Positively Yours (5 page)

John squeezed Erin's hand. She looked annoyed, and shrugged him off.

‘Well, where does this leave us? I mean, we've been trying for months now. I know you said it takes time, but there must be a reason why we can't get pregnant.' Her voice rose. ‘All I want, all we want, is a child.'

‘I'm sorry,' the doctor said. ‘If there was a definite problem we could try and work it out, but some people do take longer than others to conceive. And you're not in your twenties any more, so things will take a little longer. But if the situation stays the same I'll recommend a specialist, someone who will carry out more tests – and maybe provide drug therapy.'

Erin said nothing.

‘But for now, maybe we should look at your lifestyle. I know you are both very busy with your careers. Maybe your diet could be better?' Dr Flynn asked.

Erin glared at him, and her face started to get flushed.

‘
Do you not think I am taking getting pregnant seriously, doctor? Of course I'm eating properly. I haven't eaten a chip, chocolate biscuit or even had a can of Coke for months now. I have reduced my caffeine intake, I barely drink alcohol any more. I joined the local gym and I swim three times a week. What else am I expected to do? I mean, how is it that I see underage schoolgirls walking by with buggies in one hand and cigarettes in the other? I doubt they are avoiding junk food, and yet they seem to be popping out babies left, right and centre.'

John stared at his wife, embarrassed by her outburst. Then he looked apologetically at Dr Flynn.

‘Erin, calm down, he was only suggesting we both look at our diets. Maybe it's me. I'll try to eat better from now on, I promise. No more takeaways. But let's all just calm down. Doctor, what else can we do?' John went on, as Erin sat fuming.

James Flynn felt sorry for Erin. She wasn't the only patient he had at present who was desperately trying to get pregnant. But what was he supposed to tell all these women? That they had left it too late to start trying for a child? That while they had been off travelling the world, getting great jobs and meeting men their chances of getting pregnant had rapidly plummeted? He looked at Erin's face and could see the stress and tension there.

‘I know that you want a child more than anything, but I also know the pressure you are putting yourself under to make this happen. Sometimes you just have to understand that although there may be no obvious medical reason why you can't get pregnant, you need to de-stress your life. Maybe you could cut back on work? Take a break – a nice holiday? And relax about the healthy eating. If you feel like a takeaway or a glass of wine that's fine. I'm sure John won't mind indulging in a nice bottle of wine with you tonight! But as regards a
medical reason for why you are not pregnant, I can see none at present, which is good news. I know that is hard to hear when you came looking for definite answers, but you and John are both healthy – the fear that you're not is all in your head. You just need to be positive and relax.'

Erin looked at Dr Flynn, and felt herself going from angry to sad and numb. Why can't I do this? she asked herself. She felt useless. To be a woman and not be able to get pregnant was humiliating.

As they left the surgery John gave Erin a big hug.

‘It's good news!' he said as they walked back out to the car park. ‘Even if this takes a while longer, we can wait. This will happen. We can do it. We just need to get more organized: “Fail to prepare and prepare to fail” – and all that! And before you know it we will be parents, and will only be visiting Dr Flynn for chicken pox, measles and mumps! Now, let's swing by Café Mao for dinner and wine. I'm sure I can tempt you with their Penang Pumpkin Curry!'

And with that John started chatting about his day at work and what food he was in the mood for. Erin just sat there in the car clasping her hands, annoyed with Dr Flynn for once again reminding her that this problem was all just ‘in her head'. And at the same time she wondered what she could have done wrong in her life to deserve such disappointment.

ON SUNDAY, AS
they drove to Booterstown Church, Erin tried to put the doctor's visit behind her. Her sister Alison had given birth to a gorgeous little girl called Sophie a few months back, and today was her christening.

‘I bet you can't wait to see your little godchild in her christening robes!' John said encouragingly to his wife, as he parked the car outside the church.

Erin couldn't stop herself feeling miserable. She had felt unhappy since the doctor's appointment, and nothing John said could change that. John knew she blamed herself for not getting pregnant, and he tried to coax her out of her mood with light conversation. Erin just nodded as she fixed her make-up in the car mirror. John switched the engine off and turned to her.

