Shades of Desire (12 page)

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

“W
HAT
’
S
GOTTEN
INTO
YOU
?” Jase asked quietly as they walked from Natalie’s house to their cars parked at the curb. “Being attracted to a witness is one thing. Acting on it with a
blind
witness who was just kidnapped is a whole other story.”

Nothing Jase had said had ever been truer, but no way was Mac going to be lectured. Especially not with that kiss still playing through his head, alternately filling him with joy and dread. “You telling me you’ve never had something going with a witness, Jase? Because I won’t believe you.”

“She’s
blind
, Mac. And even if she didn’t have to worry about some nut trying to kill her, she’s obviously having a hell of a time dealing with that.”

“I’ll worry about the nut. Her blindness has nothing to do with this.” It was funny how that was true. Hell, he’d thought he’d been attracted to Natalie before. When they’d kissed, he’d felt exactly how Alex Hanes must have felt when, after fifteen years in prison, he’d walked back into the world as a free man. Disoriented. A little apprehensive. But beyond grateful for a second chance to experience life again. “Mind your own business, Jase.”

The other man’s brows rose. “This is my business. You asked me to assist you on this case, remember?”

He finally stopped to face Jase fully. “And I’m asking you, very nicely, that if your questioning isn’t related to the killer we’re tracking down, to back off. If you continue to push, I’m going to stop being nice and push right back.”’

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means, when a guy can’t go a week without banging at least three different women, he’s obviously got impulse control problems and shouldn’t cast stones.” He turned to his car. “Now, let’s—”

“Hell, no—” Jase grabbed his arm.

Mac reacted instinctively, whirling and grabbing him in return. With a quick twist and flip, he tossed Jase to the ground, shoved his arm behind his back, then straddled him while he pressed his face halfway into the cement walkway and half into the immaculate green lawn on either side of it.

“Jesus, Mac—”

“Listen to me, you little shit,” Mac hissed in his ear. “I have been doing my job for a hell of a long time without your guidance, and I will continue to do it when you decide you want to run for office or take a desk job because it’ll make you more money. Do not tell me how to do my job and don’t try and get physical with me either.”

“You’re going to hurt her.” Jase cursed as Mac pressed his face harder into the ground.

“Like hell I am. I’m going to keep her alive. There’s something between us, yes. And I let it get out of hand. But I’m not an idiot.” Disgusted, Mac released his hold and stood. “Evidence to the contrary aside,” he added grudgingly.

They stared at each other for several tense seconds. “Shit.” Mac swiped at his hair before extending his hand. After a brief pause, Jase took it and rose to his feet.

“You say that now, but you should see the way you look at her.”

Mac glanced away, afraid Jase would see more than he wanted him to. “I admire her. Despite her issues, she’s facing some pretty tough shit. She’s not whining and she’s not complaining. She’s hell-bent on proving that her blindness hasn’t changed who she is.”

“Maybe it hasn’t changed who she is,” Jase said quietly, “but it’s changed how she needs to approach life. Whether she likes it or not. You gonna help her accept that?”

His denial was instinctive but still slower than it would have been yesterday. “She doesn’t need my help. A woman brave enough to jump out of a moving cab isn’t going to let an eye disease bring her down. She’ll figure that out eventually.”

“I hope so.” Jase tugged at his clothes and swiped dirt away. He glanced at Mac from the corner of his eye. “Just so you know, I could’ve taken you to the ground with me if I wanted to.”

“I don’t doubt that.” Silently, he reached out his hand. Silently, Jase shook it.

“Good thing Officer Lafayette got here so fast. Because if she hadn’t, I’m not sure you’d have been able to tear yourself away from her. You were stuck to her like white on rice.”

Mac grunted and frowned, not because he could deny what Jase was saying but because… Turning, he scanned the surrounding neighborhood.

“What?” Jase asked.

“She called a cab when her friend didn’t show. Our perp told Natalie he saw the cab driver pull up. That he chastised the man for keeping her waiting. He was close by then, close enough that he could overpower the driver and get control of the cab without Natalie or anyone knowing about it.”

“The police already swept the neighborhood for potential witnesses. You read the reports. But—”

“But that doesn’t mean they confirmed each house was occupied or that Hanes wasn’t hiding inside one of them.” His gaze skipped over one house after another. Unlike the cookie-cutter track homes that were most common these days, each house in Natalie’s neighborhood had a unique upscale design with well-maintained landscaping. Only one lawn bordered on unkempt, indicating it hadn’t been mowed in a few weeks. His eyes narrowed on the cream ranch-style house with blue shutters. He crossed the street to walk toward it, Jase right beside him. Off to the side, obscured by some bushes, was a foreclosure sign that had either blown down or been deliberately hidden.

