Secrets in the Lyrics (13 page)

             
I would really like to go back to Christmas Eve and start this week over.  First,
I thought I broke
Gable’s dick.  He was in pain, I could see it.  I was concerned and embarrassed. 
At least before it was over with, we could laugh about it.  Then, my mother called
again on Christmas Day and come to find out, she’s running low on money because her
latest money ticket kicked her out.  She saw that I’m in a band that’s on tour, actually
she knew I played in Biloxi, but she just didn’t have time to make my show.  Yesterday,
I got a phone call that Chad was out on some kind of house arrest until his trial. 
Now, the lovely doctor I’m seeing just came in here to tell me that I’m pregnant,
she did an ultrasound to see how far along I am and I’m five weeks.  So this must’ve
happened the first time we forgot a condom.  I just laid back and cried, my life is
too much sometimes.  She’s giving me a few minutes and she’ll be back in to talk. 
I hear the door rattle and I know my few minutes are up.

             
She sits down next to me and gently touches my hand.  “Ivie, everything is going to
be okay.  I can tell you weren’t expecting this.”

             
I shake my head.  “No.  This is not a good time at all.  I’m leaving in a week to
go on a USO tour in the Middle East.  They won’t let me do that if I’m pregnant.”

             
She rubs my arm.  “Well, you have other options.  I will say you should talk to the
father about your decision, unless you don’t have a relationship with him.”

             
Oh my God, Gable.  What am I going to tell him?  This is all wrong.  We can’t do this. 
“I have a relationship with him.  Thank you for being so kind.”

             
“Well, if you decide to terminate, we don’t perform that procedure in this practice,
but I have a friend who is an OBGYN and I can give you his number.  I don’t personally
have anything against it, that was just the policy set in place when I started working
here.”

             
I nod.  “Yes, ma’am.  Thank you again, but I really need to go, I have some things
to think about.”

             
She smiles.  “Okay, well once you decide, let me know and I’ll get you the number. 
I do know the earlier you decide, the easier it will be on you mentally and physically.”

             
I nod as she leaves the room. 
What in the hell am I going to say to Gable? 
What if he hates me?  What if he never wants to see me again?  What do I really want
to do about this?  Do I want to keep this baby?  That means giving up everything I’ve
ever worked for.  It will all be gone.  I can’t ask the band to wait for me, I can’t
ask them to give up this tour, this opportunity.  Once again, I’m the fuck up of the
group. 

             
I sit in one of the Historic District’s many squares until it’s time for us to perform. 
I can’t face the guys about this right now.  I’ll just get through tonight and then
figure this out.

             
Before we go on stage, I can tell Gable wants to talk to me.  He finally corners me
about the time we are walking to the stage.  “Hey, how did your appointment go today?”

             
I am about to cry, I know it.  “Um, it went fine.  Come on, we can’t be late getting
started.”

             
We make it through our set.  We stop at the bar to talk to Dottie and she offers us
a round on the house.  “I’ll just have some water, I’m really thirsty.”

             
Gable walks around to me.  “Hey, is something wrong?  Do you wanna talk?”

             
“I’m fine, just tired tonight.  I think I’m going to head on out.”

             
“Wait, where are you gonna go?  Why don’t you wait for me and I’ll go with you.”

             
“No, you should visit with Dottie.  Between Mom calling and all of that crap, I just
have a headache.  I’ll head back to your house, we can talk when you get there.”

             
He nods.  “Okay, well call my cell if you need me.”

             
“Okay.”

~*~*~

             
After getting to Gable’s, I take a long shower.  Well, I mostly sat in the shower
and cried.  I have to tell Gable and it’s the hardest damn thing.

             
Walking into his room, I open my towel, looking at myself naked in the full length
mirror.  What will I look like pregnant?  Will I gain a ton of weight?

             
“You look just as shitty as you looked when you left me.”

             
That voice, “Ch-Chad, what are you doing here?  You can’t be near me.”  I close my
towel, clutching it tight.

             
He walks to me grabbing my arm.  “You are coming with me.  Once I’m done with you,
no one will recognize you to ID your body.”

             
“Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

             
“Because you fucked up my life.” 

             
I look around the room to see if there is anything I can use as a weapon.  I see a
bat by the door, there is a huge lamp on the night stand, and a jagged looking statue
thing on his TV stand. 

             
“Can I at least put some clothes on?”

             
“Yeah, put some fucking clothes on, I can’t stand looking at your fat ass.”

             
I reach for some clothes and I touch the icon with Gable’s number.  Hopefully Gable
will try to figure out why I don’t talk to him when he answers.

             
Pulling on some yoga pants and a t-shirt, I try to work my way over to the lamp or
something.  I’m worried that if I ever leave here with him, I will never make it back. 

             
He moves closer to me.  “Let’s go”

             
I start walking towards the door and I reach over, grabbing the bat.  “Back away from
me, Chad.  Just leave.”

             
He laughs.  “Do you really think that bat is going to scare me away?”

