Lost in Thought (19 page)

He laughed, and I swore that charm, rather than blood, flowed in his veins. “I am if you and she will let me,” he replied.

One glance at my aunt told me she was already as smitten as I was, but she said with mock-seriousness, “I’ll take it under consideration, Mr. Penrose, and get back to you by the end of the week.”



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THE WEEK THAT followed, despite my initial disappointment about being stuck around campus, turned out to be one of my best holidays ever. It took not the whole week but approximately twenty more minutes before my aunt was giving me an enthusiastic endorsement.

Much as I expected, it took approximately ten minutes less than that for Melinda and her to become fast friends. I honestly couldn’t have hoped for things to go any better.

Our shopping trip was not only fun but successful, ending with a tally of five practice items (bought covertly by Carter), one spectacular vintage coat (purchased excitedly by me), and zero migraines or passing out. True to his word, Carter helped me actively seek out pieces that triggered my gift without fainting or experiencing the vision. To my surprise, it was almost simple. Knowing what to expect, and most of all, knowing that I wasn’t actually crazy, I was able to relax and blank my mind, letting only a hint of the tell-tale dizziness develop before I’d snatch my hand away from whatever caused it and point it out to Carter.

We endured the pomp of the Academy Thanksgiving and then had a wonderful evening with Carter and the Revells. Jeff’s mother, Evelyn, on top of being a delightful woman, made the best pies I’d ever tasted. On the way back to campus from their apartment, drunk on pie and good times and, uh, a little extra wine, I decided it was the perfect time to do a little investigating. Or, more precisely, my mouth did.

“Auntie, was there anything special about my dad?” I randomly blurted out. In retrospect, my brain concluded it was a harmless question and maybe my mouth was on to something. Maybe Aunt Tessa knew a little about his Sententia abilities without really
knowing
about them.

She glanced sideways at me but gave an easy smile before saying fondly, “Of course there was, honey. Your father was a wonderful man.”

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“But…like what?” I pressed. “What was special about him?”

After a few paces to think about it, she said, “Well, I guess most of the things that made him so wonderful I’ve told you about before…he was kind, and always generous, very handsome too.” She giggled at that, and I surmised she was maybe a little tipsy too, before she went on more seriously. “He was funny…not at all jaded, the way so many people who come from backgrounds like his tend to be. He was obviously a gifted investor, especially for someone so young, but…it was almost odd, his success. This might sound strange, but I always thought of him as the
luckiest
man I knew.”

Honestly, that didn’t sound strange at all. It sounded Sententia.

THE NEXT DAY, with the added help of a few aspirin, I endured our breakfast with Headmaster Stewart in much the same way as the dinner the night before: smiling often, saying little. As predicted, Dr.

Stewart angled for a donation, and my aunt happily assented. To my surprise, however, in addition to a monetary donation, she offered a permanent sculpture installation, which she would complete over the summer.

Dr. Stewart actually smiled when she said, “Thank you, Tessa.

That’s a generous donation the Academy would be proud to accept,”

which told me she was beyond excited about it. All the talk of dona-tions got me thinking the headmaster could probably answer some lingering questions of mine.

“Dr. Stewart,” I said, “I was wondering if you could tell me a little bit about my Legacy?”

Unfortunately, I was wrong. She set down her teacup and ultimately raised more questions than she answered. “I’m afraid ‘a little bit’ is all there is to tell, Miss Young. Your Legacy was anonymous. Beyond that, I can tell you its size, which is quite substantial,” she replied.

Aunt Tessa was possibly as curious as I was and she asked the next logical question. “Do you know when it was established, Constance? I

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think Lainey and I have both wondered whether Allen, her father, was responsible for it or not.”

“I would assume not,” she said, “unless he was a very wealthy and forward-thinking young man. Lainey’s Legacy had been waiting to be claimed for forty-four years.”

