Not Yet (33 page)

A boom of thunder made me jump, and a huge bolt of
lightning briefly illuminated the sky. Rivers of rain raced down
the windshield in front of me, and I let Landon’s words soak in. I
shivered from the cold rain and from the detached misery of the man
I cared so much about.

“That’s not true. What happened with us is not your
fault.” I spoke softly, knowing that it wasn’t the truth but
wanting to soothe him in any way I could.

“Not my fault? It all started with my lie. Now,
you’re forced to move to California, and I lost my scholarship,
which pissed my parents off like I’ve never seen.” Landon shook his
head at the memory and stared out the window, clearly reliving
something horrible.

“What happened at home?” The knot in my stomach grew.
It had to be bad.

“Dad and Mom got the call from the recruitment office
that my offer was rescinded. Dad pushed me around and screamed at
me for being a piece of shit. Mom yelled at me and wanted to know
why I got in the fight. I told them about Billy and my dad punched
a hole in the wall, screaming at me for fighting and losing my
future for a ‘retard.’ He’s such an asshole. I jumped on him and
got in a few punches before my mom was able to break it up. Of
course, he sucker punched me when she was holding my arms.”

He turned to face me, revealing a huge bruise on the
other side of his face. I pressed my hands to my mouth to hold back
my cries. “They told me I had to be out of the house as soon as I
graduated. I was no longer welcome at home.” His defeated voice
filled the cab of the truck. It hung in the air, the knowledge that
Landon had just seen every dream he had ever known die.

“They kicked you out?” Landon wouldn’t look at me. He
just nodded. What heartless people. Their son was clearly at his
lowest point in life and they added to his misery.
Fucking
assholes.

“So, to sum up—I have no football, no college, no
family, and I can’t even be with you. The only girl I have ever
loved. I never thought it would get this bad.” Landon punched his
broken fist against the steering wheel and then cursed loudly in
pain.

“Landon, you really need to hear me. You did the
right thing. What you did for Billy was awesome. Yes, I wish you
didn’t beat Jared within an inch of his life, but that dickhead
needed to be taught a lesson. I wish to God you didn’t break your
hand or lose your scholarship, but you stood up for Billy when no
one else did. In this town of fucking morons, you stood up and
showed you are a good, good, man.”

I thought the torment on Landon’s face would split my
heart in half. “Finish strong, Land. Walk through your final weeks
at Zionsville with your head held high. Show those haters that you
are better than them. Find a cute girl, go to Prom, dance, party,
and have fun. No more regrets, just end this like the man you
are.”

“I’m not going to Prom, Emma. That’s ridiculous.”
Landon looked at me like I had two heads.

I shook my head in exasperation. “It’s ridiculous not
to go to the prom. Don’t let those assholes take your high school
memories away. You’re a man who can hold his head up high for doing
the right thing. Screw the rest of them.”

Landon sighed. “This is so fucked up, isn’t it?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yup—that may be the
understatement of the year.”

“How about you? Dean told me you got into USC.”
Landon rested his head back against the seat and spoke in a
whisper.

I half-smiled, happy that at least one dream of mine
was happening, but feeling guilt that he had none of that happiness
right now. “Yeah, I got into their Graduate School of History. I’m
psyched to get the hell out of Indiana. In fact, I’m leaving right
after you all graduate.”

“Are you driving there?” He murmured, dejection
etched across his face. Tears filled my eyes once again. The man
sitting next to me was completely different than the boy I met this
summer. Good things and bad things had changed him forever.

“Yeah, I’m taking a road trip to find myself again. I
need it. I have to bring all my stuff anyway, so it makes sense to
drive. I need to get away from all the negative shit that has
happened since I came home.”

“It’s almost over, Em. Evie is happy and your mom has
her new job. The next stage of your life is for you and you sure as
hell deserve to enjoy it.”

“Thanks, Land. I will try. I don’t have a choice
anymore, really. Neither of us do. We have to be better than all
this. So, what about you? What are you going to do now? ”

Landon gave me a resigned half-grin. “I’m going to
fucking finish strong.”

Proud of his strength even in the darkest times, I
looked at him with a chuckle. “Oh, by the way… Mom just isn’t happy
with her new job. She’s in love.”

“Really?” Landon smiled genuinely for the first time
since I had seen him and sat up in his seat.

“You’ll never guess….” I raised my brows and Landon
looked intrigued. “Principal Mahoney!”

“No shit! Well, he seems decent. I’m happy for your
mom.”

“Me too.” We looked at each other for a long minute,
processing again, that everyone else was allowed their happiness
but us.

The rain had slowed to a drizzle, as I opened the
door and jumped down. “Finish strong.”

Landon nodded, “You too.”

The wistful expressions on each of our faces said so
much. We’d been through a lot but both knew the hardest part was
yet to come.

