Microsoft Word - Illicit Desires ePub.doc (6 page)

same; we were like any regular brother and sister, maybe even less so, and that was never us.

We are twins for God's sake. We share the same soul and every other thing as well. I loved

him more than I loved the air that kept me alive, and I knew that he felt the same way about

me. So, what we became was anything but normal. Not for us.

It was very rare for us to spend time together anymore. I tried, and I think he tried too,

but it was always in vain. I kept on remembering that kiss, and that always made Adrian look

a little bit different in my eyes, so I backed away, and ended up practically without him in my

life.

That changed the day when we watched the movie,
Romeo and Juliet,
together. It was an

emotional night; he told me something that I would prefer to never think about again

because I could never handle it if it ever—God forbid—actually happened.

I slept in his arms again finally. It had been too long, and after so many lonely nights;

I’d had a desperate need to be beside him, which I had been fighting with everything in me

for some reason. It was wonderful to be able to feel his warm embrace while I slept. The

peace and the simple feeling of safety brought by his closeness were things I'd craved for a

very long time.

However, all of that ended the second I woke up to the sound of him in our bathroom.

I hurried to him in the bathroom that we shared, which connected his room with mine, and

I found him on the floor with his head hovering over the toilet while he howled and heaved

over and over again. I assumed that he had just thrown up, but he didn't seem to be able to

stop, even though there was nothing coming out of his mouth any more.

I tried helping him like any person who cares for another would do—let alone his own

sister—but he refused. He wouldn't even look me in the eye.

When he finally sat back on the floor and met my eyes, I saw his were glistening with

tears; they were real tears too—not those which would have been caused by throwing up.

No, they were sad, suffering tears. "I'm sorry!" he sobbed.

"It's okay, Adrian. Are you okay?" I assumed he was apologizing for throwing up.

"I'm so sorry!" he repeated again in a choked voice, tears now streaming down his

cheeks.

"Hey, Adrian, it's okay, Angel. Don't worry about it." I was really upset to see him that

way.

"Forgive me. Oh, God. Please, forgive me," he begged with the saddest tone I'd ever

heard from him as he buried his head between his hands.

"Hey, it's going to be okay. Shh." I took him into my arms, since I was already kneeling

beside him on the cold bathroom floor. I buried his head in my chest and smoothed his hair

with my hand. Then, I kissed the top of his head—still not knowing what he had really

meant by those words.

Does he want me to forgive him for throwing up in my toilet? What the heck? That's real y overly

dramatic, and that is so not Adrian!

For a moment, Adrian stopped breathing, and before I could blink he was fiercely

pushing me away from him.

As he stared at me, I could swear his eyes were almost pitch-black and not green.

He stood up and looked down at me with more hate and anger than I could ever think

my beloved brother could hold for me. "Stay the fuck away from me!" he snarled roughly.

"Adrian?"

"Don't you fucking touch me again!"

"Adrian, Wh—"

“Don’t you ever come near me ever again! Do you fucking hear me?”

I stared at him with wide eyes and a gaping mouth, not knowing what on earth

possessed him. That was not my brother, never my brother. I didn't know who it was; this

one scared me and made me feel …
dead
.

Tears made their way down my face as I felt the hatred that he was sending to me in

strong waves, not knowing why he was acting like that or what I had done to cause it. He

left me there—confused, crying, hurt, and broken.

That was the last night I ever felt my brother's love. The love I felt when he held me

and wiped my tears away. And, it was the first night I ever felt my brother's hatred towards

me. He pushed me away and yelled at me for trying to comfort him!

Over the next few months, Adrian made sure that I knew how much he hated me. We

had never been the kind of siblings to fight over everything and nothing, but suddenly we

were.

He fought with me about school, gym, housework, homework, how I dressed, how I

put makeup on, and even how I walked. It seemed like everything I did got on his nerves;

everything I did was wrong in his eyes. We simply wouldn't stop fighting, and he just

wouldn't stop hurting my feelings.

What hurt the most was that Adrian had been the only one who soothed me when

Mom or anyone else annoyed me. He had become one of them, and it felt like I had no one.

Yes, I still had my friends, Sandra and Julia, but Adrian had always been something else.

He always got me, but he was no longer the shoulder I could cry on… I could only suffer in

silence. When it became really bad and I couldn't take his crap anymore, I'd go to Dad and

cry on his shoulder instead, only to hear the same answer: "Your brother is facing lots of

changes like any other teenager—physically and emotionally—and it's just a matter of time

until he'll be back to normal."

Yeah … okay!
I'm a teenager too, and I'm nothing like that.

"It's a little different with boys," my Dad added, replying to my unspoken thought.

With time, I learned to simply avoid Adrian, and when our paths would cross, I'd suck it

up and try not to start a fight when he bugged me. It wasn't my style; I never took idiocy

from anyone, but this was Adrian. I had to help him through that "rough time" until it

passed someday.

