Family Ties (Hidden Secrets) (19 page)

“
Ma’am? You’re here.” The cab driver said breaking me from my thoughts.

“
Oh thank you.” I climbed out paid him and walked around the lot looking for exactly what I needed.  That’s when I saw it and I knew what I needed to do.

An
eager salesman walked up then. “What are you in for miss?”

“
I want that,” I said pointing to the Super Duty Super cab Ford F350 standard bed pickup truck then walked inside giving him no time to laugh at me for my choice.

Once
I squared everything away with the truck, I drove off on a mission. He may have lied to me, may have even broke my heart but I’ll be damned if I let him take the one thing from me that I have always dreamed of doing.

A
few hours later, I stood on my own property. My own ranch in the making. Taking a deep breath I spun around with a smile on my face for the first time in a week. Love may be out of the picture, but I will have work to put it all out of my mind. Turning around, I looked at the shack on the property. I call it a shack because it was barely big enough to really live in.

The
realtor told me that it was temporary housing for the last people that owned it while they had their main house built, but they ran out of money before they could do it. I walked up on the porch, unlocked the door and walked inside.

It
was small, but it would do for now until I could come up with an idea of what I wanted. Actually I kind of liked it. It was big enough that I didn’t feel cramped, but small enough that it gave no illusions that more people could show up or stay. There was a living room area, a small kitchen, a bathroom and one bedroom. Smiling, it would do just fine.

Walking
to my bedroom, I placed my bag on the bed and opened the small closet finding hangers inside. Opening my bag I began to hang my clothes. It was reaching in my bag that I remembered about the package that Tobey had Jacks give me. Sitting down, I stared at the package like it was some kind of ticking time bomb. I guess in a way it was considering whatever was in here could really break me.

Just
as I was about to open it my cellphone went off. Grabbing it quickly, I answered without paying attention to the caller ID.

“
Hello?” Nothing was said. “Hello?” I said again.

“
I didn’t think you’d answer,” came a shaken voice on the other end.

Pulling
the phone away from my ear, I looked at the ID. I didn’t need to look to know who was on the line. It was Tobey. Just hearing his voice had tears pooling in my eyes. Dammit! I’ve cried so much lately. It is so unlike me to get this worked up.

“
I didn’t look at the caller ID,” I answered honestly.

“
Yeah I kind of figured,” he said sadly.

“
Look I need to go. I’m real busy.”

“
Please Mary wait. Please.” He pleaded and it damn near broke my heart more.

“
What Tobey? What do you want?” I answered irritated.

“
I just want to make sure you’re okay. I, uh, sent you a text a week ago. I-”

“
Yeah I saw that you sent it. I haven’t read it and I’m not sure I will.”

He
sighed heavily. “Yeah. Okay.” He paused. “Mary?”

It
was my turn to sigh. “What?” I asked barely holding my tears at bay.

Just
hearing his voice was enough to do me in, but hearing how sad he sounded killed me more.

“
I’m so sorry. Every day I hate myself more and more for what I’ve done. Hurting you kills me inside. I miss you so much.” His voice falters. “I love you, Mary.”

“
I have to go.” With that I hung up the phone, clutching the phone to my chest and cried.

Once
I had gotten myself under control again, I went about cleaning my house.

** *** *** ** *** *** **

A very long two weeks have passed since buying my ranch. I still couldn’t bring myself to come up with a plan for a house. I have however bought a horse. I’ve named him Secrets. It is a reminder to what they can do to you. In the two weeks I’ve lived out here, I’ve made amends with my mom, Jason and Eli. Though I told them that it would take time for me to get past it completely, I’m at least talking to them again.

Today
I had set that I was going to run the property fencing to make sure it was all intact before I considered buying more horses or even some cows. I haven’t fully decided. But when I woke this morning I was just not going anywhere but to the doctors.

I
was very adamant about making it to the doctors if I was sick because that meant I wasn’t able to work. And if I wasn’t working, my nightmare happened. So I made my way into town to the doctors.

For
the first time in a long time, I was in and out rather quickly. Usually it was sit in the waiting room for a few hours, see you for two minutes then send you on your way kind of appointment. Not today.

As
I walked back into my house I was just stunned. As if my life wasn’t in shambles already, let’s add this on top of it all. Shaking my head, I tried to wrap my head around what was happening. Was someone laughing at me right now? My heart is in shambles, I’m barely making it through a day so let’s make me pregnant by the guy that broke my world apart.

“
Dammit!” I screamed loudly.

Sleep.
I just need to go to sleep. Crawling up in bed laying my head down, the tears silently fell dampening my pillow. It was in the blur of my tears that I saw the box still sitting on the floor that I had yet to open. On shaky legs I walk over, grab it, before climbing back into bed. Before I could talk myself out of it, I ripped open the box. What I saw inside made my tears fall faster.

An
iPod. With a note that said,
I can’t fix everything I broke, I know that but I’d like to try anyway. I love you. Tobey

That
had me reaching for my phone. If I’m going to put myself through hell it might as well be all at one time, right? Reading through the message, I found it hard to catch my breath. It wasn’t until I reached the last part of his message that the gut wrenching sobs I have held in since walking away from Tobey emerged.

