Microsoft Word - Illicit Desires ePub.doc (3 page)

At the time, I had no clue as to how we became like this. The last time I remembered us

happy and enjoying each other's company was on that vacation at the beach house. It took

one day for that damn house to ruin our relationship … or that's what I'd thought.

I thought that the house was cursed with some sort of black magical powers which

separated a beloved brother from his only sister—his twin! Yeah, silly… I know. But I was

only fifteen years old, and I was unable to think of any other reason. We were inseparable

before we went on that damn vacation, and the next day, we just weren't anymore.

I don’t know how long I cursed the house for that, thinking that because we hardly used

it, bad spirits had possessed it or something. But I later learned that it was my stupid bathing

suit!

I'd been dreaming of wearing a bikini for so long, but I never got the chance to wear

one—given that we hadn't had a vacation in four or five years. And when I did finally get the

chance, I wanted to tear it into pieces for what it had done to me and my brother.

"Say uncle!" he ordered.

"N-no-oh!" I choked out through my laughs.

"Say it!" he demanded again. His eyes were crinkled with laughter, but he wouldn't let it

out.

"N-oo!" I insisted.

"If you say so." Once he said that, I knew I'd say "
uncle
" and he'd win. He knew how

much I hated to lose—especially tickle fights.

When he reached for my stomach, I squeezed my eyes shut, though I hardly had them

open anyway. I
was
laughing really hard after all. I braced myself for the sensation of his

tickles, which would probably bring me close to peeing the bottom of my very expensive

bikini. But it never came.

I waited for a moment, but still, there was nothing. Just his fingertips barely brushing

along my stomach. I opened my eyes to see what was wrong, and I was met with Adrian

gaping at what looked like his hands.

"Adrian?!" I called, moving his attention back to me, since he seemed to be lost. He

slowly raised his gaze and met mine with a strange look. His eyes were filled with …

disbelief? I couldn't tell.

"Adrian! Are you okay?" I asked—still looking up at him from my spot on the sandy

ground, concern filling my voice. One second later, I saw him run back to the house.

I ran after him to see what was going on, but I couldn't catch him. I was only met with

the door of the first floor bathroom shutting in my face and almost knocking me to the

ground.

"Adrian?" I knocked on the door and waited for his answer. But nothing came; he

didn't reply. I started to panic.

"Adrian, please. Are you okay?" I felt my tears threatening to fall. I was so afraid that I

had hurt him or something with my kicks, even though I was sure that my legs didn't touch

him anywhere.

"I'm fine." I wasn't one that he could fool with just any lie; I knew Adrian very well,

more than I could possibly know myself—and he
wasn't
fine.

I stood still for a few moments, giving him time to use the bathroom, expecting him to

then come out to tell me what was going on. But he stayed in there a long time, and my

worry hit the roof. I was about to knock again when I heard him panting very fast. Then, I

heard an unmistakable moan followed by a muffled groan.

Thinking that he was surely hurt, I started knocking on the door like a crazy person.

"Adrian! Please, open the door! Tell me what's wrong! Please tell me that you're okay," I

sobbed, not able to control my tears any longer. "Adrian, I'll go call Mom!" I said when he

didn't respond.

"No!" he shouted. "Just give me a minute."

Drying my tears with the back of my hand, I waited for him to come out, which he

finally did after a few minutes. He looked flushed, his forehead was glistening with sweat,

and he looked… Not. Okay.

"What is it?" I asked. His gaze was fixed on the floor, and he wouldn't look at me. So, I

tried again: "Adrian, what happened?"

"Nothing," he replied after a long pause, his lips trembling slightly as if he was just

about to cry.

"Adrian, look at me." I brought my hand to his face, wanting to touch his cheek, but he

backed away and turned his face to the other side, refusing my touch. It hurt me.

He went back to his room and closed the door. I tried opening it, but he'd locked it

from the inside. Waking up my Mom and telling her that Adrian didn't seem to be okay was

the next thing I did. Eventually, he opened the door for her and said that his stomach hurt

and he wasn't feeling well.

We all stayed home that day, waiting for him to feel better, but the days passed, and he

didn't. In the end, my parents went on like nothing was wrong and enjoyed their vacation,

especially after Dad examined him and said that nothing was wrong with him at all.

Nevertheless, I couldn't just leave him like that and go enjoy myself; Adrian was my

twin—the other half of my soul—and if he said he wasn't well, then he wasn't, and I would

stay by his side.

Still fearing to sleep alone in my room, I went every night to sleep beside him. I would

wake up to find him sitting on the armchair across from his bed, his face buried in his hands

or just sleeping on the floor. I knew then that my company made him uncomfortable, so I

put on my big girl panties and just slept alone.

"Adri?" I tried.

He was lying on his bed, his back facing me. "Don't. Call me. That."