"Guys, please! I don't wanna watch that!"
I hate horror movies; I real y hate them.

"Oh, c'mon. It's just a movie! You're too old for this!" Julia said as she applied more

pink lip gloss while staring at the small mirror in her hand.

"No, I'm not. I'm not even old enough to watch that. As a matter of fact, none of us are

except for you and Sean!"

"Lily, relax! It. Is. Just. A. Movie," Sandra assured me, talking slowly as if talking to a

child. "And you're going to be eighteen in a few months, dude, remember?"

"But, you guys know that it scares me and that I'll think about it for weeks."

"Honey, we don't have any other options; it’s either this or
Toy Story 3
," Emma said.

Even though I had told her not to "honey" me a million times, she still did it anyway.

Emma wasn't actually my friend, nor was she Sandra's, but she was the Browns' cousin,

and Julia loved her, so we just had to live withit … a lot, since she went to the same school

with us and all.

"What is wrong with
Toy Story 3
?" I asked, desperate for them to change their minds

about it.

They all gave me the "
Seriously?
"
look
.

"If Ian was here, he would agree with me," I murmured sadly.

"Yeah, too bad he got the flu and couldn't come," Elliot said, announcing that the boys

were back with the tickets.

"Maybe I should go see him while you guys watch the movie, and then you could come

and pick me up," I suggested.

"Absolutely not!" Adrian said.

"Why not? His house is just ten minutes away!"

"Mom and Dad said that we can't separate. That's the only reason Mom agreed in the

first place. Plus, I'll never let you go alone!"

"Like you care if I—"

"Guys, guys, please! No fights tonight." Sandra stood between Adrian and me, breaking

our exchange of glares.

"Yes, please!" Elliot begged.

"Fine!" we both said under our breath.

We entered the movie theater eventually. Julia and Sean sat beside each other, Emma sat

next to Julia, Adrian sat next to her, and that left me next to Adrian. Sandra was sitting next

to me at first, but her small size didn't allow her to see the screen clearly due to a tall guy in

front of her, so she switched seats with Elliot.

I spent ninety-nine percent of the movie either with my eyes closed tightly or looking at

everything except the screen. Even so, the screams and disgusting sounds of knives cutting

skin, which were coming from the speakers, were enough to give me ridiculous chills that

caused my blood to run cold.

I badly wanted to hold Adrian’s hand—just to feel a little bit safer and let this fear inside

me cool down a bit—but I knew better than to do that. I didn't want his snarls or even

curses … not tonight.

Emma, however, was clenching his arm like her life depended on it. Adrian, on the

other hand, was concentrating on the movie and didn't seem to be paying attention to her; if

he was, he didn't show it.

Sean and Julia, of course, were making out like there was no tomorrow. I would've been

grossed out by it since they were pretty much sucking faces with lots of tongue involved, but

their love was something very pure and soft, and it made me happy for some reason—even

if the acts between them were anything but pure or soft.

I sighed at the thought, but was met with more screams and gushes which returned me

to panic mode again.

Don't look. Don't look. Don't look.

"Ouch! Aw! God! Damn it!"

Don't look. It'l go away. Don't look. It'l go away.

"Aw, fuck!"

Just don't look. It'l end soon.

"Oh! Shit, Lily! Loosen your grip on my arm a bit. Your nails are about to break the

skin," Elliot winced.

"Sorry!"

Later that night, I spent hours tossing and turning on my bed, unable to sleep. I was afraid to

even blink, let alone close my eyes to
fall
asleep. I was so scared, so panicked.

After many arguments with myself, I snuck into my parents' room and crawled into bed

between them. It was enough for me to rest my small body without them noticing me. I just

wanted to sleep.

Since I was the luckiest girl in the whole world and all, moments later, my Dad started

to snore like a broken old truck.
Christ!
I didn't know how my Mom slept beside him at all!

Oh, yeah… ear plugs. Or she would be on her sleeping pills anyway.

I had no other option but to go to
his
room. And so that's what I did. I tried the knob

and was relieved to find the door unlocked. Entering the room, I saw him lying on his side

with his back facing me, wearing only a pair of black boxers.

I tiptoed the whole way to his bed, hoping that he was already in a deep sleep and

wouldn't notice me, but again, since I was so damn lucky that night, I heard his breathing

change once I touched the bed.

"What do you want?" he asked without looking at me.

"Adrian, please. I'm so scared. I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see nothing

but Freddy coming to kill me! Please let me sleep in here. Please?" I begged with everything I

had.

He didn't reply.

"Adrian, I'm begging you. Just tonight, and I swear I'll leave at sunrise. Please."

"It's not a good idea!"

"Please. Please. Please!"

He sighed, and I knew I had won.

I took that as an okay and just didn't talk. I rested my body beside him on his bed, but

he still wouldn't face me. I wanted to hold him so much—more than I'd ever wanted