreign to her ears. “I could, however, scrounge up some chocolate. If you promise not to reveal the location of my super secret stash to anyone.”

“Done. As long as I’m given free rein to raid said stash whenever I’m here.”

She stiffened at his words. Chances were, he wouldn’t be here very many times, if ever, after today.

He caressed her hair. “Natalie—”

She swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood. Wobbled slightly. Naked, she walked slowly to the trunk that rested against one wall. He shifted, likely sitting up, and she felt his eyes on her. For once, despite having to take it slowly, she moved without inhibition. She bent to lift the trunk’s lid, laughing when he growled, then felt inside until plastic crinkled. When she withdrew her hand, she held a bag of assorted chocolates.

“My favorite mix. Snickers, Twix and Reeses. Think you can handle it?”

“I handled you, didn’t I?”

“I think we handled each other,” she countered.

“Come over here and let me handle you again.”

Again she giggled. He ripped open the bag, promptly devouring several pieces and hand-feeding her a Twix. The chocolate and caramel dissolved on her tongue, but when he kissed her, then smacked his lips and said, “Yum,” she knew it wasn’t the candy he was referring to. With a sigh, she settled against him again while he played with her hair. His hand dropped to her breast, then her stomach. Lightly he traced the faint scar below her belly button.

“So you got your tubes tied?”

She stiffened and tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let her.

“I’m not judging. I’m just—I just want to know more about you.”

It took a minute before she could answer. But she’d already surrendered her body. Why not this, too? “I couldn’t chance passing along a genetic defect. Not when anticipating its onslaught caused me so much…trouble.”

“Your scar’s barely visible. You must’ve had the procedure a long time ago.”

“I’d just turned twenty-five.”

She’d already been told she had a 50/50 chance of losing her vision. Eight years before. It had taken her that long to work up the courage.

“Do you ever regret it?” he asked, as if reading her mind.

“I regret having to make the decision, but I don’t regret the decision.” She smoothed her hand over his hair. “I like your voice,” she said softly.

Bending down, he kissed her. “I was wondering if you’d noticed.”

He laughed. “It’s on your butt cheek. You better believe I noticed.” Natalie’s smile widened.

“What is it?” Mac asked.

“Just a design I liked,” she murmured.

“A design, huh? I need to take a closer look.” He shifted so he was kneeling beside her. At the same time, he turned her onto her stomach while she giggled, the action coming easier and easier to her. “Hey—”

Her laugh skittered away as he lightly caressed the small pattern of scrolls and flowers on her butt. His breathing had quickened, and against her thigh, he grew harder. Longer. He kneed her thighs part, and she forgot the tattoo. Forgot everything but the knowledge that he was going to take her again.

He rubbed the head of his dick suggestively against her tattoo. He teased her by slipping it into the core of her desire just the slightest bit and then withdrawing. “I want to be inside you,” he growled. “Today. Tomorrow. Al—”

He stopped, as if only just realizing he was talking about the future. Her heart leaped into her throat, and tears filled her eyes. Her past was her torment, but so was her future. She’d be a burden to anyone who shared her life, and he already shouldered too much as it was. There was no getting around that.

“Mac—”

He smoothed a hand over her back. “Don’t think about it. Just think of me. Think of us. Here. Now.”

She planted her face in the bedsheets—an offer she hoped he couldn’t resist.

They both groaned as he pressed into her again, and her muscles involuntarily clenched, simultaneously trying to keep him out and draw him in. Inch by inch she took him, until he was so far inside her she didn’t know where he ended and she began. When she thought he was in as far as he could go, he pushed deeper, proving her wrong. She moaned as she took in all of him. Everything he was.

He curled his body over hers, kissing her ear and then her mouth when she turned toward him. Then he reached under her, tweaking her clit while he moved, rubbing his fingers inside her nether lips.

She gripped the bed. A low, keening cry came out of her. He was so big, making her feel safe. Making her feel cherished.

He stilled. “Are you okay? Am I hurting you?”

She shook her head frantically, pushing her hips back toward him. “No. God, no! I love—I love it.”

He stilled instantly and withdrew from her.

She bit her lip.
Fool. Why did you use that word? Why don’t you ever learn?

Turning her onto her back with exquisite care, Mac shushed her and slipped back into her. Cupping her face in his hands, he whispered, “I love this, too. I love how damn amazing you feel. I love how brave you are.”

He brushed a soft kiss against her lips. Once. Twice. She relaxed against him, leaning into his kisses, addicted.

Afterwards, when he’d wrung every trace of pleasure from her body, Natalie smoothed her palm across Mac’s chest, trying to memorize the feel of his hard muscles, soft hair and smooth skin, imprinting everything in her mind: his warmth, his scent, the feel of his abdomen clenching when her fingers teased the area just above his groin. He shifted slightly, and her hand dropped away.

She cleared her throat and sat up, hugging her knees to her chest. His hand caressed her calf. “Was that Jase on the phone earlier?”

“No, it was the detective who found Hanes.”

“It isn’t over yet, is it?” she asked.

His hand paused. “No.”

“It would be too easy that way. So what are you thinking?”

He hesitated, obviously not used to sharing his thoughts about cases, at least not with someone who wasn’t also a cop.