***

THE SCHOOL NO longer had one pariah. Now, Landon
Washington was the second most hated person at Zionsville Academy.
Dean remained loyal, but it was easy to tell how devastated he was
to not be playing ball at IU with his best friend. The rest of the
football players wouldn’t speak to Landon. They couldn’t imagine
someone with Landon’s talent throwing away a dream life over
defending someone like Billy. The baseball players all sided with
Jared and even the teachers looked at Landon with angry
disappointment. The king of the jungle had truly fallen from this
throne.

Since I had worked at the school, I had never seen
Landon alone. Hell, he hadn’t been alone in the summer either. He
was a friendly, popular guy—always surrounded by people—always in
the center of the crowd. Now, he ate lunch alone and walked to
class solo—by choice. Landon could have pretended everything was
all right and hung with Dean and some of the other meat-heads, but
he didn’t. He was sending a message—he just didn’t give a damn what
they thought anymore.

It hurt to see him that way, but inside I was so
proud. The man, no longer a boy, walked with determination and
pride, his head held high. He didn’t show for one second that he
was bothered or hurt by his shunning. He appeared to welcome it.
Landon basically gave a silent but obvious and poignant, ‘
Fuck
You’,
to the whole school.

I was so taken by his attitude that I considered him
my new role model. I still ate lunch with Amy in my classroom, but
I began to look my colleagues in the eye again and stared down any
student who snickered at me. We could do this. We were better, and
so much stronger, than their hate and judgment.

Prom took place one week before graduation. There
were no seniors at school on the day of the dance. Everyone was
busy getting their hair styled, makeup painted on, dressed to the
nines, and photographed. Coach Stone gave me the heads-up that even
the administration and staff dressed up for Prom. It was an
important event for the entire school. A graduating class was cause
for celebration. For some of these characters even graduating was
an academic miracle. So, if I was told we should dress up, I was
dressing up. Go big or go home.

I hurried home and slipped on a tight, gray dress. I
curled my long hair and wore it down in lose waves. Staring at my
reflection, I looked pretty good—at least on the outside. Inside, I
was a mess.

No matter what happened to Landon’s reputation, he
would find a date to Prom. And even though I was the one to suggest
it, I was going to have to watch Landon dance with some hot girl,
knowing that I would never have the chance to be held in his arms
again. It was going to be a shitty night, and my nerves were
rattled just imagining it. So, at the very least, I needed the
confidence that came from looking good from my chaperone post.

As my mom pointed out, I had nothing left to lose. I
could look as good as I wanted. I had only five days left of
employment. So, I chose to rock my look tonight.

Evie walked into my bedroom as I finished the last of
my makeup. Mom had picked her up from her apartment and brought her
here to see me before I left for Prom. They both knew what a
difficult night it would be for me.

“Hot lady! You look pretty!” She walked over to give
me a huge hug. Standing up, I guided her to my bed where we sat,
holding hands. I would miss her so much when I left.

“Thanks, Eves. Do you have a nightly report for me?”
I hoped with all my heart that when I moved to California and she
moved in with Garrett, we still took the time each day to share our
reports. Evie looked like she was struggling to find the right
words. Her brow was furrowed and she frowned at our entwined
hands.

“Emma… you miss Landon?” Evie asked me quietly.

“Yeah, I do. I’m happy that Mom is dating Ernie and
you have that wonderful man, Garrett. I wish I could date Landon
and be like both of you. But it just isn’t the right timing. You
know?”

Evie nodded and then turned to face me straight on.
“You helpd me and Garrett to get togever. You help us date and
movein.” I nodded, watching her explain her thought process to me
as clearly as she possibly could. “You and Landon… I want you to be
happy. Everybody has troubles…. it’s hard to love…. don’t…. don’t
give up, Em.”

Evie took a deep breath as she finished, and I hugged
her tightly to me. I got it. She knew that a relationship like the
one she had with Garrett wasn’t easy—they had many obstacles to
overcome. She saw that Landon and I had different obstacles, but
obstacles nonetheless, and she wanted us to overcome them anyway.
She wanted her sister to be happy like I wanted her to be happy. I
was blessed to have a sibling who loved me so purely. Evie taught
me every single day of her life that love was worth it.

Life Lesson: Never give up on those you love.

As I drove to Prom, I couldn’t help but think how
much the last year had marked me. I moved back to Indiana bitter
and resentful. With how the school year had ended, I would have
thought I would leave again even angrier. But I had changed.

Landon taught me to trust. Even after his lie, he
proved time and time again that he cared for me and wanted to be
different. I could leave here knowing we were both better people
and certainly stronger. I just wished I could leave knowing Landon
would be okay. What would happen to him? Where would he live? Would
he find his happiness again?