My Husband's Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me (25 page)

I only want you to stay with me if you are choosing to do so because you love me above all others, not because you feel like you have to out of duty or obligation. You married me of your own free will, and I want you to know that you are free to leave if you like. I will not make it difficult for you.

And if your friendship with Helen is so important to you, perhaps it is best that you do leave. It seems peculiar to me that you find it so difficult to hurt Helen by breaking off your relationship with her and yet it was okay to hurt your faithful wife of eighteen years and your own children.

I do not find this inspiring. I wonder if I can ever trust you completely and if I will ever feel the same as before about you. I have not been a perfect wife, but no other man has touched me since I pledged myself to you.

But you have violated my trust. You pledged eternal love and commitment to me on our wedding day, but now I see that that could be gone at any time, unexpectedly, without notice, and really without cause.

If you choose to stay with me, there are a couple more things that you need to know. You need to know how seriously I take all of this. I will not live with a man who has coffee or meals one-on-one with other women or who drives in a vehicle alone with another woman. So if those are things which are important to you, you might as well leave now. In the past you always seemed to understand how important it was not to be found in these compromising situations. Now you don’t seem to think it should matter and are calling it maturity.

Finally, I think that you need to know that if you ever have an affair with another woman again, our relationship will be over. I’m extending this grace only one time. I will not be hurt in this way again.

I am not sure how you are going to react to this letter and I do not know what you are going to choose. Ultimately what you choose is between you and God. We will both have to answer to him one day in our own way, and my conscience is clear.

I admit that this entire experience has been painful, but I will make it regardless of what you choose to do with your future. The Lord has been with me thus far, and He’ll go with me in the future. You and I have had some wonderful times together, Brian. You have been my only real love up until this point, and I’ll never forget the memories that we have shared. If you choose to leave me, I will pray for you and trust that God will guide you in the years ahead.

I want to be sure you really understand exactly how I feel. I want you

as my husband more than anything in the whole world. And if you can pledge yourself to me for the rest of our lives together, I’ll do everything I can not only to forgive and forget, but to be the most awesome, beautiful, exciting, wonderful wife a man could ever have. But if not, then there’s no better time than right now for you to leave.

With Love,

Anne

I watched him as he read the letter in front of me. He was not pleased. He threw it down on the floor in disgust as soon as he finished reading it.

I was surprised. I thought it was a very kind letter, all things considered, and that it clearly expressed my love for him.

3.
“Love Must Be Tough”
by Dr. James Dobson

(Above) Our wedding, October 31, 1981, Houston, Texas. (Opposite top) Leaving our wedding on Brian’s motorcycle in the pouring rain. (Opposite left) Brian on our honeymoon.(Opposite right) Anne on our honeymoon—somewhere in New Mexico or Arizona???

(Opposite top left) Anne on our honeymoon wearing that inconvenient helmet. (Opposite top right) Brian and Anne taken at our wedding reception, held by Brian’s family in Vancouver, November 1981. (Below) Brian and Anne with Danielle as a newborn baby, October 1983. (Above) Brian and Anne with children, from left to right, Danielle (6), Dustin (4) and Tamara (2), November 1989. (Photo by Dave O Kamura)

(Above) Brian and Anne on the way to a Christmas party in 1999. This photo was taken just a couple of months before the affair began. (Right) Danielle ready to accompany her boyfriend, Jason, to his graduation ceremony on May 27, 2000. (This was the day she got upset about her hair style and called herself Curly Sue.) (Opposite top) From left to right are Tamara, Brian, Anne, Dustin. Celebrating my 39th birthday in August 2000. We were putting on a front, trying hard to be happy and get along, during the darkest period of our lives. (Photo by Danielle) (Opposite right)—I had this picture taken in November 2000, because I was afraid I was going to lose my family forever. I wanted a keepsake of my precious family together. I marveled that the photo could turn out so well, during such a dark time in our lives. (Photo by
www.imagemakers.bc.ca
)