Authors: J Q Anderson
“Explain?” I let out a humorless chuckle.
He exhales a sharp breath. “It doesn
’
t mean anything, Nati. I
’
m in love with you. This just…
Shit
.” He
presses his forehead against the edge of the door.
I hate it when guys say that when they get caught cheating. ‘It didn
’
t mean anything.
’
Because it does.
“It means
everything
, Marc. It means you are a cheating, fucking
lying son of a bitch. I want nothing to do with you. Ever.” I whip around and
rush down the steps to the street. He catches up with me and grips my arm. I
yank it off and give him a murderous glare. He lets go.
“Please, Nati. Please don
’
t go.
Let
’
s talk about this.”
“
I don’
t want to fucking talk to
you. Ever again,” I snarl. Tears fill my eyes and spill. My words make him take
a step back. He
’
s looking at me with a mix of
regret and desperation.
“Please. I don
’
t want you to
leave. We can go somewhere else and talk.”
“No.” I turn around and set off toward the street.
“Nati, please.” He is following me and for the first time I notice he
’
s wearing boxers under his shirt and he
’
s barefoot. I hope he steps on a rusted nail.
“Will you stop?”
I whip around. “Get the fuck away from me.”
“Where are you going?”
“Back to the fucking airport.”
“Nati. Please. It
’
s late. Just…
wait until tomorrow.”
“Fuck you, Marc. I hope you and butt-lips are fucking happy together.”
“Goddammit, Nati. Fucking stop for a second so we can have a proper
conversation about this.” He snatches my elbow and I try to shake him off, but
he
’
s gripping me hard.
“Let go,” I snap.
“
Stop
walking
,” he growls.
“What seems to be the problem?” A cop steps out of a deli. He
’
s looking at Marc under a frown. His eyes dart
down, taking in his half-dressed appearance, then stop on the hand that is
gripping my elbow.
“Everything okay, ma
’
am?” His eyes
are now on me. I look at Marc with flared nostrils and I almost smile.
Fuck
you, asshole.
“No. I need a taxi.” I lock eyes with the cop and he nods once, then
looks at Marc.
“I sure hope you have somewhere else to be, or you will get a free ride
to the station.”
Marc lets go of me and shakes his head. His eyes search mine. “We need to
talk.”
“
I don’
t need to talk to you. I
need a taxi to the airport.”
The cop gives Marc a pointed look and he turns around, looking defeated.
I watch his cheating ass retrieve and my throat thickens. I don
’
t want to cry in front of the cop. He will feel
bad and may not want to let me go, and right now I need to be in a fucking
plane that will take me away from Marc and this hollow city with no soul.
“Are you okay? Was that man bothering you?”
I shake my head. “No. I just want to get a taxi, please.”
He eyes me warily and waits until a cab drives by, then hails it. As I
slide in he tells me to take care and I thank him.
Life is laughing at me from above because there are no departing flights
to Aspen until tomorrow morning. I walk to a sitting area and curl up in a
corner, pulling my knees up. I feel numb. Cold from the inside. I vaguely
wonder if this is all a nightmare and Dani is about to shake me awake.
I miss Dani and Zack.
My phone rings and I turn it off when I see Marc
’
s name on the screen. I hope he fucking burns in
cheaters
’
hell.
I close my eyes and think about Jake and how ironic it is that it was I
who felt sorry for him. I now realize how much wiser his theory is. If I hadn
’
t put myself out there, if I hadn
’
t trusted Marc, this wouldn
’
t have happened. Tango
’
s voice barges in my thoughts
‘
You can
’
t outsmart getting hurt, Princess.
’
He always called me Princess. I start to cry,
pressing my forehead to my knees to force the cutting memory away. I haven
’
t felt this alone since that day. The day I found
out Tango had left me alone in this shell of a world. I miss him.
I walk around the airport and fall asleep a couple of times in the
waiting areas by the gates, but the seats are rigid and uncomfortable.
By the time my flight boards at five in the morning I am exhausted. I
turn my phone back on, knowing Marc will most likely be asleep and won
’
t call me. I have a few voicemails and seventeen
text messages from him, most of them starting with ‘Please
’
and ‘Sorry.
’
I
delete them without reading them. Dani also sent a text asking how my reunion
with Marc went. I shake my head. She
’
ll be
thrilled when I tell her Marc is a lying cheating prick and she gets to say ‘I
told you so.
’
I am asleep before we take off and the last image I see in my head is
Jake smiling.
