Everything I've Never Had (28 page)

I shake my head a little at my runaway freight train of frightening thoughts. I am getting a little ahead of things. Focusing my attention back on my guitarist, I take him in as he plays a Hendrix number. He is absolute perfection. He’d cut his hair a bit, but that didn’t stop the unkempt, dark brown locks from bouncing as he played. I liked the one-day stubble he was sporting. And don’t even get me started on those eyes—those gorgeous blues that seek me out every few minutes and drink me in.

When Bonnie and I had arrived by cab, he’d ushered us in and set me up at a table just to the left of where he stands on stage. We’d gotten here early so that when Garner and Bonnie had slipped off to get us drinks there was hardly anyone around to witness what he’d done next.

Turning me on my stool, he’d spun me to face the stage and stood between my legs. When he had me positioned how he wanted me, he ran both of his hands up my dress and curled them under my thighs, resting his fingertips just below my center. My eyes widened and I gasped. How did he do that? Catch me completely by surprise without my freaking out as I’m sure I would’ve if anyone else had dared to do that me, especially in public?

Leaning forward, he whispered in my ear, “Celeste, you look so damn sexy. And all I wanna do is shout from every rooftop in New Orleans that you are mine and claim you in front of everyone.” I purred. I literally heard myself purr. I tried to muster up some shame for our reactions to each other but to no avail. “The best I can do until the world is in on our little secret is park you right here in front of me and make you promise.”

I waited a beat before I asked, “Promise what?” even though I was thinking I’d promise him anything, anytime, anywhere.

“Promise me that you’re mine. Mine to watch.” He pierced me with that gaze. “Mine to kiss.” He leaned in and placed a quick kiss on my lips. “Mine to love.” His hands tightened on my thighs.

Swallowing hard, I promised, “Yours. Yours for everything, anything.”

“God, I love you,” he’d responded.

Before I could say another word, he released me from his spell and stepped back toward the stage. It took a few seconds for me to register that it was because our friends were headed our way.

I feel him staring at me again, and it shakes me from my reverie. I smile at him, and he winks at me. Wrapping up their song, Zach gets my attention as he announces, “My man, Adrian, is gonna sing a little something for you tonight.” Shocked, I glance back over to Adrian who is readying himself with an acoustic guitar. I’ve never heard him sing before—not lead anyway. “Adrian’s gonna set a little mood for you lovers out there, and then we’ll take a little break before our second set.”

Adrian situates himself on his stool and clears his throat before speaking to the crowd. “How y’all doing tonight?” The crowd hollers back with enthusiasm. “Good deal, y’all. Well, as you know, I don’t usually sing.” The enthusiasm of the girls takes over, and I hear one comment above all the others. “Yeah, Adrian! We love you, baby!” It’s everything I can do not to turn around and give her a death glare, but I’m not about to take my eyes off of him or let her distract me from this moment. “Yeah, love y’all too!” he says with a blush. Aw, he’s not used to being the center of attention. I love that.

“Anyway, how many of you have ever been in love?” Lots of hooting and hollering. “Yeah, well, this one is about the kind of love that compels you, that takes you on a ride like no other. The kind of love that wraps you tight in its embrace before it sinks its teeth into you.” Lots of catcalling and whistling. “Yet you gravitate toward its hold and scream with joy from its sweet torture, knowing you wouldn’t have it any other way.” The bar is a riot of emotion, and I’m blown away by my otherwise quiet leading man.

He puts his finger up and shushes everyone. I, along with the others, am mesmerized. As he strums the beginnings of what I’d deemed to be “our song,” I melt on my stool. I’m so glad that no one is sitting in front of me because there’s no way that I could hide the love that must be radiating from my expression. This song is all about waiting on that all-consuming force that is love and finding it and never letting go. It’s simply brilliant.

When he hits the chorus, his gaze swivels to mine and never leaves it. With his song, he asks me a series of questions: “If anything could ever feel this real forever? If anything could ever feel this good again?” When he sings, “You gotta promise not to stop when I say when,” I feel myself nodding in agreement. I’ll never stop, never let go.