I
hope you read this. I can’t explain how sorry I am and how badly I miss you. Every bit of pain, sorrow, loss and loneliness I feel from this day forward, I deserve but you don’t. Please don’t keep yourself from being happy because I screwed up. I love you. ~Tobey~

God
I missed him. For the first time since I left, I opened up his pictures I had on my phone. Sob after sob escaping, “I love you Tobey.” I ended up falling asleep clutching my phone with his picture up and the letter that he sent with the iPod.

Chapter
Twenty-Two

Tobey

Sitting
down at the table, I stared down at my bowl of oatmeal. I refused to allow myself to eat anything good. I stare at my phone and pray she’d write. When I sent that text to her yesterday, I knew she wouldn’t write but it didn’t stop me from hoping.

Everywhere
I looked in my house I was reminded of her for one reason or another. But it was the worst in the kitchen. It was where she shined. She helped begin and end our days here. Mary is an amazing woman and I won’t forget her anytime soon. Hell I won’t forget her at all. My heart ached for her and my soul yearned for her.

My
life was just completely empty without her. How could I have been so damn stupid? Maybe if I would have told her about it all, she might still be here? It was the same questions I’ve asked myself since she left. Honestly I’m not sure how much sleep I’ve gotten since I watched her drive away. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her or felt her. It was just unbearable.

The
guys still aren’t talking to me other than to get their orders for the day then they ignore me the rest of the time. I understood. We all got attached to Mary in the short time she was here. What wasn’t there to get attached to? She was funny, smart and so damn fucking beautiful. God I miss her.

Pushing
my oatmeal aside, I push my chair back and walk outside. It was time to kill myself with work so at least for those few hours, I wasn’t consumed by the loss and pain. No just for a few bone breaking hours, my thoughts weren’t overrun by images of her.

** *** *** ** *** *** **

Before I knew it a week had passed. Well I won’t say before I knew because I counted every minute practically. I still stare at my phone and pray it would signal me that she wrote or even better called. Walking out on my porch, it has become routine for me now to come out here after the day was done and sit on the porch swing. Mary loved being outside here. It was my way of staying connected to her.

It
was just as I closed my eyes that I heard a vehicle driving up. I didn’t move. Honestly it didn’t matter who was there. There was nothing in me to put up a fight even if it was the asshole, Kyle. No scratch that I’d probably kill him right about now.

“
Hey man. Nice night.”

“
Nope.” I say still not opening my eyes or lifting my head.

“
Oookay. My sister inside?”

That
caused my head to snap up and I gapped at Jack. “Seriously? You’re asking me that?”

“
Damn! What’s wrong with you tonight? You look like shit. Sorry.”

I
stood up from the swing. “You can leave. She’s not here.” I hissed.

“
Where…” I started walking past him into the house as he grabs my arm. “What the hell happened?”

“
Go ask Elijah and Jason. I’m sure they can fill you in on everything.” I hissed again and tried to go inside, but he placed his hand on the door holding it shut.

“
You’re going to tell me what the fuck is going on or I will beat the living shit out of you for what I
think
happened. Believe me I’m having one hell of a week you don’t want to go for option two.” He hissed in my face.

“
Oh, no. The week I’ve had makes me want option number two.” I hissed back shoving him away from the door.

Just
as I was about to open the door, he pressed his foot against the base. “You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on.”

“
She left!” I yelled.

“
I already figured that out. What I want to know is why?” He said almost calmly.

“
Because I fucked up!” I yelled again. “Because I fucked up,” I said more quietly.

“
How did you fuck up?”

So
I explained it all to Jackson, who when I finished punched me in the jaw. Though it started out rough, he sat there for a bit talking to me. He let me vent and tried to help me understand Mary some. Though some things I think I know more about her than Jackson did. He did tell me how stubborn she is. By the time he left, some hope bloomed in my chest that she just might come around.

The
days carried on and it was taking everything out of me not to pick up the phone and hound her until she answered. Some nights I found myself having to put my phone in my night stand to keep from calling her. The urge to call her and beg her to come back to me increased as the time ticked by.

Unable
to take it anymore, I picked up my phone at the end of the day and decided to call her. Just hearing her voice on her voicemail would be enough at this point. Imagine my shock when she answered. I actually froze at the sound of her voice. I was sitting on the porch swinging in the swing I now thought of as Mary’s and not my mom’s. My legs stiffened at the sound of her voice holding me in the backward swing. When she said ‘hello’ again, I said the first thing that came into my head.

“
I didn’t think you’d answer,” I breathed shaky.

“
I didn’t look at the caller ID,” she answered and I almost laughed at her honest reply.

Realization
hit me and my heart dropped more. “Yeah I kind of figured,” I whispered sadly.

“
Look I need to go. I’m real busy.” Her voice sounded strained.

“
Please Mary wait. Please.” I pleaded with her.

