Seeking Me To Find You (Finding You Series Book 1) (21 page)

Opening the door with the security chain still attached, they both look past me as if searching for something behind me. “Can I help you two?”

Ben’s the first to speak. “Can we come in?”

Curiously I ask him why.

Adam is next. “We just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Why do you care?” I ask them quizzically.

Sounding agitated, Ben asks again, “Can we please come in?”

Shutting the door, I unlatch the chain and reluctantly welcome them in.

Ben comes in and starts doing a sweep of the downstairs. He starts upstairs and I quickly bring him to a halt.

“What makes you think you can just enter my home and go wherever you please?”

Turning to head back down, he walks over to where Adam is standing.

Looking at him I ask him the burning questions again. “Why do you want to know if I’m okay and why do you think you can invade my home?”

Ben answers smugly. “Jackson called me and said that he’s been trying to text you all evening but you haven’t responded. He asked if we could come and check on you.”

“Check on me? Humph.”

Sensing my agitation, Adam takes Ben by the arm and starts dragging him towards the door.

“Well, Ben and I will be out of your hair. I left our cell numbers on the coffee table. If you need us, just give us a ring.” Opening the door, Adam starts to file out quickly. Ben, on the other hand, takes his sweet ass time. He turns around and does one last scan of the living room and stairway.

“Thanks, but I’ll be just fine. Tell Jackson that I’m no longer his concern.”

“About that, you need to talk to him. You don’t know how upset he is about how things went down. You don’t realize how tough this duty is on us.”

“You know what Ben,” I say tersely, “I knew what I was getting in to. Was it easy? No. Was I keeping secrets from him and doing things behind his back? No. Was I the one that said that I couldn’t do this anymore and I didn’t
need
this bullshit? No. And finally, was it my tongue halfway shoved down someone else’s throat when the going got tough? Hell. No. So don’t come in here and tell me what I need to do.”

Slamming the door forcefully behind him, I storm upstairs, where exhaustion overcomes me. Putting on fresh pajamas, I head back into the bathroom to brush my teeth and blow out the candles. I turn back into the bedroom and my cell freakin’ dings again. Walking straight past it, I turn down my covers and snuggle in for a peaceful sleep. Or so I thought.

*

Ding Dong.

Knock Knock.

KNOCK KNOCK.

Reaching for the clock, I see it’s two a.m.
You’ve got to be kiddin’ me.
Stumbling out of bed, I catch my pinky toe on the leg of my bed.

“Son of a… Who the hell could be knocking at my door at this ungodly hour?”

KNOCK KNOCK.

“Hold on!” I scream.

Limping down the stairs, I try to focus my eyes using my nightlights to guide me. I just hope that I don’t break my neck as I’m walking down the stairs. Struggling to look through my peep hole, I see Jackson standing in his cammies.

“I know you are looking at me through the peep hole, Grace. I heard you yelling and cussing coming down your stairs.”

What the F…

“Open the door, Grace.”

Unlocking the door, I keep the security chain fastened.

“It’s two in the morning Jackson, and you’re supposed to be at work. What do you want?”

“Damn it Grace, open the damn door.”

“No,” I answer forcefully.

“Please open the door,” Jackson sighs as he leans against the door jamb.

I shut the door and unhook the chain. The door forcefully opens about knocking me back into the wall. All at once, Jackson has pushed himself in and captured me in a desperate kiss. Sinking into his embrace, I force myself to push away, firing my own brand assault.

“What the hell is this, Jackson? You can’t just storm in here.”

“You’re the one that won’t answer my damn texts. And let’s not go into the ass chewing you gave Ben and Adam.”

“Well, you’re the one that sent them to spy on me. I don’t answer to you. I’m a grown woman, Jackson.” I walk over to the door and open it willing him to leave. But he just stands there. “Don’t you have to be somewhere?”

Instead of leaving, he closes the door and stalks towards me. “I. Will. Not. Leave. Until. You. Talk. To. Me.”

“Excuse me?”

Stopping square in front of me, Jackson looks down at me with eyes on fire. “You heard me. I’m not leaving until you talk to me.”

I’m not easily intimidated but, man, his glare is searing into my soul. Breaking his gaze, I walk past him and take a seat on the couch.

“Grace…”

“Grace, what? For forever it’s been about other people’s feelings, not mine. People can just walk away, leaving me to pick up my own pieces, and then come back when it suits them. So you want to talk now at two in the morning. The other evening, you couldn’t have just called it a night, and walked away before you said the crap you ended up saying. Hell, I would have preferred you called saying that you needed an evening to recharge. I would’ve understood. You know what? I’m glad this happened. I finally found out how you really felt about me before we went any farther in our
relationship
.”