He ends on a quiet strum, but the bar erupts. I hear some Sublime click on over the loudspeakers, and he’s sitting there and staring at me. A few of the guys go up and shake his hand and congratulate him on an awesome debut. I can’t really make him out too clearly any longer, but I can’t stop staring either. I’m mentally chastising myself for being so obvious when I hear some chastising come from none other than Bonnie.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk. How long have you been sleeping together?” she asks near my ear. I spin around on my barstool and meet her shit-eating grin.

Trying to suppress mine, I answer her question with a question. “What makes you so sure we’re sleeping together?”

Before she can answer me, I feel my hand being lifted and pulled. I catch a look of complete astonishment on her face before I hear Adrian ask her to excuse us.

I barely have time to find my footing before I’m being pulled behind him to the back. When we exit the back to the alleyway, I’m immediately pushed up against the door that he’s slammed behind me. Grabbing both my hands, he pins them to the door with his. His grasp is so strong, so true. He holds my hands beside my head and ravages me. His tongue pushes into my mouth without any encouragement, and he feasts on me while I hang on for the ride. I feel my leg spring up and rest around his calf. It’s the only means of control I have. I push my center toward his and feel his own excitement as he groans into my mouth. After what seems like forever, he frees me but not before sucking and biting at my lips. My mouth feels so swollen and so damn good.

Releasing a shaky breath, I ask, “What was that for?”

“I’ve never sung in front of a crowd before. I don’t know why I just never felt the urge. I had to sing for you. I wanted you to understand. Do you understand?”

At the wild look in his eyes, I nod ever so slowly. I get it. He makes me want to do the craziest things too—like challenge my family and marry a thirty-year-old and make out in alleys. “I understand.”

“Do you understand that I’ve never needed anyone like I need you? I can’t keep you a secret anymore. When that guy walked over to your table while we were getting ready to play, I wanted to smash his head in with my guitar. No asshole would dare hit on you if they knew you were mine.”

“Is that why you’ve marked me?” I barely breathe the question. I know my lips are swollen and red.

“Maybe,” he half-admits as his gaze drops to them. “We’re telling them Sunday. Got it?”

“Yeah, I got it. Bonnie’s on to us, by the way.” His eyes widen before he nods his head.

“I was pretty obvious with my performance, I guess. Sorry about that.”

“She’ll get over the fact that I wasn’t the one to tell her because she’s going to be happy for us.” He’s still holding my hands up. I don’t even think he realizes it at this point. “I want to touch you. Will you let me?”

“I might shatter into a million pieces,” he grinds out but drops my hands.

“I’ll put you back together again,” I promise. I lightly run my hands up his forearms, over his biceps, and up around his neck. Pausing there for a moment, I massage him a little. His head drops back, and I’m in awe of what I can make him feel and of how he shows me what he feels because I’ve never experienced that before. I lean in and run my lips over his jaw and down his neck and suck there for a minute, hearing his breathing become even more erratic. Using my fingernails, I trail lightly down his chest and circle his pecs for a minute before moving my mouth there to nip and tease. He laughs under my ministrations.

He groans before he proclaims, “Shit, I don’t want to go back in there. I want to throw your fine ass over my shoulder and take you home and do dirty things to that troublesome little mouth of yours.”

I gasp and my head flies up. “What?” I sputter.

His look is priceless. “Not a fan of dirty talk?” he asks.

“I...I don’t know,” I sputter again. My brain is just reeling.

He narrows his gaze at me. “What do you mean ‘I don’t know?’ You either are or you aren’t.” Realization dawns in his eyes, and he grins wider than ever. “You’ve never had anyone talk to you that way, have you?”

“Umm...”

He runs his knuckles over my burning cheekbones. “Fuck. You are so innocent.”

“I’m not innocent. My three children didn’t arrive by Immaculate Conception, you know?”

“Yeah, that’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.”

