Intercepted (22 page)

I don’
t
go to swim camp. Every day Jamie and I wait on the front steps of our house.
Jamie keeps saying mom will come back for us and although I know she isn
’
t, I can
’
t squash
the little hope he has left. One day it is really cold when we go out. We sit
for a long time. Jamie is shaking hard and I tell him we should go in. He won
’
t listen so I grab his face and yell that mom is
a selfish person and she isn
’
t coming
back. Jamie cries himself to sleep for I don
’
t know how many nights. Until one day he wakes up
and the light in his eyes is gone. He stops smiling.

As the memories invade me, so does the hatred. I have hated that woman
every day since the day she left. I hated her for me and for Jamie and for Dad.
Dad never lost hope. He forgave her, and so did Jamie.

Not me.

It took so long for the pain to ease.

Maybe it never did.

I have never openly talked about this to anyone. Not even Pete. But I
need Natalia to know the truth. I need her to know that I would love her if I
could.

I drive back to her apartment. The lights are off, but I can
’
t leave until I do what I came here to do.

I knock on the door and within minutes it swings open. Her eyes are
swollen and red rimmed. Her lip trembles and she shakes her head.

“Jake…”

Before she has time to say anything I let the words out in a torrent. I
don
’
t even come in. I stand at her threshold afraid
that if I take one step in I won
’
t be
able to go through with this. I grip the door frame to stop the shaking. My
breaths are coming out in broken gasps as I fight for control.

I tell her everything about that day. About my mother leaving, about
Jamie and Dad. About the misery she left us in. I don
’
t stop until she knows everything I
’
ve been storing about my past.

“I saw how my father
’
s life faded
away every single day. I can still see the look in his eyes. The heartbreak. He
always told me he never regretted loving her. He said some people are broken
and can
’
t cope with the pain. He said
my mother loved us, but she was ill and not equipped to be a mother. I hated
her. Every day. I promised myself I would never let a woman do that to me.”

 
Natalia watches me with wide
eyes and leans on the door, winded. Tears stream down her cheeks. She
’
s trying to stifle her sobs, but her body is
shaking.

“I love you, Jake. I am not her.”

The words cut through me.

No.

I turn around and take the stairs two at a time.

Chapter 29:
Natalia

I fall face down on my bed. Part of me knew this day was coming. That
part has been preparing, storing up numbness for precisely this moment. The
rest of me is raw with shear pain. It
’
s like I
’
m being burned alive. The day that plastic chick
opened Marc
’
s door was only a shred of what
I feel right now. A full room of words wouldn
’
t be enough to describe it.

So I don
’
t even try.

I cry most of the night until I finally have no tears left. In the
morning, I step around Zack who is sound asleep on the living room couch. I am
glad he is here. It will help me be strong if Jake decides to come back to
persuade me, the way he always does. Although this time I know there
’
s no coming back for me.

When Zack wakes up we go out for breakfast. He knows something is up
because I have not taken my sunglasses off even though the sun hasn
’
t yet made an appearance.

“Shitty night?” he says, taking a bite of his waffles.

“More like shitty six months.”

“That bad, huh? You and Aquaman having problems?”

I ignore his joke and push my food around with my fork. “We broke up.”

“Fucker. Seriously? I knew that guy couldn
’
t be trusted. He better not show his face at your
place. What
’
he do?”

“Nothing. That
’
s just it. No
future.”

“Shit. Well, better now than later then, Nati.”

“I need to get a grip, Zack.” I mutter. “First Marc, then Jake. I can
’
t let guys drive my life. I need to be the one at
the wheel.”

We finish our breakfast and I feel like going back to bed, but I don
’
t want to ruin Zack
’
s short visit. Dani spent the night with Dillon.
She comes by in the morning when she finds out what happened. She hugs me while
I have a crying fit after I find one of Jake
’
s T-shirts in my laundry basket. She says Jake
has been out of the apartment last night and when he showed up in the morning
he looked like shit. The fact that Jake is miserable too should comfort me, but
it doesn
’
t.

Sydney calls me a few times to talk, but I tell her I need a few days. I
can
’
t talk about Jake.

Zack and Dani go shopping and I spend the morning at the beach on my own.
I think of all the things that have happened over the last few months. Where
did it all go wrong?

That evening Zack and I go out for beers with some people from work.
Charlie and Zack hit it off right away. It is good to be around people and it
temporarily distracts me from my own thoughts. My work is the only place where
there are no memories of Jake.

Outside of work, Jake is everywhere.

Chapter 30:
Jake

The first rays of sun stretch from afar. The sky goes from black to
indigo and the soothing sound of the waves wakes me. I get up, stiff from hours
without moving, and head back to my apartment for a shower. Today will be a
busy day at the shop and I am vaguely relieved it will keep my mind busy.

But as the day advances, focusing on anything becomes fucking impossible.
I do the inventory but have to count the same things two and three times and I
’
m pretty sure my employees think I
’
m a complete moron.