Chapter 12:
Jake
The bartender at the Cardiff Shack slides me a beer and I raise my glass
for a toast with my contractor. All the plans have been approved and this
afternoon the landlord and I signed the rest of the paperwork. The property for
the surf shop is now mine. I can
’
t help
the grin on my face and the first thought that comes to my mind is Natalia. I
want to tell her. I know she
’
ll be happy
for me. I dismiss the thought and take a long swig of cold beer.
Two hours later I am back at Pete
’
s house.
He and I became friends when we both made the National team during my water
polo days. Pete is married to Sydney, another retired water polo athlete and
they have a baby. They live in Cardiff and own a small club in Del Mar where
Pete coaches young athletes. He
’
s asked
me to work with him many times. My gold medal is a great marketing tool for his
club and I know it would be fun, but my chosen profession as a male escort
could be a liability for Pete and I don
’
t want
to bring that on him and Sydney. Pete knows what I do and says he doesn
’
t care, and although I kind of love him for that,
I
’
d rather not put him at risk. He
’
s convinced me to run short clinics now and then,
and in exchange I get to crash at his house whenever I come to San Diego.
“If you move to Cardiff, I
’
m
S.O.L., Jake. Does that mean I
’
ll have
to start paying you for the winter clinics?” He laughs.
“No. I have fun doing it. Brings back good memories.”
“Yeah, it does.” He grins. “Too bad you can
’
t tap into my club for new clients. There are so
many divorcés. Pisses Syd off sometimes. They
’
re ruthless.” He shakes his head.
I laugh. “You better look out man, that
’
s how I started.”
“I wish.” He grins. “I
’
d be making money
instead of breaking even. So how
’
s it all
going to work out now that you are a
legitimate business owner
?” He
smirks.
“I
’
m actually thinking about
retiring.”
“Right.”
“I
’
m serious.”
He gives me a long look.
“I can
’
t do this forever, Pete.
Besides, it
’
s starting to get old. Women
get clingy after a while and I feel like an asshole every time I
’
m forced to face them with the fact that what we
have is nothing more than a business transaction.”
Pete whistles through his teeth and shakes his head.
“What?” I frown.
“What
’
s her name?” He watches me like
he just figured out my magic trick. Pete is the only person I can talk to
openly. He doesn
’
t judge and has no filter when
it comes to giving his opinion, which I like and respect about him. But in this
moment I fucking hate that he can see right through me. I hang on to my pride
and pretend.
“Whose name?”
He grins and shakes his head. “Wow, Jake. I never thought I
’
d see the day when a chick grounded you. Tell me
her fucking name, man.”
I shrug. “
Doesn
’
t matter. She
’
s engaged.”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah.” I sigh. “I
’
ve never met
anyone like her, though. She
’
s fun, but
witty and kind of jagged at times. Street smart, too, and you should see her
playing poker.”
“Shit, dude.” He laughs. “This is serious.”
I look up at him and realize that for the first time in my life I just
admitted out loud that I
’
m genuinely
interested in someone. Pete is watching me with amusement, having come to the
same realization.
“What are you going to do?” he asks.
I look up and lock eyes with him.
“Fight.”
Chapter 13:
Natalia
:
It is mid morning by the time I get back to the lodge. Dani is most
likely at the gym or skiing. I scurry in, keeping my head down as I follow the
hallway to my room. It is empty and I am relieved. I go to the bathroom to
brush my teeth and flinch when I look in the mirror. My eyes are swollen and
red-rimmed and there are streaks of dry mascara on my cheeks.
And the Oscar
for most pathetic goes to…
Natalia Prinz.
I pull a sweatshirt over my head then sink into my bed, curling into a
ball. Dani wakes me up sometime later when she opens the door to the room and
turns the light on.
“Oh, shit. You scared the hell out of me. What are you doing here? I
thought you weren
’
t
coming back till tomorrow.
”
I groan.
“What happened,” she says in a sharper tone.
I turn around in my bed and look up at her. She is dressed in gym
clothes, her arms crossed over her chest.
“Bad trip,” I say.
She erases the distance and sits beside me on the bed. “Tell me. What
happened.”
I sit up against the headboard and stare through the window at the snow
outside. “A fucking Barbie stuffed with collagen opened Marc
’
s door wearing only his Roger Daltrey T-shirt.”
“Fucking son of a bitch.” Dani
’
s eyes
narrow as she shakes her head and lets out a sharp breath.