I close my eyes and whisper, “We never talked about what we wanted or how we wanted it. We weren’t...close like that.”

“Look at me.” I immediately comply even though I’m mortified. “I want us to be open with each other. I want to be able to tell you what I want and I want you to tell me too. Can you do that?”

I swallow hard. Just
talking
about talking about what we want is making me nervous. “I’ll try.”

“You will,” he says with confidence. “I like the thought of taking a prim and proper thing like you and making you bad and dirty just for me.”

My tongue darts out to wet my suddenly parched lips. He doesn’t miss my action and leans to take a swipe across them with his own tongue before exploring my mouth again and at great lengths. “Mmm...I gotta go,” he breathes into me.

I nod and deepen our kiss before pulling back and moving to follow him inside. We’re not in the hallway for two seconds before I hear Bonnie say, “Oh, no you don’t. Adrian, get your butt up on stage. I’ll bring your lover back in a second.”

Adrian’s hold tightens on me, so I assure him I’ll be fine before Bonnie’s grabbed me and tugged me back outside.

She doesn’t waste another minute. “How could you not tell me? Is he amazing? Are y’all just messing around or y’all going to try to be a real couple?”

“I’m sorry. We haven’t been together long and were just giving it a little bit of time before we faced my family’s wrath. He is amazing, but we haven’t slept together. And...we’re going to be a real couple. This is not a casual relationship for either of us.”

“Wow,” she breathes in wonder. I see tears gather in her eyes. “I’m so damn proud of you.”

“Thanks,” I say with a grin. “Bonnie, he’s wonderful. I can’t even...I can’t even properly put it into words. You know how good he’s always been with me?” She nods. “He’s like that now, too, sweet and understanding and tender but rough and demanding and sexual. Like all the time. Whenever he can, he’s touching me. Though, not always in a sexual way. Sometimes it’s just a caress or a massage. And then he’s just so honest. He tells me whatever he is feeling and wants to know what I’m feeling. I’m just blown away by it all. I never thought I’d have any of that. I’ve never known a man like that.”

“Babe, your pool of men was pretty shallow, but I get what you’re saying. I’m loving this side of him; he sounds so amazing,” she says with a sigh.

“
So
amazing, and the boys are thrilled beyond my greatest expectations. They love him so much.” She smiles and nods at me. “I’m just...it’s just overwhelming, but in a good way. You know?”

She reaches out and pulls my hair. “Yeah, I know. You sound like a teenager, experiencing all that lust and love for the first time. I’m happy for y’all.”

“Thank you, honey.”

“Let’s get back and listen to our guys.”

“Yeah...our guys.”

SINCE THE CAT was out of the bag, Adrian and I enjoyed a dance together at the bar before calling it a night, and then we left together. Sunday would be here before we knew it, and we’d come clean with the family.

We’ll be at my house in a few seconds, so I finally muster up the courage to ask him what I’ve wondered about all night. “Adrian?” I call to get his attention.

“Right here, baby,” he grins at me and kisses the knuckles of the hand he’s been holding on his thigh.

“Will you stay with me tonight? You can park your truck in my garage?”

He grins and winks at me. “I like the way you think, but your dirty talk needs some work, sweetie.”

I gasp and jerk my hand from his while he laughs at me. “That’s not what I was talking about,” I mutter.

“I know. I’m sorry, babe. I couldn’t resist. You’re so damn cute. Now give me my hand back.”

I begrudgingly give him my hand. “I hereby rescind the offer,” I state with a glower.

“No you don’t,” he teases.

“Fine, I don’t but you’re going to have to make up for embarrassing me.”

“Don’t ever be embarrassed with me, baby.”

I melt in my seat. He’s going to have to scrape me out of his truck.

Surprisingly, I’m able to extract myself in order to open the garage. I wait for him to join me before I use the keypad to shut it. He’s still chuckling at me. I smack him before he pulls me in and kisses me deep. Finally releasing me, he pulls me by my hand toward my front porch.