“What do you expect from me?” Jackson runs his hand over his face and takes seat on my coffee table across from me. Leaning his head into his hands, he lets out a muffled groan. Looking back to me, I can see agony written all over his face.

I have to keep it together and not let it affect me. I need to concentrate on me, on what I want. “I have no expectations from you, Jackson, except for your honesty. And I can say you were totally honest with me the other night. I’m walking away, letting you have your life while I go on with mine. You were honest when you said that it would be hard on our relationship; but you also said you wanted to try. When I didn’t give you the answers that you liked, you gave up. I don’t want a man that can walk away from me so easy. My father did that once. Hell, most of the men in my life have done that, with the exception of my stepdad and my best friend, who you obviously have a problem with. I deserve better.”

Being this close to him is very intimidating. I stand up, walking into the kitchen to get a drink of water. Out the corner of my eye I see him stand up.

“I can’t do this, Grace.”

Feeling quite annoyed, I answer back, “I know. You’ve already told me once.”

“I can’t be what you need. You’re right. You do deserve better. You need someone that will always be there for you and put you first. I guess that’s not in my genes,” he says as he throws both hands behind his head.

Storming up to him I cry, “Was I just a convenient lay? Huh, was I?”

“Is that what you think after all the time we spent together?” he says striking back.

“I don’t know what I think now except that it’s time for you to leave.”

“Grace…”

“Jackson, I’m tired, and you have a career you need to tend to. Let’s just walk away before we say more hurtful things.”

Jackson slowly walks to my door. As he opens it and goes to walk out, he briefly pauses, and then continues forward, slamming it behind him.

I’m mad as hell but thoroughly exhausted. For the umpteenth time, I’ve let a man come into my life and take control of my emotions. Sinking down against the closed door, I start to quietly cry.
Damn it Grace, how pathetic.

*

Going into this
work week, I feel more exhausted than I ever have in my entire life. I need to pull my head out of my ass and refocus because I have too much going on. Parent/teacher conferences are Tuesday and my one-on-one with my principal is Thursday.

“I think you need this.”

I look up from my desk and see Rory with a big ole glazed donut. My heart melts and my mouth waters. Rory pulls up a chair and takes my hands into hers.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Cramming the donut in my mouth, I mumble, “Not really.” Tears start to well up, threatening to give everything away.

“Grace, you don’t have go through this alone. Obviously something has happened with Jackson. Please let me in.”

Losing the battle, tears start cascading down my face. “This is so unprofessional.”

Pulling me in for a warm embrace, Rory holds me and just lets me cry. Pulling back, she says, “A bunch of us are going out for drinks and karaoke Friday. Why don’t you join us? This will give you a chance to get to know some of the people around here on a more personal level. You’ll find that you work with some great people that you can turn to if needed.”

She hands me a tissue and I dab my eyes. Holding the tissue up, I laugh, “Who am I kidding? A tissue won’t fix this face.”

“Honey, you look fine.”

I cut my eyes to Rory.

“Well, you look like hell, but you look cute looking like hell.”

Shaking my head, I laugh, “You are so full of crap.”

Rory laughs along, “Maybe, but seriously, you need to come out with us. I think it will do you some good.”

“Sounds good.”

*

As I make
my way into the house after my crazy Monday, my thoughts begin to race. I relive the conversation that I had with Rory this morning. She’s right. I need to start making friends here.

Walking into the kitchen, I notice that my back door is ajar. I’m almost positive that I closed and locked everything. I quickly close and lock the door now. Immediately, I grab my purse, seeking out my mace. Slowly making my way to every room, I find that nothing appears to be out of place or missing. I chalk my anxiety up to all that transpired the past couple of days. I make a quick sandwich and decide to call it a night. I know it’s only six but I need to wash this day away. Tomorrow’s gonna be a good day. I chant that over and over as I head up stairs.

*

You know what?
The rest of the week was awesome. My parent/teacher conferences went well and my meeting with my principal stoked my ego. Now it’s Friday and I am uber excited to go out with Rory. I even bought a new outfit just for the occasion. My cowboy boots have been calling me for some time, but I needed the right occasion. With this in mind, I decide to go a little country chic. I pair a sheer white linen shirt dress with a denim jacket. Going along with the theme, I decide to style my hair in a loose fishtail braid that hangs over my left shoulder. Adding a little mascara and a sheer gloss to my lips, I’m ready.