“Yup. That sums it up.”
She pulls me into her arms and squeezes me tight. The thickness in my
throat swells again.
“I
’
m sorry, Natalia.”
“You were right about him, Dani. Now you get to say you told me so.
“No, Nati. I
’
m a cynic. That doesn
’
t make me right, just skeptical and untrusting in
general. But Marc is a fucking prick.” She pulls me at arm
’
s length. “This doesn
’
t change anything for you, right? You are still
going on the internship like you planned.”
I shrug. “
I don’
t know. Maybe. Right now I
really can
’
t think straight. Everything I
thought I wanted went to shit, Dani.”
“No. It didn
’
t.
Marc
went to shit.
The rest of your life is intact. Take a few days to shake this off and keep
going. Fuck Marc. You can still do this, Nati.”
I rub my eyes and let her words slip. I am in complete shut-down mode.
Nothing penetrates. I guess I will have to think about what this all means
later. Right now I just want to go back to sleep. I tell her that and she eyes
me for a long moment, then nods.
“Zack and I are going out tonight. Derek has a friend in town and they
’
re throwing a party.”
“I think I
’
ll just stay here, Dani. I
’
m really tired.”
She leaves me be and heads to the shower. When she comes back from her
shift a few hours later, it
’
s past eleven. I can
’
t believe how much I slept and how tired I still
am. Dani insists I go to the party, but I tell her I just want to go back to
sleep.
And I do.
I wake up early on Sunday morning. It
’
s a little past seven and the sun is beginning to
stretch behind the mountains. On the desk, my phone shows ten missed calls from
Marc and a new list of text messages from him. I turn the power off and toss it
on my bed, then peek through the blinds of our small window. The sky is a
canvas of pink and indigo. It is really breathtaking. Dani is still asleep and
I don
’
t wake her, knowing she probably came back only a
couple of hours ago. I quietly get into my ski clothes. I pick up my ski boots
and hesitate for a moment, contemplating taking them to the dumpster instead. I
don
’
t want anything that reminds me of Marc. But then
I decide I won
’
t let him fuck with my life any
more than he already has. The ski boots stay.
Derek is at the lower chair getting ready to open when I show up with my
skis on my shoulder. He
’
s surprised
to see me, but smiles.
“Early bird gets the worm. You missed one hell of a poker game last
night.”
I give him a small smile. “I figured you needed to grow your savings,
Derek.”
His answering grin lights up his whole face. “I did. Liam was sick and
Zack pulled out after the first round. I made a hundred bucks.”
“That
’
s great,” I mumble. “Are you
opening this soon?” I say, clipping my boots into my skis.
“Yup. All ready for ya.” He presses a few buttons inside the small cabin
and the chair lift comes to life. I wait at the mark, then slide into the seat
that approaches.
“Later,” I say, lowering my goggles. He smiles at me and waves, watching
me as I get lifted off the base.
The mountain is deserted. As the chair makes its leisure journey to the
summit I lean my helmet against the side bar, watching the waking sun gleam on
the snow. The valley looks almost like a child
’
s picture of winter, pine trees covered in new
snow underneath white mountain peaks. Once I reach the top I slide off the
chair and take a lung full of chilled air. I am the only skier so far and I can
’
t help thinking that I am as alone and cold out
here as I feel inside.
With Marc out of the picture I don
’
t know
what my future will be. Dread swims in my stomach. I know he is feeling like
shit and that I should probably do the mature thing by answering his calls so
we can talk this through. But I already know there is nothing he can say to
change what happened. To me, cheating in a relationship is out of the equation
completely. Even if I eventually forgave him, I don
’
t think I could ever trust him again. And an
adult conversation is not going to change the fact that he is a cheating prick.
So to hell with that.
The other chair lifts are still not open, so my only option at the moment
is to ski down the back of the mountain to the base. It will take a little over
an hour and there are several areas where I can find powder. I am craving the
physical exertion to derail the weight in my chest.
As I go down the second black diamond, I am faced with the Women
’
s Downhill run. I stop at the top and watch the
snow disappear behind a steep narrow path downhill and into the first sharp
turn. I stare at it for a long moment, my panting breaths coming out in broken
vapor. My hands grip the poles and I clench my teeth, then squeeze my eyes shut
as the panic churns in my stomach, raising in a cold chill up my back.
Dammit
.
Once again it beats me. And I can
’
t.
I push myself off to the side and cut across the trail, leaving the Women
’
s Downhill and the sour memories from that night,
behind.
