You Want Answers....
It was bright and early on Saturday morning when Ted found himself sitting at Hattie McPherson's breakfast table. He was still a little sleepy, because he'd arrived in town late last night on a half-empty flight into Jackson, Mississippi. He had found her house without much problem. When he'd pulled his Enterprise rental car into the driveway of Ms. Hattie's neatly kept brick home, she was standing on the porch, waiting to greet him with Southern hospitality.
Just like Ted, Ms. Hattie was an early riser, so having him over for breakfast at the crack of dawn fit perfectly into her schedule. She had a busy day planned, with a full slate of activities, from a meeting with her seniors group that afternoon to her bridge game with her Order of the Eastern Star group later that evening. And in between she had errands to run and people to visit.Yes, Ms. Hattie was a busy bee.
For a woman of nearly eighty-two, the retired schoolteacher was as spry and in just as good shape as anyone half her age. And even though she was only five feet two inches tall and barely weighed one hundred pounds, she possessed the type of presence that made one sit up and take notice. Mother Nature had been good to Ms. Hattie, blessing her with the kind of brown skin that withstood the test of time, and if it were not for her full head of silver hair and the few minor wrinkles that kissed her eyes and mouth, one would never be able to guess her true age.
Looking at Ms. Hattie made Ted think about the saying he'd heard Victoria and her family repeat whenever they saw another black person whose looks defied their age: “Black don't crack!”
Ted sat patiently at the neatly set table as Ms. Hattie poured him a cup of steaming coffee. “You're just like me,” she noted, smiling. “An early riser who likes your coffee as strong as it'll come.”
“Yes, ma'am.” Ted nodded. He watched as she walked back to the stove in the kitchen. “Are you sure you don't need any help?” he called out.
Ms. Hattie fanned her hand, placing it on her tiny hip. “No, child. I raised six children, ten of my nineteen grandkids, and buried three husbands. Handlin' breakfast is like a walk in the park.”
Ted marveled at the little dynamo. When he'd first spotted her standing in the line at his mother's grave site, he had no doubt she was a direct link to the secret his parents had kept. Then, after he read the letter she'd handed him at the cemetery, her presence there made perfect sense. She had made the trip as soon as she received the call from Abe Brookstein, informing her that Carolyn Thornton had passed.
The delicious smell of food and seasonings wafted through the house as Ms. Hattie scurried about in her tiny kitchen. Five minutes later she sat a plate in front of Ted that was filled with down-home goodness. Thickly sliced hickory-smoked bacon, scrambled eggs, cheese grits, home fries, fried apples, and homemade biscuits with strawberry preserves.
Ted stared at the heaping plate of food, sure that the meal contained enough artery-clogging calories, fat, and cholesterol to give him a mild heart attack. But since the kind old woman was gracious enough to welcome him into her home and prepare a huge meal with tender loving care, he had no intention of refusing one morsel of Ms. Hattie's food.
Ted bowed his head as Ms. Hattie said grace, something that Victoria had gotten him into the habit of doing over the years since they had been married. “This is delicious,” he complimented, diving into his plate, filling his mouth with a forkful of eggs.
Ms. Hattie smiled, pleased that he was enjoying the meal. “Well, thank you much.”
“No. Thank you.”
“It's my pleasure, son. Carol Lynn used to send me pictures of you, Lilly, and Charlie when you children were growing up. It's good to finally sit down and break bread with you.”
“I really appreciate you seeing me.”
Ms. Hattie stared Ted in the eye, cutting straight to the chase. “How could I not? You want answers, and I'm here to give them to you.” She wasn't one to mince words or waste time. “I never thought that Carol Lynn and Charles should have kept the truth from everyone for all these years, especially not their own children. But it was their choice, and I respected their wishes.”
Ted listened in near disbelief as Ms. Hattie told him about the life that his parents had kept a secret for over sixty years. At times he felt pity, anger, and complete astonishment as Ms. Hattie filled in the missing pieces of the puzzle that made up the lives of two people that he now realized he had never really known.
Ted had seen, heard, and experienced a great deal in his fifty-two years on earth, and he didn't think there was anything or anyone that could rattle him. But the last few weeks had proven how wrong he had been. Death had brought about a new life, and it was one that he wasn't sure he wanted to start living.
“I know this is a lot for you to take in all at once,” Ms. Hattie said, giving Ted a pat on his shoulder as she cleared the breakfast table of their dishes. She sighed, shaking her head. “Honestly, it's a blessing and a curse that Carol Lynn finally told you the truth.”
“What do you mean?”
“The truth always cleanses the soul,” she said. “But now that you know it, you've got to decide what you want to do with it. Seems to me that's a heavy burden to bear. On the one hand, you can go on living your happy life with that beautiful wife and adorable little girl of yours, just the way it is now. Or you can kick over the apple cart and see how your lives will change. Being black ain't for everybody,” she said, releasing a sad chuckle.
Ted stared at her, rubbing the stubble under his chin that had started to form.
Ms. Hattie continued. “Your parents lived their lives wrapped up in their lie for so long and that's why Carol Lynn was able to take her secret to her grave. For whatever reason, she decided to tell you and leave you with the knowledge of something she wasn't strong enough to face herself,” she said, taking a deep breath. She raised her head, looking up at the ceiling. “Sometimes living in the truth can feel just like dying.”