‘I know how sad you are at the moment, but trust me, this will pass. We'll have kids, plenty of kids! I know we will, because you are already the best wife in the world, so of course you'll be the best mum, too! Now, today is Sophie's big day, and I know how much you love her, so let's help her celebrate by putting all thoughts of fertility, doctors and due dates out of our heads. OK?' John leant over and gave Erin a big hug.

Erin hugged her husband back and gazed at him. He really was the kindest and best man. He always knew what to say
to make her feel better, and she would be lost without his constant love and friendship. As he gave her leg an encouraging squeeze, Erin was reminded of the night when she'd realized she had fallen madly in love with him. They'd been on their way home from a dinner dance at the yacht club, and he'd casually rested his hand on her knee while he chatted to her. But Erin hadn't heard what he was saying, because the minute his hand touched her she had felt her heart start to flip, and she had known she was caught hook, line and sinker. And there had been no looking back, that had been it. She'd been John's for ever. And as she looked at him now, fixing his tie, she realized she needed to cheer up and thank God that even though she wasn't pregnant, at least she had John.

‘Thanks,' Erin said. She smiled at him. ‘You always know what to say. I think you must have two hearts inside that chest of yours, you are so loving!' And with that they got out of the car.

As they approached the church and the crowd of mothers and crying babies that stood outside, Erin felt herself tense, but John squeezed her hand.

‘Look at it this way,' he said. ‘At least you can get drunk today and not have to worry about it affecting your unborn child. Or about having to deal with a hangover and a screaming child in the morning! Let's get this church bit done and then some nice champagne into you. We should enjoy the freedom to do whatever we want while we can!'

Erin laughed, and felt herself lighten up, and as she saw her sister Alison standing in the church doorway with little Sophie she smiled and realized she had plenty to be thankful for.

The church ceremony passed as quickly and smoothly as a christening of four different babies could. The priest obviously knew the quicker the better when it came to trying to hold
newborn babies still, and had everyone out the door before Sophie's head and hair were even dry! Erin posed for plenty of photos with her new godchild outside the church, and tried to help her sister feed Sophie before they got to the nearby hotel where Alison and her husband David were holding the christening party for friends and family.

John was propping up the bar with the other men when Erin finally arrived at the hotel, so she sat down and joined her eldest sister Rebecca at a table that was full of Alison's friends and neighbours. As it was a table of women at a christening, they talked mainly about their children; and as two of Alison's friends were pregnant, upcoming motherhood was also a big theme. Erin had the urge to remove herself from this conversation, but she knew she couldn't run from every pregnant woman she met, so she poured herself more wine and got stuck in.

‘So when are you due?' she asked Alison's neighbour, Martha.

‘Oh not for ages! I am only sixteen weeks, but I already feel like I've been pregnant for ages! And I am craving so much junk food it's awful. I swear I could eat ice cream all day long! I can't walk Dun Laoghaire Pier without one in my hand!'

‘Well, once it's not a Teddy's ice cream you are fine, Martha!' Erin said as she helped herself to a sandwich. Teddy's was the most famous ice-cream shop in South Dublin, and come wind, hail or shine people always queued up for a whippy ice cream before walking the famous Dun Laoghaire Pier.

‘What do you mean, no Teddy's ice cream?' Martha asked, concerned.

‘Oh, Martha, I didn't mean to upset you. I just presumed you knew that pregnant women can't eat those whippy ice creams. It's like soft cheeses, paté, nuts, sushi . . . just one of the foods you need to avoid until after the baby.'

Martha looked a little surprised, but thanked Erin for warning her.

‘God, you know so much! I'm surprised you haven't thought of having kids yourself,' she said, as she began checking the sandwiches for other foods she should avoid.