By the time I make it back to the base my legs are shaking. I welcome the
sensation and drop onto a bench by the employee entrance to catch my breath. I
remove my helmet and gloves and unbuckle my ski boots. My hair is stuck to my
face with sweat and my face is wet from the melting snow I picked up on the way
down. I lean back on the wall and let the burn in my muscles expand. Shane
steps out of the lodge and lights up a cigarette.
Fuckdammit
. These guys
and their smokes. He turns and takes in my appearance, frowning.
“Did you just come back from the top?”
I answer with a nod.
“Shit. Take it easy. You look like you dove straight into the powder.”
I shrug. “It was fun.”
“How fast were you going? The base hasn
’
t been open that long.”
“
I don’
t know. See you later.” I
push myself off the bench and the muscles in my legs scream when I reach down
for my helmet and gloves. Shane watches me leave, shaking his head.
I ask Lane if I can take my shift back. I
’
ll go crazy without work to keep me busy. I tell
her I
’
ll still work Monday and Tuesday like we agreed
and will switch my days off with another girl. She seems happy with the new
arrangement. I consider going to the pool, but the idea of being in that death
trap by myself depresses me, so I go over to the tubing area and help Melanie
and Jessica, who I know will welcome a change in their routine. They take turns
getting hot chocolate while I look after their station, selling overpriced
tickets to a group of rich teens.
That night my shift is a
blur. I just zombie through it. Dani rescues me a couple of times when she
realizes I
’
ve mixed up two of the orders.
Zack is already up to speed with the Marc situation, compliments of Dani. Most
of the time Zack is like well water. His emotions are secured behind the iron
front he puts up. But I know better. Behind that front is a mercurial temper
and anyone that pisses Zack off doesn
’
t do it
a second time. Marc is the newest member of his shit list. Zack shakes his head
as he fills my drink order.
“What I wouldn
’
t give to get
my hands on that fucker,” he mutters.
“That
’
s sweet of you, Zack. But let
’s just
… not talk about it, okay? Keep me distracted.” I
force a smile and after a long pause he gives me a nod.
A group dressed in ski clothes slides into a table in my section. They are
peeling off their jackets and gear, shaking off the helmet hairdos. I pick up
my tray and head in their direction to take their order. One of the girls has
her arm around a guy
’
s neck and
she leans over for a kiss. I have to look away, because right now watching a
couple happily in love makes me want to hit someone. For all I know the guy she
’
s kissing is a cheater, like Marc.
Jesus
.
I
’
m starting to sound like those women who think
all men are bastards. Even though at the moment I think most of them are.
As they order their drinks, one of the guys appraises me so bluntly you
’
d think I
’
m naked.
I want to swat him with my tray, but I refrain because I need my job more than
ever, so I ignore him.
I return with the drinks and the same guy tries to get my attention,
asking me if I know what the best night time runs are. I tell him I have no
idea, even though I know the mountain like the back of my hand. Screw him. He
’
s probably a cheater, too. Crap, I
am
angry. Maybe a day off from work wouldn
’
t be a
bad idea if I don
’
t want to get fired.
They order appetizers and I let them know I
’
ll be back shortly. Luckily my other tables are
just a group of women and two older couples.
A few minutes later I load the food onto my tray and head over toward the
first group. As I approach, I see the guy that was kissing the girl before,
standing next to her. Whatever he is saying to her is holding her full
attention, as well as the attention of the whole table. I
’
m vaguely curious and keep my eyes on him. Then
he suddenly drops to one knee. I freeze to my spot.
No he
’
s not.
His back is to me and even though I don
’
t see his face, I know he
’
s smiling as he retrieves something from his
pocket. Then the four words I hate the most in this world come out of his
mouth.
Will.
You.
Marry.
Me.
I can
’
t breathe. My throat is swollen
shut and I
’
m pretty sure now that this is
a nightmare. One of those where you show up to school naked and everyone
laughs. I know it is that dream because the whole lounge is now staring at me.
My eyes, wide with shock, sweep the room, then flicker to my feet, which are
now covered with a slimy substance that looks a lot like the buffalo chicken
sauce from the appetizer I was carrying a minute ago. Dani appears at my side
and takes quick inventory of the situation. Her expression falls when she sees
the guy still on one knee.
“Jesus. Let
’
s go,” she says.
I say nothing and let her pull me away as one of the other
waitresses
approaches with a broom.