My Husband's Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me (22 page)

We had a great meal together as a family that evening. The presence of the children made it easier for Brian and I to keep the conversation light. We talked about their lives, and Brian joked around with them, which made him feel more comfortable.

When Brian left after dinner, he told me he was on his way to meet Darrell Barnes. He hugged the kids good-bye, except for Danielle, who refused his embrace.

“Good-bye,” he said to me warmly.

Perhaps there was hope for this marriage. We were two broken people who still loved each other and did not understand the mess we found ourselves in.

Once again it was Wednesday. That meant Bible study and a house full of guests.

During the evening, I checked my watch at regular intervals, so restless that I had little tolerance for people’s questions and their lingering small talk. The whole study seemed to be moving along in slow motion.

“Look,” I said finally, when I thought the evening would never end. “This study is supposed to be over by nine o’clock. It’s nearly nine, and we haven’t even closed in prayer. I’m still expected to serve coffee and refreshments.”

My rude behavior got things moving. We rushed through the closing prayer, I served cake and every last guest was gone by 9:05 PM.

Having regained the privacy of my living room, I sat alone on my sofa. This left me feeling unhappy as well. It seemed that I couldn’t stand to be with people, yet I couldn’t stand to be alone either.

I sat thinking, thinking about what I should do with my life, thinking about what had gone wrong, wondering how others survived betrayal, and wondering if my new companion, Sadness, would ever depart from me. After some time, the phone rang.

“Hello,” I said.

“Hi. It’s me.” It was the voice of the man that I loved.

“Hi,” I said.

“I just finished with Darrell here,” he said. “It’s a long drive back to North Vancouver. Would it be okay with you if I spent the night at home tonight?”

“Yes, of course, Brian,” I said. “You are welcome in your own home.”

“Okay, I’ll see you in a few minutes then.”

I greeted him at the door wearing a long, off-white, silk nightgown with spaghetti straps and nothing underneath. The silhouette of my nakedness was identifiable, but subtle.

In the bedroom, I stretched out on the bed and watched him wash up in the master bathroom.

I still felt attracted to him. He was only wearing his boxers, and I could see the clearly defined muscles in his arms, shoulders and back as he brushed his teeth. I wondered if he felt at all attracted to me.

“Did you have a good time with Darrell?” I asked.

“Yeah. Darrell’s a good guy.”

Of course, I wanted to know every detail of this conversation, but I knew better than to start fishing for information.

He lay down on the bed beside me. With the soft glow of our bedside lamp shining on our faces, we simply stared into each other’s eyes.

I wanted him. I wanted to touch him. I felt close to him.

I put my hand out to touch him gently on the shoulder. He was reluctant at first.

“I shouldn’t,” he said.

“Why not?” I questioned. “After all, I am your wife.”

He touched me gently on my shoulder in a reassuring manner. He hesitated. Suddenly, he leaned in and kissed me passionately. I allowed my body, my mind and my soul to flow gracefully with the moment.

We started to touch each other gently. He pulled me in closer, as if he longed for my comfort as much as I longed for his. The next moves became magically out of control. We were once again engulfed in the familiar harmony of playing the beautiful music of love together, only it seemed as if we had moved from the calming spirit of Mozart to the passion of “Beethoven’s Fifth”. We were entwined in a rhapsody of sensual pleasure, which went on as if time did not exist. Once again, we were one with each other.

When it was all finished, I knew I had pleased Brian in ways that Helen never could. I had also received the comfort I had longed for. Another battle was won in my personal war to save my marriage.

Eventually exhausted, we fell asleep in each others arms. When I awoke in the morning, Brian was already off to work. I was encouraged by our night together, but still very unsure of my future.

DAY SEVENTEEN-THURSDAY, JUNE 1, 2 000

Brian: “Hey, how you doing?” asked my good friend Darrell, in his

distinct South African accent. “I’m wondering if you would like to

have coffee again. I really enjoyed talking last night. I’m free again

this evening if that works with you.”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” he said. “How about the same restaurant as

last time? Around half past six?” “See you then.”

I knew Helen would not be pleased that I was meeting with Darrell once again. After my first meeting with him, I began to regain my senses and equilibrium concerning my affair with Helen. This was the first time that I was able to talk to someone who did not pass judgment on me, and who actually listened to how I was feeling.

This was a threat to Helen as she sensed a loss of control in our situation. Helen wanted me to talk with her friends, who would encourage me to leave my wife, and try to convince me that I was doing the “right” thing.

Most of her friends were less than positive when it came to long term relationships. Many complained about their marriages, and others were already involved in second marriages.

Helen’s insistence that I talk with her friends was my first recognizable sign that she lacked concern for my happiness and well-being.

During my first visit with Darrell the magical grip of the affair was shaken, but not yet fully exposed for what it really was.

Darrell was the perfect person to talk to because he showed concern for me, he was neutral in the situation, and he had the experience of being divorced because of an affair.

In the end Darrell never married his affair partner. His actions, however, had cost him his marriage and his relationship with his kids, and that wasn’t worth it.

I felt that as he listened he was allowing me to make my own decision about my future instead of trying to tell me what to do, and that he would support me no matter what decision I made.

Darrell was also a good person to talk to because he was there to listen. He only dispensed a bit of advice. “Brian,” he started, “if you are planning to leave your wife and kids for another woman, you’d better make damn sure that she is way better looking, smarter and

nicer. She has to be richer and respect you more. And she needs to be way better in bed than what you have now, because, if not, she isn’t worth it!”