‘Oh, my sister is an expert on all things baby-related,' Rebecca said, saving Erin from Martha's prying questions. ‘But Erin is only young, she has plenty of years to become an exhausted old mother like us! She is too busy being the best godmother ever! The “fairy godmother” is what my daughter Lucy calls her!' Rebecca looked sympathetically at her sister, knowing that being stuck at a table of mothers and soon-to-be-mothers was hard for her.

‘So you are godmother to more than one child?' Martha asked.

‘Oh, yes,' Erin replied. ‘I have three godchildren. They are all wild but fabulous!'

‘Wow, three times, you must be enjoying it! That's great,' Martha said, turning back to the food.

‘Yes,' Erin half-mumbled. ‘Always the godmother, never the mother.'

Only Rebecca heard. She gave her youngest sister a hug and ordered more wine for her. Suddenly a drunken yet smiling John danced over to the table, grabbed his wife, and before she knew it she was being swung around the dance floor to Take That. As they laughed, danced and kissed, Erin realized that some days you did have to put the baby worry away and just relax, dance and enjoy the moment.

GRACE MILLER STOOD
in arrivals at San Diego International Airport waiting for her mum. Grace had to laugh as she saw Patsy Slattery walk through the door. She looked like Grace, what with her very Irish red hair and green eyes, but their similarities ended there: Grace realized that her mother had somehow managed once again to befriend a family with plenty of children. Patsy was actually holding a young infant in her arms.

‘Now, you call me next time you are in Ireland, and you must bring the kids to the amusements in Bray, they would love it,' Patsy was saying to a frazzled-looking mother as she handed the child back to her.

‘What are you doing?' Grace asked, as she approached her mum and started wheeling her suitcase out towards the door.

‘Oh, this American family sat near me on the plane and they have the sweetest children! I had the eldest child speaking a coupla focal of Irish by the end of the flight! They were just so adorable!'

‘Mum! You can't start speaking to people in planes like that, you will annoy them. And I'm sure those children don't want to speak Irish,' Grace said, as she flung Patsy's luggage into her Lexus jeep. Patsy's face flushed.

‘Just because you want to disown your Irish roots and live
the American life over here, doesn't mean other people might not appreciate Irish culture. I love children, and enjoyed the company on that long plane journey. And it's not every day I get to spend twelve hours in the company of children.'

Grace swallowed hard. Another grandchild dig from her mum. She was about to shout at her for bringing up the ‘grandkids' issue again, but when she saw how tired her mother looked after the long flight from Ireland, Grace just bit her tongue. She reminded herself how nice it would be to spend time with her and pulled on to the highway, turning the radio up.

By the time Grace and Patsy arrived at Grace's house they had both calmed down, and Patsy was talking about how Grace's two younger brothers were breaking hearts all over Dublin.

‘But no sign of any steady girlfriends for either of the boys. I don't know what to make of men any more, they seem to have too much choice, and the girls all seem a little desperate. And I know there are so many single girls in Dublin, but really they should have some respect for themselves and not put up with these guys and their lack of commitment. Maybe Ethan can talk some sense into Colm and Aidan next time he sees them.'

Grace had to hold back a laugh, knowing all too well her younger brothers would have no interest in Ethan telling them about commitment, marriage and settling down. Colm and Aidan had always been a little wild, yet Grace loved and missed them and their antics, and the thought of seeing them again was the one thing that made her really look forward to her move home to Dublin.

‘I'm sure you are tired after your flight, would you like to lie down while I prepare you a sandwich for later?' Grace asked as they entered her large, pristine, sunny house.

‘Lie down? I'm only here for one week. It is lashing rain in
Ireland, and I'm determined to go home not only relaxed but tanned. Let me get my swimming suit on and I'll meet you in the pool. I bought a lovely swimsuit in Dunnes Stores and can't wait to get it wet!'

Grace laughed at how the minute any Irish visitor arrived in San Diego all they wanted was to sunbathe and swim! But after helping her mum with her bags, she changed into a bikini and made her way to the pool, too. Grace had been so excited when Ethan and herself had bought the house and pool. In Ireland, having a swimming pool at home was as rare as finding someone who didn't love U2!