“I’ll take the back.”

Mac nodded.

He approached the front door from the side, hugging the wall nearest to the door handle. There was a smear of something on the front porch as well as on the lower door casing. It looked like fresh blood. Swiftly, he drew his weapon. “Blood evidence,” he called to Jase.

“Got it. Back door’s been jimmied.”

Carefully, he touched the doorknob to “soft-check” it; it was unlocked. He rapped on the door. “Police. Open up.”

There was no response.

Still standing to the side, he turned the knob and pushed the door open. He pivoted and leaned in, giving himself a clear line of sight while protecting himself as much as possible. More blood stained the carpet leading to the back of the house. “Police! Drop any weapons and come out with your hands up,” he shouted.

Again, nothing. He heard Jase enter from the back and announce himself, as well.

A moment later, Jase called, “Shit. I’ve got the cabbie.”

His adrenaline spiked even higher. “I’ll finish the sweep,” he called. One by one, he cleared every room in the house, making sure no one was hiding in any of the closets. The place was an abandoned mess, with clothes and boxes strewn everywhere. Hanes had obviously set himself up in the front living room. It was notably cleaner than the rest of the house, as if he hadn’t been able to stand living in filth himself. A blanket and pillow were folded into a neat package, and there were fast-food bags and empty cups folded and stacked on one table. There was also a small flip video camera set up on a tripod nearby. Cursing, Mac joined Jase in the back family room next to the kitchen.

His eyes went instantly to the unconscious vic on the floor, a portly man with thinning white hair stained by blood. Jase crouched next to him, remnants of rope and tape lying close by. “He hit him pretty hard. His head injury is probably the source of the blood you found.”

Mac nodded. “You call it in?”

“Yeah. An ambulance and patrol car are on their way.”

“He was here all along. Probably has been since the burglary or even before it. Watching her. Watching us. He’s even got a video camera set up.”

“The local police did everything they were supposed to. No one could’ve known he’d be this bold.”

Maybe, Mac thought, but reasonable or not, it was an oversight that could have cost Natalie her life. “We know he’s plenty bold now. And we’re not going to underestimate him again.”

* * *

A
LEX
DITCHED
THE
CAB
in the back of a supermarket parking lot. He walked several miles to the public bus depot where he’d left his own car—the car Clemmons had bought for him—then got on the freeway toward Sacramento. He’d driven almost thirty miles before he stopped checking the rearview mirror.

Not since prison had he felt so lost. Even so, in prison he’d had the chaplain. To teach him, in spite of what he’d done. To pursue him, despite Alex’s initial rudeness. To patiently guide him toward the light and show him the paradise that awaited him, if only he was willing to repent his sins and trust himself to an almighty God.

But now Alex didn’t have the chaplain to guide him. He had something better, someone better, or so he’d thought. Without someone to interpret scripture or point out the signs for him, things had become confusing. Gray.

Alex didn’t like grayness. He liked things black and white. It was in grayness that the devil lurked, tempting humanity and encouraging sin. Fabricating excuses. Mucking things up so you were never quite sure who was talking to you, God or the devil in disguise. Alex missed the comfort of certainty. Of knowing that what he was doing was right. Because it was what He wanted.

But now Alex wasn’t sure. Not since the woman had escaped him. Escaped his plans for her. God’s plan. Or had he misunderstood?

It had been easy for him to pick up Natalie Jones. Far easier than he’d ever anticipated. He’d seen her walk outside, shocked at the sight of her walking cane. He’d stared at it, confused. Why was she using a cane for the blind?

The answer, of course, was that she
was
blind.

He’d laughed out loud at the beauty of it. She’d seen something she shouldn’t have. Something God didn’t want others to see, so He’d struck her blind because of it. Then He’d sent Alex to her to guide the way.

He’d barely been able to contain his excitement as he’d watched her, waiting and waiting some more. Then she’d gone back inside. When the cab had shown up, he’d known exactly what he was going to do.

It was a bold move, he knew. Some would say it was beyond foolish for him to overpower the driver in broad daylight and take his place. He’d waited for someone to call out, or for the police to arrive, sirens blaring, guns drawn, but that hadn’t happened. It had all made sense. He had cleared the way for him, which was yet another holy sign that what he was doing was necessary. Right.