             
The next few minutes go by in slow motion and in warp speed all at one time, between
the hitting, kicking, punching and being thrown across the room.

             
I feel my stomach cramping really bad and I feel a hot gush in between my legs.  I
have to protect this baby until Gable knows.  I finally manage to grab the large lamp
and knock him over the head with it.  He stumbles but runs back towards me.  I grab
a large shard of the lamp and drive it straight into his chest.

             
I fall backward and darkness takes me over.

             
The next thing I know, I hear Gable far away.  “Ivie, baby hang on.  You’re in the
ambulance.”

             
I hear the paramedics asking him questions, but I can’t make any of them out.

             
Darkness takes me over again.

             
On my way home from the bar, my phone started ringing.  I look down to see Ivie’s
face on the screen.

             
“Hello, beauty.”

             
She doesn’t say anything, but I hear noise in the background.  “
Back away from me, Chad.  Just leave.”

             
“Do you really think that bat is going to scare me away?”

             
I automatically floor it as I hear screaming in the back ground along with stuff crashing
around.  Then the phone disconnects. 

             
“SHIT!”

             
I call 911 and pray to God that she’s at my house.

             
I skid into the driveway as the cops do.  Running inside, I make it to my bedroom. 
There is busted shit everywhere.  I see Ivie on the floor and there is blood all over
the place.  Looking at her, I can’t tell which of it is hers and what of it is his.

             
Chad is lying on the floor and I see a large piece of glass jammed into his chest. 
He’s gasping and gurgling.  I hope the son-of-a-bitch dies.  I run my hands over Ivie. 
I don’t see that she’s stabbed, but I still see blood coming from somewhere.

             
Everything is happening at once.  The paramedics get here to load them up and I jump
into the ambulance with Ivie.  Once we’re moving, I call my sister to meet us and
let the guys know.

             
“Ivie, baby hang on.  You’re in the ambulance.”

             
Her eyes flutter a little.  The paramedics start asking me questions about allergies
and medical conditions.

             
Finally, once we make it to the hospital, we are rushed in.  I overhear the doctors
saying that Chad coded on the way here and wasn’t able to be brought back.  I can’t
say it bothers me.

             
The doctor steps over to me.  “Sir, are you with Ms. Butonelli?”

             
“Yes, I’m her only family.  Is she okay?  There was so much blood.”

             
“Yes, we located the source of the bleeding and she is being moved up the fourth floor
to take care of everything.”

             
“Okay, can I go up?”

             
“Once she’s in her room yes, but they have to do a small procedure before they can
allow visitors.”

             
“What kind of procedure?”

             
“I’m sorry sir, that’s all I can say.  The nurse will let you know when you can head
up.”

             
For the next hour I sit there on pins and needles, waiting for the nurse to come talk
to me.  My sister, Ryder, and the guys come in.

             
I look at Scar, “There was so much blood her pants were soaked, I don’t know if he
stabbed her or what.  I’m scared.”

             
Just then the nurse comes in to let me know that we can go up for a few minutes.

             
When the elevator doors open to the fourth floor, I storm out.  Right before I reach
her room, Scarlet grabs my arm. 

             
She’s looking around the halls.  “Gable, you said Ivie’s pants were soaked in blood,
nothing else.”

             
I just need to get in her room.  “Yeah.”

             
“Gable, look what floor we are on.”

             
I look around, finally taking in the area.  It’s the Maternity floor.  I burst into
Ivie’s room.  She’s sedated still looking at her face. 

             
Scarlet grabs my hand and locks it in hers.  “Gable, had she told you?”

             
“No, she had a doctor’s appointment today with the doctor Annabelle told her about.”

             
“She probably just found out today, then.”

             
“She was acting strange all day today.”

             
Keeg and Stoney step over to me and hug me.  “Man, since we know she’s okay and the
nurse is giving us the evil eye, we are going to head out.  Keep us posted and um…
we’re ah sorry, man.”

             
“Big brother, do you want me to stay with you?”

             
“No, you and Ryder go ahead and go home.  I know she’s safe now.  I’m gonna stay here. 
Will you let mom know about the house and after the cops are finished, I’ll clean
it up?”

             
She hugs me tight.  “You would’ve been an amazing dad, big brother.”

             
“Umm yeah.”  Cold is running through me.  “You guys be careful going home.  Thanks,
Ryder, for bringing her up here.”

             
He shakes my hand.  “No problem, man, let us know how your girl is doing, okay?”

             
I nod and they leave the room.

             
So many emotions are surging through my body.

             
Why didn’t she tell me?  Why did she have to go home without me?  Would I have even
been a good father?  Did she want to keep the baby?  Was she just going to get rid
of it and not tell me?

             
I feel like I’m angry and I’m not even sure who I’m angry with.  Am I angry at her
for not telling me or going home alone?  Maybe I’m angry at that asshole, Chad, for
taking something from me I’m not even sure I wanted.  I’m glad that he’s dead, the
world will truly be a better place without him. 

             
I sit by her bed holding her hand until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore and sleep
takes over.