Ted looked at Ms. Hattie as though she had been reading his mind. He didn't want to resent his own parents, especially not his mother. But the more he learned about her past, what she'd done, and how his father had helped her hide it, the more he grew to disdain the fraudulent life they had both led and the burden it now placed upon his shoulders. He thought their actions and decisions had been selfish and reckless. “Why did my mother do it?” Ted asked in genuine frustration.
Ms. Hattie sat back down in her chair and thought for a few minutes before she attempted an answer. “I guess she thought it was a matter of survival. Son, I knew your mother, and believe me, it ate her up inside, always having to lie and keep things bottled up. Imagine what it was like for her ... living every day in fear that what she did might catch up with her. Imagine what it must've been like for her, hiding who she really was.”
Ted wanted to, but he felt no sympathy. “It was a life she willingly chose ... and my father, too,” he said, looking into Ms. Hattie's wise old eyes.
She nodded her head but didn't say a word, because what he had said was true, and it was the very thing she'd often thought herself.
After spending the entire morning with Ms. Hattie, Ted finally left. He agreed to stay in touch and promised to let her know as soon as he came to grips with telling his family about Carolyn's secret.
Before Ted closed Ms. Hattie's door, he handed her the envelope that Abe Brookstein had entrusted in his personal care before he left Boston. “You deserve much more. Friendship is invaluable,” he said, giving Ms. Hattie a warm hug and a kiss on her cheek. He truly meant it and didn't think the one-million-dollar check he'd just placed in her hand was nearly enough to repay over seven decades of loyalty.
As Ted drove away from Ms. Hattie's house, he thought about all the things she had told him. He'd found out more about his parents in the span of a few hours than he had known his entire life.
Later that afternoon he returned to his hotel. He was mentally weary from the thoughts and guilt that plagued his mind. Sitting at the small desk in his room, he stared at his computer screen, as if the work at hand would take care of itself. Other than the uncertain weeks following Alexandria's birth, this was the first time in Ted's life that he couldn't bring himself to focus on the important tasks before him. There were urgent ViaTech matters that required his attention, but he knew they would have to wait until he could clear his thoughts of the clutter floating around inside his head.
His mind raced with memories that until now had never really meant anything to him. But with his newfound knowledge, he finally understood the meaning behind some of the things his mother and father had said and done when he was growing up. Now it made sense to him why she had always been so secretive about her past, why she had never socialized outside of a very small and select group of friends, and why his father was so protective of her.
He remembered the warning his mother had given him before he married his first wife. “Theodore, you really don't know a lot about this girl, or her family, for that matter. You never know someone until you look closely into their background. Trust me on this. I know what I'm talking about,” she'd said.
Carolyn's eerie foreboding had sent a chill down his spine even back then. And now he knew exactly what she meant. He shook his head, wondering how she and his father could have gone through life masquerading as people they were not.
Ted moved his laptop to the side and opened the large envelope that Ms. Hattie had given him. It contained several old photos and handwritten letters, all dated long before he was born. It all seemed like an incredibly crazy dream, but when he looked at the black-and-white pictures and the faded papers, he knew it was real.
His mind rushed back to the past again, remembering how Carolyn used to tell him and his siblings that they were not to discuss family business with anyone outside their immediate circle.
Carolyn had instilled a sense of privacy in each of her children, but especially in Ted. With the exception of Victoria, and on occasion his friend Barry,Ted rarely, if ever, let people know his private thoughts or personal life. Marrying Victoria had opened up a new world for him, allowing him to trust another person without reservation. She was free with her emotions and giving with her love. He knew that at times his need for privacy frustrated her, because she wanted him to share more, but he was operating from a learned behavior, still trying to navigate his new course.
His mother had taught him at an early age that information was power, and that as long as he kept information to himself, no one could use anything against him. Confidentiality had been her brand. Reputation and honor had been his father's mantra. Ted wanted to laugh at his parents' teachings, knowing they had all been a farce to cover up the truth.
At that moment he needed clarity and peace, and he longed for the one person who could give him both. He reached for his cell and dialed Victoria.
“Hello,” she said, practically yawning into the phone.
“V, you sound exhausted. Did you rest at all last night?”
“Um ... a little.”
“I bet you didn't leave your office until after midnight, did you?” Ted knew that Victoria could spend hours on end at Divine Occasions. He'd voiced his concerns about her safety more than once. Even though her office was in a safe area, he didn't like the idea of her being out in the business park all alone at night.
She hesitated in her response, and that told him that he was right. “V, I don't think it's a good idea for you to be out there late at night.”
“Sometimes that's when I can get the most work done, when it's late and it's quiet.”
“What are your plans for the day?”
“I'm going to the grocery store, the cleaners, and then a few shops ... the usual routine. But right now I'm just lounging around, trying to catch up on some sleep. I'm actually still in bed.”
Ted knew it was highly unusual for his super-energetic wife to be in the house on a Saturday afternoon, let alone in bed. This had to mean that she'd reached her limit. He wished he could be there for her, because he knew his mother's death had caused a deluge of stress for her as well. She'd been restless and worried, losing sleep because she was concerned about his mental state, as well as that of their daughter. And he knew she was still obsessing about the explanation he'd given her about his mother's secret, not fully convinced that he was telling the truth.
Ted didn't want Victoria to doubt him. He knew she was a smart woman and could see when something wasn't right, especially in matters affecting her family. And he knew she wasn't going to let it rest until she eventually got to the bottom of things.
“How're you doing?” she asked, sounding a little more awake.
“I'm fine. Just sitting here in the hotel, going over some reports.”
“Have you and Lilly gotten everything taken care of?”
Ted didn't miss a beat. “Um, yeah, pretty much.”