While he’d watched Natalie from the cab, he’d been struck by how truly beautiful she was. Beautiful enough that his body had responded in a very unholy way. It had distracted him. Made him long for material things. Secular pleasure. It only took spotting her cane, and her dropping it, to remind him that he was more angel than she. She needed guidance, and he was the one who could give it to her, just as the chaplain had done for him. But only after getting Him the information He needed.

He’d served his sentence. Sacrificed in order to find salvation. It seemed reasonable that Natalie Jones would have to do the same.

But then she’d rejected him. Rejected his words. Struck out at him with her cane. Escaped. His anger had been all-encompassing, leaving only enough room for humiliation. Fear. He’d failed. And how could failure result in anything but eternal suffering in the flames of hell? Had he lost his chance at redemption? Suddenly the faces of all his past victims—men, women and children—had swarmed before him, making him dizzy.

There had been too many people for him to turn around and go after her. He hadn’t wanted to take that chance. Be caught. He’d doubted God’s power to protect him, and he knew that’s why he was being punished now.

Whimpering, Alex jerked the car to the side of the road, not even hearing the blast of horns that came from other drivers. He squeezed his eyes shut and grasped at his temples. There were two voices inside his head now. Two voices that warred. One telling him to fulfill his original task, the other telling him to see the signs that urged him to change his course. Yet both voices were His.

And then there was a third voice. His own voice. The voice from his past. Telling him that ending his confusion would be simple. Easy. The matter would end. Even without answers, he would be saved. Safe.

All he had to do was kill Natalie Jones.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

N
ATALIE
DIDN
’
T
THINK
ANYTHING
could be worse than being trapped in a car with a homicidal maniac, but being trapped in her own home with Officer Liz Lafayette came close. Although the woman was exceedingly professional and polite, even friendly, everything she was and did served only to remind Natalie of her own shortcomings. She was young, but obviously smart, ambitious and strong. She’d have to be in order to have gotten through the police academy. She could go anywhere and do anything she wanted. And no one would dare feel sorry for her.

Natalie would also bet she was pretty. She had the type of bearing that only a confident woman had—not arrogant, but self-assured—plus she wore earrings that occasionally caught the light. The scent of Estée Lauder’s
Beautiful
perfume was a pleasant cloud around her when she moved. Natalie had an old bottle of it somewhere in a drawer, but she’d stopped wearing it months ago. She’d meant to throw it out but hadn’t gotten around to it.

She could be in her bedroom right now, sorting through that box and throwing away the last vestiges of her past—or more likely huddling under the covers and pretending morning hadn’t come—but because she hadn’t wanted to appear rude, or worse, that she was intimidated or hiding, she’d come out and asked the woman to join her for breakfast instead. Now they were done, and Natalie searched desperately for a topic of conversation to alleviate the awkwardness in the air. She couldn’t come up with one. All her thoughts were on Mac and that kiss and how she’d made a fool of herself by freaking out on him. Something both Jase and this woman had seen.

“So…” Liz cleared her throat. “Agent McKenzie called a while ago. He’s checking into a Plainville hotel later today.”

Natalie’s pulse suddenly went into overdrive. “A hotel?”

“He often works out of the Bureau of Law Enforcement Building in San Francisco. But given what happened yesterday, he’s setting up shop at our police station. Both he and Agent Tyler.”

It made sense. The female officer had explained what Mac and Jase had discovered after leaving her house yesterday. That her attacker had been holed up right across the street, waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce. She’d handed it to him on a silver platter. With bells on. But even the knowledge that he’d been that close didn’t disturb her as much as the idea of Mac checking into a Plainville hotel. Of him leaving the comfort of his own office and home for the sole purpose of being closer to her. Granted, it was only because of the case, but…

“He—he told me he was based in San Francisco, but from what I heard yesterday… I mean, I thought they had a more important case they had to work on… .”

“I guess he convinced his watch commander he was needed here.” Liz’s shrug was soundless yet explicit. And although there was no hint of innuendo in her voice, Natalie imagined it was there nonetheless.

“Why is he working this case? Isn’t this something your staff can handle on your own?”

“SIG handles special investigations, and this is certainly one of those. The girl who was killed, Lindsay Monroe, her father has special political connections.”

“And if she didn’t? Her case file would get shoved to the back burner?”

“Along with a whole bunch of others. It’s a sad truth, but there aren’t enough good cops to handle all the cases that get thrown our way.”

“Are you a detective, too?”

“Nope. Not yet. One day, I hope to be.”

“Do you know Mac and Jase? Personally?” She closed her eyes.
Yeah, that sounded subtle, Natalie.