I
knew I had no right begging her to listen to me, but hell if I could stop myself from begging. Just like the pussy I’ve become over this past week, I started to cry.

“
What Tobey? What do you want?” She sounded tired.

“
I just want to make sure you’re okay. I, uh, sent you a text a week ago. I-”

She
cut me off, “Yeah I saw that you sent it. I haven’t read it and I’m not sure I will.”

The
last hope I held was slowly fading and I sighed in surrender. “Yeah. Okay.” I pause gaining the courage to give her more to walk on. “Mary?”

She
sighed this time. “What?” Her voice cracking.

Listening
to the pain in her voice, knowing I caused it, I knew nothing I said or did would matter. In the end my actions were what caused her to hurt. Nothing can take that back.

“
I’m so sorry. Every day I hate myself more and more for what I’ve done. Hurting you kills me. I miss you so much.” My voice breaks as the sadness consumed me all over again. “I love you, Mary.”

“
I have to go.”

When I heard the click of the phone, the last of the hope I had shattered. I
’ve lost her. The hope I clung to over the course of the almost month she’s been away was now gone. My screw up was too big to earn her trust and forgiveness. Don’t get me wrong, I will never stop loving her nor will I turn her away if she were to ever come back, but I think it was time that I moved on past hoping she would show up on my door step. It was time I realized that no amount of loving words or gifts can erase the fact that we did meet on a bad note. This was one fuck up I can’t take back or come back from. Scott was right. It was me that got destroyed in the end.

** *** *** ** *** *** **

When I realized that I had lost Mary for good, I kind of gave up on everything for a while. I stopped tending to my ranch. I stopped cleaning up after myself. I just stopped. I’d get on my horse every now and again riding out to my favorite view on my ranch. I’d stare down at the lake in the distance. My goal at one point was to buy that land that held that lake so I could build a house back there or up here by this tree.

The
idea had come to me when I stood back one day and watched Mary playing with one of the horses, Spitfire. He got that name because when he was being ignored he would get water and spit it out at you. Apparently Mary had ignored him that day, he’d spit water on her so she splashed him back. It was comical. But it was as she shook her hair out and the sun shone at her back that I knew that house would be perfect there. Though the house would only be perfect with Mary, without her nothing was perfect. Nothing was right.

The
guys are still giving me the cold shoulder, but I think I’m used to it now. Now I just move through my days. One day I’d like to think the guys would stop acting like this, but it was out of my control.

It
was now going on five weeks since my life ended. I was struggling to keep to my agreement with myself to leave her alone.  But then I’m walking out of my house and there standing in my drive was Elijah. Looking up at the sky, I cursed in my head and rolled my eyes.

“
What you haven’t ruined my life enough?”

“
Look, just give me ten minutes of your time and if you choose to still send me on my way I’ll go and never come back.”

My
gut tightened. “Fine,” I said nervously.

We
walked into my house and sat in the kitchen. I watched as Elijah looked around my house in disgust.

“
Yeah I haven’t been in the mood to do much of anything. It was worse than this.” I said defensively.

“
Yeah. Okay look, I’ve had time to really sit back and see what I’ve done. Thing is as much as this ruined you and her, I couldn’t stop myself. I’m not going to be here forever and I want to make sure that my family is happy.” He put his hand up to stop my interruption. “Only problem was I didn’t see how happy she was with you. I didn’t know until I saw the pain she is in without you. So I’ve come to fix it.”

“
You what?” I gasped.

“
She is miserable without you. She ran off almost a month ago and none of us fully understand what the hell she’s doing. Mary is usually the life of the party, but she’s not now and that’s because she lost her reason to be happy. So we all came up with an idea.”

“
You all did what? Why is everyone pulling for me when you all know who I’m related too?” I asked confused.

Elijah
sighs sadly. “See that was my mistake. I judged you by your relations rather than you. Yes, I may have been right in the beginning, but I definitely wasn’t when I let it all hit the fan. That was my fault. Those two people did so much harm for my family that I wasn’t sure anyone else in that family could possibly be anything other than just like them.”

“
If you hadn’t come over here all hot like you did, I could have showed you I wasn’t like them. Hell, you could have saw it in Mary. She really started coming out of her shell here. I was even getting her to eat.”

He
looked sadly down at the table playing with his hands, “Yeah Jackson told me everything.” Elijah looks up at me. “I’m really sorry, Tobey. I am. Even doing what I’m doing now won’t make up for it, I know that but I still have to try.”

“
What’s the plan?”

Elijah
went through the whole plan that everyone and I mean everyone came up with. Though as he was talking and explaining things, I noticed he looked awfully pale.

“
I understand the plan, but um I have one question.”

“
Okay?”

“
Are
you
okay?”

He
waves his hand at me in dismissal, “I’m fine. Just tired. Never sits well with me when any of my family is upset.”

He
left a short while later and I began to get antsy. If this plan was going to work I needed sleep. It was then I saw how nasty my house actually was. Busting out the bleach, I began to clean. Praying the whole time that this plan worked, I missed her so much.