Forty-four years. Since the year my father was born.

s campus came back to life after the holiday week, word spread quickly about the tragic death of Ashley Thayer, exactly as I A had predicted it in what seemed like practically another lifetime ago. Few students were surprised when we were all assembled at the Chapel on Monday morning for her memorial service, myself least surprised among them. I sat in the darkest corner I could find, weeping silently for a girl I didn’t know but whose death I bore witness to before anyone else. For the first time of an incalculable many, I would wish I could have found some way to prevent it.

Word spread equally quickly about Carter’s and my new relationship, and I suffered many speculative looks, whispered conversations, and more than a few of my classmates asking me to share details. Despite my remaining as closed-lipped as humanly possible, by the end of the next day, I was pretty sure there wasn’t a single person on campus who hadn’t heard. The camps seemed divided mostly between the envious and the encouraging. No one was openly unfriendly, save for one.

She caught up to me after class and was, surprisingly, alone. I almost felt the hostility before she fell in step beside me. I’d been

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expecting this, though I thought it would come earlier in the day and as a much more public spectacle.

“So, I hear congratulations are in order. You finally did it, huh?”

Alexis said. Her tone was friendly.
Almost.

I sighed. I kept my voice as level and calm as possible. “I guess so.

And I don’t want to fight with you, Alex.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” she said. “I don’t want to fight with you either.

It’s actually funny. You think you’ve won some great prize…Carter Penrose, the beautiful, perfect boy every girl is dying to have, right?

What a laugh!”

Okay, this was unexpected, especially coming from Alex, who’d seemed to want him more than anyone. I glanced at her quizzically but said nothing.

“So it’s true! You really have no idea.”

Maintaining my cool was difficult, but I kept trying. “You’re right. I have no idea what you’re talking about. Could you just get whatever you want to say over with before I get back to my dorm?”

She laughed again and came to a stop, completely dropping the veneer of friendliness. “Poor Lainey. Sure, I’ll make it quick and painless for you. Why don’t you ask your new boyfriend
exactly
why he never really attended classes here. And after that, ask your roommate how many girlfriends her buddy has gone through in the last few years.

You’re the flavor of the month, Lainey; you just don’t know it. But I’ll give you a tip before I go: don’t get too comfortable in those handsome arms. They’ll only be around you until he realizes it’s going to take too long for you to give it up.” And with that she turned and walked away.

SPEAKING OF THE devil apparently works, because mine was sitting on the porch steps when I arrived at my dorm. He jumped up when he saw me and pulled me to him so quickly that I didn’t think to stop him. Honestly, I didn’t know what to think. Alexis’s ugly words were

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on constant replay in my head. I didn’t want to believe them, but thanks to her gift, it was so easy to believe anything she said. But I also didn’t believe she’d flat out lie to me. Couldn’t anything in my life be simple right now?

I realized Carter was still holding me tightly and also talking.

“…take my break, before it gets crazy at the store later, and see how your day was.”

“I…” was all I managed to squeak.

He stepped back and looked at me closely, frowning. “What happened?”

“I just talked to Alexis.”

“Whatever she said about you or us doesn’t matter.”

I fidgeted. “Actually…it was mostly about you. And what I don’t know about you.”

His face darkened and he looked like he wanted to spit. It was kind of how I felt too. “Let’s go for a walk and figure this out. Forget all about Alexis.”

He grabbed my book bag and then my hand, leading me off the steps and toward the gates. We started walking down Main Street, past all the shops and the bookstore, until he turned abruptly and, for the second time, tugged me onto a path into the bordering woods. Somehow they had become our confessional.

“Okay,” he finally said. “Tell me.”

I didn’t want to. In fact, I wanted nothing more than for the words, and maybe even their speaker, to disappear completely. But the longer I kept them in, the more they seemed to resound in my head. I settled for simply repeating her terrible speech calmly and as closely to what she’d said as I could. Carter listened quietly and then sighed. He let go of my hand to run his through his hair and across his face, as if he suddenly had a headache. He looked angry but also a little dejected.