But Liz seemed to think nothing of her question. “My supervisor worked with Mac on a case a couple of months back. Has a lot of respect for him, and that’s enough for me.”

“Do you know—”

There was a knock on the front door, and she heard the sound of Liz’s chair scraping back. “You expecting anyone?”

An edge of tension in Liz’s voice was immediately apparent, one that hadn’t been there just seconds before.

“No,” Natalie said, instinctively stiffening and fighting the urge to flee. “I’m not.”

“Let me just go check. Please stay here.”

Her footsteps tracked her movements to the front door where Natalie could hear her talking with someone. Then the sound of Melissa’s voice drifted toward her.

“—need to talk to her. Please!”

Natalie hesitated and bit her lip as Liz firmly denied Melissa entrance. Although she’d been relieved when Melissa had finally called her yesterday, making excuses about why she hadn’t shown up, Natalie hadn’t been able to stifle her hurt and disappointment. She’d been cold. Distant. Told Melissa she’d call her later.

Now, she listened as Melissa continued to argue with Liz. The officer’s tone was becoming more and more aggressive even as Melissa’s became more desperate. Natalie sighed, stood and called out, “It’s okay, Liz. It’s my friend, Melissa. Please let her inside.”

Their arguing abruptly stopped.

“I need to call Mac first,” Liz said.

Mac, Mac, Mac. He certainly wielded enormous authority with the local police. But she supposed that wasn’t being fair. After all, the man was the lead agent on this case, trying to solve the murder of a young girl. Trying to prevent him from murdering again.

Shakily, Natalie took her seat once more. Mac was trying to protect her, she acknowledged, because it was his job. But he hadn’t kissed her because of his job. Granted, she’d
asked
him to kiss her, but when she’d tried to emotionally back away from the connection she’d felt, he’d made it plain he wasn’t happy about it. She recalled his words clearly, the same way she’d recalled them throughout the night.

We’re going to find the man who threatened you, and we’re going to catch Lindsay’s killer, regardless of whether they’re the same person or not. And when we do, you won’t be a witness anymore. You won’t be part of the job. You’ll just be a woman who’s attracted to me as much as I am to her.”

Could it be true? That such a virile, strong man could be attracted to her, the same disabled, needy woman he’d been determined to stay away from? But perhaps it was because he was so strong that he was attracted to her. He was a modern day warrior, with hard sleek muscles that she’d felt herself when they’d embraced. She’d wanted to sink into him. Lose herself in his arms where she could feel both daring and safe, something she’d never quite been able to manage before, not at the same time.

She knew it was the allure of his strength that drew her to him, and likely what drew scads of other women to him, too. As a cop, he was a natural-born protector, one who enjoyed saving the day. Perhaps that’s what she was to him. Just one in a long line of the weak and needy. Despite his declaration that he didn’t want that, his need to protect was probably inbred so deep he couldn’t get away from it. That had to be it.

She heard a noise and looked up. “Melissa?”

“No, it’s just me. Liz. I’m sorry, Natalie, but Mac gave me orders to not let Melissa in.”

“Did you tell him I wanted to see her?”

Natalie didn’t need to see her to sense Liz’s deep discomfort. “Well, yes, but…”

“But what?”

“He overrode that request.”

She inhaled a breath, trying to contain the temper that flashed through her. “He overrode…” Natalie stood. Damn him. It was bad enough she saw so little of her friend, anyway. Yes, that was her choice sometimes, but that was the point. She saw who she wanted to when she wanted to, and she wasn’t going to let Mac or even some freaky religious nut change that. She couldn’t. If the blindness hadn’t completely destroyed her, and it hadn’t, not yet… “I’ll just let Melissa in myself.”

“She already left, Natalie.”

Her anger was so strong she half expected her body to ignite. “So I’m not allowed to see anyone. I’m to be kept a prisoner in my own home. Unable to talk to anyone or see any of my friends.”

She heard a faint, low male curse and hissed in surprise.

“Mac’s still on the line. He wanted to talk to you in the event you were mad. Actually, he knew you would be mad so… Would you—er—would you like to talk to him?”

“Yes.” She held out her hand for the cell phone, which Liz gently placed in her palm. She raised the phone to her ear but didn’t say anything. She heard Liz walk away, heard her own rapid breaths.

“I’m sorry you feel as if you’re a prisoner in your own home, Natalie. That’s not what’s happening.”

She licked her lips and closed her eyes. Lord, his voice… The man had such an incredible voice. And mouth. And body. She shook her head slightly as if to clear her head. “Then why aren’t I allowed to see my friends?”

