I am America (and so can you!) (85 page)
Read I am America (and so can you!) Online
Authors: Stephen Colbert,Rich Dahm,Paul Dinello,Allison Silverman
Tags: #United States, #Political culture, #Humor, #Form, #Political, #Television comedies, #General, #Topic, #Television personalities, #Colbert Report (Television program), #Social values, #Political satire; American, #Essays, #American wit and humor
Looks are…
a. important to me
b. very important to me
c. just plain empirically important
d. not important to me (blind from birth.)
I tend to think…
a. outside the box
b. inside the box
c. directly on the box
d. near a box
I tend to see the glass as…
a. half empty
b. half full
c. a handy weapon in a bar fight
My goals in the bedroom:
a. Be fruitful
b. Multiply
If I assassinated any president, it would have been…
a. McKinley
b. Garfield
c. Lincoln
d. Martin Sheen
How satisfied am I with my looks?
a. Very
b. Smugly
What would I do for love?
a. Anything
b. Not that
If I were a character in an A
·
yn Rand novel, I d be…
a. Howard Roark
b. Ellsworth Tooey
c. The guy from
d. A total jerk
Anthem
If I were a member of the Supreme Court, and a tree, and a dessert topping, I·d be...
a. Samuel Alito / Oak / Hot Fudge
b. John Roberts /Ash / Butterscotch
c. Steven Breyer / Pine / Chocolate Jimmies
d. Clarence Thomas / Sycamore / Antonin Scalia
Mouth capacity:
a. Five eggs
b. Twelve marshmallows
c. Ten ping-pong balls
d. Fist
e. 16 fl. oz. (jaw wired shut)
99