By the time I close the shop all I want is to get drunk. I buy a bottle
of
Glenlivet
at the liquor store and head back toward the
beach. I don
’
t want to be in my apartment in
case Dillon and Dani are there. The beach does not allow alcohol, so I roam
around in my car without a better plan. Before I know it I am crossing the
Coronado bridge.

I park at the corner of her apartment and kill the engine. The lights are
off, so she must be out. Did she already move on? The thought of her at a bar laughing
at some prick
’
s jokes makes my blood boil.
Maybe she
’
s with that fucker she works
with, Charlie. I can
’
t stand the
guy, always hovering around her. I take a swig and welcome the burn of the
alcohol as it slides down my throat. I take another long drink, then another. I
stop before it
’
s too late and I
’
m too drunk to drive.

She comes home after one in the morning. I watch her get out of a cab
with Zack and make a tipsy line to her apartment. At least she
’
s with Zack. He
’
s protective and probably kept all the assholes
in the bar away from her.

I get out of the car without any idea of what I am doing next. I just
want to see her. Know she
’
s okay.

No. That
’
s not it.

I want to see that she
’
s
not
okay. I know that if she sees me I may have a chance to put this back together.

We can
’
t be over.
Brilliant plan,
asshole.

Zack opens the door and asks me what the fuck I
’
m doing there.
Good question
. He looks pissed and his eyes narrow when I don
’
t respond right away. I tell him I need to see
Natalia. He tells me to fuck off and when I try to push past him he clutches my
shirt and before I can blink his fist snaps against my jaw in a whiplash. I
fall back a few steps, but manage to grip the handrail. I want to take him out,
but he
’
s protecting her from me, which is exactly what
she needs right now.

A second later she appears at the door wearing only a T-shirt. A fucking
tornado thrashes my chest. The last time she wore that she was in my bed and I
was wrapped around her. Her eyes are wide and red rimmed, her hair falling over
her shoulders in an untamed mess. She looks beautiful. I can see the conflict
in her expression and I want to tell her we can work this out. She belongs with
me.

But Zack pulls her back into the apartment and slams the door before I
can take a step and scoop her in my arms.

Chapter 31:
Natalia

There
’
s a knock on the door and Zack
goes to it.

Jake.

Then the distinct sound of a fist against flesh. I bolt to the door and
Jake is down a few steps, his body half bent forward as he holds his jaw. Blood
is trickling down from the corner of his mouth.

“Get the fuck out,” Zack growls, then grips my shirt and pulls me back
inside with him as he slams the door.

“Don
’
t cave, Nati. You deserve
better than him.” He pulls me into his arms. I nod against his chest because he
’
s right.

I take a sleeping pill and don
’
t wake
up till the next morning when Zack shakes me.

“Your alarm
’
s been going off for the last
five minutes, Nati.”

I rush through my morning routine and go to work while Zack and Dani go
paddle boarding with Dillon.

I am glad to lose myself in the fast-paced environment of the kitchen.
Charlie doesn
’
t ask me how I
’
m doing and I am relieved. I told him about my
breakup with Jake last night and he seemed concerned about me. He
’
s more attentive than normal and I tell him I
need him to challenge me and stop treating me like a baby. Charlie smiles and
tells me he
’
ll make me wish I had never
said that.

The next morning Zack, Dani and I cross the Mexican border and drive an
hour to Rosarito, a touristy little town on the beach. We spend my two days off
having margaritas and street tacos. It is a welcome change of scenery with no
memories from the past. It is good to be with my friends and finally celebrate
our graduation from cooking school. The atmosphere is light and Mexicans are
friendly and unconcerned in general. The three of us leave everything behind
and have a good time.

Zack leaves and without him the apartment feels empty. On the days that
follow, Dani spends most of my time off with me and away from Dillon. I don
’
t want her to worry about me, so I assure her I
will be fine. The best thing for me right now is to focus on work and not dwell
on what happened with Jake.

She and Dillon leave to San Francisco a few days after and even though I
will miss her, I am glad to be alone with nothing that connects me with Jake.

Syd and I talk on the phone a lot and a few times she drags me out to
dinner. I don
’
t ask her about Jake and she
doesn
’
t bring it up. Our conversations stay around the
club and the latest gossip in the kitchen. It is only inches at a time, but I
slowly feel like I am moving forward.

The days turn into weeks with a slow, automated rhythm and before I know
it, a whole month has gone by since the last time I saw Jake at my door.
Sometimes when I come home at night I feel like he
’
s somewhere close by. But it is always my
imagination playing tricks. Jake is gone. The only noise in the air are the
Sycamores shaking their leaves as they prepare for the fall.

I only have a month left in the internship. They will announce the winner
of the permanent position in the staff in the next two weeks. Charlie and I are
neck to neck and even though Chef Pierre favors me, the management loves
Charlie. He
’
s got that charisma that makes
everyone instantly like him.

On the days before the announcement of the position, I push myself beyond
my limits. I want this job bad. I also send my resumé to a couple dozen hotels
in the area. Chef Pierre is being very tight lipped about the whole thing, but
has agreed to give me letters of recommendation after I beg. If something can
help get me a job it is Chef Pierre
’
s
reputation.