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“Oh my God, it’s true!” I gasped.
That
got his attention. His face darkened even more and he reached out to take me by the shoulders.

“No it is absolutely
not
true,” he said vehemently. “You are not ‘the flavor of the month’ and it kills me that you might have thought that for even a few seconds, let alone the last ten minutes.”

“So she was lying then,” I said, but didn’t entirely believe it.

He looked around us quickly, and then tugged me to the ground and sat cross-legged facing me, grabbing both my hands. He looked down at them while he said, “She wasn’t lying either,” then returned my gaze sadly. “Just…saying things in a way that would make me look bad.”

I stared at him for a second and then decided to warm my hands in my own pockets. “Okay…so please make yourself not look bad.”

He started at the beginning and I listened, with what I hoped was an open heart and mind. I couldn’t believe that everything I thought I knew about Carter was disingenuous. But I didn’t want to be a fool either.

“My never going to classes is just coincidental,” he said. “But the
why
…well, it mostly has to do with my dad dying. He died and I was an orphan and it hurt. So I looked for as many ways as possible to make it not hurt. When I was fourteen, I found a girl who was looking for the same thing.” He paused and looked at me, and I understood without words. Really, I should have known where this was going all along.

“You’re telling me that in, what, in
eighth grade
…you…?” I wasn’t quite able to complete the thought aloud.

“It was between eighth and ninth but, yeah, I…lost my virginity.”

Okay, wow. I never thought of myself as a prude, but I suddenly felt like one. Having sex before high school kind of…shocked me.

Intellectually I knew kids did, but I’d never entertained the idea that my boyfriend, or whatever Carter was, was one of them. Fourteen was

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only two years younger than I was, but it seemed like such a long two years. I also knew I was blushing furiously and damned my pale skin for always giving me away.

“I’m not proud of it,” he went on, “but I won’t deny it either. I wish I’d waited, but well, I didn’t. And I haven’t waited. With other girls too, I mean. I’ve been with…a few more since then.” He looked down at his empty hands and said morosely, “Honestly, for a while, with anyone who’d have me.”

Given his appearance alone, I imagined the list of the willing was long. So far none of this was making him look better and I said so.

“I know,” he sighed, “and I’m sorry. A million times over. But I haven’t lied to you yet, and I don’t plan to start now. I’m not perfect, Lainey. If you expect me to be, I promise I will only disappoint you.

And I don’t want to. Disappoint you, I mean, though it seems like that’s what keeps happening. If you didn’t want to be with me, I’d understand. And probably deserve it.”

I was mulling that over when his low voice started again, as much as if he were thinking out loud as talking to me. “I knew Alex would be jealous of you, but I never thought she’d try something like
this
. I suppose I should have known better, especially since she knew you’d believe her.” He cursed and shook his head. “You know, I’ve never really talked about this with anyone but my Uncle Jeff, and that was only after I finally admitted to myself what an ass I was.”

“What did he say?”

He laughed sadly. “Not much, which should be no surprise. Actually, the first thing he did was, well, haul me off to the doctor’s for every test imaginable…I was always safe—I might be an idiot, but I’m not stupid—but he insisted it was the necessary thing to do, and the responsible one.”

I had to agree with that. As my initial shock began to dissipate, I gave silent thanks to my aunt for being such a great mother. She’d

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been talking frankly about sex with me long before I’d been remotely interested in it. Without her, I imagined this conversation would have been impossible.

Carter continued his quiet confession while my mind churned. “After that…he told me it was time to grow up, wise up, and think farther ahead than tomorrow. It’s advice I remind myself of every day. And then…then he talked about my aunt. That probably sounds strange, right? But it wasn’t. He told me about what it was like to love my aunt, and that someday I’d find someone I could love the same way.
That’s
what would take the hurt away. I remind myself of that daily too.”