Secrets in the Lyrics (5 page)

My Life List:

1.
     
No more men

2.
     
Save enough money to rent an apartment on my own

3.
     
Get rid of the flab

4.
     
Work out

5.
     
Restrict my fat ass to 800 calories a day, if not less

6.
     
Learn to survive on my own.  I don’t need to lean on the guys.  They have their own
lives and I don’t need their pity.

These past two months on tour have been long hours.  I’m still a little embarrassed
in front of the guys and it’s hard to avoid them when you live on a bus together,
but after my melt down at our first show, they don’t ask any more questions.  I steer
clear of the bus right after the show, unless we are pulling right out, so that the
guys can screw whoever they want to. The only thing I ask is that they have the girls
gone within an hour and stay the hell away from my bunk.  It’s easier when we stay
at hotels.  I get my own room, which is good because sometimes I wake up from nightmares
about Chad coming after me.  Gable stares at me all the time like I’m going to go
off the deep end or something.  He’s always trying to get me to go eat with them. 
They don’t understand that I’m trying to eat healthy and they eat junk.  During this
tour I’m making some changes.  I go jogging or running wherever our location is and
if we stay in a hotel that has a gym, I use it.  I have restricted myself to 800 calories
a day.  I only drink water, no alcohol, and I keep a food journal.  I’m starting to
see results in the mirror.  My body is pretty much healed from the fight.  Of course,
I’m still wearing the same clothes so no one else notices.  I’ve only picked up a
few new pieces, though I might would get a whole new wardrobe if these fucking boobs
would go away. 

I’m still in my own thoughts when Gable slaps my curtain.  “Hey, we do sound check
in fifteen.”

I put my list down and grab my shoes as I slide open my curtain.  “Thanks, man.”

“Hey, our show is over kinda early tonight, the guys and I want us all to go out for
dinner.  We will pick a place where you can get something
healthy
.  We just want you to come with us.”

I shrug.  “Sure, how are we getting there?”

“I called and got us a car.”

I realize that I really haven’t talked to any of them much at all. I need to try and
be better because they are the only family I have.  “So, how have things been with
Scar?  I mean after that wreck she was in.”  A month or so ago Scarlet had been run
off the road and it totaled Gable’s car.

“She’s been good.  Cade sent her his old car, which was fine with me.  She was working
at some shithole bar, it was kinda a dangerous place.  So he gave her the car and
made her quit.  She’s dating the guy that called me, Ryder.  She seems happy, like
really happy, for the first time in a long time.”

I nod as I slide my long necklace over my head.  “That’s good.  She deserves it, you
know.”

He puts his hand on my shoulder.  “Everyone deserves happiness, Ivie.”  With that,
he turns and walks out the door. 

~*~*~

“Man! That was an awesome fucking show!”  Keeg yells as we walk to the bus.

I can’t help but notice the groupie whores outside the bus when we get back there. 
I speak softly to the guys. “Just let me grab a change of clothes and I’ll give you
guys your time.”

Gable stops me.  “Hey, I thought you were going out to eat with us?”

“Well, I mean you guys have some hot ass waiting here at the bus, so I figured we
would go after.”

Keeg steps up.  “The only hot ass we are interested in doing anything with tonight
is you.  So let’s get on the bus, shower, and go fuckin’ eat.  I’m starving!”

Stoney puts his arm around my shoulder.  “Nope, you are stuck with us tonight.  I
know you don’t want to hang out with a bunch of stinky guys but too bad, we wanna
hang out with you.”

We dodge around the groupies and get on the bus.  I get first shower and then take
over the back room to get ready.  I need to dress nice if I want to be seen at a restaurant
with them.  Not that they care, but other people will have shit to say.

I pull on a denim skirt I bought a few weeks ago with my hot pink skull and cross
bones tank top, a black studded belt, and my biker boots.  I spend a few minutes on
my hair and make-up before I make my way out into the front part of the bus.  The
guys must have dressed in the hall because they are ready to go.

Stoney rubs his face.  “Damn Ivie, you look like a rocker’s wet dream.”

Keeg chuckles as Gable runs his hand on the back of his neck, shaking his head.  I
know they are full of it and just picking at me for wearing a skirt.

“Are y’all ready?”

They nod and we walk out to the SUV waiting for us.

My pants instantly tighten when she walks in with that outfit on.  I knew looking
at her face over the past few months that she’d lost weight, but seeing her in clothes
that fit, she’s a skeleton version of herself.  Her boobs are mostly the same, but
the curves of her ass are definitely smaller and her collar bones are sticking out.
We need to put some weight back on her. 