On the day of the Chef
’
s
announcement Charlie and I stand side to side next to the rest of the interns.
He reaches for my hand and squeezes it. My heart is racing and I feel like I am
about to pass out. There is no oxygen in this kitchen and I don
’
t know why Chef Pierre and the hotel manager are
taking so goddamn long to put us out of our misery.

The general manager thanks us for our immeasurable dedication and all the
hard work we have given to the hotel during our internship. All I hear is Blah,
blah, blah, position, and blah, blah permanent and blah staff and…
Charlie Hunt.

Charlie.

Not
me.

I turn around to hug him and he simultaneously does the same. Then he
pulls away and presses his forehead to mine.

“
Fuckdammit
,” he mutters. I smile because Charlie never swears.

“You fucking earned it, Charlie,” I tell him.

Charlie gets ambushed by the rest of the staff and shakes hands with Chef
Pierre and the management who take turns congratulating him and welcoming him
to the staff.

I am disappointed but it is hard to surrender to that feeling when I lost
to Charlie. I am genuinely happy for him, despite what this means for me. Chef
Pierre gives me an embrace and tells me he is saddened to see me go. “I wanted
it to be you,” he says. And I believe him. He assures me he has made some calls
on my behalf and I thank him with a heavy heart. I hold the tears until I get
home.

Then I let it all out.

The two reasons why I came to the U.S. have ended up in grand failures.
Both Marc and a job working with Chef Pierre are now bleached out dreams. For
the first time since I left Aspen I think of Marc and all the plans we once
made together. Then I think of Jake and the plans we never made. Which was
worse?

No. I
’
m not going there.

I have to keep going forward. Having worked under
Chef Pierre will open doors for me.

I can
’
t let this be it.

I have two weeks left of the internship and start my interviews. The next
day I have the first one at a hotel in Del Mar and have a few more lined up on
the next three weeks.

The interview in Del Mar goes well and I meet with the Executive Chef. He
is a close friend of Chef Pierre
’
s and I
hope that helps. If I don
’
t find a job
in the next three weeks I will have to go back home to Buenos Aires. The
thought depresses me. I have fallen in love with San Diego and I want to find a
job here.

Charlie and I walk out as the day ends. The staff is going out for drinks
later and he
’
s making his case to get me to
come. I am about to agree, but then look up and my heart jumps into my mouth. I
skid to a halt.

Marc.

He
’
s standing at the curb, leaning
on his black Maserati.
Shit
.

Charlie
’
s eyes are now locked on Marc,
too. Or on his car, I
’
m not sure.

“You know him? Sweet ride.”

“Yeah,” I mutter. Marc smiles at me and shrugs. I look up at Charlie and
I think he sees the confusion in my expression.

“You okay?”

I nod. “See you later, alright?”

He answers with a nod and watches me as I make my way to my ex. Marc
’
s black hair is neatly trimmed, the way it always
is, with that carefully crafted disheveled look. Everything about Marc is
stylish and refined. I used to love that about him.

He cuts the rest of the distance and pulls me into a hug, then kisses my
cheek. The familiar scent of his Ralph Lauren perfume greets me. The whole
time, I am in a trance.

“What are you doing here?”

His eyes soften. I had forgotten how pale they are, like crushed ice.

“I wanted to see you. Is that… okay?”

I eye him for a moment, then nod. “Okay.”

“Wanna go for a drink?”

I say yes and he opens the car door for me. We drive a few blocks to a
small restaurant nearby. I am pleased because it is probably one of the only
places in the island where I haven
’
t been
with Jake. We sit at a small table by the window. The whole time Marc makes
easy conversation and I half-listen while I rake my brain as to why he is here.
I think he sees that in my eyes because his hand reaches for mine over the
table.

“I
’
m here for the weekend. I have
rented a sailboat. I thought maybe we could spend some time together, the way
we used to before it all went to hell. We can talk.”

“Marc. I…”

“Come on. Give me two days. We can just be… friends. Are you working
tomorrow?”

I shake my head No.

“Say Yes. I know you love sailing.”

I look out the window. I did… do love sailing. That used to be our thing.
We would get on his sailboat and would go away for long weekends at a time, or
sometimes just long enough to catch the sunset. We snuggled together watching
the sky darken while we made plans to go around the world.

“Alright.” I turn to look at him and his answering smile is dazzling.

We end up having dinner, too. Marc talks about his work projects and I
listen, glad with the distraction from my own life. He
’
s with a new agency and is excited about the new
accounts he
’
s managing. They are mainly pro
athletes and he gets to travel around the world.

Afterwards he takes me home and we make plans for him to pick me up early
the next morning. He is staying at a hotel downtown and the sailboat he rented
is up the coast at the Dana Point marina. I tell him I am tired and don
’
t invite him in. I am still not sure how I feel
about him being here. I guess I
’
ll have
two days to find out.

He pulls me into his arms and inhales into my hair. “I miss you, Nati.”

I close my eyes, knowing that the next two days will either be one more
curveball life throws at me, or a brand new chance.