“It’s okay. I understand why you can’t tell me. Forget I—”

“I think something’s going on with a church called Crystal Haven. Something Alex was involved with, yes, but we believe he may not be the only perpetrator involved with Lindsay’s murder.”

“What makes you say that? The fact that his brother works there? Do you think he had something to do with Lindsay’s death?”

“I’m not sure. He’s got a clean history, but I suspect Alex went to the church to talk to his brother. The fact that he ended up OD’ing before he could do so might be an accident or might not.”

“You think he was murdered.”

“Again, I don’t know.” Yet. That word was implicit in what he didn’t say. “Or maybe he had a guilty conscience and killed himself in front of the church because he thought it was symbolic somehow. Either way, there’s all kinds of red flags going up about the church. The detective who found Hanes said the church doesn’t have a security surveillance system, which made me curious. It’s a big building. The congregation is extremely wealthy. And it’s had its fair share of burglaries and other types of trouble. And still they haven’t gotten a surveillance system? Why not, unless they’re hiding something and don’t want to be monitored that closely? Plus, I’ve watched some of the sermon videos, and the church’s leader, seemed a little too interested in the young girls in his church. Call it instinct from years of experience, but I could tell there was something not quite right about him.”

“Could that be your religious bias sneaking in?”

“I don’t think I have a religious bias, not when it comes to my work.”

“You think you’re that good at keeping personal and professional apart?”

“Obviously I’m not.”

She understood immediately what he meant. “Meaning it was a mistake to sleep with me?”

“Mistake or not, it wasn’t the professional thing to do.”

“Well, we’ve already established this was just about sex, not commitment. I haven’t forgotten.”

“It was more than that, but that doesn’t change what I can or can’t give you. And it doesn’t change the fact I’ve got to keep my head in the game when it comes to this investigation.”

“But you’re keeping the investigation open based on speculation. Maybe I can—”

“It’s more than just speculation. The detective found Hanes’s cell phone under the passenger seat. He traced several calls to numbers of the church staff.”

“But he belonged to the church, so that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.”

“No, but it’s possible for us to determine where a call has been made based on the cellular transmission pinging off service towers. On the night he assaulted you, he called someone at the church from this neighborhood. That’s a connection I’m not willing to ignore. Someone in that church knew what he was doing.”

“Who?”

“Again, I don’t know. The numbers in his outgoing call log were all registered to the church, no private name given. Now we’re going to have to make the connection the old-fashioned way. Jase had an appointment to talk to the reverend at the church earlier today. I haven’t heard back from him yet, but I’m going to have my shot at the reverend, too.”

“But now he’s been put on notice that you suspect him.”

“Sure. That doesn’t bug me. Cops question suspects whether it puts them on notice or not.” The mattress dipped as he shifted and rose. She barely stopped herself from reaching out and pulling him back down, but she couldn’t stop an idea from taking form. Maybe she wasn’t as useless as she thought. Maybe she could help Mac with his investigation after all.

“Wouldn’t it help if you could get information from a private source?” she asked. “An everyday citizen?”

“What are you talking about?”

She ignored the frown in his voice as excitement pumped through her. “I can help you! I can pretend I’m looking for a new church and—”

“No.”

“I can read people. It’s what made me so good at my job.”
When I could see.
Those were the words that formed between them, silent but as loud as a cannon shot.

“If they’re in league with Alex, then they’re the ones that were trying to kill you,” he pointed out. She heard the sound of fabric sliding into place. A zipper closing. He was getting dressed, and she was still naked. Unlike before, when she’d retrieved the chocolate from her trunk, her nudity suddenly bothered her. She felt around for a sheet to cover herself as Mac continued speaking.

“And you think I’m going to let you walk in there with a target on your back? That I’d let any citizen do that?”

The excitement that had heated her blood suddenly dissipated, leaving her cold and unsure. “I don’t need your permission to attend a church service.”

“Don’t make this a power game, Natalie. You won’t like how it turns out.”

“You’re the one who’s making this about power!” she protested. Anger flickered just out of reach, and she grasped for it, pulling it closer and wrapping it around her like body armor. “It must make you feel great. Getting to be the big, bad cop that gets to push everyday citizens around.”

“You forget that right now you’re under police protection. Liz is going to be coming back here.” His voice was calm. Detached. It only served to highlight how out of control she felt. No, not just
felt
—how out of control she truly
was
.

No, she didn’t want Liz back in the house. Especially not after what she and Mac had done together. “I don’t need protection. I’m blind, not helpless.”

“This has nothing to do with you being blind,” he said, some of his detachment slipping.

Because he knows he’s lying, she thought. “This has
everything
to do with me being blind.”

“You know, you’re right. To you everything is about your blindness.”

She jerked back as if he’d slapped her. “What the hell does that mean?”

“Don’t ask unless you really want the answer.”

“Tell me.”

The bed shifted as he sat beside her and gently grasped her arms. “You make everything about you being blind. Where you live. Who you see. What you do. Which is, by the way, nothing. Unless you’re taking unnecessary risks to prove that your blindness isn’t an issue. Then you go from hermit to daredevil in under sixty seconds. You take risks out of pride and hide from life out of fear.”

Violently, she pulled away and scooted to the other side of the bed. “That’s not true.” She gave him her back and placed her feet on the floor. But she didn’t stand. Didn’t want him to see her stumbling around for a place to hide.

“Prove it.”