I'd been trying to wake him up for quite a while, and he just wouldn't respond. Finally, I

tried calling him by the name he hated just to get a reaction from him. And, it worked!

"So you
are
awake!" I huffed.

He didn't respond.

"Do you realize it's the last day of our vacation today?"

"Whatever."

I wasn't used to that kind of attitude from Adrian. He'd always been good to me—

always treating me as nicely and gently as he could. But not anymore. "Adrian, please. It's

been so long. If you'd just tell me what's wrong?" Again, he didn't reply. So, I continued on.

"I'd been dying to go on this vacation since forever, and I ended up spending it all in this

room just reading books and being worried sick about you. And you just won’t talk to me no

matter how much I’ve tried!"

"You don't have to stay in here," he said in a low voice.

"I want to. Please, Adrian, let's get out and just enjoy this last day! Please. I would kill to

get in that water." I tried to hide the hurt in my voice at the sound of his words.

"You can do that," he said, still not facing me.

"I can't do anything without you; you know that very well!"

He sighed.

"Please!" I begged and begged for God only knows how long. He finally agreed.

Finally, I put on my bathing suit, which I’d never used, and I waited for him, sitting

beside Mom, who was lying on her stomach to get a "nice tan" or whatever. Dad was busy

doing something on his laptop even though it was a vacation. Mom
al owed
him two hours

every day to do whatever he needed to do with his research and such.

Ignoring how Adrian's face fell when he saw me, I smiled at him. He looked like as if

his face had been drained of all of its blood, and it was all flushed at the same time. I didn't

know how … or why for that matter.

I knew that everything that was going on with Adrian had something to do with me. I

knew he was mad at me for some reason—for something I'd done. I didn't know what it

was, but I knew that Adrian was too nice to ever hurt me by voicing it … whatever
it
was. I

just tried to make it up to him and to get him out of that shell he'd built around himself.

Maybe I could learn what was wrong with him in the process.

The water was quiet with just a few small waves every now and then. It felt amazing, but

if Adrian was enjoying it, he didn't show it. I pulled him with my hand in his as we went in

deeper until the water was covering our lower halves.

"Do you want to go deeper?" I asked, to which he didn't reply.

Sighing, I took him by the hand again and went in further, until the water hid my chest

completely; it hid Adrian's too, since we were almost the same height back then.

"That's better," he said, and I couldn't believe that he’d finally spoken, but I tried not to

show my excitement. I just ignored it like it wasn't something out of the ordinary.

"Cool!" I said, smiling. Looking at the shore to see how far we'd gone, I saw that my

parents were nothing but small dots, far, far away.

Like any two people swimming together, I circled Adrian's shoulders with my arms,

watching him as he clenched his eyes shut and squeezed hard, taking a deep breath. I waited

for him to hold me too, and he finally did, but it took him too long. Longer than necessary.

He rested his hands either side of my body and left them there.

"You're no fun!" I joked, pouting as I splashed him with water. He looked at me in

disbelief, and then I saw a hint of a smile on his lips. It was something I hadn't seen in what

had felt like years. Then his eyes darkened, and I knew he was going to do the same thing all

over again. I let go of him and tried to get away, but the water wouldn't let me.

We stayed in the water too long (until I saw wrinkles forming on my fingertips), but I

didn't care. I was finally having a good time with Adrian. We were playing in the water,

splashing each other, and running here and there. I shoved his head under the water a couple

of times, but he didn't do it back; he was just
that
nice.

The air was filled with my happy screams and our laughter. Yes, I said
our
laughter.

Adrian was finally letting go of whatever was bothering him, and I couldn't have been

happier.

When I was exhausted from all of the playing, I rested my arms around his shoulders

again. I laid my head on the spot where his neck met his shoulder, trying to catch my breath,

and he held me to him as we swayed lazily in the water. I looked up at him and smiled, but

he didn't smile back. Instead, he pressed his lips to mine.

It was the very first time Adrian had kissed me there; it was the first time anyone had

kissed me there for the record. I didn't think much about it, since we were always close, and

I mean
really
close. So what if he kissed me so tenderly on the mouth? It meant nothing!

It was as if he knew what I was thinking and wanted to prove the opposite because,

suddenly, the kiss wasn't tender anymore. He pulled me closer to his body, tugging my

bottom lip between his lips. I didn't know if I should pull back or not. I mean… It was

Adrian for God's sake—my brother, my twin.

His hands started wandering over my back and sides, and suddenly it felt all wrong, but

I still didn't pull back. I just stayed frozen in place, shocked.

Once I felt his tongue pushing its way inside my mouth, however, I pulled back in a

second. "Adrian!" He didn't respond to me; his mouth was busy placing kisses all over my

jaw line before making his way to my neck.

"Adrian! What are you doing?" I tried pushing him away, but he held me firmly, so I