“You can see your friends, but not Melissa. Not until I have a chance to talk with her and clear her story.”

“Clear her story? What does that mean?”

“It means Melissa was the one who left you standing on a curb so that a murderer could pick you up, Natalie. It means I have to rule out the fact that she might have been involved with your abduction. Which means she might even have had something to do with Lindsay’s murder.”

“Are you insane? Melissa’s not a criminal. She had nothing to do with this!”

“If that’s the case, then she’ll talk to me, we’ll clear the whole thing up. By the way, I looked through the pictures you gave me.”

“Did you see anything that can help you? With Lindsay’s case or mine?”

“They were more than helpful, Natalie. I believe I’ve identified both Lindsay Monroe and Alex Hanes in the photos. They weren’t standing together. Alex was hanging out by the playground while Lindsay strolled the grounds. IDing her was a bit more difficult because she changed her hair color, and I can only see a partial profile of her face, but I think it’s her. If I’m right, your pictures place them together on a specific date just before she was murdered, and along with the evidence we already have, it’ll make a strong case for Hanes’s conviction.”

She heard his unspoken words. It would make a strong case when they finally caught him, but she didn’t doubt they would. Mac and Jase were good cops. Dedicated. They wouldn’t let the murderer of a sixteen-year-old girl go unpunished.

“It’s also proof that the man who attacked me is the same man who killed Lindsay,” she said. “Well, wow… That’s great then, right? You have everything you need from me… .” Why that realization depressed her, she didn’t even want to know.

“Not quite.”

She jerked at his unexpected answer. “Wh-what do you mean?”

“The pictures are evidence, but they need to be authenticated in order to be admissible. Since you’re the person who took the pictures, we’re going to need you to testify at trial. I also need to consider what Hanes said to you when he got you in that cab.”

“He said a lot of things. What are you referring to?”

“Even though he didn’t copy all the photos off your computer, chances are he saw some of the same shots I did. He’d see he was in them. That Lindsay was, too. Yet he took the chance of coming back. Why? Why resort to kidnapping you? You said he wanted to talk to you. To find out what you knew. What you’d told us. That tells me he’s afraid you saw something, something that might not be in the photos. I want to go over that day with you. Go over the pictures with you, too.”

“But I already told you, I don’t have clear memories of that day! And I can’t see the details in those pictures.”

“I can. We’ll look at them together and I can describe what I see. You’re not alone in this, Natalie. I can help you.” For a second, his words made her melt, just the way hearing his voice did.

She told herself she was a fool.

Because she
was
alone. She always had been. Alone to deal with the fear of what was coming for her. Alone to deal with the reality of it.

Her pictures had made her forget that for a while.

Her pictures had given her the illusion of belonging. To the world and the people she shot. Now she didn’t even have that. As much as she’d enjoyed the feeling of being part of something when she took her pictures, part of different people and places across the world, she’d always been an outsider, now more than ever. Now she couldn’t even pretend. She couldn’t be part of something she couldn’t see because, for all intents and purposes, they didn’t exist for her.

She especially couldn’t belong with a man whose voice and scent she gravitated to but whose visage she couldn’t form. How could you truly be with anyone when you didn’t even know the color of his eyes? The expressions on his face?

“Natalie?”

She sighed. “We can talk some more, even though I don’t think it’ll help. In the meantime, am I allowed to talk to Melissa on the phone? I mean, she can’t hurt me over a phone line, right?”

His silence before he answered highlighted his struggle for patience. “Yes, you can talk to her, but don’t tell her specifics of what happened and don’t coach her on what to say. That’s important, otherwise you could just delay her being cleared. I’m not trying to control your every movement. I’m just trying to do my job and protect you.”

His words hung in the air, verifying what she’d thought earlier. He was simply doing his job. She had to remember that.

“Thank you for clarifying that for me. I’m not trying to be difficult. Despite my behavior yesterday, I know I’m just a job to you.”

“Damn it, that’s not what I mean and you—”

His voice, a dark growl, radiated immense frustration. She felt guilty for causing him grief, but she had her own frustration to deal with. Her own confusion.

“Please. Don’t. Your job is all that matters right now.” It was all that
could
matter. She’d never felt so conflicted in her life. She wanted to cooperate with him, but she didn’t. She wanted his help, but she didn’t. She wanted to be more than just part of his job, but she didn’t.

She
couldn’t
.

Hell, there were so many things she wanted. From her body. Her life. From Mac. What she
wanted
didn’t matter. Dreams and desire weren’t a part of her world anymore, at least not right now. She doubted ever.