Of course Helen didn’t meet any of these criteria. I told Darrell that I’d found Helen to be controlling and in a hurry to split up our marriages. I still had feelings for Helen, but the fairytale was starting to unravel.

“You’re a smart man Brian,” Darrell said. “Though right now you are thinking with your little head instead of your big head. I know that you are going to make the right decision.”

On Day Seventeen, Brian came home again in the evening. He came home late and I was already sleeping when he arrived. I awoke slightly when I felt him crawl in the bed beside me.

I reached out for him, but he pulled away. I was half asleep, so I just accepted it and allowed myself to drift back into my dreams. I was still feeling a lot of pain, but knowing that he was there beside me again, after so many nights alone, made me feel better.

DAY EIGHTEEN-FRIDAY, JUNE 2, 2 0 00

Brian: “For just the two of you?” asked the hostess, as we entered the usual restaurant that was close to my jobsite. This was about the fourth or fifth time that we had lunch together. My dining partner was Adrian Lee, a young Asian man who was one of the sub-trades working on the project I was running. Somehow we both seemed to hit it off as lunch partners and were slowly becoming friends, too. Adrian was a successful businessman whose warm personality, above average people skills and social graces made him stand out from the crowd of typical construction workers.

During our previous lunch conversations we had discussed work related issues, business, making money, and our mutual interest in hunting. He was highly educated which was not the norm. I found him refreshing. I respected Adrian for his integrity, honesty and quality workmanship.

I was happy for two things during our lunch talks. One, was that he was quite interesting. All his traveling, adventures and success made conversation easy and pleasant. Two, was the fact that we had not discussed family, specifically marriage. I was in no way feeling like talking about how screwed up my life was becoming, or that I had a wife, kids and now another woman in my life.

After we ordered our food, Adrian made this statement, “I’m thinking about getting married later this year. I proposed to my fiancée last night. I’m pretty nervous about it though, with so many marriages ending in divorce. What do you think?” All that was going through my mind at that moment was
Pal you are asking the wrong guy,
and before I could even comment I heard him ask me, “What about you? Are you married?”

“Yes.”

“For how long?” “Eighteen years.” “To the same woman?” “Yes.”

“Do you still love her?”

“Yes,” I responded truthfully, having to really think about Anne and what she meant to me, still unaware of actually why I was doing what I was with Helen.

“That’s great! I’m glad for the both of you. I would really like to meet your wife one day and also to see your kids, as that would confirm all that I believe about marriage and what it stands for. Do you think that would be possible?”

“I’m sure that can happen someday.” I answered, not really certain that it ever would. I respected Adrian for what he had accomplished in his life and for the values he embraced. Somehow, I knew deep inside that I also embraced those same values, and I did not want to disappoint my new friend.

A couple of days and a few lunches later, we were once again discussing the topic of marriage. “Brian,” Adrian said, “You have a good reputation with everyone I’ve talked with at the jobsite. Almost all the guys respect you for your honesty and the helpfulness that you show at work. I know from dealing with multitudes of men that you display a very high level of integrity and better than that, you have said nothing negative about your wife, marriage or kids.

“I want you to know that I hope that I too can be a husband and father like you. You have given me hope for my marriage. I can tell that you care very much for your wife and kids, and that encourages me tremendously.”

I just sat there, feeling sickened due to my hidden hypocrisy. The very things that I stood for, the things that I believed in, the things that were of great importance to me, the very things that had value and meaning were conveyed to this younger man, yet there was now this distraction that was luring me away from those values. “Oh, what a wretched man am I,” the old sage penned, “the good I want to do, this I do not do.”

This encounter with Adrian replayed over many times in my mind that day.

“Have you ever regretted giving up your freedom?” Adrian asked at the end of our last lunch together.

“No, not at all, I have a beautiful wife and we have had a good life together.”

Day Eighteen was much the same as the others since heart and life were shattered. I ate no food, spent an hour in meditation, and took a walk with Lori in the park. This was the best I could do for exercise since I was weak from my fast.

I also had a tanning session, did some housework and prepared a nice dinner in case Brian decided to come home.

Returning home from a spa appointment at the end of the day, I saw Brian’s van in our driveway.

I was pleased but apprehensive, wondering what this night would bring.

Entering the door, I saw that Brian was talking intensely with someone on his cell phone. He saw me and headed straight for our bedroom, closing the door behind him. I wondered if he was talking to Helen. I tried to listen for a moment from the outside and then decided to enter. After all this was my home and my bedroom. I slowly opened the door.

Brian was red in the face and looked like he had been crying. Seeing me, he jumped up off the bed and motioned angrily for me to get out. He didn’t say a word to me, clearly not wanting the other person to hear.

I decided to respect Brian’s wishes and leave the room. I knew things had gone well, all things considered, over the past two days. Maybe I had won. Maybe he was ending his relationship with Helen, and if I didn’t grant him his privacy, he might change his mind.

I felt I had a right to hear what was being said, but knew I wasn’t going to get everything I wanted right now.

“Who was that?” I asked Brian when he finally emerged from the room half an hour later.

“None of your business,” he retorted, as if he had a right to secrets in our home.

Nonetheless, I ignored his rudeness and accepted the fact that he was not going to reveal the truth to me, at least not yet.

CHAPTER 15
Success~and an Ultimatum