But today when she got out of her bunk, her
list
fell out and I picked it up after she walked off.  She really sees herself as fat. 
I can’t help but wonder what that fucker Chad said to her to make her feel that way. 
Then it could be bitches like that damn girl I kicked out a few months ago.  I will
never understand where women get off tearing each other down.  Don’t they know men
find that shit stupid?  It upsets me that she seriously thought we’d back out on our
plans with her for a piece of ass.  I’m just glad Cade helped me out with the Chad
situation.  That motherfucker isn’t a cop anymore.  He was strung out on all kinds
of shit and some of Daria’s acquaintances suggested that he leave Ivie alone. Well,
more like physically persuaded.

It hasn’t gone completely unnoticed to us that she disappears after the shows are
over.  She’s told us that as long as we stay away from her bunk and are done within’
an hour, she doesn’t care.  I just hate that she feels that way, like she’s a guest
on our bus.  I’ve talked to the guys about stopping that shit. 

After that first girl, I just haven’t wanted anyone.  It feels wrong for some reason. 
I’m tired of endless skanks.  So my moodiness may be the fact that the only release
I’ve had is in the shower courtesy of myself, and as much as I don’t want to admit
this, visions of Ivie.

Once we arrive at the restaurant, I sit on the side with Ivie so I can try to get
her to open up.  “So what’s up?  You live on a bus with us and we hardly see you.”

What? I’ve never been one for beating around the bush.

“You guys see me all the time.” She tries to blow me off.

Keeg rolls his eyes.  “You are full of shit.  We see you during practices and performances. 
Otherwise, you are like a ghost.  You’re either running or sleeping. Then whatever
you do right after we get finished with shows.”

She looks at us like she could punch us.  Stoney glares at her.  “You act like you
don’t belong on that bus with us.  Like we don’t want you there or something.  We
do.  I mean, yeah, it’s nice to get the attention that some of the girls give us,
but most of the time we are just killing time.  I’d rather sit around after a show
sometimes and play Xbox or some shit without having to deal with some over made up
diva chick who is drunk and trying to piss her daddy off.”

She shakes her head.  “You guys are full of it.  You like getting your brains screwed
out by random chicks.  If I’m on the bus right after a show, it cramps your style. 
Trust me, girls have a way of letting each other know.  And most girls let me know
that I don’t belong with you guys.”

I speak up.  “See, that’s where you are wrong.  We don’t care if they think, or anyone
thinks, you don’t belong with us, because you do.”

She looks at me and is about to fire back when the waitress shows up.  I speak up. 
“We’ll have four shots of tequila and four bud lights.”

Ivie glares at me.  “I’m not drinking. That is wasted calories.  Plus, I haven’t had
anything to drink in months.”

Keeg chuckles.  “Well good then, you’ll be a cheap drunk.”

The waitress is back soon to take our orders.  She looks to Ivie first. 

Ivie smiles.  “I’ll have a spinach salad with no cheese and no dressing.”

Holy shit, no wonder she looks like a skeleton.  I speak up.  “And she’ll have the
7oz sirloin, medium, with a side of broccoli.”

Ivie glares at me.  “No, I’m only eating the salad.”

“Ivie, you are eating something other than fucking spinach leaves. Now, the sirloin
is the healthiest steak and I got your fucking broccoli, so there, it’s healthy. 
You need the protein.”

I look back to the waitress.  “I’ll have the 16oz Ribeye, medium, with the loaded
baked potato.  Oh yeah, and can I get some of that crab soup to start with?”

             
She looks to the other guys for their orders while Ivie glares holes into my body. 
“I’m not drinking, and I’m not eating that damn food.”

I look at her with the same glare and whisper sternly. “Yes, you are.  Take today
as a cheat day, or whatever the fuck you want to call it, but you will be a member
of this band tonight other than just on the fucking stage.”

I really feel like a jackass for talking like that, but I can only handle so much. 
Right now I’d love to bend her over a table with that skirt up over her ass.
Whoa!  Shit, I have to stop my brain from going there.

She actually does take her shot with us and drink her beer along with another round
we order.  I’m proud that she actually eats most of her food.

When she asks me to let her out to go to the bathroom, I can’t help that my dick pure
groans in agony when her ass brushes against him.  Finally, after she’s gone for a
minute, I make my way to the guy’s bathroom to throw some cold water on my face.

She walks out of the ladies room about the time I’m walking down the hall and runs
straight into me.

She stumbles and laughs.  “See, I told you I didn’t need to be drinking.”  As she
slumps back against me smiling. Seeing that smile I haven’t seen in a very long time
does it for me.

My dick is hard as a rock again. 
Fuck, I’m in trouble.